


This Has to Work

by dont_eat_the_fire



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Anxiety, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Panic Attacks, Slow Burn, Suicidal Thoughts, Swearing, Upped the rating for later chapters, because it's Shane so of course
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-27
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-01-06 02:21:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 36
Words: 150,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12201942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dont_eat_the_fire/pseuds/dont_eat_the_fire
Summary: This has to work. There’s no other option, this has to work. It’s going to take a lot of time and effort. But, I had time and… Well, I had a lot of time. This is home now, all of this. This was it.This has to work.A story about two sad, awkward idiots falling in love.





	1. Prologue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It wasn’t perfect.

It wasn’t perfect. Far from perfect, really. Overgrown and worn-down, everything was in the process of being reclaimed by the earth. Fences were mossed over and rotting away. The buildings out in the pasture were covered with dead grass and vines, wear and tear on wood clearly visible. Dirt and frost from the early morning winter buried the cobblestones heading south, deeper into the land. Tiny trees, no more than twigs in the earth, had hopped the icy river and spotted the fields. It was like the forest was trying to take back the land, disconnecting the farmhouse from the outside world in the process. 

The home looked just like she thought it would, that same off-white from her memories with a bit more wear and tear. A portion of the color chipped away and falling apart, but that could be fixed in a few hours. Dying ivy had snaked its way out from behind the house and up the old chimney to mold it into the backdrop of leaves. It had an old charm to it. Something Anna would have never find in the city. 

The old porch groaned loudly under her feet as she stepped up the stairs.  _ No one’s been here for a long time. _ Green paint chips littered the doorstep, the same green she helped her grandfather paint that first summer out at the farm. The glass on the door panel was crusted over with dirt and dust, and when she tried to wipe it away with a gloved hand it barely made a dent in it. Years had given the windows on each side the same treatment, making it nearly impossible to see inside. Thankfully, none of the glass looked broken; she could mark that off her list of concerns. She tried the door handle, and the lock still held steadfast, to her surprise. 

Retrieving the package from her backpack, Anna pulled out the old keys inside. The same keys she had when she was younger, with the handmade daffodil keychain crafted in this very house and a small photo of her and Grandpa Whitt. She ran her thumb over the name engraved on the key,  _ Attins _ . It was her mother’s maiden name and what Annabella finally, legally, changed her name to before she came out here. A fresh start at the beginning of the year.

The lock was a bit finicky at first, but came undone on the second try. When the door swung open, she was assaulted with a wave of musty gray air. Dust hovered and covered every corner, suffocating her even before she stepped inside. She had to shift her scarf higher up on her face to save her breath. The first steps inside were a bit hesitant and met with creaks of the floorboards. A wave of deja-vu washed over her. Though, the house looked nothing like she remembered as a kid, just stepping over the threshold gave her the same warm feeling she could never feel anywhere else. 

The inside reminded her of an old horror movie. Most of the furniture was covered in sheets of white plastic. The wallpaper had completely fallen away to expose the old drywall, stained with age and just waiting to be painted. Lifting up a corner of dusty plastic revealed the same wine red couch from her memories, and next to that the matching armchair. A television cabinet against the far side of the wall held that old box T.V. she and Grandpa watched movies on after long days in the fields or in the orchard. Discolors stickers still covered the cabinet drawers and the markers drawings had eaten away the dark wood staining.

A few shelves were lined with old pictures, the glass yellowed with the grime in the air. She picked the oldest one off the top shelf, scrubbing the years of dust away to get a look at the black and white photo inside. 

It was her mother and Grandpa, backdropped by the rows of old apple trees on the other side of Blythe Creek. The young girl was dressed in a simple dress and boots, her pigtails blowing in the breeze. She sat on the same swing that hung from the same branches Anna had played on when she was younger. Grandpa Whitt was leaning on the other side of the trunk, wearing one of his favorite button-up shirts under a pair of work overalls. The picture was a perfect screenshot of happiness. Sweet smiles under the warm summer sunshine, Anna was almost jealous of how peaceful it looked.

Grandpa looked so much more… content with life than when Anna had last seen him, and much younger, too.

\---

If she had known that was the last time she got to talk to him, she would have done so much more than just lemanting about some inconsequential bullshit her grandmother was making her do for the company. Maybe that’s what made him finally hand over the box, seeing her hating her life working for Joja Corp. Or maybe he knew his time was up, that whatever ruled over our existence was knocking on his door with the paper to sign. 

It was just after their monthly brunch that he slid a package to her around a vase of daffodils. Just a small, unsuspecting cardboard box with her name crudely written across the top in black marker. 

Her brows pulled together as she stared at him, then down at the box in front of her. When she went to tear at the tape, he placed a wrinkled hand over hers. “Not yet.” And when her confusion deepened, he simply smiled. “Only open it when you are truly ready. When that bright spirit of your starts to fade, and the burdens of modern life start to get too heavy. Then-” he tapped the cardboard with a finger, “Then, you will be ready for this gift.” 

“Ah,” A breath of a laugh tried to break the tension in her chest. “So tomorrow?” the joking tone in her voice hiding the underlying truth. At some point, life itself seemed like a burden. And though that feeling faded over the years, it still came in fleeting bursts. The inevitability of it returning sat heavy on her shoulders, making it hard to breathe almost every day. That bright spirit he praised so much was a flickering candle in a hazy gray fog. 

The concern laced in his smile stung a hole in her stomach. He took one of her hands, running a thumb across it as a soothing gesture. “You’ll know when, Annie. If it’s tomorrow, then it’s tomorrow.” 

She remembered his hug and kiss on the forehead before she left, how he lingered a bit longer and whisper ‘I love you’ into her hair. Every time he said it the words filled up her chest so much that it burned and brought the tiniest pinpricks of tears to her eyes. And he said it so much that the feeling permanently scored itself into her brain. 

When she pulled away, she said something about attempting another pie for next month, a short spark of humor to cut the tension. His hand dropped back to his blanketed lap as he nodded, “I’m sure it’ll be delicious.” 

“Well, don’t set your hopes too high, last time I made blueberry charcoal,” she shrugged, laughing at her own joke. 

Grandpa Whitt was never too fond of her self-deprecation, and it showed in the slightest hint of disapproval. “Have more faith in yourself, Annabella.” 

He always called her out on it, and it never failed to pull a heavy sigh out of her. “I’m trying,” and the smile she wore said much of the same. 

“I know.”  

She doesn’t remember climbing in the back of the car her grandmother always sent over for her, but she could map out every bump in the cardboard under her fidgeting fingertips. The drive back through the city was the same blur of brick walls and traffic lights as it always was. She was so emotionally drained, she didn’t remember coming home nor walking up the stairs to her room and dropping into bed, fully clothed, to passing out on the spot.

However, she does remember waking up hours later and finding that spot on her dresser empty. The dizzying panic that overtook her was a permanent stain on her memory, a slideshow of flipped over rooms from that 3-story box building she called home her whole life. And when the search came up empty both emotional and physical exhaustion knocked her off her feet. A frigid emptiness filling her chest faster than it had in years. 

Years later, her grandmother dragged her into her closet to help switch out her summer wardrobe for the latest autumn fashion. “You need to keep up with these things when you’re head of a company, dear,” Gran stated when prompted. “You’ll understand when you run the company someday.” When she said things like that, a coil of dread settled in Anna’s stomach. 

On the outside, Annabella only rolled her eyes and went back to storing way the barely worn clothes. She was pulling out some old shoe boxes when she found it, tucked away in the back corner of her grandmother’s closet. That box she could count every ridge in with the tape torn up, wrapped in a dark cloth and hidden under an old hat from who-knows-when. 

That was the second worst argument they’ve had to date, and it resulted in broken trust and Annabella moving out months later. 

\---

Blinking back the wetness from her eyes, she placed the photo back on the shelf. The other pictures were simple, some of the plants and animals Grandpa Whitt had raised on the farm, some of the flowering apple trees in the spring. Anna took a few of them herself using her mother’s old camera, and Grandpa made sure to keep every one. If not in a frame on display, it was in the album that he had tucked away in that box he’d given her years ago. Along with the deed to the land and a handwritten will that left everything inside under her possession. 

_ Being his only living family, there really wasn’t any other options _ . 

The open door on the far wall led to Grandpa’s old bedroom. It was mostly bare, he didn’t like a lot of clutter where he rested and was barely in the room to begin with. When he couldn’t be outside, he was at the dining table writing up future plans. Or he was settled in the living room reading one of his favorite books. A chilly breeze made Anna pull her jacket closer to her body. For a moment, all the old ghost story cliches sped through her mind. But looking to the left, she saw one of the windows cracked open. 

Grandpa Whitt always had the windows open, letting in the fresh air. Winter or summer, no matter how much Annabella complained of the cold, one was always cracked. He said it was to stay connected to the forest spirits. Old creatures that watched over the land of Stardew Valley and the people that inhabited it. She smiled at the memory of little Annabella sitting at the window, waiting to see such creature her grandfather spoke of in his many tall tales.

Closing the window and the door as she walking out, she moved on to the next room; the bathroom. It was old and most of the plumbing was rusted and outdated. That needed to get fixed as soon as possible. If she hurried, she could have someone come by today to sort it all out. After checking around some of the cupboards and drawers around the sink, she nodded to herself. It was a starting point. That, and cleaning the years worth of dust. 

Opening the last door in the house left her with a chill not from the winter air. A haze of dust and old cardboard backdropped by patchy gray walls. Spots of chipping paint revealed the old sunshine yellow from the past. Anna was never a fan of yellow, but it was her mother’s favorite color so it held a special place in her heart. As a kid, Anna took so much pride adding to the bright and cheerful aesthetic her mother left behind. 

That was completely gone now, covered in chipping paint and grimy cardboard. As the question mark formed in her mind, a dark shroud crept out to pull her under.  _ You know why, don’t be ridiculous. _

Before something could take hold, she shook off the feeling and closed the door. If it was a storage room now, that what it would be. 

The main room flowing right into the brick walls of the kitchen. Dark cabinets lined the wall, cream counters were a stark contrast to the brick and wood of the soot-stained fireplace. A half-wall near the door gave the small dining table some privacy, and up against the far wall was an old washer and dryer Anna was definitely going to replace. 

Running an arm over part of the counter to wipe off the dust, she sat her box on the only clean space in the house. Her suitcase of clothes was still by the door and the rest of her things were being shipped within the week. Giving the kitchen appliances a once-over, it seemed like none of them were broken. Old, but still fully functional and definitely in need of a thorough cleaning. 

To her surprise, she spotted something tucked against the fridge. A box wrapped with a ribbon, clearly recently put there given the dust was scuffed up around it. A letter was tied to the top in a crisp white envelope with her name written in neat letters across the top. She was sure no one else had a key to this place, and the decor only confirmed her suspicions. She must have been wrong, wouldn’t be the first time.

She had called the town hall before coming here to make sure the place was still standing. To make sure someone hadn’t bought it or torn it down when no one came to claim it. Hearing Lewis’s voice on the other end was nostalgic, to say the least. He was still the mayor after all these years, much to her surprise. “ _ No one else really wants to take up the responsibility of running the town, but I don’t mind. I still love my job! _ ” Still giddy and lively as ever in his old age. He was Grandpa’s best friend and was the only other person visiting the farm more than Annabella.

The letter was, indeed, for Lewis himself. He filled her in on everything he could think of, including a long list of the town’s residents. A bit weird, but seeing some of the names of her old friends brought a smile to her face. The letter filled her in on Grandpa’s plans with the farm when his health got too poor to manage it. He paid up front to keep the place his for as long as possible; until Anna was ready to take up the tall task of farm life herself. Lewis also had an extra key to the place in case anything happened, which he said was in the box attached. He apologized for the mess of the place, as well, but that was fine, it gave Anna something to do with the last month of winter she had. 

The end of the letter gave his number and a request to give him a call when she got in, saying he could help her set up a few things with Robin to get the old place to her liking. She pulled her phone from her bag and was talking with him moments later. The pleasantries were easy to get through. A gift he left her were some seeds to start her out in the coming spring.  

“You know, you gotta swing by the saloon on Friday. Still the gathering spot of the town at the end of the work week,” he chuckled. “I’m sure you’ll need some relaxation after cleaning that place out. Get to see some old faces there, too. I told a few people you were comin’ ‘round to clean up that old farm, and they were ecstatic, to say the least.” 

_ Of course, he told everyone. Nothing was ever a secret in a small town like this. _ She kept the dismay out of her voice, “Yeah, maybe.” 

“You’re even old enough to drink now,” He let out a laugh. “I remember that time you snuck drinks of Whitt’s beer. We only noticed how drunk you were ‘till you fell over when you went to stand up. Gus banned us for a whole week for that stunt you pulled.” 

She let out a little laugh at the memory, too. “You two only went to Stardrop once a week anyway.” 

“Joke’s on Gus then. Was more of a threat if anything.” There was a pause as he thought back fondly. “How old were you back then, 9, 10?” 

“I think I was 11 or something.” Honestly, that was the only time she was really caught. Not her brightest moment. 

“Ah, it has been a long time since you’ve been back in the valley, hasn’t it? ‘Lotta new folk have moved in and out. You remember David Holland, from Cindersap Ranch? He handed the place over to his daughter, Marnie, after he retired. I think he has a place up in Cadberry now. You remember Marnie, right?” 

She remembered David Holland, quiet and kept to the ranch and his animals. The whole town respected him immensely, including Grandpa Whitt. Little Annabella always found him pretty intimidating but as she grew older, she came to respect him too. Cindersap Ranch still has the best cattle in the state after all these years. 

And she remembered bits and pieces of Marnie, mostly from when she was a child. Giving her little tidbits about the different farm animals when the adults had their conversation and she was sent off out in the field to play. A very vivid memory came to life of Marnie trying to help little Annabella ride one of the smaller horses out in the pasture only to have her slip off and sprain her wrist. 

Anna could only imagine how odd it was to see a seven-year-old stifle her sobs to reassure the poor, panicked girl that it wasn’t her fault.  _ “It’s my fault, I should have been paying attention.” _

Nodding out of habit, “Um, yeah. Yeah, I remember them.” 

“Oh good. When I told Marnie you were gonna be back in town, she just didn’t believe me. Be sure to pay her visit to prove her wrong for me, will ya?” 

A quick flash of anxiety took some of her breath, but she had gotten so good at hiding it over the years. “Yup, will do.” 

He let out another hearty laugh, “Well, I’m sure you’ll see her in due time, anyhow, now that you’re a farmer yourself!”

That statement shocked Anna more than it should have. That was the first time she really considered the situation she threw herself into. When she was younger, she always wanted to take up farming. And Grandpa Whitt always encouraged her love of the outdoors and promised all of it could be her’s when she was old enough. But after years of slaving away for her family company, Joja Corp, that childhood dream had faded into nothing. 

But here she was, just turned 24 and standing in her grandfather’s old farmhouse. And it was her’s now. The house, the farm, the land, all hers to breath new life into and revive to its former glory. Saying it was a daunting task was an understatement. But Anna felt ready, determined. 

There were a handful of times she felt this must passion about anything in her short life. And, if she was being honest with herself, this type of passion terrified her. There was so much more at stake here if she couldn’t do this. Not only would she disappoint herself, but all of her grandfather’s time and money to make sure this place stayed in the family would be for nothing. All the faith and potential he saw in her gone to waste, probably back at the hellhole of a company both her father and his mother wanted her to help run. 

She had to do this. She had to do this, not only for her grandfather, but for herself. To prove that she could do more than just sit at a computer typing up company documents day in and day out. To prove that she had more worth to her than anyone else in her life had given her credit for. The feeling was borderline vindictive, and it worried her. But it was so strong and so different to anything she felt before, she was willing to embrace it wholeheartedly.  

_ This has to work. There’s no other option, this has to work. It’s going to take a lot of time and effort. But, I had time and… Well, I had a lot of time. This is home now, all of this. This was it. _

_ This has to work. _


	2. Sunshine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Yeah, he’s still there, last I checked. Might have to chase him out with a stick if he keeps gettin’ on my nerves."  
> “Oh! Vincent has a stick he uses as a sword! Ms. Abby enchanted it with magic so it’s extra powerful.”  
> “Yeah, I’ll look into it.”

_ Fuck the sun. Honestly, who even likes to wake up with to the burning of their retinas every morning.  _

_ People who weren’t hungover every morning, that’s who. _

The early morning sun crept through the cracks of Shane’s bedroom blinds, invasive as ever and forced him to shove his head under his pillow. The cool mattress below was a welcomed shift from the stifling heat that could only come from one of his aunt’s raging fire out in the hearth. 

Unfortunately, that small shift of movement was enough to jumpstart his daily headache. A dull throbbing that wrapped around his temples to squeeze and thump against his skull. With a groan, he shoved his face deeper into the bed, pushing the ache further into his body.

_ Maybe, if I stay like this, I’ll just suffocate to death. Sounds better than gettin’ outta bed.  _

The blaring alarm from the radio startled him before his thoughts spiraled. He somehow managed to wake up before the alarm he set. _ Always a great start to the day. _ While catching his breath, the thought of shoving the radio off the nightstand crossed his mind. But then he’d have to get up and reset it,  _ again _ , adding to the ever-growing list of things he needed to do with his life. With a huff, he reached blindly for the snooze button and pulled himself out of the confines of his bedding. 

At least the room wasn’t spinning today. He left the saloon earlier that night to beat the cold, but it was still freezing on the walk home. The alcohol in his system did nothing to warm his body anymore, just numb it to the sensations around it, and being nowhere near hitting his usual limit last night meant the cold could easily seep through his skin and into his bones.

Clattering of metal on metal rattled his thoughts and brought him back to the present. Shooting a burry glance at the clock, it was barely after 7 in the morning, and Marnie was already bustling around to get breakfast on the table. No matter how many times Shane told her she didn’t need to make him anything, he’d much rather sleep than eat, she just rolled her eyes and smiled,  _ “It’s really no trouble cookin’ a little extra.” _

It’s not that he was ungrateful. He was more than grateful to have someone like Aunt Marnie in his life. Someone willing to take in him and his goddaughter so suddenly. Someone who just knew and didn’t need an explanation of their situation. Her bleeding heart lead her to opening her doors for them for barely anything. And though she originally offered to let them stay for free, they were family and having help on the ranch would be wonderful, Shane still made sure to part with a bit of his paycheck every week. He felt indebted to Marnie as it was, no need to add to it by being a freeloader. 

He shoved off his duvet and sat up, despite his body throbbing in protest with every movement. A groan escaped as he rubbed his palms into his eye sockets. The ache would fade once he was up and moving, but the fact that it was there still bothered him way more than it should’ve.  _ Yoba, when did just waking up start to hurt? _ Standing up took more effort than the day before and every joint cracked loudly just to spite him. Sighing, he grabbed his shitty Joja uniform and went to get ready.

By the time Shane was clean and clothed, Marnie had finished her breakfast and left his on the table for him to find. The smell of eggs and bacon had his stomach rumbling as he stepped into the kitchen. Coffee was freshly made, still hot, and a mug sat out for him on the counter next to the pot. As he when to pour himself a cup, he spied the extra plate of food in the microwave, definitely for Jas when she decided to wake up. Half the time, Shane was gone before she woke, and it looked like it was one of those times.  _ At least she’s getting extra sleep, lucky kid. _

But, he spoke too soon as the squeaking of metal hinges echoed across the house. The door to Jas’s room had always made the loudest, cringiest noise he has ever heard, even when it was his room way back when. Shane always said he was going to fix those stupid things, but, like most thing, he never gotten around to it. Maybe he’ll do it later… Or this weekend, when he had time off work… Or next weekend…

_ Yeah right. _

Shoving the half-empty carafe back in place, he turned to see Jas waddle into the kitchen on the way to the bathroom, barefoot and in her purple pajamas. One little hand was rubbing the remaining sleep from her eyes while the other gave Shane a little wave as she walked passed. Not much of a morning person either, and that was probably Shane’s influence over the years. Hopefully, it was the only influence he had on her.

He pulled the extra plate out of the microwave and a cup from the cupboard to sit across from his set at the table. His should do his part as her guardian and make sure she had something to eat before he left. She often forgot if she wasn’t reminded, and sometimes it wouldn’t be until dinner time that she realized just how hungry she was. Hopefully she’d break that habit soon now there was food always available for her. 

Shaking sudden negative thoughts out of his head, Shane checked the clock on the wall. A handful of minutes left to eat before he needed to make his trek across town to JojaMart, the gates of Hell itself. At least he’d get to say goodbye to his goddaughter first. They never talked much during breakfast, Jas was far too engrossed in her homework to have a conversation. But, if Shane was being honest with himself, seeing that Jas was content with just being around him in the morning made the world a little less dull and gray. 

His plate was mostly finished by the time Jas sat down with her homework to eat. No words, she just went headlong into tackling the list of math problems on the paper. Shane followed her pencil on the paper for something to focus on. Numbers and simple equations,  _ Yoba, when was the last time he had to write out a math problem? _

The sudden drop of her pencil on the table broke his concentration. Looking up, he saw her take a mouthful of pancakes before asking, “What’s two times four?”  

They made it a general rule she got one free answer for each assignment. “Eight.” 

Nodding, she picked her pencil back up and continued with her work. Shane watched for another minute as she quickly filled up the worksheet. His eyes caught sight of the clock on the microwave and he stifled his sigh. As he downed the rest of his coffee, he got up to rinse his dishes in the sink. Time to get going.

As he sat his mug in the sink, a soft voice behind him call his name, “Uncle Shane?” Turning back around, he was meet with a pair dark round eyes, and Shane had to do a mental double-take, they reminded him so much of her father’s it was uncanny. Honestly, they were hard to look at sometimes, as much as he hated the fact. 

“Can you come home earlier today?” Her hands fiddled with her pencil for a moment before she went on. “Vincent is grounded for feeding his homework to the fish in the river, and now I have no one to play with later.” She puffed out her bottom lip, completing the puppy-dog eyes. “Please?” 

_ Yoba, she’s too good at that face. _ Even without the face, he couldn’t say no to her if he wanted to. Scrubbing a hand through his hair and replacing the hat on his head, he signed. “Yeah, I can, Jas.” 

Those brown eyes lit up just a bit. “You promise?”

Giving her a small smile, “Yes, I promise.” 

There was a screech as she catapulted herself into his arms. It knocked the wind out of him and he had to catch himself on the counter, but he hugged her back. She pulled back moments later, bouncing on the balls of her feet. “We can play that monster game you showed me!” 

_ Geez, how did she go from zero to a hundred so quickly? _ At least it was a video game she wanted to play later. He could do video games. “Yup, sure thing, kid,” with a nod, he nudged her back to the table. “Now finish your homework. I have to get to work.” As she hopped back up on the chair, Shane patted her on the head as he turned to leave. 

Her “Wait!” had him stop with one foot through the kitchen doorway. He turned back to see her tilting her head in curiosity. “Is that mean clown still there? I heard you telling Aunt Marnie about him, and I wanna know what happened to him.” 

It took Shane a few minutes to realize what she was talking about. But when he did, it was hard not to burst out laughing. “Yeah, he’s still there, last I checked. Might have to chase him out with a stick if he keeps gettin’ on my nerves.” _ I’ll have to get in line for that one. I’m sure I’m not the only one that would like to beat Morris over the head with a blunt object. _

“Oh! Vincent has a stick he uses as a sword! Ms. Abby enchanted it with magic so it’s extra powerful.” 

Abby was the purple-haired girl that hung out with Sam to watch the children from time to time. She seemed a bit weird, but at least she was helping fuel Jas’s overactive imagination. 

Finally over the threshold, he bent over to slip on his boots. “Yeah, I’ll look into it later. I gotta get going or that clown might eat me before I get there. I’ll-” 

“Oh, wait! Wait!” Jas jumped out of the seat and raced past him into her room. A few seconds later, she came back with a little shiny piece of sea glass, holding it out to him like she was presenting an ancient treasure. “Here. Ms. Abby enchanted this, too, to keep away any monsters. You can take it to work to keep him away.” 

The crystalline stone in her hand looked completely ordinary, probably one of the many Jas collected out on the beach with her friends. He laughed a bit and closed her hand around it, “Thanks kid, but I don’t wanna lose- H-hey!” A tiny hand shoved it in the pocket of his jeans, despite his protest. 

“You won’t lose it if you keep it in there! And, you can just give it back when you come home later.” She gave him one final hug before going back to her breakfast and classwork. “Bye, Uncle Shane!” 

He ran a hand down his face, pulling the stone from his pocket. Holding between his fingers, he watched the sunlight catch in a few of the sparkles. He really didn’t want to lose it and contemplated putting it up on the coatrack near the door. But, if Jas found it before he got home, she’d be heartbroken. Stuffing it back in his pocket, he shrugged on his jacket and left for work. 

\---

The wind bit through Shane’s thinning Joja jacket with ease. He kept the brim of his hat low and his head down as he walked to shield his face. Seeing wasn’t an issue, his feet have walked the path so many times he could walk it in his sleep. Though today, it took some effort to dodge the sludge from the melting ice, and some spots the had refrozen when the wind started to pick up. _ Didn’t the weather report say it was supposed to warm up earlier than usual? Still feels pretty fucking cold. _

The only good part of the early morning cold was it kept everyone inside. Walking the deserted sidewalks was equal parts eerie and calming. The rustle of the wind in the dead leaves was just loud enough to override his running mind, giving him a few moments of quiet before he had to deal with nagging customer and micromanagement. Christ, if Morris was going to be breathing down his neck again about the proper way to set up the early spring decor, he just might drag that stupid stick in there with him. 

His thoughts ground to a screeching halt when he rounded the corner of the Stardrop Saloon and collided into something soft. A sharp squeak was covered by the crunching leaves and bramble as Shane stumbled back into the hedges. The thump of the stranger’s head smacking the brick wall was punctuated by a stab of pain from Shane’s own headache making him cringe at the resounding ache.  _ Yoba, that must of hurt. _ “Fuck, you okay?”

**_Fuck_ ** _ is the first thing you say to the random stranger you just bodyslammed into a brick building. Solid work, Shane. _

She let out a shaky laugh, “Y-yeah, yeah.” A hand pressed up against the back of her head, “Fuck, that was a wake-up call.” She snorted at her own joke as she readjusted the beanie over her puffy orange hair. 

Standing there feeling more awkward than he had in months, Shane’s hands sought out the pockets on his hoodie out of habit. He shifted his weight on his feet as the girl regained her bearings. He can be an ass, that’s for sure, but even he wasn’t going to leave her out here if he gave her a concussion or something. 

Fixing the glasses on the bridge of her freckled nose, deep brown eyes met his. He had lived in Pelican Town for over a year now and he was much of a socialite, but he was so sure he'd never seen this chick before. Until something deep in his subconscious was trying to crawl it’s way out when he saw her face.

Usually, eye contact made Shane’s skin crawl, but he kept studying her face trying to pull it from his memory. It was so familiar, but fuck, he’s always been bad with names. Maybe it was just all the redhead that seemed to flock to this town? She did look a lot like the carpenter up north now that he was thinking about it. 

He was definitely staring too long, causing her to avert her eyes. A flush flared up under the rim of her golden frames and she flashed him a lopsided smile. “Uh, sorry, I should’ve been watching where I was going. Are you okay?” As she asked, she gave him a quick once-over, her eyes lingering for a moment on the Joja logo sewn into his jacket.

“Yeah,” he grunted out. Giving up on placing her, his face fell back into its permanent scowl. “Watch where you’re going next time.” The words came out with more bite than Shane had intended, and he wanted to shove them back down his throat as soon as they were out. She was the one that just bashed her head into the wall, but now he really wanted to.

Her demeanor seemed to change at his brash tone. She raised an eyebrow, drawing her mouth into a smirk. “You know, I wasn’t the only not watching out. You should look up more, might actually knock something over next time.” With the inflection of the words, it was clearly meant to be a joke. But it made Shane feel even shittier about the whole thing. 

“Yeah, whatever.”  _ Christ _ , he sounded like a moody teenager. But he was not a people-person in the mornings- or ever, for that matter. And, he was cutting it short on time as it was. With a shake of his head, he tried to brush past her muttering, “Gotta get to work.”

_ Ignore them and they’ll just go away. _

“For JojaMart?” she asked, moving a bit to let him by. “Hope they’re not eating you alive, too,” a small chuckle punctuated her statement. “Just threaten them with disclosing how their shitty soda is made, and they usually shut right up.” 

Why did that thought never occur to him? Maybe he was too afraid of losing his job. He huffed out a laugh and shook his head again as he crossed the bridge. That did sound like a good trick next time Morris got on his case for something simple, though. 

He heard the turn of her boots on the concrete, the steps of her walking away, and the part of his brain poked him again. Fuck, it’s going to bother him all day. He should have just asked what her name was. Or what she was going in this tiny town.

Or not ask her anything, because he didn’t want to give her an invite to talk. He  painted himself  a s an anti-social asshole for a reason.

Pulling a hand out of his pocket, he shoved open the front doors of the JojaMart and all thoughts about what just happened to the back of his mind. 


	3. Tranquility

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Excited. This is exciting, right?
> 
> Don’t think too hard about it.

Nursing a massive headache all day was a pain in the ass. And that was coupled with a little nagging bit of her mind that couldn’t place the perpetrator in her memories. She was so sure she knew him, she knew almost everyone in Pelican Town. Just consulting that long list of residents Lewis gave her not even a week ago would have solved this whole issue, but of course, it got caught up in some old paperwork that Anna had burned in the fireplace.

Maybe it was a good thing she can’t remember? He didn’t seem to recognize her either and wasn’t up for any conversation. It was such an unbelievable relief when he simply shrugged her off when her mouth kept talking. Annabella was not ready for the overly friendly ‘Welcome back’ and ‘It’s so good to see you again’ that was going to start every conversation for the next month or so. This morning was full of that as she talked to Robin about getting the old farmhouse in working order tomorrow, and she was absolutely drained by the time eleven o’clock rolled around.

The long nap she took as soon as she walked through her door should have helped the pain. But, if anything, it just made it worse. Sleeping on that decades-old mattress was about as good as sleeping on the floor. Her back ached and a new joint popped with every movement she made. Maybe rifling through the boxes to find the aspirin would have been worth it, because not even an hour into sweeping up the dusty floorboards was she laying on them to feel the cold press through her tanktop and into her skin.

She still had a long list of things to do, all messily handwritten in her journal folded open on the coffee table. Wipe down _everything_ , sweep the floors, paint the walls. Unpack, _Yoba_ that one was going to be a while. A stack of boxes was pushed up against the wall, all packed to the brim and fucking _heavy_.

_You have so much to do. You should be doing something._ The words flashed red behind her eyes. Pressing the flats of her hands into them to rub it away worked, but the thoughts still echoed in the silent house loud and clear.

With a heavy sigh, she pushed herself up. The sudden movement was dizzying and she had to take a moment before she finally stood back up. Her allergies were already getting the better of her, and paired with the excessive physical activity, it was doing double time on her body.

Or maybe it was all the dust. It still hung in the air like a light fog and danced in the sunbeams from the window. The cleaning had definitely kicked up more, and, really, she should have been airing the place out before she started cleaning. Taking a quick look around, she quickly remembered which windows opened a chose the largest one to make up for the lost time.

She had to sit herself up on the washer to reach the window above it. Just the view alone was enough to capture her attention. The open field of yellowed grass, beyond that the frozen creek that cut through the back of the property. The orchard tuck up in the corner was just a blur of brown against the light blue sky, and though she knew squinting wouldn’t help her eyesight, she still did it to try and make out the lines of the bare branches.

And, holy shit, this was all her’s.

A wide smile spreading across her face just thinking about it. Nerves fluttering under her skin and out her fingertips tapping on the glass. Her mind raced with all the possibilities; all the crops to plant in the wide open fields, the orchard to spruce up with something new, the old farm buildings in need of a new coat of paint and maybe a whole new inside. Wow, it’s a lot.

_Excited. This is exciting, right?_

_Don’t think too hard about it._

Going back to the task at hand, she looked over the panels in front of her. After flipping the locks, she tried to push them open. Nothing. Time had sealed it shut, forcing Anna to push a little harder. Just a moment of pressure and the seal cracked. But, the window swung open way too fast. The panels thumped against the outside brick while the force carried Anna’s body through. She would have tumbled straight onto the cold ground below if it weren’t for the flowerbox firmly screwed under the windowsill.

The metal container groaned under her weight making her heart race. Her hands wrapped around the far side and the windowsill digging into her stomach. Sudden adrenaline rushed to her head, and with a heavy breath, she let it drop onto her arms. Her chest heaved as she tried to calm her racing heartbeat. Cool air blew through her messy hair and down her back, racing a pleasant shiver down her spine as it cooled the sweat on her skin.

A vibration rattled against the floor and pulled her out of her tranquility. Her cellphone buzzed against the wood floor where she left it. Soon after was a jazzy ringtone she recognized and wasn’t in the mood to hear. She knew exactly who it belonged to, and she would need to talk to her eventually. But the pressure was already pressing down in her temples, a groan blew out into her forearms before pushing herself up and back inside.

When her feet dropped back on the floor, the ringer clicked off only to start back up again. ‘Gran’ with a picture of her and her grandmother at Anna’s graduation popped up on her phone. She tapped the screen with her nail, letting it ring a bit longer before working up the courage to press the answer button.  
The anger she felt had long since subsided and was replaced with guilt. Guilt of up and leaving overnight. Guilt of not calling. Guilt of being so angry. And it had been built up and up and up over the past few weeks she felt it deep in her soul. Anna couldn’t stay angry at anyone for long, even if they did deserve every minute of it.

With a heavy sigh blowing her hair out of her face. _Gotta do this, gotta pick up the phone, Annabella._ Taking a deep breath, she hit the answer button and tentatively pressed it to her ear.

Just as expected, she was met with a barrage of worried words. “Oh my Yoba. Annabella, you finally picked up!”

The relief in her grandmother’s voice cut through her like a knife. “I-I know, Gran. I’m sorry, I just-”

“No, no, no,” She cut her off before she could come up with a poor excuse. “I deserved every amount of the silent treatment, and you have every right to be angry with me. You should have been the one to make the decisions about your future, I know and my sorry,” She finally took a breath letting it out in a sigh. “Sorry doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel right now. I just thought it would be the best decision in the moment. You were still so young and-”

_Did she prep a full speech or something? I guess she had time._

“You could have asked first, at least,” she meant to sound more upset, but hurt overrode the anger she felt. “Or told me after, when I practically begged for an answer.” That sentence had a bit more punch to it.

“I know I should have. But you were young, and you were hurting, and you were having such a hard time back then. I knew you would have left for Pelican Town as soon as you open that box.” Anna tried to interrupt her, but she kept going. “And you know it too, so don’t tell me otherwise, Annabella. And you still had school to think about, and college.”

Another sigh. “You had me so worried. You had every right to leave like that, I understand. But, you could have answered at least one of my text to let me know you were okay and safe.” As she put more emphasis on the words, Anna could tell what she was getting at and it pulled the guilt further into her chest.

She was right. Whenever ‘Gran’ came up on her phone screen for the past month, Anna would just turn her phone off completely. Same with any calls for the company about work and her boss. She mailed in her resignation a week before she moved out of her grandmother’s house, and when she found out, it added gasoline to an already raging forest fire.

“I know, I’m sorry. I’ve just been really busy.” It wasn’t a lie, but it was more of an excuse.

Her grandmother laughed again, with more energy this time. “I’m sure. That old place must be a mess. I’ll send someone out there to clean it up for you. And I’m sure the furniture must be so outdated, as well. We’ll need to get that place renovated as soon as possible.” That sound more like the grandmother she knew. And, though a bit obnoxious, it was really nice to hear after all this time.

Anna shook her head out of habit. “No, it wasn’t too bad. Most of it’s done anyway. The furniture’s fine, too. And, I think it looks nice, adds to the feel of the place.” _If you came anywhere near this place, it would have been bulldozed and rebuilt from the ground up._

“Oh, you did always have a thing for antiques. I’m sure that house must be your heaven.” _Not heaven, but in due time, maybe._ “Just make sure to have someone come by and make sure everything is up to code. You know how those old places are.” And after watching so many home-improvement shows, Gran liked to think she did too.

“Don’t worry, I already did. Actually, Grandpa had someone come by every once in awhile to keep the place in check.” Again, not really a lie, but what she doesn’t know won't hurt her.

“Oh. How very forward-thinking of him.” The genuine surprise in her voice grated on Anna’s nerves, but she didn’t let it sit for long. Gran was already onto a new conversation. “So, new town, new people-”

“Well, not exactly new.” Anna reminded her.  

“Right, right. But you haven’t been there in ages.” _Who’s fault is that I wonder? Well, maybe mine._ “And places just change so much so quickly, it must feel new to you now.” Anna could just picture the smile spreading across her face. “So, meet anyone interesting?”

This. Of course, this was what she was getting at. It’s not like her son was having any more children anytime soon. And Anna was more of a daughter to her than a granddaughter, so trying to shove her love-life along came with it. Anna didn’t mind that much, but even before their argument, it seemed to be the topic of every conversation.

“Uh, I’ve been kinda working on the house, so…” _Definitely not avoiding people._ She talked with that one guy this morning, she had some social interaction today. Be it awkward, forced, and resulted in a massive headache, but still. It could count.

“Sweetheart, you need to get out more. Before you know it, time is going to fly by, and I just don’t want you lonely out there in the middle of the woods.”

“I just turned 24, Gran-”

“I know, I know. But you were always such a homebody here. I just want to make sure you’ll be okay all by yourself.”

“Again, I’m 24.” The sass in her voice made the old woman chuckle.

“I know, you’ve just grown up so fast.” She hummed in fondness. “Just make sure you get out a bit more, okay? For me?”

Anna rolled her eyes. “Yes, Gran.”

Gran laughed more the snarkier her tone got. “I know you don’t like to rely on me that much, but just know that I’m here for you whenever you need anything. Moving cities is a lot of work, so if you ever need any help, any money-”

“I appreciate the thought Gran, but I’m fine. Really.” Her grandmother had already given her so much in life, she didn’t want to take her money too. She had enough saved up from her time at Joja Corp and the stupidly large allowance her grandmother gave to her once a month.

“Okay, okay. Just wanted to remind you that you have people who truly care about you here, Annabella.” The statement hit home harder than it should have.

But, her grandmother turned the conversation around before she had more time to think about it. “Anyway, talk to me. We haven’t had a real conversation in months, sweetheart.”

\---

After weeks of not talking, Gran just had to fit it all into the hours of free time she just suddenly had. The places she’s been. The places she met. Honestly, it was so much to take in Anna’s only reactions were simple ‘Yeah’s and ‘That’s cool.’

Yoba, she could feel all the rampant emotions from the past few days taking years off her life. She needed a drink, then maybe she could blame those lost years on something other than her mental state.

Shoot a glance at the clock, 7:32 glared a bright green. The Stardrop Salloon shouldn’t be packed on a Thursday if her memory serves her right, but even interacting with one more person today felt like such a daunting task. Settling for just popping a frozen pizza in the oven and dropping in front of the t.v. to decompress was a better idea anyway.

She’d finished her third slice of pizza by the time exhaustion crept its way into her body. It was just past ten, and Anna knew she had to get to sleep soon if she wanted to wake up before noon tomorrow. Taking a moment to gather some resolve, she stored the rest of the pizza away for breakfast and went to get ready for bed.

The first few nights in the cabin were easy. Anna was too exhausted to even remember falling into bed, and tonight shouldn’t have been an exception. But, it was. Somewhere during her nightly routine, some unknown energy had taken over her body. She was anxious and restless. And the absolute silence was only egging on the feeling.

Anna knew going from the ambiance of city night-life to the incredibly quiet winter nights in the middle of nowhere would be jarring. But she had done it so much as a child, it didn’t even register as a problem until she realized just how isolated the farm really was from everything. The nearest neighbor was a 20-minute walk away, brushing up against the woods, no less.

She rubbed her face into the bedsheets, huffing out the air from her lungs into the mattress. She needed to get up and do something with this restlessness. The thought of tackling more of her home to-do list irritated her. Unpacking was all that was left to do, and that needed to be started and finished in the same timeframe or she was going to end up with half her furnishings trapped in boxes forever.

Throwing the blankets off and rolling out of bed, her feet hit the cold floor with an idea. Grandpa Whitt would always take her on walks out to the old pond back in Cindersap Forest when she had nightmares as a kid. They would sit out on the dock until Anna got too tired to even walk, and he would carry her back home.

She hadn’t had the chance to venture back there yet, either. Sure, the path she was going to take walked up along the forest. But, a flashlight should help. And Grandpa had always kept a knife in his boot in case things went awry. Anna had found the same knife in one of the drawers while cleaning this morning. It was worse for wear, but it would do, just in case.

Pulling on her jacket, boots, and deciding the knife was better in her bag, she began the trek back into Cindersap Forest. The night sky was a clear shade of midnight, the full moon high in the sky swarmed by twinkling stars. It stretched far over the forest and disappeared behind the treeline. Wind rustled the bare branches and the frost underfoot formed a crunching white noise that was a balm for her frayed nerves.

Crossing over the bridge, she looked over into the frozen creek. The light of the moon coated the surface with a white sheen. As she stared, she could have sworn she seen the shift of liquid underneath. On the other side of the creek, the old apple trees stood tall, their branches coated in a thin layer of ice. Anna couldn’t wait to see them all blooming in the spring.

The back gate of the farm was still standing, a ‘do not trespass’ sign hung off a rusted metal nail. It pushed open with a with a groan. Hopefully the noise wasn’t loud enough to wake the neighbors, or alert them to anyone outside. A meet-and-greet was not on her agenda right now.

The old pond came into view a few steps later. Moonlight shimmered off the ripples in the water, reflections of the stars faded in and out on the waves. Serene and calming, just as Anna remembered it. The old wooden dock crunched and groaned under her feet as she took a few steps out. Sitting down on the frosty wood was a shock to the nerves, but quickly subsided as she settled herself at its edge.

The clearing in the trees here was the perfect place to stargaze. You could easily pick the constellations out of the clutter on clear nights like this. Grandpa Whitt used to set up a telescope on the grass and little Annabella would have a blast pointing out the different planets amongst the sky. Grandpa had given her a set of astronomy books for her birthday one year, and Anna studied them more than her own textbooks. By the turn of the season, she had her young heart set on working for NASA. But that dream ground to a halt when she realized just how much math was needed for a job like that.

She settled for the more fictional part of the celestial world. That fascination helped start up an astrology club her later years of highschool and her and her friends had brought it over into college. She never believed in the mystical properties people placed on the stars, but the stories and theories they crafted helped elevated that love of storytelling Grandpa Whitt planted in her brain at such a young age.

A steady gaze traced over the imaginary lines in her head. Fragments of memories floated out of her subconscious of the hand full of times she’d seen such a vivid, luminous night sky. Understanding from finally seeing how wide and expensing the universe really was in the clear unhazed valley sky. Fascination with how simple little shapes could translate into grand adventures and timeless tales. Envy. Flashes in time where she wished she could just float up and disappear into that speckled sky among the well-loved verses and pictures. 

A sudden noise startled her out of her reprieve. A _crash, clatter, clatter_ sounding like it came from the ranch, but when she looked over, no one could be seen. Maybe she just imagined it. Or it could have been a sound from the old dock below her. The wind had started to pick back up, and the temperature was dropping. She needed to get home.

Her sweatpants had stuck to the thin frost on the pier. Now standing, she could tell they were soaked through and definitely need to be changed. Maybe she should have thought this through a little more, but oh well. Her stir-craziness had settled, and she needed to get home and drop into bed before this peacefulness wore off.


	4. Cold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lies. All of it.

Shane was sure no one would be out this late at night. Just past 12:30 am on a February weeknight, out in the middle of literally nowhere. He didn’t get a good look at them, but he had a limited number of options. Not that he truly cared  _ who  _ it was, he just wanted someone to blame for his mini heart-attack and losing one of his beers off the side of the porch. 

Keeping up with Jas all afternoon had been draining. Even to say it was draining was an understatement. She thought up the brilliant idea of acting out the video game she wanted to play that morning, rather than actually sitting in his lap mashing away on a controller. It involved a lot more cardio than Shane was used to on a normal basis. And a lot more talking. But, he couldn’t say no to Jas if he tried. 

Plus, his stupid brain kept repeating his fuck-up from that morning over and over. Sure, that girl was fine, and she let him off the hook. He even treated her like shit right after the fact, and she tried to lighten the mood with a joke. But that was the most recent humiliating thing Shane had done, so his brain had to play it on loop, at full volume, until the next time he inevitably fucked-up. Shane wanted nothing more than to clear his head out in the cold with a few beers. Even those plans were out the window. 

Of course, just opening the window and drinking alone on his bedroom floor was always an option. That would get the same effect but with an added layer of pathetic that might just fit his image perfectly. But, he could go one night without drinking. He had done it before. Just put the booze were he couldn’t see it and drown his thoughts out with a movie or something. That freak not-really-encounter outside knocked the last bit of energy out of him, anyway. He would be asleep in no time. 

\---

_ Lies. All of it.  _

Shane slept like garbage and woke up so many times during the night to drag his comforter off the floor and try again. By 6 o’clock, he’d given up and just laid there in the cold of his room, staring up at the ceiling. He wasn’t sure when he finally dozed off, just that he slept through his alarm and Marnie had to come in to wake him up before he was late to work. He had just enough forethought to stop his tired brain from telling her to fuck off and let him sleep. She didn’t deserve that. She didn’t deserve to put up with any of his shit, really.

His head ached more than usual, and he didn’t even have his usual hangover. Last night’s alcohol was still tucked away in one of his dresser drawers. Now what he wanted more than anything was to down the whole case before even stepping out his bedroom door. But all his experiences with morning drinking resulted in Shane blacking out in a face full of his own vomit. He hung onto the idea much longer than he should have. If he passed out, he wouldn’t have to go to work. And if he drank enough, he’d be out long enough for the saloon to open. He could drink until his mind was fuzzy enough for a decent night’s sleep.

He held the can in his hand for a moment. The metal was cool on his skin, calming already. Just as he went to pop the top, a knock broke him out of his trance. He shoved the can back in his drawer to hide his shameful self-control. Luckily, the door didn’t open. Only Marnie’s voice called through to remind him of the time. He’d be late if he didn’t leave at this rate, and he needed this job for more than just his horrible habits. Pulling his Joja uniform out of its rumpled pile on the floor, he hurried to get ready.

By the time he was out the door and down the road, he realized exactly how shitty he felt. The throbbing in his head was steadily making its way down his spine, propelled by every step. Breathing through his nose was getting harder and harder, and he was sure he was going to cough up his lungs before he would make it across the bridge. It was the worst head-cold he’s had in years. No sickness should be able to live in his body with how much alcohol he consumed on a daily basis. 

He surely couldn’t.

Morris forced him to work in the back all day, couldn’t have the customers seeing someone sneezing all over the canned goods. Not that it’s any better than what’s inside the cans. Morris scolded him for coming to work in such a condition, though Shane was sure if he tried to call in he would have made a much bigger fuss. He thought of throwing out the line about their possibly contaminated soda, but he stopped thought before it was even constructed. That would lead him back down a rabbit hole he wanted nothing more than to cement over. At least Shane didn’t have to deal with more people than necessary today. Silver-linings, right?

\---

The weather warmed up considerably by the time 5 o’clock rolled around. The dusty filters in the storage room had done a number on Shane’s lungs, and,  _ Yoba _ , it was a blessing to finally walk out into some open air. It was cool and crisp on his slightly damp skin, dulling the permanent soreness in his bones. The frost from the morning had long since melted and evaporated away, leaving the past to the Stardrop Saloon dry and easy to traverse in Shane’s slightly foggy state. 

He knew he should just go home and get some rest. He was running on 2 hours of sleep at most, and his throat felt raw from breathing in and coughing out so much JojaAir™. But the irrational part of his brain took over his feet, and sticking to his routine, Shane walked right through the saloon’s double doors.    

Taking a seat at his usual stool near the fireplace, he let out a breath. It felt good to finally be off his feet. Gus pressed a cold beer in his hand without prompted and gave him a nod. He must of looked worse than normal, Gus usually tried to initiate some sort of conversation. Even Emily left him to his own devices. He and Pam were the only regulars this early on the weekdays, and Pam was well on her way before she even stepped foot into the building. Shane, honestly, wasn’t sure why Gus still served her.

Then again, he’s been in her shoes before. 

He was halfway through his third glass when the doors opened earlier than usual. Shane was sure it was the weird blacksmith coming in earlier to see Emily. He’d been trying to talk her up all week, but he would stutter out the first few words of a boring conversation starter, only to settle of ordering a drink to drown his embarrassment in. Shane kind of felt bad for the guy at this point. He almost wanted to tell Clint his chances of wooing the girl were an absolute zero, based solely on the fact he was a guy. But, it was a little too entertaining to watch someone else make a fool of themselves for a change. 

But, it was clearly not the stuttery blacksmith. Halfway through Gus’s usual greeting, his face lit up brighter than Shane has ever seen it all his time in Pelican Town. “Anna Attins, that can’t be you.” He let out a hearty laugh and walked around the counter to the newcomer. “I was sure Lewis was just seein’ things when he said you moved back into town.” 

The girl let out a small laugh, and it sounded really familiar, “Lewis isn’t that old, Gus.” She returned Gus’s full-on bear hug. Shane didn’t get a good look at her until Gus stepped back behind the counter and motioned her to take a seat at the bar. 

Her red curls flipped up around her neck. She had pushed up the sleeves of her oversized jacket, revealing some light tattoos along her forearm. They just looked like a smattering of random colors to Shane, but his brain was fuzzy from the lack of energy and the alcohol in his veins. She wasn’t wearing her glasses either, and that’s why it took Shane far too much staring to figure out where he remembered her from. He had just forgotten too. 

_ Fuck. _

Thankfully, she was too engaged in Gus’s questioning to notice his stares. Shane wasn’t really keeping up with what they were discussing; his brain really couldn’t keep up with anything right now. But he could tell they weren’t going to stop talking anytime soon. Emily must have introduced herself at some point because she perched herself on one of the seats next to the new girl to add to the conversation. 

Shane thought about getting up to leave. All he wanted was a quiet place to drown his consciousness, and he was clearly not getting that here tonight. A zing of pain shot down his neck at every loud noise. He rubbed his head with one of his hands, dropping his elbow on the table to prop it up. The chill from the mug, now closer to his face, helped a bit but not much. 

He decided against leaving. He might just make more of a scene, and his bad first impression kept him from making himself stand out more among the two people not talking. He could handle Emily and the other girl’s voice. _ Gus had said her name earlier, what was it? Augh, doesn’t matter. _ Gus’s boisterous voice was the problem here. Even on a normal day, Gus’s voice hurt Shane’s head. Being loud and energetic must have been a requirement for bartenders, even if their bar only got action once a week. 

After another moment, the answer to Shane’s prayers had been given. Gus’s initial excitement wore off and the softness of the other conversationalist coaxed his voice down an octave or two. Shane’s brain stopped its boxing match for a moment to focus on the only sound in the room. 

“Yeah, I just finished setting everything up today after cleaning it out all week.” The ginger stirred her drink with her straw. “It’s nice to finally see the house finished and cleaned up, you know.” 

“Oh, I’m sure,” Gus agreed. “That place hasn’t seen the light of day in years. Must have been a disaster.” 

Yoba, Shane was already bored with this. Not that a barfly had much of a choice in the things he listened in on, but he figured he’d get something interesting in the first few words. Like, where she came from, what she was doing here? They must have established that while Shane’s brain was punching through his spinal cord. The new girl’s life story didn’t matter to Shane, but anything was more interesting than listening to them talk about furniture. 

His ears picked the conversation back up at a new point. The newcomer’s voice was light and quiet and could easily be listened to by someone in Shane’s state. “Actually, I wanted to get the coop set back up before spring really hits. Robin said I would need to clear it out before she could assess the damage, but the walls were still standing. So, that a good sign.” 

Shane’s mood perked up a bit at this new information. The prospect of Marnie’s business seeing some new profit felt good. Even if Shane wasn’t directly involved with most of the money side of things, it would be good for some of the new hens in the roost to get out and explore the world. He and Jas had been helping raise them on his off days. She would be sad to see them go, but there will be more new chicks in the spring for her to look forward to.

“Oh, Marnie is still over in Cidersap running the ranch,” Gus said. “That place still has the best hens in the state.”

_ Damn right, it does. _

Then, Emily chimed in, “Actually, Shane here’s her nephew.” _ Oh no. Fuck, Emily please don’t. _ She pointed to him at the far corner of the bar. “He helps out there from time to time.” _ No, noooooooooo.  _ “Have you two met yet, Anna?” _ Why do you have to do this now? _

When he looked up, he locked eyes with Anna. If he looked so awful that even Emily didn’t want to talk to him, he could only imagine what impression he gave off now. Hunched over the bar, head in his hands, watching his half-empty glass of now room-temperature beer.  _ Yoba, please don’t remember me. _

But, she eyebrows shot up in realization, “Marnie’s nephew?” She gave him a smile and her words came out with a bit of a laugh, “Uh, yeah kinda.”  _ Of course she remembers, it was only yesterday, dumbass. _ “Nice to actually meet you, Shane.” Shane gave her a little courtesy wave and looked back at his beer. 

“Don’t mind him,” Emily said after. “He’s a bit shy.” Shane had to swallow down a mouth-full of his drink to keep the frustrated sigh for coming out. “He’s a bit crabby today, too” Emily shot him a look, and he made direct eye-contact with her as he finished off his glass. A worried look crossed her face for a moment, but she asked if he needed a refill anyway.

“Nah, I’m good.” He stood up on his feet, steadying himself as he took out his wallet and paid. He didn’t say goodbye to any of them, but he did give a grunt in acknowledgment when Gus thanked him for his money. 

The cool air felt good on his skin. His whole body groaned, and the pain in his head skyrocketed when he started to move again. Really, it started to skyrocket when Emily tried to bring him into the conversation. Any other day, if he had enough to drink, he might have gotten in on the talk about the new girl’s future farm. He might have even given her some decent advice from the books he’d been reading to pass the time on his days off. But, not today. 

It took a bit of effort to walk steady, but he managed. He had years of practice under his belt at all. He was so good at it, Marnie didn’t seem to notice, or she just didn’t want to point it out. Probably, the latter. She knew where he was, and if she didn’t, the smell would have given it away. He walked right past her on the way to his bedroom. Thankfully, Jas was nowhere to be seen. He couldn’t handle her right now. 

He barely had the energy to close the door before he fell down, face first, in his bed, still fully clothed. He didn’t even take his shoes off or hang up his jacket when he came in. When his head finally hit the pillow, the world blacked out around him. 


	5. Progress?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Yeah, it must be even weirder seeing your twin reaching his full goth potential.”  
> “You’re one to talk. Didn’t that haircut die before you were even born?”  
> “Hey! I-I’m brinin’ it back.”

Cleaning out that stupid chicken coop took more time than Anna thought. The weather finally warmed up to the point where the ground was starting to thaw and everything outside was a wet, squishy mess. She ended up tracking mud everywhere she went, and after cleaning it up for the hundredth time she resorted to just leaving it. Tearing out the weeds and grass that weaved their way through the messy floorboards had been incredibly annoying. They seemed to just reappear every time she went back into the building. 

On top of all of that, Anna found out,  _ after  _ tugging at a handful, that whatever-the-hell was growing up the outside walls had super tiny, super sharp thorns on every inch of its vines. The early afternoon was spent picking them out of her hands. When she went to bandage them, she saw the rash that started to spread across her palms and up her forearm. She nearly passed out on the spot. 

Thankfully the clinic was still open and the doctor said it was nothing serious. He just gave her some ointment to apply whenever it started itching. But, now that she was standing in his clinic, he brought up the fact he would need her information on file, as he was the town’s only doctor. And since he was having a slow day, Anna had to spend the next hour getting an impromptu examination.

The bandages made it difficult to help Robin work on the coop, but Anna managed. It was more difficult trying to keep up nearly a week of conversation with the woman. Robin was ecstatic to work on the buildings on the old farm again. Anna must have known most of her life-story by now. How she was able to turn her passion into her dream job and how it all started when Grandpa Whitt asked her to help rebuild the barn after a fire back in ‘95. Now, she had just finished building her dream house in the mountains up north of town and had a solid job in construction.

Anna remembered Robin quite a bit actually. Demetrius was just her boyfriend at the time and they had just started to get more serious. The house she started off in was a small, two-bedroom home for her and her son, Sebastian. Anna remembers that house well and was a bit shocked seeing how big it had gotten after all these years. Big enough to house all of Demetrius’s research equipment, along with their now family of four.

Sebastian and Anna were pretty close growing up. They were the same age and were often mistaken for siblings by the townsfolk. Anna remembered all the nights spent over playing tabletop _ Solorian Chronicles _ with him and Sam and crashing on his couch, or his bed if she was tired enough. But, it was Robin that remembered the crush she developed when they got a bit older. And every time she brought it up, which once was too many times already, Anna wanted to take her chances diving into the still thawing pond outside. 

But, after a week straight of work, it was finally done. The paint was drying on the  _ clean  _ exterior. That small section of the field was cleared of all the rocks and branches. And the fences were all replaced around the coop. Now, all that the place needed were some chickens. Then it could actually be considered a farm. Kinda. 

Tired couldn’t even begin to describe how she felt. Not only physically, but mentally. The introvert in her was begging for some time alone after five days of straight social interaction. And the lazy couchpotato next to it cried every time she tried to stand up. A nap would be perfect right now, but the silence was starting to get to her brain again. Something that could be easily rectified now with everything fully hooked up and functional. 

Turning on some music, she was asleep in seconds. 

Anna woke up to the insistent buzzing of her phone. She didn’t even pick it up, but the voicemail after said it was from Lewis. Having someone so close take such an interest in this passion project she threw herself into should have made her happy. But this was the third time this week he called, and Anna was not having it right now. 

She rolled on her side, miscalculating and landing face first on the floor. Thank everything in the universe she had the forethought to put the softest rug possible under the couch. It was almost comfy enough to fall back asleep. But Anna’s stomach had other plans. It growled loudly in the quiet house. It was almost seven, and skipping lunch to finish painting was not the best idea, in hindsight. 

The growling rattled her core, forcing her to get up and go to the fridge. She had been so busy working on that stupid coop all week she skipped out on going to the store, and the daily pizzas were starting to do her in. The only other option was trying to Macgyver up some form of breakfast-for-dinner with the egg and half-eating sandwich from her breakfast that morning. Too much work for way too little pay off. 

She could just go to the Stardrop. But it was Friday night, and that was when it was the busiest. She really didn’t want to go, but her brain shoved forward every memory it had of Gus’s cooking just to spite her. And he had another decade of that in his repertoire now. She had to go. Even if she really didn’t want to deal with so many people, her hunger started to outweigh her anxiety. And without thinking too much about it, she was out the door. 

\---

Anna took a moment to prepare herself before stepping through the door. But it didn’t do anything to help. The jukebox blasted the same old, tinny music from her memory, making her ears ring. Gus had greeted her,  _ loudly _ , drawing everyone’s attention in her direction. Much to her relief, most of the people lost interest at first glance, but the rest called out a greeting to her with a phrase about how long it has been or how old she had gotten. 

By the time she had dropped down in one of the barstools, she mind was already telling her this was  _ not worth it _ . Her skin was prickling with sweat, and her stomach was in the process of weaving itself into a braid. She lost her appetite when she stepped inside, but her body was begging for food,  _ very audibly _ , adding another knot to the chain every time someone pointed it out. 

Gus made his way over to her, a chipper beat to his step. He must have been delighted to have most of the townsfolk in his establishment. Fridays were always his favorite days. “Anna! How’s the farm comin’ along?” 

Before she could get a word out, her stomach gurgled loudly over the music. Gus laughed, and Anna had to resist the urge to bury her face in her hands. A red-faced smile was a compromise. “It’s going. Been really busy lately.” 

He gave another laugh, “I can hear that.” He poured her a rum and coke behind the bar, something she deemed was her usual the first time she ordered. “Well, I’ll just have to give you my specialty! On the house, even!”  _ Had he always been so loud? Yeah, yeah he had. _

She took a grateful sip of her drink. The fizzle of the carbonation on her tongue gave her mind something else to focus on. “No. No, you don’t have to do that.” He had given her a free drink last time she’d come around.

“Nonsense, of course I do!” He dropped a straw in the drink he had just prepared for her, even after she took a sip. “One of my favorite customers is back in town, she deserves a bit of special treatment.” 

She sighed, “Gus, you already gave me something on the house last time. Once is enough, you know.” She meant to say the words sarcastically, but the sourness of her mood tainted them. 

He held up his hands in defeat. “Alright, Gus’s specialty pizza,  _ not  _ on the house.” He gave her a friendly smile before turning to Emily with the order. 

Geez, she was already ruining this. Her stomach made another tight knot. At this rate, she might not be able to even eat. When did this get so bad? She used to be able to talk to people flawlessly. Talking to people was the main part of her job back in Joja Corp. She lived in a cramped city and had to talk to random strangers for over ten years of her life, for fuck sake. 

But these people  _ knew  _ her. They knew her name, her face, where she was born. They were in her childhood and remembered the bright girl she was. She wasn’t a social butterfly back then, but she would always be more than happy to talk about anything. Now she couldn’t even keep a steady conversation if she wanted to. And she irked them when she could.  _ Disappointment _ . 

The door swung open behind her, and she tried to ignore it. But the anxiety struck her body like lightning. She tried to tune out the loud voice of whoever walked inside, but it pounded its way into her skull. She let out another breath and took a drink. The alcohol was helping a bit, but not enough. 

“Holy cow, Anna!” 

Her whole body seized up, and she had to close her eyes to recollect herself. She didn’t even need to turn around to find out who it was this time. He hopped up beside her before she could turn her head, and she was met with bright blue eyes and a smile spread wide across his face. “Anna!” Sam pulled her into a tight hug, nearly pulling her out of her chair as a result. 

“Christ, Sam!” Her heart stuttered in her chest at the impact, but the laugh she let out was more genuine than she thought it would be. He rubbed a cheek into her hair, getting another laugh out of her. It did wonders on the tension in her chest. 

“Dude, you’re gonna tip her over.” Sebastian flat voice could be heard clearly as the jukebox faded into another song. He walked up behind him and it took Anna a moment to recognize him. It was still jarring to see him with black hair, but it suited him well. Anna had got a chance to talk to him when she was up at his house talking over coop blueprints with Robin. They slipped back into their old back and forth easily. And seeing him here was another welcomed relief. 

“Right!” Sam back off, rubbing a hand through his blond hair. “It’s just been so long!” He laughed, then his face lit up with an idea. “Are you staying here long? Come back to the game room with us!”  He nudged her a bit with his elbow. “It’s got an upgrade after all these years.” 

Just then, Emily came out with her food. “I was actually-” Anna pointed at the waitress coming over to them. 

“Oh, that’s perfect!” Emily placed the small pizza on the bar, looking between the two of them. “Can we get another, Em?” She laughed out a ‘sure,’ headed back to the kitchen. Sam picked the plate up off the bar and motioned for her and Seb to follow him. “Come on, there’s a table back there to eat at.” He was walking away before they could answer. 

Anna turned her attention to Sebastian, who only huffed out his breath and shrugged. “You act like I can stop him when he gets like this.” 

Her mouth pulled up into a smirk. “I was hoping you got a better hold on him after all these years.” The joke landed and Sebastian chuckled. The whole situation pushed the pressure off her chest enough to be tolerable again. More than tolerable even, she felt the normal warmth that came from being around friends start to replace it. She hopped off the stool and picked up her drink. “Come on, or he’s gonna come back.” 

Sam bombarded Anna with questions before she even walked over the threshold of their old stomping ground. The room looked pretty similar to her memories. Except for the Joja-Cola machine on the far wall. Anna had to catch herself before disgust marred her features. Even in here, her father’s company followed her. She barely caught Sam’s question, “When did you get back in town?” 

She took a seat at the only table in the room. Sebastian walked by and placed the second pizza on the table. The smell made her mouth water, and she almost stuffed her face before answering his question. She held the slice up to her mouth as she spoke. “Uh, earlier last month.” 

Cartoon betrayal crossed over Sam’s face as he sat down with an open can of cola in hand. “You’ve been here for almost a month and you didn’t tell me!” He threw his hands up in the air to add emphasis.

Her hand came up to cover her full mouth as she spoke, “I’ve been busy!” 

“Woah!” He pointed to her bandaged hand. “What happened?” Even Seb seemed a bit worried, though he knew about it. Maybe still wearing the bandages made it seem worse than it was. But, if she kept them off, she would just end up reopen the scabs across her palms. Then it would be worse than it needed to be.

“Oh, uh…” She wiggled her fingers to show them she wasn’t severely injured. “Just, you know... Farming.” She didn’t really want to tell any more people about her incident.

“Right,” Sam took a sip of his cola. “You're a full-fledged farmer now, huh?” His smile still spread clear across his face. 

She snorted, “That’s a bit of a stretch. But, I’m trying, I guess.” 

“It must be weird being back, huh?” She nodded, already finished with her first slice of pizza. “Yeah, it must be even weirder seeing your twin reaching his full goth potential.” Sam elbowed Seb, who nearly dropped his pizza has a result. If looks could kill, Anna was sure Sam would be dead many times over throughout the years. 

She laughed before taking another sip of her drink. “You’re one to talk.” A smug smile spread across her face. “Didn’t that haircut die before you were even born?” Seb’s laugh punctuated her joke perfectly.  _ Yoba, it felt great to joke with people like this again. _

“Hey!” How fast the blush covered his face made the comment stick harder. “I-I’m brinin’ it back.” He stuttered before running a hand through his mullet. Anna just gave him another smirk and nodded her head. 

Before she could make another comment, footfalls filled the silence. “Sorry I’m late guys! Dad wanted me to take inventory and- Oh!” The purple haired girl stopped in her tracks when her eyes landed on Anna. The heavy weight that dropped on her chest shook her whole being, nearly knocking the wind out of her. 

“Abby!” Sam waved and kicked out the chair between him and Anna. “Have you met Anna yet?” 

“Um,” The girl tapped her cheek with a black fingernail as she walked up. Before she took her seat, she snapped her finger. “Yeah! Well, kind of. I think I saw you in my dad’s store the other day.”

Yeah, she did. And Anna tried her best to keep her distance and not make eye contact. Not that Abigail was intimidating or anything, it was just too early in the morning for Anna to go through introductions. She made sure to give off a very strict ‘do not talk to me’ vibe. Now she was regretting it. She should have known she’d run into her eventually. Just not here. “Yeah, probably.” 

Anna spun the straw in her glass and was granted a clinking of ice. She looked down and found it empty. A ticket out! For a while anyway. She shook it again to bring a bit of attention to it. “I’ll be right back.” 

It took more effort than she thought not to trip getting up from her chair and out the door. Her whole body vibrated with nerves, and she had to keep two hands on the glass to keep it from shaking. Either no one noticed, or they didn’t say anything about it. If they did, Anna could spin it off as feeling sick. To them, she had been acting out of the ordinary ever since she walked in, so it would be an easy lie. But this happened enough time that Anna could tell she was reaching her limit. 

When she ordered, she had to swallow the blockade in her throat before she talked. Her voice wavered a bit, and she faked a cough to cover it up. Emily took her cup and gave her a worried look. “Are you okay, Anna?” 

Anna gave the bartender her, thoroughly practiced, confused smile and laugh. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” The words rolled off her tongue easily, part of her routine. She had used them so many times and they never ceased to fail her. Usually, no one wants to point out exact flaws in a person’s demeanor, too afraid of offending them or didn’t care enough to press the issue. And her thoughts rang true. Emily only hummed, giving her one more look before turning away to attend to her drink. 

When Emily turned her back, Anna let out the breath she didn’t know she was holding. She knew coming to the saloon on its busiest night wouldn’t be good on her nerves, but she thought she could handle it. She  _ was  _ handling it, before Abigail had come in and popped her bubble she formed around the room. The quick barricade she put up wasn’t a solid fix, she knew that. But it was enough to fake her mind into thinking it was okay. Now that was crumbling and the knots in her chest were pulled taut. 

The alcohol was taking a bit of the pressure off, but not enough to keep up with this runaway anxiety building. She would need another glass or two before it would do anything substantial. It didn’t sound like a bad idea now, but if she wasn’t careful she’ll probably need help getting home later. Sebastian or Sam would be more than happy to do so, but she didn’t want to give them a reason to worry. She’ll definitely hear about it in the morning if that happened. 

So she took another deep breath to recollect herself. This little reprieve would need to do. Dragging a hand through her hair, her eyes landed on a set of green one staring at her from under a furrowed brow. She didn’t even register Shane sitting next to her in her frenzied state. Her eyes widened and felt a wash of embarrassment suddenly outweigh all her previous anxiety. She blinked a few times, then coughed. He only cocked an eyebrow in return, bringing his mug up to his lips. She gave an awkward smile and turned her face away before the flush rose any higher on her cheeks. _ Fuck, why are you so  _ awkward _ , Annabella. Get a hold of yourself before the whole town thinks you’re crazy.  _

Like an angel descending from heaven, Emily finally returned from the back with her drink. She set it down with a laugh, “Sorry that took so long, Anna. Didn’t know we were out of cola in the front.” 

“S’fine. Thanks,” it took way more effort to keep her voice steady than she had, her words slurred a bit. She picked up the glass, taking a sip before she spilled it everywhere. Emily had filled it to the brim. She made a quick exit back to the game room, into the less embarrassing of the two situations she created herself. Anything was better than trying to explain her small breakdown.


	6. Chickens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Okay, okay. I’ll stop.”  
> “Thank Yoba.”  
> “But you gotta admit. I’m pretty egg-elent at this.”  
> “I’m leaving.”

Spring finally decided to stay its welcome in the valley. The frost was gone before the sun rose, and the beginnings of flowers started to pop up in the fields around the ranch. Jas had been bringing in dandelion boutiques every afternoon when she came home to put in a glass on the kitchen table. Every now and then, she would find a different wildflower to add to the bundle, but she kept it to a general yellow theme. She was really into yellow recently.

The weather was finally warm enough to let the animals run free in the fields. Most of them roamed near the barn door that was left open, occasionally wandering in then back out. Shane had been out in the chicken coop since that morning, taking care of some of the chores and just generally avoiding people. It was one of those days where conversation seemed to take more effort than anything, and he didn’t want to turn his mood on Jas or Marnie. 

One of the new hens, Charlie, had broken her wing during the winter and Shane was in charge of looking after the poor thing on his days off. It was more of just making sure she got her fair share of feed, and she was comfortable and wasn’t going to hurt herself more. Occasionally, he’d just sit by the open barn door with the hen in his lap, ruffling her feathers and mumbling his problems to her. Well, to himself, really. But, saying he was talking to the chicken made him feel a little less crazy. Only a little. 

He had wandered back into the main house to grab a drink, maybe something to eat. It was just past noon and grabbing some lunch sounded like a good idea. He had skipped breakfast that morning in favor of sleeping off his hangover, and now his hunger was back with a vengeance. He was about to open the fridge when he heard Marnie’s voice carry into the kitchen. “Of course, sunshine! If you need some help with anything…” 

“Oh, no. I’ll be fine,” her standard nervous laugh punctuated her statement. Great, the Attins girl was here. She must have been talking to Marnie out in the front room. Hopefully, it was about buying something. She talked about finally having her coop set up a while back, so she probably needed some chickens for it. Good, Marnie could use the business. 

Curiosity gained control of Shane’s feet and he took a step back to get a look out of the doorway. The farmer leaned on the counter, writing something down in a notebook. She looked completely different compared to the other night at the bar. Instead of at her wit’s end, she looked pretty normal. Her eyes weren’t the size of dinner plates and she had a normal pallor to her face. Her demeanor was carefree, the smile on her face actually looked genuine, instead of that ‘I’m totally and completely okay’ BS she tried to pull back then. 

He tried to step back to the fridge and get a drink before he got caught creeping on their conversation. But unfortunately, he heard Marnie call his name.  _ Damn it _ . “Oh, Shane! Perfect timing!” He turned back around and tried not to sigh or roll his eyes. “Could you help Anna, here? She’s gonna need an extra set of hands to get everything back to her farm.” 

Shane saw the split second of hesitation in Anna’s eyes, then she blinked and it was gone. Replaced with a small smile as she slipped her notebook into her bag. “I guess I should’ve thought about getting everything back.” She readjusted the straps around her shoulders, leaving a hand up to fiddle with one of the buckles. “I was just going to make two trips, but if you don’t mind, I’d really appreciate the help.”

Before Shane could answer, Marnie answered for him, “Of course he doesn’t mind.” She shot him a look. “Right, Shane?” He knew that look. He’d been hiding, either his room or out in the coop, for the past month on his days off. And on other days, he’d just go to the saloon after work and not come back until it closed. Marnie had made it pretty clear he needed to get out of the house more, other than for work or for drink. Here was her chance to push that. 

Shane swallowed down another sigh and nodded. “What am I doin’?” 

Marnie’s face lit up as she walked out from behind the counter, “Great!” She motioned for Anna to follow her, and lead her through the kitchen to the back door of the chicken coop. As she passed Shane, she whispered a thank you. He couldn’t stop that sigh from coming out this time.  _ This isn’t something she should be thanking me for. I should be willing to help out, not so damn reluctant _ . 

He followed the two through the door. Marnie veered off to get a crate to transport the hens, leaving Shane and the farmer alone in the main part of the building. Clearly not one for conversation, the farmer settled on looking around the room. Shane, more than happy with that, leaned his head back against the far wall and just waited for his aunt’s return. All he wanted to do now was take a nap, he hadn’t even done anything yet.  _ Pathetic _ . 

“Aw, what happened to you, sweetheart?” The overly sweet pitch of the voice caught Shane completely off guard. But when he lifted his head off the wall, he saw the farmer kneeling in front of one of the nesting boxes. The hen inside looked completely at ease with a stranger in front of her. Excited even, her head perked up and she starting clucking, poking her head around for food or attention.

Shane took a few steps towards them, worried this new farmer would do something stupid to an injured bird. “Broke her wing a few weeks ago,” his voice came out a bit hoarse from barely being used, and trying to clear his throat only made it worse. He stood off to the side, trying not to loom over her but making sure he could see. Charlie was more of a pet than just another farm animal at this point, so his worrying was valid. Also, if anyone ever made a way to communicate with animals… He might have a problem.

The girl hummed and nodded, reaching in to give Charlie a good scritchen. The chicken happily accepted, preening under the attention. Maybe Shane was handling her too much. Shouldn’t she be a bit wary of some random person touching her, especially when she was injured? 

“Yep, Shane’s been takin’ good care of her,” Marnie’s sudden voice startled Shane out of his skin. He didn’t even hear her come back or close the door, and now she was dropping the crate she found near his feet. He rubbed his eyes with a thumb and forefinger, recollecting himself.

Clearly, she startled the farmer as well. She shook her head and took a breath to steady herself as she stood. Now just registering Marnie’s comment, she gave a little smile and shot Shane a look. “That’s really sweet,” she used that same overly sweet voice, just toned down. It sounded almost patronizing to Shane’s ears.  

Still, it took everything in Shane’s being not to flush at the comment. His brain took the statement as a compliment anyway, and it’s not everyday he got one of those from someone. And, the sweet smile she added after the fact wasn’t helping. He was just doing his job. Nothing to be praised about, or whatever that was. 

_ Yoba, I gotta get outta here _ . He huffed out an annoyed breath. “What the hell am I doing, again?” He tried to keep his voice steady and emotionless, but the irritation crept its way in. He knew Marnie could hear it, he just hoped the other woman didn’t. 

His aunt looked up at Shane with a patient smile, and after seeing it so many time, it made him feel more guilty. His mood didn’t put her down though. She was still energetic as ever about this sale. “Right!” Marnie pointed out to some of the hens pecking at the grass. “I need you to bring in two of the newer hens for Anna-.” 

He was already out the door before Marnie could even finish her sentence. 

He came back with a chicken under each arm, setting them gently into the box. A bag of chicken feed had been dragged up beside it, a clear line in the dirt of the coop. Now, the two were standing in the sunlight streaming in from the door. Marnie was giving some pointers to the new farmer, and the farmer had her journal out, taking notes like it was a school lecture. Honestly, it seemed a bit excessive to Shane. 

“And make sure to get them back inside before it gets too dark.” If she needed that tip, Shane was a little hesitant to let her go running off with their hens. But, she already paid for them. And, he was sure if anything happened to them, Marnie wouldn’t sell her more. He took solace in that. 

The new farmer clapped the book shut and stowed it away again. Seeing the chickens at her feet, she bent down to scratch one of the of them under the chin, giving it a smile when it pecked at her hand. Clearly, she was an animal lover and must have been around farm animals before. She wasn’t scared or in great awe like city dwellers usually were when they got close to the larger animals. And, she was taking an initiative to learn how to raise them right. Maybe Shane was judging too hard. 

“Alright. Shane, you carry this. Anna’ll show you where to put it when you get up there.” Marnie nudged the bag of chicken feed closer to Shane. Heavy-lifting was not on his list for things to do on his day off, but he didn’t have much say in the matter. He hefted the bag up under an arm, albeit with a bit of difficulty. Now, he was becoming increasingly aware of the sudden fatigue from just this one human interaction. He still needed that nap. 

The farmer picked up the crate of hens without too much trouble, taking extra care not to jostle them around. Marnie looked over them one last time, before giving them one last pet. “It’ll take a few days for them to get settled, but they should be poppin’ out eggs in time for the festival.” 

“Oh! That’s next week, yeah?” Anna asked. By the way her face lit up, she must have just realized it. 

“Yup! We’re makin’ sure the town has the best eggs this year!” Shane knew how excited Marnie was for the Egg Festival. Jas too. Marnie had already collected some of the better eggs from the bunch. Jas was looking forward to helping dye and paint them, and Emily offered to come over with some dyes and things to help supervise. Shane didn’t even know where to start with all of that.

Anna readjusted the crate in her hands, getting a better grip on it. She nodded, “Cindersap Ranch always had the best eggs. Gus still swears by it.” 

“And always will,” Marnie added, clearly happy someone was acknowledging her efforts. But, then she was shooing them out the open door. “Best get goin’. Don’t wanna keep those two closed up for too long. They’ll start gettin’ antsy.” She waved as she saw them out of the fence gate. “Be sure to tell me how the farm works out, Anna.” 

Anna nodded again, “Of course.” She ended the sentence with a smile, but when she turned her back, Shane heard her let out a breath of air. He knew and was very familiar with that sound. A release of pent up stress and anxiety. It struck a chord with him, and deep in his brain somewhere he felt for her.

They walked in silence up to her farm gate, the only sound the distressed clucks of the chickens. The farmer seemed solely focused on keeping them calm. Shane wasn’t much for conversation, anyway, so the silence wasn’t awkward. Even if it was, it was a short walk to the farm, and there wasn’t any time for it. Shane just wanted to get this over with, and maybe the farmer, too. 

The gate to the farm was latched. Shane readjusted the heavy bag under his arm so he could open it, but the owner stepped up in front of him before he got the chance, kicking up her leg and flipping the latch with the tip of her boot. She nudged open the gate with her hip, and with a tilt of her head, she motioned him inside. 

He hadn’t seen the farm before she moved in. When he asked about it, Marnie said Whitt Attins got too sick to take care of it a few years back and was too stubborn to give it up. When he finally had to moved out, Lewis wouldn’t sell off the land, maybe he couldn’t. It was just left to its own devices, letting nature do with it has it pleased. 

Now, walking through it, Shane could see how rundown it still was. The old path under their feet was spotted with grass and weeds. Old stumps and mossy rocked circled an old pond. The stream running into it clogged up with dead leaves and twigs. On the other side of him, rows and rows of old trees were starting to bloom. Little white petals and bright green leaves decorated the branches while underneath them grass and weeds stood so tall Shane was sure he could get lost in it.

Farther up the path and over the grimy stream looked to be where most of her work was done. The right side was completely tilled up and ready to be planted. Or was already planted, Shane couldn’t tell. A scarecrow stood tall in the middle of the field, sporting a bright and obnoxious looking hat; a far too wide brim, shiny trim, and topped with a set of fake feathers. It looked like the hats on display at those really fancy dress shops back in the outlet mall Shane would wander around in with Jason as a kid.  _ Weren’t those things expensive as hell? _

“I know the space might be a little big for just two hens, but I wanted to be prepared, you know?” the girl’s voice drew his attention back to the task at hand. She was motioning to the wide open space on their left that held a barn and the chicken coop. She clearly hasn’t gotten around to clearing out the barn yet, because it was in shambles compared to the freshly painted coop sitting next to it. 

“Should be fine.” He said, readjusting the bags under his arm again.  _ Fuck, this is heavy _ . “S’long as you make sure it’s all fenced off, and they’re all there when you close up at night.” Shane really didn’t want one of these hens wandering off to get eaten because of someone’s incompetence.

“Of course.” She pushed open the gate closing off the open field and lead the way to the building. “I made sure everything was fixed up and closed off the other day. I just haven’t had time to come by and pick these guys up.” 

He nodded, walking past her to open the door to the coop with his free hand. The smell of fresh sawdust and hay hit him instantly. It was completely clean, some fresh hay had been spread around the floor. Some spots for the hens to set up nests were lined along the wall. Clean water and a bowl for feed were near the middle of the building. It wasn’t the best, but it was simple and a start. 

Anna sat the crate down and took the bag from Shane’s hands. She had a little trouble waddling over to up it away, but Shane left her to it in favor of making sure the chickens were alright. It was about a 20-minute walk, they were completely fine. “Ya name em yet?” The question entered his mind and immediately slipped out on its own.

She huffed out a breath, setting the feed on a shelf off the ground. Dusting her hands off on her jeans, she looked off to the side. There was a crease in her brow, as she scratched the back of her head. “Eggaiver and Meggan,” her voice came out small. But, the dorky smile she had on her face afterward said it all. 

He stared at her for a moment and blinked. “You’re joking.” His deadpan tone didn’t seem to phase her. 

“What?” The smile grew on her face and she took a step towards him. “I think they’re quite egg-quisite names.” She added emphasis on the word. 

He could see where this was going. “Stop.” 

“I mean,” she shrugged her shoulders, smug in the fact she was getting any reaction out of him at all. “If you have any better  _ egg _ -samples? I’ll gladly take suggestions. I’ll need names for the other chickens later.”  

He dragged a hand down his face, groaning into his palm. He wasn’t going to give her the satisfaction of knowing he was smiling and approved of this stupid humor.

“I didn’t  _ egg _ -spect you to be so opposed to the names. But, I guess  _ omelet _ you off the hook.” She was on the other side of the crate now. He watched as she bent down, and picked up one of the hens from the box. “But, look,” She held it up and pressed her cheek into its feathers. “ _ Egg _ -aiver seem pretty  _ egg _ -cited.” The more emphasis she put on the puns, the more Shane wanted to push his palm through his face. 

The hen clucked a few time, tilting its head at him. “You’re cluckin- kidding me.” He cringed, finishing the last part of the sentence reluctantly. It was a slip of the tongue,  _ really _ . That stupid chicken got in his brain and censored his words. 

But she ran with it. Anna let out a theatrical gasp, “That’s a bit egg-streme, Shane.” She hovered her hand over the hen’s head, pretending to cover its ears. “Think of the children,” the fake concern in her voice was the icing the cake. The ridiculousness of the whole scene before him started to settle in, and Shane snorted, cracking a smile. He still rubbed a hand down his face and shook his head. 

She couldn’t hold back her laughter, either. It had a much different tone than the nervous chuckle she did almost constantly. It was light and sweet, accompanied by a drop of her head and a shake of her shoulders. “Okay, okay. I’ll stop.” Her laughter died a bit, but the smile stayed. She set the chicken down and helped the other one out of the box.

And, Shane bent down to pick of the now empty crate. “Thank Yoba.” 

“But you gotta admit.” When he straightened, she wore that cheshire grin again. “I’m pretty  _ egg _ -elent at this.”  

He let out a long sigh and made a show of rolling his eyes. “I’m leaving.” He turned out the door. 

“No, wait!” Her words shook with more laughter, “I’m sorry.” She walked out after him, but it only took a few steps for her to catch up. Shane really wasn’t trying to get away from her. She stopped at the fence gate and was ready to close it when he left. “Thanks for the help, Shane.” 

He nodded. “Sure.” In that moment, his brain seemed to just freeze.  _ Shit, what was her name again? _ “Uh,” stumbling over some words before saying, “See you around, Ann.”  _ Fuck, shit, wait a minute- _

Before he got a chance to correct himself, her smile widened a bit. “Yeah, okay. I’ll probably see you at the Egg Festival or something.” She waved at him one last time before going back into the coop. 

Shane rubbed a hand over his face and turned to walk home, feeling stupid as always. She didn’t bother correcting the mix-up at all.  _ I mean, Ann is just a nickname for Anna anyway, so it wasn’t that bad. S’fine. _ If he was being honest with himself, he would mess up her name in the future. It was better to just keep calling her the wrong name. Better to do that and make it look intentional than make a big deal about it when he messes it up later, right? 


	7. Festival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe being so direct was not the right way to go about this. Oops.

It was finally coming together. The crops were planted in their little rows. Her chickens were settled into their new home. She had half a dozen eggs in her fridge. And in a few weeks, she’ll be able to make her first shipment of fresh produce from the farm. Getting up just after sunrise and trudging out into the mud to water the fields by hand was a serious commitment, but it was worth it to see the first green sprouts come up out of the dirt. This was finally starting to get somewhere.

Anna had been debating on bringing something to the Egg Festival ever since she found out it was still happening. Helping Grandpa Whitt make one of his famous berry pies was always one of her favorite things to do the night before any town gathering. For the Egg Festival, she would sit at the table cutting out little eggs and flowers from the leftover crust for decoration. 

The sweet scent of berries and vanilla would linger around the house long after, soaking into the walls, the floor, the furniture. It was such an essential part of the architecture, Anna tried to recreate it with different candles and oils, but it was never quite right. It was all artificial and lacking the years of memories the original had. Somehow it seemed more fitting.

She was out getting some supplies at Pierre’s a few days earlier when she ran into Marnie and her niece, Jas. It looked like they had cleared out the store of all the food dye, and when asked about it, Marnie said they were in charge of decorating the eggs this year. Anna almost offered to help, dyeing eggs was her favorite part of the festival when she was a kid, but decided against it. She didn’t want to take that experience from Jas. Judging by how quiet she was behind Marnie’s leg, she wasn’t comfortable around strangers. 

In the end, she decided against bringing anything. Maybe it was out of laziness or lack of motivation, but even though she had bought all the supplies for one of Grandpa’s recipes, she just could get up and make it. All the prep seemed far too daunting. And the need for perfection added to the mix. If she couldn’t do it justice, why even bother at all?

Still being new to the valley could be an easy cop out if anyone got on her case about it. Still settling into the farming lifestyle now that everything was up and running. She could probably use that excuse for a while if need be. 

Now freshly showered and in a simple mint dress, she locked up the house and started down the dirt road to townsquare. Excited wasn’t quite the right word to describe how she felt. A weird mix of lighthearted nostalgia and melancholy bubbled in her chest. It was going to be the first festival she goes to without Grandpa walking by her side. Really, the bittersweetness was lined in the dirt road they walked together so many times. And every time she walked it alone, that bubble would form, only to be popped once she reached her destination. It was a literal walk down memory lane, and she was completely okay with that. 

Now however, she found her steps were getting smaller and smaller every time her foot touched that familiar dirt. The bittersweetness didn’t cloud her mind like usual, and no bubble was forming. It wasn’t until halfway down the path when she registered the all too familiar sickness forming in her stomach. The realization hit her like a brick falling out of the sky.  _ The whole town was going to be there. _ Everyone she has and has not met, or did and did not want to meet.

There shouldn’t be any unexpected reintroduction, no going through the common question and answer she was very much done with, by her recollection anyway. No need to come up with answers on the fly and possibly get caught up in her own web of white lies she had probably collected by now. 

No, she hadn’t lied to anyone.  _ Right? _

_ No. _ She took a deep breath, shaking her head and pushing the thought out of her mind. If she started down that path now, she was just going to end up a nervous wreck. Then everyone will  _ see  _ her being a nervous wreck. Then everyone will  _ worry  _ about her being a nervous wreck. No need to make everyone worried over her own anxieties. She should be able to handle herself. She  _ can  _ handle them herself, she has for a long time.

Plus, sometimes faking confidence can lead to real confidence. Or at least, that’s what Gran told her whenever these problems reared their ugly head back at Joja. It generally worked back at the office,  _ but here? With people who might actually care? _ Shaking her head, she started back down the path, ignoring the anxiety pulling her down. She even tried to put a spring in her step, but that wasn’t helping. It was more making her more dizzy and self-conscious.  _ Maybe that’s trying too hard. Just act… normal, Annabella. You can do this _ .

When she rounded the corner, she was greeted with the very distinct smell of eggs. There were  _ a lot _ of eggs. And the heat of the noon sun was not helping. Sometimes the wind would try to mask it with the sugary cookies and candies, but it only worked for a moment. The shift of the air dragging away the mask with it. 

Eyeing out the selection, she was surprised. One of the tables was lined with more egg dishes than Anna knew existed. The other held some different spring themed sweets and pastries, along with the punch and other drinks. Gus clearly went all out this year, much like he does every year.

No one paid any mind to Anna just walking in. Only Pierre waved a hello as she walked by and showed off his wares, but everyone else was busy with their own conversations. So far so good.  _ No one was actively looking for me, at least _ . That seemed to relieve a bit of the pressure, and looking around to see all the familiar decorations pulled off a bit more. Overreacting, as usual. 

Thankfully, no one was around the punch bowl and Anna made a beeline for it. Even with the anxiety settling down, she could still use something to drink to keep it there. And, having something in her hands to keep them occupied was also a good idea. Really, it was more the latter reason she wanted the drink, but that doesn’t matter. She picked up a cup from the stack and went to pour herself some of the punch.

“You don’t wanna go drinkin’ a bunch of that,” a gruff voice accompanied the slow footfall behind her. 

Before she could bring the cup to her lips, she turned to see Shane behind her taking one of the deviled eggs off on a plate. She narrowed her eyes at him, looking into her cup, then back up. “Why?” The word was drawn out and full of suspicion.

He nodded to the cup in her hand, “Just taste it,” then popped the egg into his mouth. 

Eyeing him wearily for a moment, she took a tentative sip. The taste of overly sweet generic fruit was overwhelming but it did nothing to mask the sharp burn of alcohol she was so acquainted with. It was so strong, and the unexpected sweetness stung in the back of her throat, leaving her coughing into her dress collar. “ _ Seriously? _ ” 

He held up his hands in defense. “Hey, don’t blame me. I just told you about it.” He looked over his shoulder at a blond haired woman Anna had yet to introduce herself too. To be honest, she wasn’t sure she wanted to. She has seen her walking into the saloon nearly every time she was in town. And when she wasn’t there, she sat in front of her trailer drinking straight from the bottle. “Pretty sure it was Pam.” That must be Pam. 

Anna hummed in acknowledgment, staring back down into the deep red liquid. With a shift of her wrist, it swirled in her cup, tempting her to down the rest of it and get a second glass. That was a bad idea. It always helped ebb her social anxiety, sure, but that had settled. Keeping that idea for later when she really needed it was a much better plan. No need to get hammered in front of the whole town so early in the afternoon. 

Then another thought hit her. She pointed back to the bowl, giving Shane a worried look. “You’re keeping the kids away from that, right?” 

He nodded, filling up a cup of his own. “Whaddya think I’m standin’ here for?” He took a long drink, emptying half of it in one shot. It worried Anna a bit, but she just had the same idea moments ago. She knew it was a horrible idea when she thought about it, but seeing it executed in front of her solidified the fact. Hopefully, there wasn’t something much more serious going on here. 

She looked around at the plates scatting the table. “Well, the food’s pretty good.” Taking one of the decorated cookies off a fancy plate, she looked over the nearly drawn rabbit in icing. “Evelyn makes the best cookie.” Taking a bite, _ Chocolate chip, yes _ . 

Shane refilled his cup with the spiked juice and took another deviled egg off the plate instead. “Yup,” was the only confirmation she got that he even heard her. Clearly not one for smalltalk, he gestured to Jodi standing a few feet away with talking with Emily. “Go tell Jodi to keep Vince away from this. I’ve been tryin’, but he keeps makin’ a fuss about it.”

She nodded at his request, but she felt the pit in her stomach bubble and rising at just the prospect of a possible confrontation, in front of the whole town no less. Before walking away, she downed half her cup and refilled. Shane just raised a brow at her, but he just shook his head and turned away. He just did the same thing, and half a cup of diluted wine isn’t going to do anything anyway. It was more the placebo effect she was hoping after.

Emily and Jodi were having a conversation about the decorations when Anna walked up. Something about them needing to be replaced for next year's festival. That made sense, really, Anna was positive that most of them were older than she was. She caught the tail end of Jodi talking about how faded the banners looked, but the conversation was quickly put to an end altogether when the two saw her walking up to them. 

Emily waved at her, giving her a hello. Jodi smiled sweetly, as she always did, “Anna! How are things on the farm?” 

She returned her smile, albeit a bit fake. “Good, finally started planting stuff, so it’s a lot of work.” 

“Oh, I’m sure.” Jodi nodded. “I’ve been helping Evelyn with the flower gardens, but I can’t imagine what running a whole farm must be like.” From what Anna remembered about Jodi, she always loved gardening and often ask Grandpa Whitt for tips whenever she got the chance. Being able to help out the community with her hobby must be pretty nice. 

Emily gave a big smile, much too happy for Anna’s sudden shift in mood. “I’m sure it’ll be really rewarding though. Seeing all your hard work grow into… well vegetables,” she let out a little chuckle at her own joke.

“Yeah, it’ll take a while, but definitely worth it.” For some reason, Anna couldn’t really believe her statement now that she was saying it out loud. Maybe the alcohol was pulling out her pessimism.

“Actually, Jodi,” she needed to get the reason she willing walked over here out of the way. “Vincent hasn’t drank any of the punch, has he?” 

The shift in Jodi’s face was immediate. Her brows drew in and her mouth pulled into a tight line. “No, I don’t think so.” She narrowed her eyes at Anna. “Why?” 

_ No better way to do this, I guess _ . “Someone spiked it with something,” the words came out way too casually for what they were implying. And how fast their eyes widen only confirmed that idea. Maybe that was too direct. Anna awkwardly cleared her throat, “So…” She had to look away from their stares. 

Emily shook her head in disbelief. “Who would even do that at a town festival?” 

Jodi just blinked at her, mouth still agape. Then she finally found her words, “Has anyone told Lewis about this?” Her voice was sharp and irritated. 

Anna rubbed the back of her neck, still not looking at either of them. She shrugged, “Uh, I’m not sure.” 

She huffed out a breath, pushing some hair back that had fallen onto her face. “I guess I’ll have to do it.” She turned on her heels and left to find Lewis. She is  _ upset. Maybe being so direct was not the right way to go about this. Oops _ . 

The festival went about as well as Anna expected after that. She stuck around Sebastian after Emily was pulled away to help with something. Sam was helping his little brother with the egg hunt, and Abigail was… participating in the egg hunt? Sebastian only shrugged when Anna pointed it out. Either no one really cared, or they just needed more people to participate. It was kind of weird they let her win, considering her competition was two 7-year-olds. And when Seb told her she has won every year since she’s been here, Anna still couldn’t understand it. Seb said she was just competitive and left it at that. 

Most of the families went home after that, while some of the others stayed around to help with the cleanup. The leftover food was split up and sent home with people, and the punch was dumped before any of the children snuck some while no one was watching. Anna was on the fence about staying to help herself. She had picked up a few stray eggs she found walking up to her dirt road, but there was still quite a bit to do. 

She dumped her eggs into the basket with the others, adding them to the running tally. There were still one or two missing, and they probably won't be found until they started to stink up the whole townsquare. Some of the folks always hid them way too well. Willy told her he had a few hiding spots, ones so good he didn’t even remember where they were after he hid them. Anna tried to watch him one year to find out, but she remembers just blinking and the egg was gone. 

When she turned, she nearly smacked into the guy standing directly behind her. A hand was placed on her shoulder to keep her from tripping over herself. “Woah, still klutzy as ever, eh Anna?” he chuckled. 

Anna had to crank her neck to meet his eyes and saw it was Alex.  _ Wow, he was tall now _ . And buff, what the hell, broad shoulders filled out the nice pale button-up that was tucked into fitted jeans. He ran a hand through thick brown hair just a shade darker than his bronzy skin. He must have been able to tell Anna was studying him because he seemed to preen under her stare. Flashing a winning smile,  _ Wow, he was attractive, too _ . Not her type, of course, but she could acknowledge a pretty human being when she saw one.

Taking a step to the side to regain some personal space, she smoothed out a crease in her dress for something else to look at. “Yeah, not really something I grew out of, I guess.” 

Not registering the tired tone in her voice, Alex leaned up against the community board, trying to be cool and casual. “So, how’s the whole farming thing going?” 

_ Great, he wanted small talk _ . Anna wanted to go home a take a nap, she was nearing her social quota for the day. But it would be rude to completely ignore the guy, though she really wanted to. Alex had always rubbed her the wrong way, even when they were kids. She couldn’t really remember, nor put a finger on why exactly. “It’s going,” she nodded, trying to keep the exhaustion out of her voice now that he didn’t get the hint. “Slowly, but going.” 

“You know if you need any help out there…” That cocky smile on his face grew and he cocked a brow. “I’m always here. I’m sure fixing that place up requires a lot of heavy lifting.” 

Okay, she was starting to remember why now. She had to resist the urge to roll her eyes. “I think I can manage,” the deadpan of her voice clearly caught him off guard. 

He nodded, “Right.” Suddenly finding something very interesting on the ground, he scuffing it with the tip of his shoe. There was a very awkward pause, and Anna could just feel what he was about to ask next. “So, are you doing anything this weekend?”  _ There it is _ . “There’s a gridball game this Saturday, and if you’re interested, I can get you a ticket.” 

She fiddled with a bracelet she wore, giving her hands something to do. “Well, the farm kind of takes up most of my time. Skipping a day would screw up the flow I have going. So…” She shrugged, knowing it was a very poor excuse. “Sorry.” 

“Aw,” he righted himself, putting his hand in his pockets. “Everyone needs a break, Anna. Don’t wanna stress yourself to death again, right?” He laughed a bit, like what he said could have been considered funny. 

Her mind whirled at that one word. Her heart stuttered in her chest at the implication it held. “Again?” she repeated, hoping this wasn’t what she was thinking. Her hands seized up as the thought hit her. She had to clench her fist to get them working normally again. 

“You know.” He rubbed the back of his neck, clearly trying to retrace his words. He was looking everywhere but at Anna. “Well, maybe you don’t. Uh… ” Keeping his voice low, like a sorry secret just between them. “You kinda blackout for a few days after, didn’t you?” 

She felt the sweat break out on her skin, tiny pin-pricks spiking her every nerve. Her heart thumped louder and how fast her lungs frozen over left her dizzy. She had to shove her feelings down to her feet just trying to regain her voice. “I gotta go,” her words were rushed and strained. They scraping her throat as she fought around the bubbling forming in their way. She just shook her head, steadying her breathing as she pushed past him.

“Wait, wait, wait.” He grabbed a hold of her arm, but she shoved it off immediately. He held his hand close to his person, shocked and now clearly afraid to touch her.  _ Like she would shatter under his fingertips. Broken glass _ . “Sorry, I-I don’t know why I even thought-,” he tried to spit out an apology too quickly, fumbling over his words. “I shouldn’t of-” 

She turned and stared directly into his eyes. “I’m leaving,” she had to keep her tone level, barely succeeding. The irritation flooded her stomach, welling up in her throat and closing off any last hope of speaking again. She turned back on her heels, nearly sprinting away from the scene. She had to get home. She had to get home and away before anyone else tried to stop her. 

She kept her head down. Her hand clenched and unclenched around her arms to keep the feeling in them. Her skin was vibrating, suddenly stuffy and too constricting. She tried to take steady breaths, but they all came out stuttery and lacking the oxygen she needed. The throbbing in her temple rattled her brain. Any coherent thought was impossible. 

She tried to count the steps as she walked.  _ 2, 3, 4 _ . Focusing on the slight pain of her nails digging into her arm.  _ 5, 6 _ . Focusing on the stinging in her chest with every shallow breath she took.  _ 7, 8 _ . Trying to keep her mind from spiraling, but it wasn’t working. Once she heard it, her paranoia took it and ran too fast for her rusty coping mechanisms to handle.

_ It was all a lie. All a stupid false hope that everyone would choose to just forget what happened and shove every thought and feeling about it into that never-ending abyss. Completely ignoring how differently I’m acting on purpose, to not disrupt whatever steadiness I now have for myself. All worried, afraid, if they do or say something wrong, I’ll just fall apart, and it will happen all over again. Fragile as glass, already broken and put back together with scotch tape.   _

_ They all remembered.  _

_ Everyone remembered.  _


	8. Slowly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Couldn’t spend an extra dollar on the good stuff, hu?”  
> “Don’t really drink it for the taste, anyway.”  
> “Fair enough.”

Sometimes depression came suddenly, with reckless abandon. Other times, it would trickle in slowly. Day by day, making every task more and more daunting and draining. It sucked the color out of the world around you and fogged your mind, making it impossible to find motivation or purpose. Clinging to you, that weight settles itself on you back and feeds off of you, getting heavier and heavier this each passing day. 

Shane had been feeling that weight more and more. It crept so deep into his bones that it was impossible to shake. He knew it was only a matter of time before it came back. Spring had brought more chores on the weekend and more things to keep his mind busy in general. But now with the festival long gone, they were starting to flow into the natural rhythm of life, and the distractions weren’t working as well anymore. 

Morris has been giving out more work than Shane could do in his 9-to-5, resulting in him staying later most days. A whole new shipment of products had come in, so the store needed to be reworked to accommodate them. And since there were only three employees in the whole damn establishment, one of which only worked part-time, most of the leftover work at the end of the day rested on Shane’s shoulders. Morris knew he needed the money and the job, so he couldn’t really say no.

But now it was the weekend, and his body was protesting all the extra work. He came home last night after the saloon closed, completely wasted. Sleeping off the morning hangover barely worked, and just resulted in him not waking up till the early afternoon. Usually, someone would come in to wake him up by noon, but that didn’t happen today. Marnie was out with Lewis, and Jas was off playing with her friends. All according to the note left on the fridge, anyway.

He made his way to the kitchen for a glass of water. Some leftover breakfast was tucked away in the microwave, clearly for Shane when he decided to wake up. He wasn’t really all that hungry, his head still foggy and his stomach still queasy, but he ate it anyway. No need to let food go to waste. 

After another nap, he tried to find something to keep his mind busy. However, he couldn’t keep enough concentration for anything. The Mega Station was left on the main menu and the controller on the couch. The books he’d been reading left open on the floor. A trashbag of empty cans sat near the door, needing to be taken outside. Shane couldn’t manage to finish anything and now his half-assed attempts to be productive taunted him. 

He rubbed the heels of his palms into his eyes, pushing his head further back into his pillow. Boredom made him stir-crazy, and the unmotivation made him angry. The silent house only pushed the feeling through him faster, manifesting as a steady throbbing in his skull. He had to get up and do something, anything really, no matter how much his mind and body protested. 

He kicked the bag on his way out, the clinking of the cans echoed and rattled his brain. Shaking out the sound, he wandered back into the kitchen. A grocery list hung on the fridge next to the note from Marnie. It wasn’t a lot and the weekly shopping was usually left for tomorrow, but Shane needed a reason to get out of the house. He tucked it in his pocket and grabbed his keys from the hanger. The door was left unlocked, though, just in case Jas came home before he did.

Going from the dimly lit house into the bright spring sunshine was jarring. It had been raining on and off all week, leaving everything shimmering in the sunlight. Shane wanted to pull his hoodie up to block it out of his weary eyes, but he didn’t want to look like the town’s local creep. Walking with his head low and a good part of his hair in his face was a decent compromise. 

Thankfully, all the stuff on the list he could get at Pierre’s. Going to JojaMart on his day off was the last thing he wanted to do. Pierre’s was a bit busy on the weekend, as busy as a shop in such a small town could be. More people than Shane wanted to see were wandering around the isles, and all of them didn’t talk to him. He definitely preferred it that way. He was more than rude to most of them on their first encounter back last year, and no one wanted a second. 

The groceries were simple enough to find, but as he walked by the liquor aisle, he stopped. He emptied his stash earlier that week, the evidence still piled in that bag on his floor. The need for a drink was calling him, but his wallet was dying from all the late nights at the bar. Some cheap beer could solve both of those problems. Even if it didn’t, he really wasn’t in the mood to sit in Stardrop until late into the night. Despite sleeping well past the recommended amount, he was still tired and irritable. Gus or Emily would probably want to chat, and Shane didn’t want to throw his shitty mood at the few people he actually enjoyed talking with. 

He could throw his shitty mood at Pierre though, who tried to engage in a bit of small talk while he ringed Shane up. Something about him shopping with the competitor, but Shane ignored him for the most part. His only addition to the exchange was a hum in acknowledgment when Pierre gave him a hello. After the awkward minute of beeps on the register, Shane paid quickly and left even quicker. He needed to get home before everyone saw the town drunk lugging a case of beer home. Or before Marnie or Jas saw, at least.

\---

Everyone was asleep when Shane woke up for the third time that night. A chilly sprinkle of rain greeted him as he stepped outside, knocking the fog out of his mind. It cleared up completely by the time he got to the pier, but it was enough to make everything shimmer in the faint moonlight. The picturesque scene of the small ringlets skittering over the pond should have calmed Shane’s spirit. But, the six-pack weighed heavily under his arm, giving him a clear reminder of what he was really doing. 

He settled on the edge of the pier, the creak of the wood louder in the still night. The deck was wet and cold, rainwater soaked through his pants a bit, but he didn’t mind. He switched on a lantern he brought, illuminating only him and the case next to him with a dim yellowed glow. Clouds rolled over the moon, covering the pond in darkness. It was still, reflecting his image back at him. Dark eyes, hollowed and sunken in from more than just the dramatic lighting. He was hunched over, elbows on his knees, and a hand holding up his head.  _ Train wreck _ . He looked like a train wreck.

_ He was a train wreck. _

He pulled out one of the cans and opened it. He drank half of it in one go, only stopping to make sure he did choke. The carbonation tickled the back of his throat. It was warmer that Shane would have liked it, but he didn’t want to leave it in the fridge to take up space. Nor did he want Marnie to find it and question him about it. It was his selfish reason he got out of the house today, and only he needed to know.

When he tipped the can up to his lips, it came back empty. He had finished his beer without ever realizing it. Dropping it back in the box and pulled out another. Pop, hiss. Drink. It was just part of the daily routine for Shane. It didn’t matter where he drank, but out here, he thoughts amplified in the stillness. At least in the bar he could focus on the sounds around him and zone the thoughts out, but here there was nothing. 

Everything was starting its steady descent downwards, into a pit with no way out. He was turning into a pushover at his dead-end job, a job that barely made him minimum wage. Marnie wasn’t needing help with the animals much anymore. She wasn’t asking for help, anyway. And, Jas had been avoiding him for a better part of the week. Shane had come home late and drunk most night. But when he didn’t, Jas still kept her distance. Maybe she could feel the negativity coming off of Shane in waves. He was more of an obstacle at home now than ever. 

_ He wasn't needed there. _

Steady footfalls woke him from his reprieve. He turned to see someone walking towards him, their face shadowed by their hair. It was probably Marnie telling him it was late and to come inside. She could have woken up and seen him out here from the window. Or their neighbor from the cabin by the river, coming out to take pictures for her art. What was her name, Leia, Leah? Something like that. 

Whoever they were, they didn’t seem to register Shane sitting on the dock until they were standing at the edge of it. When they finally looked up, Shane saw it was the farmer. She dark eyes widened and reflected back the dim moonlight tenfold. They glowed, while the rest of her face was shadowed and hard to make out. A scarf was bundled up around her neck, even though it wasn’t that cold out tonight. She looked like a ghost coming out of the forest, teetered at the edge of the grass. A hand came up to fiddle with the strings on her scarf. 

“You gonna just stand there, or…?” Shane wasn’t sure why he even called out in the first place. When he did, his voice must have startled her causing her to shrink back in on herself. She turned away, adjusting the scarf around her face, possibly contemplating the idea.

She might have just left if he hadn’t said anything. But he did, and now she was walking up to him. The old boards creaked with every small step. The creaking stopped and she settled on the very left edge, as far away as possible. Now in the light, that distant look on her face he was familiar with. Maybe she wanted to be out here alone too. 

He looked at her for a moment, then decide to give her a beer as a peace offering, of sorts. Pulling one of the cans out of the case, and making far too much noise doing so, he held it out to her. “Here, have a cold one.” 

An eyebrow was raised at him but she took it anyway. She looked over the can, running a thumb over the label. “Couldn’t spend an extra dollar on the good stuff, huh?” Her voice was quiet and scratchy. She tried to put her usual joking tone behind her words, but it fell flat.

He shrugged, looking at the label of the can himself, “Don’t really drink it for the taste, anyway.” He did by the cheapest one for a reason.

She nodded and popped the tab. “Fair enough.” 

They sat there in silence. Sounds of the forest filled the void. The chirping of the crickets was just barely there. Wind rustled through the trees. Far away sounds of a train added a baseline to the nightly chorus. Time seemed to slow, lulling Shane’s mind into a quiet hum as the alcohol worked its way through him. He continued to stare down into the water. The pond reflected the black, emptiness of the sky. 

The only thing keeping his mind from running again was the presence of another person beside him. He stole a glance out of curiosity. Ann was staring up at the sky, fingers fiddling with the beer instead of drinking it. Shane couldn’t tell what she was looking at, maybe the obscure shapes of the dark clouds. Her face was blank, the dim lantern cast a glow across her features. The telltale bags of insomnia were amplified, the yellow light making them look like harsh bruises under her eyes. 

Pulling his attention away from the girl, Shane emptied another can of beer, instantly reaching for another one. The pop and hiss of it opening broke the silence around them, and time jumped back to the present. The girl’s eyes shifted over to him as the noise seemed to echo through the air. Now, he felt like he had to say something.

Instead of a coherent sentence, a huff of breath came out, “Buh, life.” 

She snorted, finally taking a sip from her can. “Life,” she agreed. Somehow, she understood that barely-there sentiment. 

Shane swirled his drink, feeling the liquid slosh in the can. It was half full. When had he taken a drink, he didn’t quite remember. He had gone through four other cans by now, and this was the last one. He was really starting to feel the alcohol in his veins. Everything was starting to blend together in his head, from the booze and from the constant fatigue left in his body. He’d need to get home soon.

Suddenly, he found himself talking again in the emptiness. “Do… Do you ever feel like, no matter how hard you try, you're gonna fail?” He paused, trying to form the words in his fuzzy mind. “Like, you’re stuck in some miserable abyss, and you’re so deep you can’t even see the light of day?” 

_ What are you doing? _ His depression was coaxed out by the alcohol and the atmosphere of the night. A small part of him wanted to punch himself for revealing such heavy thoughts to a near stranger. It’ll just be a hazy memory in the morning to regret, like always. 

But, to Shane surprise, she responded. “Like nothing you do will ever be good enough, and the walls around you just keep closing in more and more every time you try.” She nodded a bit, taking another sip. Her face was completely emotionless, staring at that blank sky. If Shane hadn’t focused on her words, he would have thought she was just mumbling to herself. 

He looked back down into the pond, going over her words in his head. Sure, everyone had their moments. Moments where life looks so grim that nothing will ever be right again. But that was an everyday occurrence for Shane. Nothing worked. Every time he tried to better himself, things would fail. He would fall right back into that dark abyss. He stared into his own eyes, hollow and emotionless. He started speaking again, much quieter this time. “I just… I feel like no matter how hard I try… I’m not strong enough to climb out of that hole.” 

Something fell into the water, disrupting Shane’s thoughts and brought his eyes back to the girl next to him. She picked off another part of the old wood beneath her and flicked it into the water, following the path of the aftershock with her eyes.

She hummed, finally finding something to say after Shane accidentally laid all his emotional baggage out on a silver platter for her to pry through. “Sometimes… You just need to rethink how you’re going about it.” There was a pause and a click of nails on aluminum. “If you’re not strong enough, maybe you just need some help, or a push or something.” 

_ Help _ , that word alone scratched at Shane’s nerves, inflaming his mind. Shane clicked his tongue and emptied his last can. “You make it sound easy,” the words sharp in the quiet atmosphere around them. 

She nodded again, nails still clicking on the can in her hand. She sighed, looked suddenly exhausted. “Words make everything sound easy,” she said it like a matter of fact. Then, she tipped back her head and downed the rest of her beer. 

The flash angry simmered. Shane raised a brow, remembering those times he'd seen her at the saloon and back at the festival. “Fast drinker, huh?” The tight line his mouth that had formed drew up at a corner. “Woman after my own heart.” He took the can from her and put in back in the case with the others. “Just don’t make a habit outta it. You still got your whole life ahead of you.” 

She let out a little, half-hearted laugh, “Sure.” 

There was finality to that word, and the conversation was dropped. The silence between the two wasn’t awkward, the calmness of the night returning to keep the feeling at bay. He placed his empty can in the now empty case with the others, counting six cans to make sure he didn’t lose one. Now with nothing left to drink, he definitely had to go home. So he could drop into bed for a half-decent night’s sleep and regret it in the morning. 

He made his way to stand, a bit wobbly but manageable. Stretching out his back gave him a few satisfying cracks of his spine. A rush of breath came out afterward, turning into a yawn. “My liver’s beggin’ me to stop.” He should have stopped a bit ago, but you can’t change the past. He picked up the case and lantern, then turned to walk back down the dock. “See you, Ann.” 

She didn’t give him a glance. “Goodnight, Shane.” She continued to stare at the sky. 


	9. Current

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things really haven’t changed, have they?

Sometimes depression came slowly, day by day eating away at you until you can barely move. Other times, it rushed in like a flooded river. Just a simple word of phase would fry the circuits of your brain, and suddenly nothing was important anymore. Every muscle in the body weighed down by the rapid waves, and waking up to lift your head out of the current took more energy than it was worth. Succumbing to the darkness of a dream world was preferred, a perfect world of nothing.

It had been almost a week since Anna left the confines of her property. She slept through a greater half of it, only getting up to do the bare minimum of the farm chores. She didn’t want her new animals to suffer with her. Using what energy she had, she kept clean food and water in the chicken coop. And when it needed to be done, she swept it out to the best of her ability. She tried to water the fields as well, but the lack of care and concentration left it patchy and underwatered in a few places. Thankfully, Mother Nature took pity on either her or the plants, because it rained four out of the six days. Sometimes all day, other times just enough to wet the soil. That was good enough for now. 

She would come back inside after, shed off the damp clothes and sleep most of the day away. After the third day, her internal clock was completely backwards. It was like being back in college, staring down blank word documents and praying that enough coherent words would form to satisfy her professor’s ridiculous demands. It would result in something half-assed and barely good enough to get a passing grade.  _ Things really haven’t changed, have they? _

Now, she woke up just past eight in the evening. A shower would do her good, and maybe some food. Instead, she laid there staring at the ceiling, watching rapidly fading sunlight drag long shadows across the room. A numbness settled on her body and mind. Some part of her brain counted the minutes she laid there, marking off every tick with a etch on her skull. They were added to the pile of guilt that had been accumulating there.

_ I should be up and doing something. I had a whole farm outside I was neglecting, anything would be better than this. _

It wasn’t until the room was almost pitch black that she finally rolled herself out of bed. Grabbing her phone off the dresser, she tried to click it on, but nothing happened. She knew it wouldn’t turn on, it had been dead since yesterday morning, but pressing the button was habitual. Now that she really needed it to see, regret of not taking the time to plug it in added to the pile, too.

Making her way out into the main room through the lowlight, she flipped on a lamp and plugged in her phone. The yellowed light barely filled the open space, casting dramatic shadows along the walls. The haze of sleep fuzzified the shapes, making the room dizzying to look at. She tried to blink and rub the tiredness out of her eyes, and it worked a bit. The haze still lingered around the edges of her vision. 

Her stomach growled, the need for food shot another rush of dizziness through her. Her kitchen was getting empty, she definitely needed to go shopping. But the thought of seeing other people made her nauseous. So nauseous, she didn’t have that need for food anymore, but her bodied begged for something. Shuffling around some old dishes on the counter, she got the beard box open. Three pieces sat in the box, the worst amount to have. She threw two of them in the toaster, and the other out the window in frustration. Something for the birds to have. 

She leaned her elbows on the counter in front of her, rubbing her eyes hard enough for colors to dance across the blackness. Fatigue was a permanent fixture in her mind, now manifesting as a dull thump against her temple. Too much sleep was draining her faster than the daily farm-work at this point. Every joint cracked loudly when she moved, and her muscles were stiff from sudden underuse. She huffed out a long sigh, trying to rub the pain that moved behind her eyes. 

“FUCK!” The sound of the toaster was like a gunshot in the silent house. Anna had to press her forehead into the cold counter and place a hand over her thumping heart. After taking a moment to steady herself, she dug out the toast with more force than needed, nearly ripped it in half as she buttered it. It didn’t really matter what she did to it, she had to eat something. Taking her sudden rush of anger out on it felt good, though. 

Flopping down on the couch, plate in her lap, she turned on the television. Her eyes shut automatically as it flashed to life, blowing out her vision. It was on the food channel, turned down to a low, droning volume, simply there to break up the silence. They were making a four-course meal, something with chicken and veggies that put Anna’s toast and water dinner to shame. No, shame was definitely an understatement.

Changing her focus, she turned her phone on. It had been off for nearly two days, and one of those days was when Gran usually called for her weekly check-up. And when her homescreen came into view, it was blocked by notifications with phone calls nearing the double-digit make and messages surpassing it. This was what she gets for missing Gran’s calls. 

When she looked through them, the calls came in spurts. Two or three every few hours with a sprinkle of texts telling her to call back in between. The last one was about an hour ago, so maybe she should just suck it up and call back. But the guilt of worrying her grandmother so much piled on the guilt of barely doing anything that week, she couldn’t make the call. She’ll deal with it when it comes, but now she couldn’t. She just stuffed a piece of now cold toast in her mouth and tried to forget about it. Just focus on the television screen and use the extra energy to hear what was going on.

And like clockwork, the jazzy ringtone broke her concentration. ‘Gran’ with a picture of her and her grandmother at Anna’s graduation popped up on her phone. She tapped the screen with her nail, letting it ring a bit longer before working up the courage to press the answer button. She brought the receiver to her ear, upping the fatigue in her voice to make it sound like she just woke up. “Hel-” Her voice broke, scratchy from not being used. It shot a jab of pain through her, making her cough. She cleared her throat and took a gulp of water. “H-hello?” 

“Oh my goodness, Annabella! Are you alright?” Gran’s voice was much too loud for her fragile brain, and she had to put her on speaker to save herself. 

Anna sighed, “Yeah, just a bit sick, Gran.”  _ Not too far from the truth. _

“Oh, dear, you need to take care of yourself.” Hearing the genuine worry in her voice always struck her in the heart. “Is that why you weren’t answering any of my calls?” And the unintentional guilt-trip wasn’t helping much either. No matter how much she didn’t want human interaction, she should make an exception for the woman who practically raised her. 

Anna nodded despite the fact she was alone. “Yeah, I’m sorry. I’ve just been trying to sleep this off.” _ Again, not really a lie. But sleep wasn’t going to fix this. If anything, it was making it worse. _

“Well, sleep doesn’t fix everything, Annabella. Make sure to take some medicine for that cough.” She heard some shuffling on the other end, followed by the distinct jingle of metal on metal. “Do you want me to drive out there and bring you some. Oh, you probably haven’t eaten either. I know how you are when you’re ill. I should grab some food on the way over-” 

“No, no, no. Gran, that okay.” Anna did  _ not  _ want anyone to see her like this. Especially Gran, who never quite understood how to handle one of her depressive episodes. Consistent coddling was not what she wanted right now. “I-it’s not that bad. I just woke up, so it sounds worse than it really is.” 

Anna could feel the disapproval coming out of the phone. But, Gran just sighed, “Alright, but I’ll be calling tomorrow. And if you’re not better, I’m coming over there.” It was an empty threat by the force she tried to put behind it. If she really meant it, it would have been kind and motherly, instead of a command.

Anna, now relieved, chuckled, “Fine.” 

There was a lull in the conversation. She listened to the shifting of paper and clicking of a pen before Gran started up a new topic. “I was actually calling you for a reason, Annabella.” 

Fear pushed against her ribcage. “Uhh…”

“It’s nothing bad, don’t worry.” Anna let out a very audible puff of air into the receiver. “I just wanted to make sure you got my package I sent you. I don’t know how well the post runs out there, so-.” 

“Package?” Anna hasn’t even looked at the mailbox this week. But, now was as good a time as any. She didn’t bother with shoes when she went to step out on the porch. She didn’t even have to step out, actually, a box was sitting on her welcome mat. “Oh.” 

“Oh!” Her grandmother mimicked her with more enthusiasm. “Did you find it? It’s all intact, right? Nothing broken.” 

She tucked her phone into the waistband of her sweats. The box had a bit of weight to it, and the contents shifted around inside, crinkling some paper wrapping. Waddling over to the kitchen counter, she set the box in the spot she cleared earlier. “ _ Christ _ , this is heavy.” 

Gran chuckled, “Well it should be. I wanted to get you a housewarming present. I know you’re not a huge fan of wine, but you’ll like this one. Trust me, I had it at a restaurant we went to for one of our company get-togethers last month, and I immediately thought of you.”  

Anna pulled the bottle out of the wrapping paper. It was some fancy white wine in a tinted bottle. The label was rubbed off, the glass rough where it should have been. Gran was going on about what type of wine it was, and where it was from. Anna couldn’t really comprehend the fancy words. “It super sweet, and the lady at the shop said it goes very well with that spicy food you like to eat. 

“Of course, you should drink it when you’re feeling better, Annabella. I don’t think wine would help your sore throat,” Gran let out a little laugh at her own joke.

_ No, but it could take the edge off this weird guilt and numb the constant headache. _

There was a click of a door opening and some mumbling of another person, possible Gran’s assistant, on the other end of the call. An “I’ll be right there,” was muffled by a hand over the speaker. “Annabella, I have some paperwork I need to finish up here before going home. I’ve been so worried all day, I’ve been putting it off.”  _ Great, you interrupted her work, too. _ “Remember, I will call you tomorrow, so keep your phone on and around.” 

She turned the bottle in her hand, follow the drips inside with her eyes. “Of course, Gran. Don’t work too late, okay?” It was such a bad habit of her’s. 

“I won’t. You take something for your throat and rest up, sweetheart. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, I’ll keep my phone on. Bye.” The call ended. Anna rolled the bottle in her palms. The liquid weighed down her arms. Shaking her head, she when to place it back in the box. Instead of the crinkle of the paper, she was met with a clink of glass. Sure enough, inside the box was also a pair of wine glasses and a corkscrew. How convenient for her bad decisions. 

She shouldn’t open this. She shouldn’t drink this. She used alcohol to break that social barrier her anxiety formed. She can’t use it for everyday bullshit, too. She’d just be an alcoholic then. _ Can’t have that. _

_ Still, it’s just this once. _

Staring at the box longer than she should have, she shook her head.  _ Nope. Nope, nope, nope. Bad idea. Bad Idea. _

Closing the box back up, she pushed it farther back on the counter. She stared at it for a moment, fingers fidgeting against her arm. No, not good enough. She hefted up the box, feeling the bottle jostle amongst the paper and the glasses tink together. Finding an empty spot in the cupboard, she shoved the box up on a high self and hid it behind the spare sugar and flour.

_ Out of sight, out of mind. _

Closing the door with a nod, she took a deep breath. Gran sure had the worst timing. It wasn’t really her fault her granddaughter had poor self-control and ever worst self-destruction. Anna settled herself back on the couch, pushing her hair out of her face and leaning her head back. Her fingers came back greasy, leaving a disgruntled look on Anna’s face. _ You’re disgusting. _

A shower. A shower would definitely improve her mental health. Not by much, but it would take the claustrophobic weight off her skin. Taking a few minutes to center her energy on the task, she shuffled her way to her bedroom. The urge to curl back up under the covers nearly derailed her, but with the realization of just how long it’s been since she was clean pushed her forward. 

Finding whatever to wear was easy. Searching for some panties in the top drawer took more time than Anna would have liked. Pushing around some fabric, her eyes picked out a familiar pattern. A faded yellow and red floral set against a dark navy background, the clash in colors borderlining atrocious. Her finger pulled out the scarf, feeling the soft, worn cotton on her fingertips. 

Grandpa Whitt gifted it to her one Winter Star morning way back when. At the time, she wore it constantly, buried in too much scarf for a child. As she grew, and Gran’s influence over her style became more and more apparent, the scarf was tucked away in the back of a drawer for safekeeping. She didn’t notice it when she was unpacking. She just dumped the bag of clothes in their respective drawers with no thought of sorting or folding them. 

Now that it was out in the light, she wanted all the happy memories wrapped around her. The smell of berries swirled through the air as she brought it to her face, and tears started to well up in her eyes. She didn’t put it on, though. The grime on her skin would only taint the memories absorbed in the soft fleece. Folding it up, she dropped it on the chest at the foot of her bed. She had to shower first. 

Hot water did wonders for the muscles. Thick steam cleared out stuffy sinuses, and the strong mint scent of her conditioner dissipated the fatigue burdening her body. She felt ten times lighter when she stepped out and dried off. Wrapping her hair up, pull on some clothes, she stepped up to the sink to wash her face. This was the first time in a week she really looked at herself in the mirror. Leaning in closer, she ran a finger over the purple under her eyes. It took so long to get rid of this shit the first time, but it came back in a week. The bags were becoming a permanent feature of her complexion. 

Face washed and teeth brushed, she stepped out into the cold air of her room. Her hands went directly for the scarf, wrapping it around her neck and shifting it up to her face. The scent of berries and vanilla filled her mind fogging it over with bittersweet nostalgia. Images of a little girl, stuffed in a puffy winter coat and covered in snow. Of late nights cutting out tiny stars and eating leftover blueberries in pudding. Wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, a sad chuckle escaped her. _ So young and happy. _

She sat on the edge of her bed, taking in the feeling. It was short-lived, however. Now with nothing on her mind, it shifted back to the box in the cabinet. Her thoughts were in a better place, a drink sounded better to reminisce with than to mull over negativity. But she had lived with herself for long enough to know that was still not a good idea. One glass would turn into three before she could stop it.  _ Yoba, it’s such a bad idea. Stop thinking it. _

Her feet tapped restlessly against the floor. She had been trapped in the house for a week, maybe she just needed some fresh air. No one should be out this hour. And there definitely won’t be anyone out in the woods. Cindersap pond was always a good place to clear one’s mind. The night was overcast, so stargazing was out of the question. But, the peaceful sounds of the forest would always be a balm for any fried nerves. 

Pulling on her boots over her leggings, she was hit with a wave of determination she hadn’t felt all week. She stuffed her phone into her hoodie pocket, making sure it was turned on and charged in case something happened. She shifted the scarf around her face again, just to feel it there. Walking out into the night air, sprinkled with rain, she started down the past to the south entrance of her farm.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe this chapter should have been put before the previous one, but I wanted to keep the pattern consistent.


	10. Rethinking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Wow, you’re drunk.”

_ Rethink how you’re going about it. _

That thought stuck with him that night and well into the morning as he swallowed some painkillers. He has tried to rethink. Moving out here was a whole rethinking. It wasn’t only for Jas to have a better life, it was for Shane as well. It was to get out of that shitty apartment and get away for Shane’s shitty father. Shane moved out to try and do just that, but his apartment had been closer to the bar, and his father started being at Shane’s place more than his own. Trying to keep him out resulted in the neighbors calling police with a noise complaint, and Shane had to lie his way around the black eye he had. Luckily, Jas was at school and didn’t need to know what happened.

Shane had to draw the line when he tried to move himself in, saying he had no money to keep up with his rent, and, after all the years of garbage he put Shane through, he  _ deserved  _ to live under Shane’s roof. It was Shane  _ repaying  _ him for all the money he  _ wasted  _ on letting him just grow up and live. He couldn’t let Jas be exposed to his alcoholic past more than she already had been. She deserved better than that, so much better than that. Her parents trusted Shane to care for her, and he couldn’t let their kid go through the same shit he did. Not even a week later, he packed up everything in his tiny apartment and moved out into the valley.

Trying to rethink a way out of that abyss again seemed like a waste. You can’t really top moving out of the big city into the backwoods of nowhere. If changing his whole life wasn’t enough to pull him out of the dark hole, nothing was. 

So the monotony continued, just in a different place. Shower. Dress. Jabbing his finger with the stupid name-tag. He walked out into the kitchen for some coffee, just like every morning. This morning, however, Jas was up before him, reading a book at the table with her breakfast. Her eye flickered up to Shane, and she gave a little wave, going back to her reading without a word. She usually said hello, at least. 

Pouring a cup of coffee, he waited for her to say something. They haven’t talked at all in the past two weeks, and that was Shane’s fault. He slipped up and, in his moment of weakness, stayed out late every night and made sure to be gone before she woke to spare her from seeing him so depressed. Now she sat quietly pretending he wasn’t there, a form of payback, or a form of worrying she had done something wrong. Either way, it broke Shane’s heart. 

Sitting down in the seat across from her, he readjusted his name-tag for something to do. She still didn’t say anything. Shane took a sip of his coffee, tapping his fingers against the table. She still didn’t say anything. When she didn’t, Shane had too for his own sake. “Whatcha readin’ there, kid?” 

She lifted the book to show him the cover,  _ Charlotte's Web _ . Finally, she said something. “We’re supposed to read a chapter a week for class, but some of these words are hard.” She frowned and ran a finger over the page. From where Shane was sitting, he could see some of the longer words were circled in purple.

_ Rethink _ . Shane tapped his fingers on his mug, mentally glowering at the voice in his head. It wasn’t ‘rethinking’, helping Jas after ignoring her was what he  _ should  _ do. “Do you want some help?” 

Her shoulders came up in a shrug, still not looking at his face. She didn’t say anything for a while, just running her finger over the bookbinding. When she spoke again, her voice was so quiet. “Would you be home more?” 

A weight dropped on Shane’s chest like a pound of snow, heavy and ice cold.  _ Inconsiderate asshole. _ Keeping his self-disappointment off his face, he gave half a smile. He nodded, “Yeah, of course, Jas. Uh-” He rubbed a hand over his chin. “How about… Wednesdays? I’ll come home early on Wednesdays, and we can read what you haven’t. How does that sound?” 

When she looked back up at him, her eyes were bright with hope. A smile spread wide across her face as she nodded. “You can even put it on the calendar so you remember.” She handed him the pen she’d been using in her book, pointing to the wall behind him. 

He took it from her, rolling it in his fingers. “Yeah, good idea.” Something physical to uphold his new commitment. Walking over to the calendar on the wall, he circled all the Wednesdays in April with purple. Capping it, he nodded to himself. “There, all set.” 

Jas wiggled in her seat, feet almost kicking Shane under the table when he sat back down. “Yay! You can help me write down all the words.” 

He narrowed his eyes, trying to keep the smile off his face. “Alright, I said I’ll help you read it, not do your homework.” 

Her happiness dropped into a pout, puffy lip and all. “Aww, but we have to write the meaning of all the words, and that’s gonna take forever,” she whined, laying across the table to take her pen back. 

Shane just shrugged, taking a drink of his now room-temp coffee. “Homework’s supposed to take forever.” 

She whined again but went back to reading and eating. Despite the begrudged frown on her face, she was still happy. Happy at the fact Shane was finally promising to spend time with her and intended to keep that promise. He really shouldn’t need to promise such a thing, it should be a part of his daily routine. That could change. That  _ had  _ to change.  

\---

It wasn’t Wednesday, but he still felt horrible walking into the Stardrop Saloon after work. The door whined a familiar whine. The floor over the threshold creaked a familiar creak. Gus greeted him, as usual, and Shane waved, as usual. What was not usual was the other person in the bar before him. The place was always empty when he walked in, save for the few times Pam beat him here. But, someone sat in one of the booths against the wall Shane never saw anyone use. 

He didn’t need to see her face to know it was the farmer. Her bright, curly hair was a dead giveaway. She was hunched over, scribbling in her notebook, a glass of beer beside her. Shane felt a sting of betrayal. It was only yesterday he told her not to drink herself under the table, but here she was.

Shane shook off the feeling as he sat down. Not everyone that walks in here was here to get plastered. Maybe she was just here for some food? Even if she wasn’t, she was an adult who could make her own bad decisions. If Shane couldn’t take his own advice, why should she?

Emily must have caught Shane staring as he walked in. When she placed his beer in front of him, she looked back over his shoulder. Worry etched across her face. “She’s got in here about an hour ago.” Shane took a gulp of his drink, trying not to show interest. “She already ordered three beers, and I’m getting worried.” She kept her voice low so no one else could hear. 

Shane took another swallow out of his own glass. “Why? She’s an adult. She can make her own bad decisions.”  _ Exactly _ . 

Emily was clearly not happy with that statement, shooting Shane a glare. “She’s clearly not okay. Her aura is all over the place. It’s really hard to look at.” Shane didn’t believe Emily’s weird aura and energy stuff, so it didn’t seem like a legitimate reason to be worried to him. But, casting a glance back, he saw the girl with her head pressed down on the table. Clearly, something was wrong. No magicy senses were needed to see that.

Picking her head up, Ann finished her glass of beer and stood. She shuffled up next to the bar, leaning against it slightly. Her mug was sat down on the counter, taking care not to show the shakiness in her hands. “C-can I get another beer, Emily,” she swallowed down the slur in her voice. From where he was sitting, Shane could see the slight sway in her posture. She was good at hiding how inebriated she really was, but Shane was a seasoned veteran of the art.

Emily looked her over for a moment, clearly wanted to say something. But she just sighed and nodded, despite her previous words. “Yup, sure thing.” She tapped a finger on the side of the glass. “Make sure to take care of yourself, alight Anna?” 

Ann giggled, eerily normal for the vibe she was giving off. “Of course. Don’t worry about me, Emily.” 

Emily didn’t say anything to that, just gave her a concerned look, then turned to pour her drink. 

When Emily turned her back, the farmer couldn’t keep up her ruse any longer. She leaned over the bar and placed her head in her hands. Realizing someone else was there, she turned to settle her eyes on Shane. He tried to ignore it, but she was staring at him so intensely he just couldn’t. He was about to tell her off for it, but he noticed she wasn’t looking at his face. Following her eyesight, it lead to the embroidered Joja logo on his hoodie. 

“Does… Does Joja treatcha o-kay?” She words were slow and slurred a bit at the end. When Shane didn’t say anything, she kept talking. “I tried to fix it. Like, the shitty pol-” she hiccuped and coughed into her ugly scarf, but that didn’t stop her. “Policies and stuff. Like the weird signing, backstabby stuff. *Hic* But, it’s hard, cha know. ‘S hard dealing with self-righ-*hic*-teous assholes who see people as money machines, you know.” She let out a whine, laying her head on the counter. 

It was hard to register what she was even saying through the broken words. Shane didn’t really get it all, and when he finally went to say something, all the came out was, “Wow, you’re drunk.” 

Her forehead creased, and her eyes narrowed, trying to focus in on his face. She took a moment to think, then nodded and pressed her forehead back into the bartop. Emily came back with her drink, but she didn’t set it down. A worried expression still spread across her face, her eyes moving from the drunk girl laying on the bar to Shane, scratching his chin and trying not to make eye contact through the awkwardness in the air. 

When he looked back at Emily, he could see the plead in her eyes. His mind flashed with the few times Emily helped him home, the times he could remember anyway. This felt like his retribution. He sighed, dragging a hand down his face, “Alright, fine.” He finished the last inch of his beer before standing, pulling his wallet out to pay. 

Emily gave him a grateful smile. “I mean, I would help her, but…” She looked around the bar for Gus. He disappeared through the back door long after Shane took his seat and hadn’t returned. 

Shane just nodded, handing over his money. “It’s fine, I got it.” The scraping of his stool on the hardwood floor startled the girl next to him out of her sleep. She sat up too quickly, rubbing her head in her hands when the room went spinning. Shane stood there waiting for her to regain some of her senses. He sighed, pushing his fingers into his eye sockets.  _ Why do I have to deal with this? _

“Hey.” Now he had her attention. She looked up at him with tired eyes, puffy and red from rubbing too hard. He stuffed his hands in his pockets, shifting his weight from foot to foot. This was going to be uncomfortable the whole way through. “Come on, you need to go home.” 

She blinked up at him, rubbing a fist into her eye again, “Hu?” 

“I’m takin’ you home.” He started walking, motioning for her to follow with his fingers, “Come on.” 

She stood there for a moment, processing his request. Then, she nodded and shuffled behind him out the door without complaint. She almost tripped stepping outside, and Shane had to catch her arm before she fell down the whole two steps in front of the bar. She mumbled a sorry but didn’t let go of his jacket when she was stable. 

The steps she took where half the length they should be, and that made the twenty-minute walk far longer than Shane wanted it to be. Thankfully, no one was around at this hour to see them in a very shady situation from an outsider perspective. Shane did not need that rumor on his track record.

After a few minutes, the hand still holding his jacket snuck around his arm. She hugged it close to her body, and her temple pressed into his shoulder. Shane could feel the chill of her hands through his sleeve, along with the heat from the rest of her body. So much contact with a person he barely knew left a weird feeling on his skin, but he couldn’t just shove off the tired, drunk girl, who could barely stand at this point. 

Sure, they talked a few times, even last night on the dock. Shane wanted nothing more than to forget he ever let himself slip up like that. She seemed pretty down that night too, but now it was just kind of pitiful. Is this what Shane looked like when he needed help getting home? Ugh, he would need to thank Emily again when he got back. If he when back, the saloon might be closing by the time they got to her property. 

They walked in silence for a long time. Ann had her head slumped over, and Shane was sure she fell asleep on him. But then, he felt his hoodie shift against his body. He resisted the urge to jump away and freak out the sleeping farmer. Looking down, he saw her hand fiddling with the zipper. She ran a thumb over the Joja logo branded into it, the shiny metal reflecting the streetlights. 

“Shane?” Her voice barely a whisper. 

“Hmm?” He wasn’t in the mood for more of her drunk rambling. But, with her clinging to his arm, he had no choice. 

“How do… You… Just…” she words came out one at a time as she formed the sentence in her head. “How can you just… keep working that shitty job… everyday… without any problems?” 

Shane couldn’t understand what she was getting at. He could understand the gist of it, but it was such a strange question to ask. He shrugged, as best he could, giving a simple answer, “I can’t.” 

“Oh.” She was quiet after that. Shane felt a bit bad for blowing off her question like that, but it was the truth. He didn’t go to that shitty job day in and day out without any problems, but his troubles weren’t just from the dull job. They were there long before that.

Plus, she won't remember she even asked in the morning. She was pretty out of it. 

The rest of the walk was silent. Unlike all the other times they were together, this one felt completely awkward. Any other time they talked, they were forced to do so, but at least Ann tried to dispel the tension with humor. Now, she had her arms wrapped around Shane’s, trying her hardest not to fall over, while Shane was forced to shuffle alongside her. Shane was pretty sure he felt enough discomfort to make up for Ann’s lack thereof.

When they finally got to her farm, the sun was well below the treeline. Shane was incredibly relieved, he let out a little sigh. He walked her to the porch, and she made her way up the stairs without trouble. Standing there until she made her way inside, he looked around at the farm. From what he could tell, it was going well. The crops in the field were going strong. The chickens were still out in the grass, however, and Shane couldn’t have that. It was going to be dark soon, and Ann was in no shape to chase them back inside. 

Speaking of, Ann was still in front of the door and had not moved since pulling her keys out of her pocket. She just stared down at them. Shane sighed, walking up the few steps behind her. He took the keys from her hand, with little resistance, and turned the lock. Pushing the door open, he dropped the keys back in her opened hands. “You’re not gonna make me walk you inside, right?” 

Coming back to reality, she blinked up at him. She gave a little half-hearted chuckle, “N-no. That’s… ‘S weird.” Shoving her keys back into her pocket and walking over the threshold, she turned back to look at him. She hung on the door, swaying on her feet. “Thanks, Shane.” She looked more tired than drunk at this point, dead on her feet all the same. 

He waved her further inside. “Yeah, just go to bed, okay?”

She nodded, closing the door behind her without another word. Walking off the porch, he went straight from the fence. Eggavier and Meggan were still out and about in the yard, and Shane couldn’t leave them there. He made his way into the gate, being sure to close it behind him. The chickens came right up to his feet, maybe they recognized him. He crouched down to pet them immediately. They looked well, happy even, pecking around in the open grass. But, it was time for them to settle down for the night. 

Opening the coop door, he picked up the two hens. “Get in the there, you two.” He placed them inside and shooed them deeper into the coop. Taking a quick glance inside, he could tell the farmer was keeping up with everything. The bowls had clear water and some feed from earlier. The coop itself looked clean enough for Shane’s standards. The hens settled down in some of the hay near the corner, going to sleep almost instantly now they were in the dark. 

Closing up the chicken coop, and closing up the fence as he left, Shane headed down the path south. Just like he thought, going back to the bar was pointless. It would be well into the night by the time he got there, and he shouldn’t even be there anyway. He had a child to take care of. Jas was going to be happy Shane could put her to bed. They could get a head start on that reading. 

_ Maybe this could change. _


	11. Awkward

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The awkward smile she wore was the epitome of her existence.

She felt like death. The sun was far too bright, the birds outside far too loud. Her head was spinning and she hadn’t even moved yet. A wave of nausea hit her hard, and she had to swallow down the vomit rising in her throat. She groaned into the pillow, then flipped it over to rub her face across the cold surface. The chill felt amazing on her clammy skin. She took slow breaths to steady herself. 

_ You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. _ She knew going to the bar was a bad idea last night. She just wanted some food, and maybe one celebratory drink for finally doing some work after a week. But Gus offered her a beer when she walked in and ordered, and she couldn’t say no this time. He said he was trying a new brew, and he wanted his  _ favorite customer’s _ opinion. She felt obligated hearing that. And the beer was WAY stronger than she initially thought. She found that out after drinking WAY too much.  

Just that morning, she thought she had her shit back together. She ate a proper breakfast, wrote down some plans to clean up the barn. Going through the fields, the crops were starting to grow proper produce. The chickens had laid a few eggs in the time she was out of commission. And, Anna actually talked with Pierre about setting up a plan to sell her produce in his shop. She did all of that on absolutely no sleep, and that might have been her first problem.

She felt lighter coming home that night. Shane’s melancholy mood should have put a damper on things, but if anything, it added to the atmosphere. It took place over of her own problems and gave her something else to think about while staring up at that dark sky. Honestly, she should’ve felt terrible for using his weak state to better her own. But, she countered that feeling by giving him some advice, something she wished someone would have told her sooner. She didn’t know how well he took it, or if he even remembered it, but she put it out there. And that was enough to settle her mind. 

Blowing out a long breath, she pushed herself out of bed to start the day with a painkiller and a hot shower for this hangover. She was still in her clothes from the night before, and they clung to her body as she moved. Something in her pocket scratched at her thigh and digging it out revealed it was her keys. They were usually attached to her bag. Looking around, she found that emptied out all over her dresser. She rolled her eyes and swept everything back inside, saying she’ll sort it out over breakfast. 

Showered, clean-clothed, and some extra strong coffee brewing, she dropped the bag on the table next to her breakfast. The insides clattered around, and she was sure something was broken in there. Only one way to find out. Popping open the button, the bag slumped forward and emptied its contents across the table.

Well, nothing was broken, but the first-aid kit she kept on the bottom was mixed in with everything else. Picking out the bandages was going to be such a pain. Starting small, she capped the pens and put them in the front pocket. It didn’t take long to realize some things were missing. The important things, like her wallet and her journal. They should’ve been on the floor in her room, but when she looked, all she found were more pens and bandages. 

She dug deeper under the dresser like they would just apparate in her hand the harder she tried to find them. She still came up empty. Sitting back up, she rubbed a hand over her face. There was only one other place she could have taken them. Somewhere she didn’t want to go back to for at least another week, give the place enough time to forget the drunken mess she must have been. 

Her wallet was important, yes, but she  _ needed  _ her journal. It had her farming notes, a checklist to make sure she didn’t forget anything in her routine. When the need came over her, she would scrawl down story ideas she will never flesh out, or draw up character ideas and environments just to empty her brain. It was also a place to write out her thoughts and feels to get a clearer read on what was going on in her head. It was basically a diary, and she needed to get it back before someone else found it.

Stumbling to her feet, she raced to the door, pure panic rushing through her veins. But she stopped. The saloon wasn’t open until later. Much later. A distressed noise came out of her throat as she thumped her head against the door. She could just go to the bar and see if Gus would let her in, being his  _ favorite customer _ and all. But, she didn’t want to disturb him. It was so early in the morning, and he was probably sleeping. She’d have to wait and pray no one actually took it. 

Time ticks by slowly when you're watching it. She tried to keep her mind busy, but it wasn’t helping much. Whenever she thought of something new to do, her first instinct was to reach for her journal. But, as she constantly had to remind herself, it wasn’t there. 

Resolving herself, she went out to work on the barn. She could clean it out now, it wasn’t that hard to do. The hardest part was keeping the chicken out while she moved stuff around. Eggavier and Meggan made it a mission to find a way into the barn for all the bugs hidden under the old floorboards. 

Anna had to pull one of the spare planks across the doorway to keep them away. She thought it worked, until she heard a loud squawking sound and the clatter of garbage falling over. “Fffff-” She dashed around the corner, heart in her throat. If that bird got hurt, Marnie was going to be so upset. She couldn’t show her face anywhere near the ranch again. Rounding the corner, she was met with a weird sight. 

Eggavier was running in circles around an empty paint can. On top of it perched a tiny gray cat, just watching her. A single beam of light shining down from the rafters added an extra finesse to the whole scene. Anna took a moment to snap a picture of the ridiculousness before her. She snorted at the photo has she set it as her phone background, and the noise alerted the animals before her. 

The cat dashed under an old box, while the chicken started its way towards Anna. She looked completely fine, smug even as she waddled slowly over to her owner. “You’re the worst,” Anna said, scooping up the brown hen and giving it a proper once-over.  _ Yup, completely fine. _ Dropping the bird outside, she saw Meggan napping in the shade. At least she wasn’t a troublemaker too. 

Going back into the barn, the cat staring at her from atop one of the many broken boxes Anna had been clearing out. It didn’t look scared or aggressive like many feral cats did. If anything, it looked friendly. Anna took a few steps towards it, and when she was in front of it, stuck her hand out to pet it. It nuzzled into her palm, purring, and Anna felt her heart melt. It was thin and filthy, and she just couldn’t leave the poor thing outside. 

Coming back with a towel and some chicken from the fridge, she sat in front of the door and waited. The cat sniffed the air, flicking its tail back and forth. After a moment, it hopped down and made its way towards Anna. She hand-fed it some of the chicken, and it happily accepted. After feeding it, she scooped it up with little resistance, only a meow and a bit of wiggling. 

Now she had the cat in her hand, she really had no idea what to do. She’d never had a cat before, or any house pet for that matter. Gran was allergic to most things, or that’s what she said anyway. It was more she didn’t want fur all over the furniture. Anna looked down at the kitty in her hands. There was only one place she knew to go. 

\---

Anna knocked on the front door as she opened it. Marnie was sitting behind the counter. She smiled and waved. “Anna! Nice to see you around!” She pointed to the blanket, “Whatcha got there?” 

Now realizing how strange this was, Anna shuffled on her feet. “Uh, well. I didn’t know who else to go to.” As she said that, the kitten poked its head out of the towel. Marnie gave her a confused smile. “I found them in the barn, and I-”

Marnie laughed, coming around the counter. “Well, barn cats aren’t an uncommon thing, Anna.” 

Anna looked off to the side, “Yeah, I know I just…”  _ Want a pet… _ “Uh, I was worried it might aggravate the chickens, and…” 

Marnie could see through her excuse and gave her a knowing look. “Well, let’s check ‘em over and get ‘em cleaned up, first.” Taking the cat out of Anna’s hands, she motioned her into the kitchen. The cat meowed loudly in protest, crawling out of the towel and looking over Marnie’s shoulder. “Looks like she’s takin’ a likin’ to you,” Marnie laughed, getting a better hold on the cat. 

Anna rubbed under the cat’s chin with a finger. “She’s pretty friendly for a stray.”

Marnie sat the kitten on the empty counter. “She’s still a kitten, so she still has time to be domesticated. She might be comfortable 'round you since she’s used to your scent. She was living in your barn, right? Did you see any others?” Marnie started checking her over.

“Not that I saw. I was cleaning out the barn and uh… One of the chicken got in.” Anna pulled up the picture on her phone to explain.

Marnie laughed, moving to turn on the faucet. “Well, clearly your hen’s not afraid of anything.” Testing the water, she adjusted the temperature. “We’ll need to clean her up a bit. Would you mind givin’ me a hand, Anna.” 

“Oh, of course,” Anna nodded, pushing up her sleeves.

One traumatic experience later, the little gray-striped kitten was clean, clear of fleas, and full of tuna. Now, she sat in Anna’s lap, falling asleep instantly. Marnie had fixed some tea and placed two cups on the table, one in front of her and one in front of Anna. Sitting down, she brought the cup to her lips. “So, what are you going to name her?” 

Anna ran a hand through the kitten’s fur. “I don’t know. I don’t know if I can even keep her, I’ve never had a cat before, so…”

“Oh, cat’s are pretty self-sufficient. House training them is a pain, but if you stick to it, you’ll be fine.” 

The door swung open with a clang. “Aunt Marnie! Look what I made!” 

The noise startled the sleeping kitten, and it dug its claws into Anna’s jeans then her skin. She sucked in a breath and bit her lip to keep in a swear. Prying the cat out of her leg, she wrapped it back up and held it close to her body. 

Jas stood in the doorway, wide-eyed and quiet. She stared Anna down, now hugging the project she was so excited about close to her body. Marnie walked over to the girl, kneeling down to talk to her face-to-face. “You remember Ms. Anna from the farm up north of here right?” Jas nodded, waving to her over Marnie’s shoulder, and Anna waved back. “She brought over a kitten, and it’s sleeping. So you need to be quiet, okay?” 

“A kitty?” Jas looked back to Anna, not as frightened as before. “Can I see?” Anna nodded, readjusting the cat to sit more comfortably. Walking around her aunt, Jas walked straight up to the kitten bundle in Anna’s lap. She reached up to pet it, letting it sniff her hand first. The kitten leaned into her touch, purring. The little girl smiled, “What’s its name?” 

Now asked twice, something came to mind. “I was thinking Caterina.” 

“That’s pretty.” Jas nodded, still petting the cat. “Aunt Marnie, can we get a cat?” 

Marnie laughed, sitting back in her seat. “Uncle Shane and I already told you, you have the outdoor cats to play with.” 

“Yeah, but they don’t wanna cuddle.” Jas sat up in the other chair, eyes still on the cat. “Can I hold her?” Looking up at Anna with big puppy-dog eyes, and no was not an option. Anna looked over to Marnie, who nodded. 

Caterina meowed, not wanted to leave the comfort of Anna’s lap. She settled her in Jas’s. “Don’t freak her out, okay? She’s super tired.” Jas nodded, being extra careful with the sleepy kitty, who settled herself further into the towel and went back to sleep. 

Now with everyone situated, Marnie started the previous conversation back up. “You said you never had a cat before, Anna? You know what to get for her?” 

Anna shook her head. She reached for her bag, getting ready to pull out her notebook. Then she remembered she didn’t have it. The notes on her phone would work just as well. Marnie gave her a list of things, not too long, but she would definitely need to go into the city for some of it. 

“I think I might have a carrier in the back somewhere you can have,” Marnie said after. “You should take her to a proper vet for vaccines and such if you want to keep her indoors.” 

Anna nodded, typing that down as well. “I do that later today, then.” 

“Oh! Wait, what day is it? I don’t think the buses run on Friday.” Marnie mentioned. 

Anna sighed, “Great. I had things to do today.” Anna rubbed the kitten’s head. “What do I do with you?”  

Jas’s eyes were finally pulled away from the cat in her lap. “We can watch her!” Anna and Marnie laughed at Jas’s enthusiasm.

“She’ll need to stay in the barn, but yes we can watch her for the day if you need us too. I’m sure Jas would love to cat-sit for you.” Jas nodded, hugging the cat to her chest. 

Anna gave a grateful smile. “I’d really appreciate it.”

\---

It was around five o’clock when Anna went into town. Pushing through the bar’s door with the same speed and intensity of a normal human being, she stepped in calm, collected, and completely fake. Her fingers twitched as the anxiety spread through her body. Her hands were clammy, and she wiped them, inconspicuously, on the sides of her jeans. She steadied herself before she walked in, but her stomach still tied itself into knots. 

“Anna!” Gus was the first one to greet her when she stepped in. Looking around, no one else was here this early. He laughed heartily when she waved back and stepped up to the counter. “Heard you went on a bender last night. You had Emily worried, ya know.” 

Just as he said her name, Emily walked through the front door behind her. Anna’s body tensed as she felt a hand on her shoulder. “Yeah, you did.” She looked Anna in the eyes for a moment too long, before smiling, “You seem better than last night, though.” 

A nervous chuckle came out as Anna pulled her face into a smile, “Yeah, moment of weakness, I guess.” 

Emily just tilted her head at the statement, not making a comment about it. She walked around the counter, reaching under it for her apron. “Still, are you okay? You seemed a bit troubled yesterday.” Gus’s eyes shifted from one to the other, now a bit concerned.  

Anna waved her hand. “Yeah, just personal stuff, it’s fine.”  _ Shove that under the rug. _ Changing the subject before it went any further, she clutched the edge of the bar. “Actually, I think I left some stuff here yesterday?” 

“Oh!” Emily ducked under the counter, “Right!” She came back up and dropped Anna’s journal and her old space themed wallet. It was covered in glitter and glow-in-the-dark stars and planets, and Anna had the sudden urge to throw it in the trash. She needed something less embarrassing to carry around. “Cool wallet, by the way,” Emily said, unknowingly rubbing salt into the wound.

Anna stuffed it in her bag faster than necessary, mumbling a thanks. She took a bit more care not to mess up her journal. “I paid last night, right?” 

“Oh don’t worry. Shane paid the rest of your tab before you left, it wasn’t much.”  _ Oh, this can’t get any worse. _ The glasses under the bar clicked as Emily rearranged them. “You were pretty out of it too, so I had him help you home.”  _ IT GOT WORSE. IT GOT SO MUCH WORSE. _

Resisting the urge to bury her own grave right there in the bar, she just nodded, “Oh.” 

Before she could say anything else, Gus sat a glass of ice water in front of her. “You’re worrin’ too much, Anna. Just know your limit next time. I know my brew is good, but don’t put yourself out for it, ‘kay?” He let out a belly-laugh. 

“Heh, right.” Sitting down at the bar, she took a grateful gulp of water. The door opened behind her, and her head instinctively turned to the sound. Then turned right back around. 

“G’Evening Shane! The usual?” Gus pulled a mug from under the bar and when to fill it before Shane even said anything. Or Anna didn’t hear him say anything. He might have just nodded. Shane walked to his usual spot at the end of the bar and took a seat, not saying a word. 

Anna took special measures to make sure she faced completely away from him. Turning completely around and hiding her face behind her hair. She took another swallow of water, fighting the embarrassment rising to her cheeks.  _ I should probably… thank him or something, right? That’s not a weird thing to do, right? _

Resolving her inner turmoil, she dug her wallet back out of her bag. She hopped off the barstool and made her way to Gus at the register. “Hey Gus, can I have a beer?” Gus gave her a look, but Anna just shook her head. “It not for me, okay.” 

Gus looked even more confused, but nodded, “Alright.” He poured her a glass of the same beer she had last night. She paid, thanking him. Walking over to Shane, she sat down in the seat next to him. He didn’t look up from his glass. 

She pushed the mug over to Shane. “Here, uh. A thank you, I guess.” He looked at her for a moment. Then nodded, taking the beer. “Uh, Emily told me about last night. So, uh… Yeah.” She fidgeted in her seat, tapping fingers on her glass of water. He wasn’t saying anything, and she felt like she had to defend herself. “I… I don’t usually get that drunk,” a nervous laugh bubble out of her throat. 

He snorted, “That was obvious.” He took a drink from the beer. 

She cringed, mind racing with pictures of what stupid things she might have done. She had to ask, “I-I didn’t do anything stupid, right?” She kept her voice quiet, like they were keeping secrets. 

He scratched the scruff on his chin, thinking. “You fell asleep on the bar for a few minutes.” Anna rubbed a hand down her face, harder than she needed too. Seen her in distress, he just shrugged his shoulders. “Happens to the best of us.” 

She propped her reddened face up with her hand. A breath of laugh came out, “The best of us, huh?” 

He just shrugged again, taking another drink. 

A few moment of awkward silence passed before another question plagued her mind. “I didn’t… Uh, sorry if I said anything weird to you.” Nail clicking on the edge of her glass as she tapped her fingers. “I can get pretty wordy when I’m… like that.” 

He shrugged for the third time, this one accompanied a shake of his head. “You went on a rant about Joja being a piece of shit, but that was about it.” 

She nodded, feeling a little lighter. “Welp, that makes sense.” She saw him cock an eyebrow in question. “I used to work for the CEO, so, I have a bit of pent-up disdain for that place, you know.”

“Hm.” He took another drink. “You kept rambling about the policies, and how they backstab their workers and shit.” 

“Oh.” She didn’t say too much, right? Ugh, that’s a bigger problem than just saying something stupid about herself. 

As if reading her mind, or the clearly troubled expression on her face, he sighed. “You didn’t say anything too stupid, if that’s whatcha still worried about.” 

“‘Too stupid.’” She shook her head, pushing her anxiety back down. “Guess I can settle for that.” She took another sip from her straw. 

An awkwardness settled in the air.  _ Why was it awkward now? _ It was never awkward when they were two people completely content with just ignoring each other, or just barely talking. Or being depressed on the edge of a pond. Now bouncing her leg on the bottom of her stool, more fidgeting added to her nervousness. Ugh, she hated small talk, but fuck it. “Are you here every night?” 

He paused the hand bringing his beer to his lips. His brows pulled together, face getting suddenly very tense. “...Why?” 

Backpedalling, “Just a question, I guess. You must know a lot about Gus’s food, then.”  _ Yes, better question. _ “What’s your favorite?” 

Finally regaining his movement, he took a large gulp from his mug finishing his glass. “Uh, the… pizza pretty good, I guess.” 

Anna rolled her eyes. “Well, all pizza is pretty good.” 

The tension in his face slowly dropped. He shrugged, the corner of his mouth turned up at the corner. “Can’t go wrong with a classic.” 

“True.” She nodded, taking a sip of her water. “Have you tried the super spicy one?” That was Gus’s legacy, a recipe he had been tweaking since Anna could remember. 

He looked confused, “There’s a different one?” 

She laughed, “You really think everyone can just eat that without dying?” 

“I burned off all my taste buds in college. So, it’s all the same to me.” 

“Same. I used to drown all my food in hot-sauce, and Gran would get so pissed.” 

He smirked again, and wow he would look really good if he tried. “Why, ‘cause she couldn’t eat it?” 

She laughed, dropping her head and trying to keep from disturbing the other patrons. “No,  _ it would ruin the food, dear, _ ” she put on her best posh voice, raising her cup with her pinky in the air. “I _ t would clash with this super fancy wine I paid way too much for. _ ” 

“Ah, she’s one of those people.” 

Anna shrugged, placing her cup back down on the bar. “All big company owners are like that, I guess. From my experience anyway.” All the times she had to sit in on one of those boring company dinners flashed in her mind. She really did not miss those. “But she’s family, so what can you do?” 

Shane took another drink. “So, she runs a whole company?” 

“Uh,” Maybe she shouldn’t have said that. “Well, it’s really her son that runs it. Some old, shitty family policy.”  _ Good diversion. _

His eyes narrowed. “Her- So like your dad, or…?”

“Right, yeah. He, uh. He runs the place more than she does.”  _ Why am I still even talking about this? I should stop talking about this. Change the subject. Change it! _

Keeping up with the small talked, he hummed. “What’s the place called? They around here?”

_ Fuck. _ “Uh, Jo… Ja… Corp-er-a-tion.” Like drawing out the word would make it any better.

He just stared. “What?” 

The awkward smile she wore was the epitome of her existence. 

“Your family owns Joja.” He said it so matter-of-factly it stung.

A finger shot up to meet her lips, “Sh!” She looked around the room to see if anyone heard. Looks like no one did. “If Pierre finds out, I don’t think I’ll be able to walk in there again. And, I do not want to go in that JojaMart.” 

Shane scoffed, shaking his head. “So even the owners hate the place.” 

She shook off his claim “No, I’m- I’m not part of that stuff anymore.” After how quickly she just up and left, she wouldn’t have been allowed anywhere near a Joja owned building if it weren’t for Gran. Not that she wanted to go near another Joja building in her lifetime. “Don’t think I can go back if I wanted to anyway.” 

“Hm.” He tapped his fingers on his almost empty glass. “Bad break?” 

Anna nodded, “Something like that.” There was a moment, and she didn’t want that weirdness to come back. She gave a lopsided smile, “But hey, if they ever give you shit over there, just tell me and I can pretend I still have the authority to fire them.” 

He snorted at her joke. “Tempting. But the shithole has, maybe four workers.” 

“Oh. Well, how about just scare up to code then?”

He chuckled that time. “I’ll think about it.” 


	12. Can't

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What do you want from me?”  
> “I… I just wanted to talk to you, I guess.”  
> “I don’t wanna talk.”  
> 

Two other times that week, Anna sauntered up to the bar and sat there talking to Shane about nothing for a decent part of the night. About how  _ well  _ her crops were growing, and how  _ well  _ her chickens were doing. Just how  _ well  _ her life was going. She might not have meant it to come off as bragging, but it sure as shit did. Many times throughout those nights, he wanted more than anything to tell her to fuck off. But, the one time he tried, it didn’t really come out right. 

 

_ Scowling down at her, he said the first words he’d spoken all night. “Don’t you have anything better to do?” There was going to be some annoyance in that statement, but it didn’t make it from his mind to his mouth. He was just tired, and his voice lacked any emotion as a result. _

_ She stirred her drink, looking away sheepish and red-faced. “N-not really. Am I bothering you? I can leave, if you want.”  _

_ Rubbing a hand down his face, he shook his head. “No, just… Nevermind.” He couldn’t care. Finishing off his second drink, he ordered another. _

 

Having her there next to him wasn’t what annoyed him, it was being forced to listen to how much better her life is after moving into the valley. How  _ wonderful  _ and  _ amazing  _ it was to get away from that soul-sucking Joja, while Shane is, and always will be, in a soul-bound contract with the place. Most of the time, he sat there trying to tune her out and just drink. He drank more, went home later. He only slowed when someone pointed it out, but continue when they went away.

Shane stumbled home last night just after midnight. It was cold and rainy, the damp chill left on his clothes sobered him up enough to walk safely. He had to fumble for his keys and dropped them once or twice before he could open the door. Luckily, no one was awake, and he could just pass out without Marnie’s twenty questions. Sleep was a welcoming reprieve. 

\---

Now, waking up was never Shane’s favorite activity, but waking up to something wet and scratchy rubbing against his cheek definitely made it worse. He batted his hand at whatever it was, coming into contact with soft fur. A meow brought his eyes open. In front of his bed was Jas with a cat pushed into his face. He groaned, rubbing his eyes. “Jas, what did I tell you about bringing the cats inside?” 

“No, it’s not an outside cat!” Jas brought the cat closer to her, rubbing her face into its gray fur. “Ms. Anna asked us to babysit her again while she went out of town for today.” 

Still laying down, he reached out to pet the cat. It leaned into his hand, nuzzling into his palm and purred. “What its name?” 

“Caterina.”  _ Another pun _ . 

Shane rolled his eyes and yawned. “Of course it is.” He was going to roll back over and go back to sleep. Instead, Jas squealed as the cat wiggled out of her grasp. It jumped up onto the bed and crawled up to Shane’s face. It looked him in the eye, before plopping down on the pillow to curl up on his face. 

Jas clasped her hand together, smiling. “Aw, she likes you!” 

He blew into its fur to scare it off of him, but it didn’t even budge. “Jas, get the cat off of me, please.” Exacerbation clear in his voice. 

The kitten mewled, digging its claw into his pillow. It took a few seconds of fighting with it to get it to let go. After getting it unstuck, Jas hugged her close to her chest. “Can’t she just sleep in here? She’s clean, and I’ll watch her.”

Now fully awake, Shane stretched feeling every joint pop. “No. She’s going to get fur everywhere.” 

“I’ll clean it up-”

“No.”

She stuck her tongue out. “You’re no fun.”

Shane rubbed his thumb and forefinger into his eyes, trying to dull the forming ache. “Yeah, yeah. What time is it?” 

“Almost eight. Aunt Marnie said you’ve been sleeping too much, so I came in here to wake you up.” 

Looking over at the clock, he saw she was right. “Shit.” He was going to be late.

“That’s a bad word!” 

“Out Jas, I need to get ready for work.” He shooed her out of the room. She blew a raspberry in retaliation, leaving with the cat bundled in her arms. Slamming the door behind her, he hurriedly got dressed. He nearly ripped his uniform getting it on and tripped into the sofa putting on his pants. He had to scramble to find his name-tag and phone, both of which had fallen under the nightstand when he dropped them last night.

Rushing out the door to put on his shoes, he nearly tripped over the stupid cat in the hall. Jas was immediately behind it giving chase. She was laughing and have fun, while Shane had to swallow down his aggravation. Biting down a swear, he huffed out a breath through his nose. He didn’t want to, but aggravation surged through him and he slammed the door on his way out.  

He was already late when he stepped out the door, and no amount of running helped. Morris gave him hell for that, and how disheveled he was when he stepped through the front door. His name-tag was upside down, his clothes were wrinkled, his hat had a stain on the side. Once his manager got started, he didn’t stop until well into Shane’s shift. 

He had to stay overtime to compensate for being late. Fortunately, it was the middle of the week so barely any customers came through. He was just rolling boxes of items to and from the back room all day, shelving what needed to be restocked and clearing up any misplaced items. It wasn’t anything different than his day-to-day, but he was tired and irritated, and that made it twice as hard. 

By midday, Shane was exhausted. His whole body ached and that ache wrapped tight around his skull. Most of his lunch break was him sitting with face pressed into his arms. His body called for food, but he wasn’t sure he could stomach any. Sipping from some lukewarm water he got out of the vending machine was helping a little. He must have fallen asleep at one point because Sam had to come back and wake him up. 

“You okay, dude? You look like shit.” The blond leaned against the broom he was using, looking Shane up and down. His headphones hung around his neck, and the little bass noise coming from them thumped Shane’s brain.

Shane just waved him off, “S’fine,” pushing past him out the door. The fluorescent lights burned as he stepped out of the room, but he ignored it. He ignored everything and went back to restocking the shelves for the next six hours.  

\---

After his shift, he walked right into the Stardrop Saloon without a second thought. Blinding vexation clouded his mind. Gus greeted him, and he didn’t acknowledge it. He just got his usual beer and went to his usual seat. A programmed routine his brain set itself in whenever things went for bad to worse.

What was not part of his programmed routine was the obnoxious farmer that decided he was her new drinking buddy. She didn’t even give him time to think before she started off on her rambling. Shane tried to block it out, it barely worked. Her usual pleasant voice grated on his mind like everything else. 

He didn’t even notice when she stopped talking. When he looked over, she had the same worried look Marnie had every time she caught him coming home late and completely wasted. “Are you okay, Shane?” She had a soft lilt to her voice that cut him deep.

His anger peaked. His natural scowl turned darker. “What do you want from me?” 

She was taken aback by the vindication in his tone. Her mouth opened and closed before she found an answer. “I… I just wanted to talk to you, I guess.” 

“I don’t wanna talk.” 

She nodded. Her face closed off, but there was a flash of hurt on her features before she caught it. She stood up from the stool and grabbed her bag off the floor. “Alright. I’ll…” She rubbed the back of her neck. “I’ll… see you, I guess.” 

He just stared into his glass as she walked out the door. 

He wanted to bash his head against the counter. The pounding ache was a good simulation of the act. He was such an asshole. The one person that showed any interest in him since moving here, someone he didn’t fork over a large part of his paycheck to for alcohol, probably will never talk to him again. She was going to start ignoring him like everyone else in this town. Maybe that was a good thing.

Downing the rest of his beer only silenced the thoughts for a moment. He needed another, and when he asked Emily, all she did was nod. She sat down his beer and stood there for a moment. He looked up to tell her to go away. But he couldn’t. Emily gave him the same worried look, brows pulled together and mouth into a frown. He stared back down into his glass, ignoring her eyes. Emily just walked away with a sigh.

The throbbing in his brain got louder. It echoed and blocked his hearing. He scrubbed a hand through his hair, dropping an elbow on the counter to prop up his face. Why can’t they just stop worrying? Why can’t he just stop being a burden on everyone?

A hand landed on his shoulder and he jumped, nearly falling out of his seat. Gus was leaning across the bar. “Maybe you should go home for the night, Shane.” Shane shrugged off his hand, taking one last gulp of his beer. He stood with a bit of trouble and pulled out his wallet, but Gus just raised a hand. “I’ll put it on your tab. Just get home safe, alright.” Gus took the nearly full glass and gave Shane one final look. 

Shane threw some money on the bar regardless. If it was too much, it would be compensation for putting up with his worthless ass every night. He shoved his way out the door, and nearly pushed Clint off the step outside. He didn’t stop to apologize, he was fine and didn’t need it, and Clint didn’t say anything about it. 

The usual sounds of the night were far too loud, the crickets, the rushing wind, the lone train whistle in the distance. Each step sent a shockwave through Shane’s spine. In the back of his mind, he knew that going home was the right decision. But, he also knew he wasn’t going to get any sleep like this. He has never gotten a decent night’s sleep without being at least tipsy in years. 

The house was quiet when he got in, like always. He used the glow of his phone to see, not wanting to alert anyone that might have been awake. When he walked into the kitchen for a glass of water to calm his nerves, he saw what was on the table. Jas’s notebook sat open next to her the book she was reading. Realization shot through him fast. He checked his phone and sure enough, it was Wednesday. 

It didn’t last for one week. He promised her just a few days ago, and he didn’t even remember. He chose the bar over his goddaughter,  _ again _ . Why did he even make promises if he can’t keep them? Why did he keep getting her hopes up, only to disappoint her all over again? 

He wanted to drink himself to sleep. He wanted to sleep until the week was over, then he could have a fresh start and try it all again. He knew it wouldn’t work. Just like every other time, it doesn’t work like that. Waking up on Monday doesn’t negate the shit you did over the weekend, or over the previous week. It was a poor excuse to continue this vicious cycle. 

And in a bad turn of events, JojaMart was having a sale on its cheap, trash beer the next day. 


	13. Plan?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She didn’t want to do this. Why did she AGREE to this?

Anna knew she has always been a bit pushy, so it didn’t surprise her when Shane told her off. It was how abruptly he said it that caught her. If he didn’t want company, he could have just told her before she sat down. Maybe she should have guessed by how much more sullen and distant he looked under his usual scowl. Or by the way he completely ignored her and just drank more. 

When she was in a mood, having someone to listen to usually helped. Listening to someone else just ramble about nothing was a good distraction. Just to take her mind off things for a while until she could deal with them properly. Sometimes she forgot everyone copes with things differently.

Or maybe she was just being annoying.

She pulled more salmonberries out of the bush by her house. It was early in the afternoon, and she had been out in the fields harvesting what was ready. There was a decent collection in a shipping crate next to the door. It was only one box now, but when the harvest gets bigger, it was going to be a problem getting everything over to Pierre's. She’s going to need to get a better form of transportation, other than her own two feet. 

Picking up the full basket, she dusted off her knees and headed inside. Caterina hopped off her perch in the window, greeting her with a meow. She rubbed up against her feet as she walked, and Anna couldn’t resist the urge to pet her. Caterina had turned into such an attention seeker after the first week of living indoors. 

Honestly, adopting the cat might have been the best thing she did since coming to the valley. Have a pet around made the house less lonely, less quiet. The house training took more time than Anna thought and resulted in the living room getting a new rug, but definitely worth it. 

Anna dropped the basket on the table. Cat was immediately on it, sniffing and pawing at the berries. Anna had to push her head out of the basket more than once. She shooed the cat off the table, wiping away the stray fur. “They’re not for you,” she eyed the cat. Caterina tilted her head and meowed. 

She went in search of a strainer to wash the berries. It took time digging around the cupboards, but she found it way in the back corner. When she turned back to get the basket, Cat’s head was back in it. “These aren’t for you,” Anna laughed, picking the animal up off the table and sat her back on the floor. Caterina found a stray berry that she must have knocked out to bat around. Anna will pick it up later, when she steps on it and has to clean up the mess. 

There was an old box of jars Anna found while cleaning out the cupboards last month. After a bit of soap and water, a handful of jars took up space on the counter, ready to be filled. Jam seemed like a good first decision. The jam recipe in Grandpa’s cookbook didn’t seem to hard. It just took a lot of time, more time than Anna remembered. Sugar and clean berries in the pot, mash them together and boil for a while. She had to open a window to keep the house from getting stuffy. 

Stirring the gloop in the pot, it seemed like a lot. Anna didn’t eat much jam to begin with, it was just the first thing she thought of when she saw the jars. Now looking into the pot, she wasn’t sure what to do with it. Add it to the shipping outside? Just give it away? Keeping it was also an option, but that sounded like a waste. 

After the timer when off, she checked it to make sure it was done. She didn’t wait for it to cool long enough, and it burnt her finger when she went to check the consistency. It was done though and tasted good from what was on her finger. Getting it into the jars was a pain, and she spilled a good portion on the counter. But after all was said and done, she had 3 and a half jars of jam. Yeah, it was a lot. 

Selling only a couple jars was a bit odd, in Anna’s eyes. Giving it way was the best option. And, she already had someone in mind. She still needed to thank Marnie for helping with Caterina, and Jas for cat-sitting. Hopefully, they liked salmonberries.  

\---

She should have knocked before walking into the ranch house. She’d been there a lot over the week, Marnie had joked saying she should just stop knocking. It had to be metaphorical, but some part of Anna’s brain took it as a fact, and she forgot to knock as she walked in. Walking over the threshold, she saw the front room empty. 

She knocked on the door before she closed it, “Hello?” 

“Oh, Anna.” Marnie came out of the kitchen. She ran a hand through her hair, looking frazzled. She smiled despite her state, “What brings you back here?” 

Anna kept the worried expression off her face. Holding up the two jars in her hand, “I made some jam this morning, and I thought I should bring some over as a thank you for putting up with me these last few days.” 

“Putting up with you?” Marnie chuckled, shaking her head. She took the jam and put a hand on Anna's arm. “We’re not ‘putting up with you.’ You’re welcome here anytime, sunshine.” 

With her self-depreciation pointed out so clearly, she grew flustered. “Ah-ha. I-I know, just… Poor choice of words.”

Marnie gave her a small smile before turning back into the kitchen. “I just hope you know you’re not a bother, Anna.” Anna only nodded, stepping up into the doorway of the kitchen. Discomfort was still present by the shifting of her weight. Marnie seemed to notice, changing the subject quickly. “What kind of jam is this?” 

“Salmonberry. There’s a bush next to the house, and I wanted to harvest them before the forest got to them.” 

Marnie nodded, popping open the jar and tasting. “Mmm. Jas will love this. She’s always bringin’ some in from outside to eat.” She resealed the top and put it in the fridge. 

“Well, I have more back home. Just tell me if you want any.” 

“I’ll be sure to.” 

Now with nothing left to say, the room was silent. Marnie busies herself wiping down the counter. Anna wanted to leave, but for some reason, she didn’t. The air in the room was a mix of sad and tense, uneasy. There was something wrong here, and Anna’s prying heart couldn’t let it go unnoticed. “Is… Is everything alright, Marnie?” 

The older woman looked startled by the question. She sighed, “It just been a bit of a stressful few days.” She leaned back against the counter, abandoning her cleaning to rub her forehead. “Shane has just been…” She looked to the hallway. “He stayed home from work today, and he hasn’t come out of his room. And…” 

Anna copied her posture, leaning up against the kitchen doorframe. Marnie clearly needed some company, but she didn’t want to invade her space. “Is he okay?” Remembering how he was at the bar, she was getting worried too.

She shook her head. “I don’t know, honestly. He was supposed to spend time with Jas the other day, but he went out drinking instead, and now she upset. And-” She let out a tepid laugh. “I’m sorry. I’m just throwing all this on you, dear.” 

“No, it’s fine. Sometimes, you just need someone to talk to.” Anna gave her a reassuring smile. She looked at the closed door in the hall. “Have you… checked on him recently?” She nodded to the doorway. 

“This morning, but he was still sleeping.” She stared down the hall frowning. “I just have this bad feeling.” She tapped her fingers against her arm, then shrugged her shoulders. “It’s won’t hurt to check again, right?” 

It might have been rhetorical, but Anna answered anyway, “Of course not.” 

Marnie nodded, more confidence in her. She made her way down the hall, knocking on the door. “Shane?” 

There was no answer. 

Marnie opened the door slowly. The worry on her face deepened. “Oh dear…”

From where Anna was standing, she could see cans on the floor and a blob of blue. She could put two and two together. From the way he was acting the other night, and the evidence of a drinking problem Anna was familiar with. Maybe she should have said something to him before.

Marnie step through the door. “Shane?” Nudging him didn’t wake him up. He only produced a grumble, turning away. She ran a hand through her hair, stepping back out into the hall. “He out cold.” 

Flustered again, Anna said the first thing that came to mind. “U-uh. Water always works?” 

“Well,” very conflicted, Marnie opened the cupboard. She pulled out a cup and filled it with the faucet. “I didn’t want to do this. But-”

“I can do it.”  _ Why did I say that? _ “I-If he holds a grudge, better to have it against me, right?”  _ And add a shit attempt at humor with it? _

Marnie looked from Anna to the cup in her hand. “No, but…” She sighed, “Maybe you’re right.” She held the full cup out to her, and Anna took it with slightly shaky hands. 

Anna stepped past her into the bedroom, taking care not to kick over the cans on the floor. Anxiety bubbled its way into her throat.  _ I don’t wanna do this. Why did I AGREE to this? _ She looked down at Shane, half his face mashed into the hardwood floor. A loud snore startled her a little. She whispered an apology. Taking extra care so the water didn’t go in his nose, she poured it slowly on his face. It hit its mark on his cheek. But he moved, and the rest of the cup empty directly on his mouth. 

Shane sputtered awake, shaking his head and coughing. Anna jumped back quickly, clutching the cup.  _ Yoba, why did I agree to this? I shouldn’t have agreed to this! _

“Wh-what the hell?!” He coughed, spitting up water. He pulled up a sleeve to wipe down his face. The confusing was clear on his face when he saw Anna standing there. Noticing the cup in her hand, angry eyes locked on hers. 

Marnie stepped up before he could say anything. “Shane, what’s the matter with you? All you do anymore is mope around your room and drink beer.” She crossed her arms, shift her weight to her other foot. “I’m worried,” and it was clear by her tone. 

He didn’t answer, taking more time than needed to dry his face. When he realized Marnie wasn’t going to take silence as an answer anymore, he mumbled, “You wouldn’t understand.”

Anna took a few steps back, trying to distance herself. She shouldn’t be here. This was something serious she shouldn’t be involved in. Her hands clenched around the cup harder, feeling the plastic bend under her grip. Every nerve in her body told her to just leave, NOW. But, her legs refused to cooperate. 

Marnie sighed, patience wearing down quickly. “What’s your plan here Shane?” As she said the words, Shane’s face darkened. “Don’t you ever think about the future?” 

He stared down at his hands, clenching and unclenching them around his sleeves. He clicked his tongue, “Plan?” A pitiful laugh came out afterward. “Hopefully I won’t be around long enough to need a  _ plan _ .”

Anna’s heart tightened in her chest. She through the soft gasp that filled the silence was her's, but it came from the hall, drawing everyone’s eyes. Jas stood there, arms wrapped around a stuffed rabbit. Tears pooled in her eyes, and a sob shook her small frame. Before anyone could stop her, she ran around the corner and disappeared into a different part of the house. Marnie followed after her, not giving Shane a second glance. 

Shane stared at the open door. “Ja-” his voice fell short. He didn’t move to stand, to go after. He just stared. 

_ Just LEAVE already! _

He dropped his head in his hands, clutching his hair in his fists. Sobs wracked his body. Apologies came out between each one. 

_ Why aren’t you leaving!? _

Staring down at the cup in her hands, something went through her mind. She ignored every part of her body as she stepped back out into the kitchen. She filled the cup at the sink and grabbed the tissues from a side table. She tried not to make a noise when she reentered the room, but the floor creaked just to spite her.

“Not now, Marnie,” His voice was strained and raw. 

She pushed against her retreating nerves. Coming up next to him, she sat down the tissues and the glass. He just looked at them. Her breath was caught in her throat, but her heart kept forcing its words out, quiet and stuttery. “Y-you know you don’t need a whole plan. Just… a reason to keep going is good enough.” 

His fist clenched at his sides, white-knuckled and digging into his palm. There was a vibrating coursing through his whole body. “Get out,” it was spoken through clenched teeth and punctuated by a cough. 

And she did. Her lungs were in her throat. Her skin prickled as every nerve jumped. Her thoughts were going a million miles per second. _ Why did you DO that? Why did you SAY anything? You could have just walked out and not shoved yourself into other people’s business. But you DID, you HAD to.  _


	14. Flowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Or maybe Shane was just a cynic who had been out of a relationship for so long, he didn’t see the point of one anymore.

_ Who the hell does she think she is? _ If he wanted advice, he would have bought that stupid self-help book someone recommended to him back in ZuZu City. And if he wanted  _ her  _ advice, he would have  _ fucking asked _ . Now and back at the dock. Now, all he could think about was she was right, and he hated it. He was selfish. He hurt Jas. He disappointed Marnie. Honestly, what real reason did he still have to be here?

They were better off without him, all he did was make their lives harder. Jas was old enough now to do most things herself. Marnie had been teaching her how to care for the animals and help out with the chores, while Shane drank himself into a stupor every night. Marnie was acting more like her guardian than he ever could. They would be so much better without him.

But now, even the saloon wasn’t a safe place. Anna kept trying to talk to him, to apologize maybe? Now he had every reason to tell her to piss off. Why wasn’t she just taking the hint, the blatant request, to never talk to him again? Everyone else in town followed the request to the letter, didn’t even challenge it. But this stupid, stubborn farmer wouldn’t just leave him alone with his own self-hatred. 

Not only that, but it physically hurt to look at her. Her voice brought back a sweltering mortification the alcohol could never fully extinguish. Anger directed at himself for letting someone see him so broken. Embarrassment that she took it upon herself to try and make him feel better. He couldn’t handle much more of it. How could you even look someone in the eye after they’ve seen you break down like that? You can’t. You just… You just can’t.

Shane’s birthday came and went uneventfully. Marnie was still upset about the ‘accident’. Jas was still apprehensive about talking to him, worried he say more dangerous things. There was only a store-bought card on the table with his breakfast that morning, signed by both of them. Not that it really mattered. He didn’t want a reminder of his age anyway. Nearly 30 and has only ever worked as a stockboy.  _ Yoba, that’s pathetic. _

Now it was the weekend, the Flower Dance to be more specific. Another pointless festival Shane would need to tolerate. Jas had been bouncing off the walls about it. The dance, the flowers, the Flower Queen garbage, she was completely enamored by it. She was jumping around the house in her new dress with flowers braided in her hair, fairy princess style. Marnie bought it as an early birthday present. 

Shane forgot her birthday was so soon, much less even knew what she would have wanted. Did he even have money for a present? He had been spending more and more money on booze recently his money didn’t stay in his possession long enough to feel like his.   

Marnie forced his goddaughter to sit and eat. When Shane finally decided to fully wake up and come out of his room, she was done and back to practicing. She was too focused to notice him walk into the kitchen and make himself a bowl of cereal. He watched her spin around on the floor in her socks, humming to herself.

Jas finally noticed the other presence in the room. Shane had his face deep in a bowl of cereal, still in his pajamas. She whined, “You need to get dressed, Uncle Shane.” He didn’t say anything, just side-eyed her and went back to eating. They had a lot of time before the festival even started, so he took his time just to annoy her a bit. He brought the bowl off the table for a minute, and Jas took that moment to grab his arm and shake it. “We’re gonna be late!” Luckily nothing spilled.

He huffed out his frustration, not wanting to yell at her. “We have an hour before it starts, Jas. You need to calm down.” She was going to run herself out before they even got there. 

She stuck out tongue at him, then went back to dancing around the kitchen. He rolled his eyes, slightly marveled by her boundless amounts of energy. He got up to rinsed his bowl in the sink, making sure not to get in the princess’s path. She looked at him expectantly. He nodded and rolled his eyes again, going to get changed before she was yelling at him again.

Summer was starting to show its face. It was bright and sunny and far too hot to be outside, in Shane’s opinion. He slugged on his blue hoodie anyway. It sat comfortably on his shoulders, giving a familiar camouflage to his harsh body-confidence. The constant beer and microwaved pizza did a number on his already poor fitness. And the lack of sun left him with a pasty white complexion at flashed every imperfection brighter. 

When Shane came out of his room in his normal hoodie and some shorts, he was met with a disgruntled little girl. Her face was pulled into an angry pout, and her hands were balled into the bottom of her dress. It would have been adorable if Shane was in a better mood. “You have to dress up, Uncle Shane!” Jas stomped a foot on the ground. 

He looked down at his state of dress; ratty hoodie, plain colored shirt, some old shorts. He shrugged, he didn’t really see the point of dressing up if he was only going there for her sake and the food. “Seriously Jas, I-” Before he could come up with a decent counterpoint, Jas pushed past him into his room. “ _ Jas _ .”

“I’ll find you something to wear, then,” the determination in her voice told him ‘no’ was not an option. She tugged open his dresser drawer and started pulling out his clothes. 

“ _ Christ _ ,” He ran a hand through his hair, feeling a headache forming. “Jas, you’re making a mess.” He went over to stop her anyway. 

“Here!” She pulled out a blue button-up that hasn’t see the light of day in years. Shane wasn’t even sure if he could still fit into that, much less wear it comfortably. She pulled out a white tee, something way more reasonable, and added it to the pile in her hands. Getting to her feet, she shoved the clothes into his arms. “Wear this.” 

He unfurled them, shaking some of the wrinkles out. He looked them over, sizing up the old shirt and found that it would probably be fine. The other was just something he usually wore under his work clothes, though much whiter and cleaner. He looked back up to Jas, who was too busy shoving his clothes back into the drawer to notice. When she was done, she stood up and dusted her skirt off with a “humf!” marching out of the room. 

Staring at the shirt a bit longer, he rolled his eyes. It’s not going to kill him to wear something different out and about. Make him incredibly uncomfortable, yes, but not kill him. His hoodie and tee were dropped back in the pile on the floor. He pulled on the white shirt. It was clearly never worn before, because it was still bright, clean, and lacked the worn-in feel all his other clothes had. Shane almost felt bad for wearing it on his unwashed skin. He should have taken a showered earlier.

Slipping the button-up over his shoulders, it was a bit tight but wearable. He left it undone, not wanting to find out if they would even button properly. Staring back down at his hoodie, he contemplated putting it back on. But it was far too hot outside, and Jas might have a fit about it. He was already going to suffer at the festival, why not add more on top of it.

Swallowed down his self-hatred, he opened his door. Jas was right on the other side, arm crossed and foot tapping. She looked him over and nodded once, “Better.” Before he could do anything, she grabbed his hand and pulled him along.

Shane wanted to tell her off for being so mouthy. She was being extra bossy, just to Shane mostly. Marnie had the disapproving guardian look down, and she didn’t let it go too far. Shane, on the other hand, was being kind of a push-over. Somewhere deep in his brain said he deserved it. He did deserve it, after ignoring her so much the last couple of weeks. Then scaring her with his self-destruction.

Marnie was busy tying her hair up when Jas dragged him into the front room. She looked over Shane’s outfit and smiled. “You look nice, Shane.”

Jas nodded, putting her hands on her hips and standing straighter. “I picked it out!” She was so very proud of herself.

Marnie couldn’t help but laugh, “Well, you did a good job, dear.” Finally getting the pin affixed to her hair, she nodded to the door. “Let’s get going.”

\---

The Flower festival was pretty basic, a small buffet, some flower baskets and an old stereo that looked like it came out of the back of Lewis’s attic. They had to drag the supplies out into the middle of the woods, so it made sense that it wasn’t as fancy. Pinks and yellows stood out against the green surrounding. Baskets of carefully crafted bouquets lined the perimeter. Everyone was dressed in slightly nicer clothes, and Shane didn’t feel as out of place as he thought he would. 

Jas raced away to drag Vincent out into the field to dance. Marnie veered off to talk to Lewis. Shane when straight for the food and the punch, hoping it was spiked like last time. He was going to need alcohol for something this boring. 

It wasn’t. It was so sugary and fruity, Shane was glad he just tasted it first and didn't pour himself a whole cup. The cooler under the table was filled with sodas and water, and Shane took one of the sodas instead. The carbonated drink was as close to beer as he was going to get. The food was Gus’s standard buffet selection: fruits, pastries, tiny sandwiches, some gelatin. 

Speaking of Gus, he was watching the tables like a hawk. He had nodded a hello to Shane when he walked up, and Shane nodded back. They must have wanted someone watching over the punch this time. Looking around for the last culprit, he saw Pam sitting at the water's edge. Shane caught a glimpse of a flask and the splash in her drink before she stuffed it back in her jacket.  _ Better for the kids that way. _

Piling a plate with food, he made a home up against one of the trees near the tables. No one was around, so he didn’t foresee any unwanted interactions. Scanning the crowd, he didn’t see the farmer amongst the locals. And that was such a relieve for Shane. He was reaching his limit, and he was already annoyed he had to be here in the first place.

Lewis called over the crowd that the dance was about to start. Couples paired up on the open field, all dressed in blue and white and a decent part of them looking extremely awkward. When the music started, Shane still wasn’t sure why this was still a tradition. The dance was weird. The music was weird. The whole vibe of the thing was weird. 

Or maybe Shane was just a cynic who had been out of a relationship for so long, he didn’t see the point of one anymore. 

After it was over, the music changed to some more normal and flowy. Some of the couples stay together, looked carefree and stupid. Others wave a goodbye and ventured off to other people. Shane got up to get more food before one of them had the mind to eat. And another soda, he chugged the other one without even realizing it. Force of habit. 

It hit him like a freight train. “It’s hot, Sam. What else do you want me to wear?” Anna’s voice cut through the air and smacked against Shane’s head. He looked over to see her standing with Sam a few feet away. Her white dress swayed in the light breeze, her hair pulled back from her face, making it easy to see the discomfort in her expression.

_ Great, maybe she’ll be too upset to try and talk to me again. _

The blond didn’t seem to care about her edginess. “Ooh, touchy,” he teased, nudging her shoulder with his hand. “What’s gotten you so grouchy?” 

She rolled her eyes, “Sam, I’m not in the mood.” She smoothed down the front of her dress, staring longer at hands than she needed to.

Sam crossed his arms and waited a moment. Then, he sighed, “Why’d you even come here, then?”

“You asked,” she deadpanned.

The blond looked away, muttering something about the dance. From what Shane could hear, it sounded like he got shot down for it. With good reason, that dance was awful. Maybe that’s why he was dancing with Penny instead? Whatever, that wasn’t Shane’s problem. 

He didn’t mean to stare for so long. His mind was drawn to the noise and now is focused on it. Before he could turn back to the table, Anna’s eyes shifted over to his. He met her glance with a glower. She turned away, sighed and mumbled something.    

Sam looked past her and at Shane.  _ Great, now she was complaining about the staring. _ The younger man pointed over to his general direction. “Oh, do you want me to…”

She shook her head. “I’m not a child.” 

He was taken aback by the statement. “I’m not- I just now how you can get with-” 

She shook her head again. “I got it, Sam,” she didn’t sound angry, more exhausted. Then, she turned on her feet and made her way to the table.

Completely ignoring Shane, she kneeled down next to him to pop the top on the cooler. Digging through the ice, she pulled out a cola and shook it off in the grass at her feet. When she stood up again, the fabric of her dress brushed his leg, and he shifted away from it. She didn’t notice it or didn’t acknowledge it. 

Blowing out a breath, she looked over the table for something. When she found it, her eyes shifted up to Shane’s face. “Excuse me,” she mumbled and reached across him for a napkin from the basket. He took a step back to give her some space. There was a very uncomfortable moment where she just stood there, cleaning off the water on her can. After it was clean, she still stood there, tapping on the metal. She looked over at him and opened her mouth to say something, “H-hey-” 

“Don’t,” Shane cut her off before she could. He didn’t want to talk, especially not with her. He didn’t want to hear anything she had to say. He didn’t want to hear her apology. Not when he was already annoyed, and on edge. Not here in front of everyone. Not now when they all could hear and confirm what an ass he was. 

She just nodded, blank-faced. Turning on her heels, she expelled another breath and left him alone. 

Shane made every effort to ignore whatever was said after. And throughout the rest of the festival. She didn’t try to talk to him again. She stayed on the other side of the field, talking with her friends and pretending he didn’t exist.  _ Good _ . 

Thankfully, it was only an hour later the Jas came up to grab his sleeve and complain that she was bored. 

Shane chewed more slowly, “Thought you wanted to be here?” 

She plopped down next to him. “Vincent isn’t a good dancer,” she mumbled, picking at the grass under her. 

Shane just nodded. He offered her a muffin from his stash and she gladly took it. She hadn’t eaten the whole time they were here, too focused on dancing to even think about food. Shane made a mental note to feed her when they got home. And he’d actually remember that note because they were going to head home as soon as his plate was empty. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I thought Shane birthday came AFTER the Flower Dance, and I've already had the next chapter planned out and written around it. I tried to retcon in, but it was pretty subpar in my opinion. Oops. But the next chapter is pretty ridiculous, so it'll make up for it. 
> 
> ALSO, thank you so much for reading this. Holy shit, just that alone is so encouraging to me.  
> (~￣▽￣)~


	15. Spice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard.”  
> "I know."

It was just ridiculous at this point. Why did this matter so much to her? He’s told her multiple times to just leave him alone, but she  _ needed  _ to say something to him, an apology for being so intrusive maybe? Regret wouldn’t stop muddling her mind, regret for being so pushy, for being so nosy, for shoving advice at someone who didn’t even ask for it. What she said repeated in her mind and every time it did, she thought up a new, better, way to handle that situation. Most involved just  _ leaving _ like she  _ should have _ ,  _ it wasn’t her problem _ . She probably just made things worse by being there.

Everything was dragging down her mood, and people were starting to notice. Gran had mentioned it during her weekly phone call. Anna said it was just the stress that came with the turn of the season. Harvesting. Clearing out the fields. Planning out the crops for the summer season. Budgeting the money to turn a profit.  _ That  _ should have been what was stressing her out, but it was a welcomed project to keep her mind from wandering off. 

Pierre’s was getting their shipment of summer seeds early, and Anna checked over the options after dropping off the last of her harvest. It was a pretty limited selection, but that left the options easy to choose from. Tomatoes and corn were always a safe choice. Peppers were another, more obvious choice. Anna was dying to make her own salsas and hot sauces. Blueberries took far too long to grow. Grandpa Whitt always had a plethora of blueberries in his greenhouse, but that had been completely torn down. Her options were basically planned out for her already. 

Coming out of the store, she nearly tripped into Sam on his way home from work. Seeing that JojaBlue ™ reminded her of Shane, and now she was thinking about it again,  _ great _ . Sam offered to help carry some of her things, the empty shipping boxes in her arms almost blocked her vision. She gratefully took him up on his offer, and he took most of the load despite her protests. The walk to the farm was quiet, and Sam pointed out how weird she was being halfway up the dirt road. Again, Anna said it was just the planning for the summer, and when he asked if she needed any help, she felt bad for lying to him.

There was something different about Sam as he walked next to her. He was fidgeting more than usual and wore a nervous smile whenever he looked in her general direction. She didn’t want to put a finger on it, but with how he was acting she had an idea. After helping her store away some stuff, he mentioned the Flower Dance, and Anna wanted to smack her head against the counter.  _ Yoba _ , she didn’t want to disappoint him, but she definitely wouldn’t be the best company. He said she could use a break, and she said she might be there. That was good enough for him.

Three days had passed since then, and if anything, it was worse. She missed the dance and felt bad for letting Sam down. She felt bad for shoving herself into Shane’s business, and it got to the point where he was outright ignoring her. It was more annoying now that he wouldn’t just listen to her apology. After she apologized, he could tell her to fuck off all he wanted. She just wanted to clear her guilty conscience at this point, forget trying to rectify the friendship they were starting. Could it even be called a friendship? 

Anna swept the chicken coop with more force than necessary. She just about destroyed Meggan’s little nest while clearing out the old hay, but fortunately the two hens were outside, so they didn’t see her replace the few bits of nesting. The hay supply was running low, and cutting more to dry took more time than Anna wanted it to. She could just go buy some from the ranch. Marnie’s ranch. Where Shane lived.

Hey, maybe she could try talking to him again?  _ Because that was working so well. _ It was the weekend, so he might be home. She didn’t know his work schedule, but smaller JojaMarts were usually closed on Sundays. She could put two and two together. But, now thinking it over, Marnie would be there and Jas would be there. Ambushing him in front of his family didn’t seem like a good idea. 

Regardless, she needed to buy more hay for the coop. If he made a big deal about her being there, it won’t be her fault this time. Nodding to herself for some resolve, she stowed away her tools and gloves, shook some of the grass out of her hair to look a bit more presentable, and set off to the ranch. The chickens followed after her and she made sure to give them each a pet before she walked out of their fence. 

As she latched the gate at the boundaries of her property, a yell came from the pond. The distressed voice jumped her heart rate, and when she turned to it, she saw a little girl leaning over the open water. She had to take a moment to realize she wasn’t in any real danger. There was plenty of space between Jas and the water’s edge, so the chances of her falling in were low. But with no one watching her, Anna couldn’t help but worry.

Shaking her head, she walked up to the little girl. “Whatcha doing, Jas?” She knelt down next to her, keeping her distance from the pond. Jas didn’t say anything, just looked at her, then back out into the water. Following her vision, Anna saw a little yellow bucket bobbed on in the waves surrounded by stray greenery. 

“Guess that’s your’s?” Jas didn’t say anything, just nodded. Anna wanted to help, but she was too short to just grab it. The wind carried it just far enough out of reach. And leaning out over the open water was not in Anna’s best interest. 

“Okay, let’s see.” Looking around to trying to find a stick long enough to help wasn’t worth it. The ground around the pond, or at least where they were sitting, was completely clear of anything. Very weird with all the trees around. 

“Well.” Standing up and dusting off her knees, Anna looked up at the trees around them. Jas just stared as Anna walked over to the nearest one and scanned it over more closely. She eyed up into the branches for a moment, then crouched down and leaped up to grab the lowest one she could find. The wood creaked under her weight, echoing the escalation of Anna’s heart-rate, but it still held on. Anna made a show of flailing her legs in the air to get a laugh. It worked as Jas’s sad eyes crinkled with a smile. 

One problem solved. Pulling down with more force, she broke the decently sized limb off the tree. By some stupid miracle, she landed safely on her feet without hitting her head. Jas tilted her head as she watched Anna walk back to the waterside. She kneeled over the edge with the stick, keeping her eyes on the bucket. The end caught the top, and she pulled it back to safety. 

Jas grabbed it immediately. Tucking the waterlogged bucket against her chest, she mumbled a thank-you, looking back out to the flowers still floating in the water. She didn’t pay them much mind, now fully focused on the flowers in her hands. Many of them were wet, but the ones at the bottom were still dry. Jas separated the ruined one into a pile.

Anna sat and watched as she inspected the flowers. Most were just yellow dandelions, others were some smaller white and purple wildflowers that popped up on the edge of the woods. She must have had quite a collection before they were swept away. “Whatcha doing with all of those?” 

Jas took a moment to answer, just realizing Anna was still there. “I’m trying to make a crown.” She started trying to tie two of the slightly wet stems together. “I didn’t get Uncle Shane a birthday present, so I wanted to make him one,” her sentence trailed off at the end as she concentrated. 

_ Birthday huh, there’s an idea. _ “Oh, when was his birthday?” 

“Last week, but he had to work so we couldn’t celebrate it.” She fiddled with the small flower chain, trying to tie a new, dry stem to the others. After a few moments, she dropped it in her lap with a huff. “This is hard.” 

A memory of little Anna trying to string together flowers herself brought a smile to her face. “Well, here.” Anna took a couple of flowers from the basket. “There’s an easier way to do it.” She held the flowers in front of her, making her moves slowly and very deliberate. Jas studies them intently, and with someone teaching her, she picked it up quickly.  

After a few more practice knots, they had a decent chain of flowers each. Jas handed hers over for Anna to tie them together completely. She folded the long ring in half and placed it delicately on Jas’s head. “Your crown, Princess Jas.” 

She giggled but took the crown out of her hair. “It’s not mine.” She looked at it, her face slowly dropping. “What if he doesn’t like it?” 

The question caught her off guard. Anna didn’t know the dynamic between Shane and Jas. She hasn’t even seen them interact. They were cousins… maybe? They did live together, and Shane, hopefully, wasn’t the type of person to throw out a gift a child made for him. “I’m sure he’ll like it ‘cause you made it, Jas.” 

She smiled, very happy with that answer. “But you help me, so I’ll tell him you helped, too.” 

_ Oh no. _ “No, it was your idea, you can take all the credit for it.” The noise of disagreement Jas made caused Anna to laugh. “Trust me, it’s fine.”

Jas looked back at the flowers in her hand. Tilting her head back and forth, she seemed to weigh the options in her head for a moment. Then she nodded, “Okay!” After getting to her feet, taking extra care not to crush the flower crown, she hugged Anna’s side. “Thank you, Miss Anna!” 

Despite now being slightly wet, Anna smiled. “Sure thing, sweetie.” She handed Jas her bucket off the ground and pointed to the ranch. “Make sure you change when you go inside so you don’t get sick, okay?” 

Jas looked down at her dress. A large part of the purple fabric was darkened from the water. Now realizing, she nodded and took off for the ranch. She turned back to wave to Anna as she ran, “Bye!” 

\---

Alright, now she formulated a better plan than just walking up to him and trying to talk before he told her off. She also had a backup plan, if needed. It was a very stupid backup, yes, but it sounded like a good idea in her head, so she was still going with it. And if he still hated her afterward, it was a done deal. She couldn’t do this anymore. 

_ I mean, what kind of asshole doesn’t accept a birthday gift? Even if it’s a bit late. _

He didn’t even look up from his beer. “Piss off.”

_ The stubborn kind. _

She swallowed down the bubble in her throat. She was going to do this. “No.”

That got his attention, green eyes darting up to her face, “What?” She plopped down onto the stool next to him before he could protest. He glared at her, making a disgruntled noise, “I don’t wanna talk to you.” 

Ignoring him this time around, she shifted in her seat to get more comfortable. Shane rolled his eyes, grumbling something before taking a large chug of his beer. His sure-fire technique of just ignoring her wasn’t going to be so sure-fire for long. Anna had a plan this time!

Shifting around for her bag, she unlatched the button. The metal clanged loudly against the counter in the quiet bar. Anna froze as most of the eyes shifted in her direction for a moment before going back to what they were doing. Taking a subtle breath to calm her racing nervous, she dug into her bag. 

The bottle was harder to find than she thought. But once she found it, she had it. It was wrapped with a blue ribbon around the neck, contrasting with the dark red of its contents. She decided against any sort of tags, the bottle itself was almost too small for the ribbon. It clattered against the bartop as she pushed it over to him. 

Shane didn’t move to see what it was. He looked at it for a moment but went back to his beer. “I don’t want that shit.” 

She huffed out a breath, now more annoyed than anxious. “Just take it. Happy birthday.” 

He looked even more displeased it was a birthday gift. “It’s not even my birthday. I don’t want it.”

Now she wore a scowl, “Don’t care, it’s close enough. Just take it.” 

He finally looked back up at her, impatience clear on his face. “What’s it gonna take to get you to leave me alone? Haven’t I been rude to you enough?” 

She looked from the bottle of hot sauce to his face. “Here,” she pulled his hand from his mug, redoubling her efforts when he tried to pull away. Slapping the bottle into it, she forced his fingers to close around it. “I’m getting a pizza. You put as much of that as you want on a slice, and if I can’t eat it, I’ll never talk to you again.”  _ Oh, this is stupid. _

“What?” He looked at her like she was crazy. But he didn’t let go of the bottle. 

_ Again, I did say plan B sounded better in my head. _

Not bothering to explain, she slid off the stool and marched over to the register. Gus wasn’t sure how to take the determined look on her face, “Uh.” 

“I need one of your specialty pizzas, Gus.” She dug out her wallet, taking her time so she didn’t have to look at him. 

“Hah, Alright. I got a few prepped in the back, but it’ll be a few minutes.” 

She nodded, “‘S fine.” She dropped the money on the counter and went back to her seat.  

When she got back, Shane was studying the bottle in his hand. He gave her a quick glance but nothing more. “What the hell is this?” 

He wasn’t throwing it at her and telling her to get lost, that’s a good sign. She smiled, taking that little victory. “The best hot sauce I’ve ever had. You like spicy stuff, right?”

He side-eyed her for a moment, turning the bottle. He was reading over the ingredients when he eyebrows raised. “Where did you even get this?” 

“Uh,” she couldn’t remember. She just shrugged her shoulders, “Online somewhere.” 

He looked back at her in disbelief. “You seriously wanted me to eat this?” 

She had to keep her face straight as she said this again. “No, you’re gonna dump some of that on some pizza, and if I can’t eat it, I’ll leave you alone for good.” Saying it a second time made it sound even more stupid. She didn’t let her embarrassment show though.

Gus must have heard what Anna said as he walked up. He made a theatrically offended noise, “You wanna ruin my perfect recipe?” He placed the hot pizza between them. Just the smell alone was enough to make Anna’s mouth water.

Anna shook her head, “No, we’re not ruining it. We're simply pushing it to transcendence, to its ultimate spicy nature.” Now she’s just spewing garbage to alleviate some of her awkwardness.

Gus laughed, more in amazement than amusement. “Alright, just don’t hurt yourself, ya hear.” Shaking his head, he went back to tending to Pam across the bar.

Shane was still processing Anna’s proposal. After a moment or two of silence, he said something. “That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard,” it came out so matter-of-factly. 

She couldn’t tell if he was talking about what she said to Gus or her, now infamous, plan B. Either way, she couldn't even deny the claim. So she didn’t, “I know.” 

He dropped his face into his empty hand, a facepalm with a rub of his forehead. The glass bottle clicked across the counter as he pushed it in her direction. “I’m not doin’ anything. If you wanna hurt yourself, go for it.” 

Far more confident than she should have been, she scooped the sauce bottle off the table, “Fine.” Now opening it, she could have sworn she saw a puff of red smoke come out the top. That caused her to hesitate a bit. Shane watched her with the purest  _ are-you-kidding-me-with-this-shit _ face Anna had ever seen in her life. It would have been so funny in any other situation. 

Tipping the bottle, a few drops spilled out. They sizzled as they made contact with the cheese. It was just because the pizza was still hot, right? The temperature difference or something? Or maybe she just imagined it? Let’s go with the latter.

“Don’t eat that,” Shane mumbled with a slight shake of his head. 

This was just a challenge now. After telling her not to so many time, her old defying nature crawled up out of her subconscious. Did he think she would actually hurt herself with this? She’s eaten this before, a lot actually. Enough to warrant buying a box of three. It reignited the light in her. Her lips curled into a smirk, slowly bringing the radioactive pizza to her face. Shane shook his head again, taking a sip of his drink as he watched her. Then, Anna took a full bite of the pizza. 

She immediately regretted it. 

Oh, this was worse than she remembered it. It was never the initial burn the was the problem. She ran her tongue over her bottom lip as it started to sting, the tainted saliva not making much of an impact. This was fine, something she could handle. It was the afterburn that was the problem. It built up and crescendoed into an intense heat that volcanos would be jealous of. She tried to keep a straight face, but that was quickly covered by a flush and tears that gathered in the corner of her eyes. 

The sigh that came out of Shane was full of agitation. “Yoba, you’re fuckin’ stupid. Gus,” he waved the older man over. “Do you have, like, some milk or something? Ann’s dying over here.”  

“I’m fine,” it came out with a cough.  _ Holy shit, I am not fine. WOW.  _

Gus had to hold back his laughs as he walked over. He didn’t even get to set the glass on the counter, Anna pulled it right out of his hand when he was close enough. A large drink brought immediate relief and a sigh after.  

Shane snorted, shaking his head again. Anna side-eyed him while she wiped her face. “Proud of yourself? You’re gonna feel really shitty later,” he scoffed. 

Coughing into the napkin brought the burn back up her throat. She took another long chug of the milk, leaving it there on her lips. After a while, she nodded, “Worth it.” 

He spun the cap on the little bottle. “Why?” Clear incredulousness in his voice. 

Her words came out rushed and the burning made them hurt. “‘Cause every time I talk to you, I just make shit worse.” She wiped under her eyes, tears from the remaining heat still bubbling up. “I just wanted to make it up to you for being so… I don’t know, invasive. Pushy? Stuffing myself into a situation I very much  _ did not  _ belong it.” 

He didn’t say anything, just looking at the bottle he spun in his fingers. 

“Look, I-” She rolled her eyes, pushing her hair back. Her mind caught up with how awful she must look, and she got too flustered to form the proper words she wanted to say. She fell back on her failsafe, a nervous laugh and a joke. “I wish I didn’t have to look like a tomato with hives while trying to apologize here.” 

He clicked his tongue, face softening a little. “That’s your own stupid fault.” He tapped the bottle against the counter. He dropped his face in his hand, rubbing over it. “Seriously, you don’t need to torture yourself on my account.” 

She snickered, “Torture? You make me sound like a masochist or something.”

“Maybe you are, trying to befriend me and all.” That didn’t seem like a joke.

She gave him a smile laced with disapproval. “And you make it sound like you’re some sort of unfriendable goblin.”

He finally looked up at her. “Goblin?” He looked her face over once, then snorted, “that’s more your vibe right now.”

She tried really hard to keep the smile away and looked offended. She should have been better at it with how many times she had to put up a front back in the office. “ _ Well then _ .” It wasn’t long before a dorky smile broke through and a giggle escaped before she could stop it. “So  _ fucking  _ rude.” 

He shrugged, “Look who you're talkin’ to.” 

She just shook her head, taking another clean piece of pizza. With the heat being only a dull pain in the back of her throat, adding more flame to the fire was a good idea apparently. It didn’t bother her much. Maybe her taste buds were completely gone, she could barely feel the burn the pizza normally had. She nodded to the bottle Shane was still spinning in his hand, “Are you gonna try some, or just play with it?” 

He stopped and looked at the bottle once more. “It can’t be too bad if you’re still eating.” He unscrewed the lid and there was no red smoke this time. The sauce landed on his slice without a threatening sizzle. 

She waved her pizza in front of her face. “Letting good pizza go to waste is treason around here, birthday boy,” she teased. 

He rolled his eyes. “You’re about a week late, but whatever.” When he finally took a bite of the contamination, the shift in his face was immediate. A flush ran up his neck unnaturally fast and his eyes shot open. He coughed into his hand, then shook his head. Now he found out it made the burn so much worse. He downed the rest of his beer. 

Anna had to try very hard to keep the laugh in her throat. “That’s only gonna make it worse.” She pushed the half-full glass of milk in front of him. He just stared at it, then looked back up at her under a cocked brow. She rolled her eyes, “I’m not diseased or anything.” Narrowing his, he took the glass off the counter and muttered something Anna couldn’t hear before taking a drink. 

They ate the rest of the pizza in silence. Shane had recapped the hot sauce and was fidgeting with the bottle in his free hand. Gus had come back around to take the now empty glass, and Anna ordered a cola. It sat in front of her now, as she watched the condensation weave between the diamond pattern. 

The crust from the last slice dropped onto the empty plate with a clank. After a moment, Shane was the first to speak. “So, me hating you really bothered you that much, huh?” His voice was gruff and unconvinced by his words. 

Suddenly the glass in front of her was very interesting to look at. “I guess so,” she murmured. There was a pause as she thought it over. “No, I just… felt bad for being so, you know.” She gave a shrug of her shoulders, “Or maybe I just don’t like being hated.” It was meant to be a joke, the smile was there but the energy was lacking. She sighed, “Look, just… Are we okay?” 

He huffed out a breath. “Well, if you’re this damn persistent saying no isn’t gonna do much, is it?” That was definitely a joke question with the smirk and sideways glance added to it. 

Her smile widened. “I mean, if you really hate me, tell me now and I’ll never talk to you again.” 

“Tempting.” There was a brief pause after that shouldn’t have worried Anna like it did. “Would be kinda shitty to do after that bullshit you put yourself through, though.” He looked over Anna one last time. The smile she wore shifted to a mock pleading grin. Shane rolled his eyes at it. “You won’t leave me the fuck alone, so I guess yeah. We’re okay.” 


	16. Repeat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh shit, was that a hint?

The withering flowers sat on his nightstand next to the hand-drawn card from his goddaughter. “Happy Late Birthday, Uncle Shane!” was written in bright green marker across the top and under that were little stick-figure drawing of him, Jas, and Aunt Marnie. Inside was a little apology for missing his birthday that made Shane’s heart seize up in his chest. It didn’t even cross his mind that Jas might feel bad about that. But here was a handmade card and flower crown to make up for it. She was really too good for this world.

And a small part of him laughed at the P.S. at the bottom; “ _ Miss Anna helped with the flower crown. Don’t tell her I told you. _ ”

That girl was everywhere in his life recently. Not that she wasn’t before, despite Shane’s best efforts, but now she wasn’t a constant point of stress. More of a point of amusement and a good distraction from his personal problems. When she walked up to him during his nightly self-reflection at the bottom of a glass, he found he wasn’t seeking it out as much. His drinking slowed and he was able to keep a few dollars in his wallet at the end of the day.

However, even at his new pace, Ann couldn’t quite keep up with him. That’s not to say she didn’t try, she could her liquor when she wanted to. But once she had one drop too much, the switch was flipped. Not to the point where her face was on the bartop and she needed help getting home, thankfully. Just enough to be giggly and share a bit too much. Most of her statements were followed by a “Wait, don’t remember that,” and honestly, it should have been annoying by how often it happened. But it was too funny just how much shit-talking came from the mouth of a former Joja Corp heir about their family company. Guess family knows the most about you. 

Speaking of family…

“Can it be pink, Aunt Marnie? I want it to be pink!” Jas bounced up and down on her chair. She begged to help with the cake and Marnie caved quickly. Stirring together the cake frosting was something easy, and Jas got to it with more enthusiasm than needed. Before Marnie could answer her question, she was leaning over the bowl for the food coloring and nearly knocking it to the ground if Shane wasn’t there to steady it.

Shane huffed out a breath, wiping a bit of frosting out of her hair. “Be careful.” It came out a tad harsher than it was intended. Dealing with Jas on a regular basis was draining, but now when she was hyped up on birthday fumes it was near impossible with Shane’s energy. Thank Yoba for Marnie, he just wouldn’t be able to handle this by himself. 

Jas dropped back into her chair with a pout, “Sorry.” 

Marnie shot Shane a glare for his tone. He grumbled out an apology, rubbing his fingers in his eyes for the headache behind them. It was far more pronounced than his usual dull hangover. The medicine he took this morning hadn’t worked. The nap he took just before this hadn’t worked. He really wanted a drink to ebb the pain. But, on his goddaughter birthday? That’s just pathetic.

Reaching over for the dye herself, Marnie opened the lid on the red one and handed it to Jas. “Now, be careful with that. A little goes a long way.” 

Jas nodded, holding the little bottle with both hands. She took Marnie’s words very seriously. Brows furrowed and tongue stuck between her lips in concentration has she careful tipped the bottle to let one, two drops of coloring fall into the white frosting. She handed the bottle to Shane to close and went back to stirring. The color swirled into the mix, a shade or two too dark than normal, but Jas was fine with that. “Done!” 

Marnie checked it over with a nod. “Great! Now we need to just finish the cake. Shane, could you cover that and put it in the fridge?” She pointed over to the clear-wrap on the microwave. 

“I wanna do it!” Jas hopped off the chair to help. 

But Shane grabbed the box before she got the chance. He felt the metal teeth on the side dig into his skin and his worry was justified. He saw Jas cross her arms and puff out her cheeks. He looked her over and sighed. “How about you go change instead?” 

She looked down at her shirt. Speckles of frosting and flour coated the faces of the princesses on the front. The picnic scene now looked like it was in the middle of the winter. She wiped her hand over it to try and clean it, but it only smeared the powder into the fabric. When she nodded and turned to run to her room, Shane saw her back was covered in flour too. How? 

There was an awkward silence as Shane sealed up the bowl and Marnie poured the mix into the pan. When she placed the pan into the oven, the slam of its door was too loud in the room. Shane looked over to see Marnie looking at him with the same worried frown. It was a permanent feature on her face nowadays. Ever since his drinking binge and slip up, they had been walking on eggshells around each other. Marnie wanted to talk, but Shane would let her. He couldn’t.  

When he turned away, she sighed. “You know, you don’t have to be so upset with her on her birthday.” 

“Yeah, I know.” And he did. He really,  _ really _ did. “Didn’t mean to.”

Before Marnie could add anything, Jas came bouncing back into the kitchen in her favorite purple dress. She skipped right past Shane too the oven, “Did you put it in there?” Marnie laughed at her excitement and nodded. “How long is it going to take?” It wasn’t a whine, just pure curiosity. Jas looked through the window at the unbaked cake, then up at the timer.

Still laughing, Marnie waved her away from the oven. “Awhile, sunshine. How about you open your presents first?” 

Just the word presents alone had the cake completely forgotten about. “Yeah!” 

Good thing Shane glanced at the calendar before he left for work yesterday. He had been too tired and groggy every morning to remember he needed to buy something and just kept putting it off. Suddenly it was the day before her birthday, he had to scramble and settle for another cheap Joja brand doll. What a great godfather, couldn’t even remember her birthday. Bet her parents are happy she was left with such a dysfunctional human being. 

Marnie had hidden the gift with her own in her bedroom. Jas was never really allowed in there, so it was the best place to keep it hidden. As they moved to the living room, Marnie made a detour to retrieve them from the closet. Shane had to keep pushing Jas through the front room when she stopped to try and get a peek inside.

She plopped in front of the couch, humming a little tune while she waited. Shane sat on the couch next to her, leaning back and shutting his eyes. The darkness help for a moment but as soon as he opened them again, the ache was back tenfold. Fuck, he needed a drink. 

Jas squealed, sitting up a bit straighter when Marnie came back. She held a silver present in one hand and an obnoxious pink gift-bag in the other. The same obnoxious pink gift-bag Shane got every time he had to buy her a present. 

The shiny one was far more appealing, flashing in the sunlight from the open window. Jas immediately reached for, ripping it open. Some of the scraps fell around her feet, and Shane busied himself with picking them up. A pack of colorful pens fell out of the wrapping, then a purple notebook with a little name tag. Jas squealed again, balling the wrapping paper in her hands. 

“I saw you were writing a bunch of your stories. Now you can keep all of them in one place.” 

_ She was? _ Shane didn’t even notice nor was he even around to notice. Fuck, he should have put more thought into her gift than another stupid doll. 

She tugged Marnie into a hug, “Thank you, Aunt Marnie!” 

Setting those off to the side, she went after the second one. The crumpled tissue paper was out of the top and thrown unceremoniously on the floor. Shane cleaned that up too. Pulling the toy out of the bag, her smile dropped. A confused look covered her face. “I already have this one.” 

_ Shit, of fucking course she did _ . He had bought her so many, he was a little worried this would happen. He just didn’t think it really would. “Sh-uh. Sorry, Jas, I can-” 

“It’s okay,” the bright smile returned to her face. “Now Monika has a twin!” Before he could even think about returning it for a different one, Jas was ripping the doll out of her cardboard packaging.  _ Well shit, there went any chance to fix the situation. Maybe I should just get her a new one anyway, she deserves it. _

He watched her struggle with the ties on the doll for another minute. “Here, kid, let me get it,” he motioned for the toy as he went to stand.

She handed it to him with the same big smile. “Thank you!” 

\---

Long after Jas fell asleep for a nap, Shane shuffled his way into the Stardrop Saloon. No better place to drink your mistakes away. The only place in this small ass town to do so, aside from his bedroom floor. And that worked out  _ wonderfully  _ last time. The rain pattered heavily against the roof, echoing inside the nearly empty building. No one in their right mind would walk through this rain just from a drink. But here Shane was. 

And Ann too, her bright hair drawing his attention as he wiped his shoes on the doormat. She was in one of the old booths she sat in before when she got drunk off her ass a few weeks ago. Her face was bent over in her notebook. She didn’t even notice the door opening or Shane’s footfalls up to the bar. 

A thought hit him halfway to his usual seat. She had always been the one to come up and annoy him. Why not turn the tables? Clearly, she wasn’t expecting company, Shane told her about Jas’s birthday yesterday so she would have to bug someone else all night. But here he was, and there she was. Why not give her a taste of her own medicine? 

He did something completely different, he walked up to the register for his drink. Gus gave him a weird look, but laughed and smiled anyway. “Something different today, Shane?” 

He shook his head, digging out his wallet from his back pocket. “The usual.” 

The older man raised an eyebrow but didn’t comment any further. He turned and filled a mug up at the tap. Turning back just in time for Shane to pull out the money from his wallet, he placed the cup on the counter between them. When he went to take the money, Gus leaned in conspiratorially. He kept his voice low, “You wanna do me a favor and keep an eye on Anna tonight? Make sure she doesn’t go overboard like last time? She seemed pretty beat when she walked in.” 

_ Yoba, what am I, her babysitter? _ But, he sighed and nodded. “Sure.” He was going over there anyway. But now knowing she might have had a shit day, he was second-guessing this stupid idea. 

Gus nodded and pushed the beer closer to Shane. “Really appreciate it, Shane.” He took a rag out from under the counter. “Maybe you can get her to talk. She seemed to have taken a likin’ to you.” 

_ Why though? _ Shane didn’t want to think about that now, he just nodded again, picking up his mug and taking a sip as he walked. Ann didn’t notice him until he was a few steps away. He would have just slipped into the seat on the opposite side of the booth, but her feet were propped up on it. She didn’t make any move to give him space to sit, either. Maybe she really didn’t want company? 

_ Perfect, now she’ll learn what it’s like on the other side of the conversation,  _ one half of his brain thought. The other just felt like shit for bothering her.

Shane leaned against the booth, not knowing what to say. Ann just looked up from her notebook with a raised eyebrow. They stared at each other for a moment, neither saying anything. Then Anna went back to her drawing and Shane took another sip of his beer. 

_ Shit, how do you do this again? _ Shane’s social skills weren’t his strong suit, but he should be able to just start a conversation with someone. Especially someone he’d been talking to almost every day this past week. But, now she was not her usual jokey self and gave off an air of melancholy that was usually reserved for Shane alone. 

Ann’s voice startled him out of his worrying. “Are you just gonna stand there like a creep or you gonna sit?” Shane could tell light tone in her voice was forced. She tapped the heel of her boot against the seat it was on, then shifted it over to make room. 

Shane glared at her but took the invitation. The old booth creaked as he sat down, and there was a short and stupid moment where he thought it might collapse under his weight. The padding on the old wooden seat was worn down and uncomfortable. Not much better than the barstools, really. But at least this had a backing he could lean against so there was no need for him to hunch over. 

Ann didn’t say anything else to him. She did, however, study his face far too long. The stare was a bit too intense, and Shane had to avert his eyes. Before he could tell her to knock it off, her gaze dropped back to her notebook. Splitting the page into sections, adding a circle to each, it was easy to mindlessly watch the pencil move across the paper. The scritch of graphite against it filled the silence between them. 

After adding more features to one of the top circles, the pencil stopped moving. He looked up to meet a pair of brown eyes staring at him again over her glasses. They were only there for a moment before the dropped back down and her voice broke the silence. “Don’t you have some brooding do to or something?” She joked. It was still forced. 

Still, he felt the smirk before he could stop it. “Yeah, but you’re takin' my job.” 

A hum came with the flip her pencil as she dragged the eraser over her work. “Should’ve got here faster,” now the fake tone was dropped altogether. 

_ I shouldn’t be here at all _ , the thought came to his mind immediately. Right after his goddaughter’s birthday, he needed a break from her constant energy, and the extra sugar from the cake didn’t help. Obnoxious was the first word to cross his mind and he hated it. She was a child on her birthday, for fuck sake, obnoxious should not be the first word to come to his head. 

There was a moment of silence and more pencil to paper. It only broke when a phone vibrated against the table, startling Shane. Ann only sighed as she picked it up, staring at the name on the screen. Holding down the button to decline the call, she still stared at it. As if on a timer, it started vibrating again. Instead of declining again, she popped the back case off and pulled out the battery. 

“Uh, isn’t that a bit much?” He didn’t mean to say anything. The gateway from his brain to his mouth just wouldn’t close half the time. 

She shot him a glance, clearly not expecting him to comment on it. She shrugged and when back to her drawing. “Quicker than turning it off.” She saw the question in his eyes when she looked back up and shook her head to answer. “Family shit. They never leave me alone to think.”

_ Oh shit, was that a hint? _ She probably wanted to be left alone.  _ Duh, dumbass, she was sitting out of the way, by herself for a reason. _ He was only joking about the intrusive thing, now this was just too real. “Uh, if you wanna be alone, I can go.” 

There was a slight shake of her head, “No, you’re okay. You’re not the one bothering me.”     

There was a drop in the conversation, leaving a weird feeling in Shane’s stomach. He still felt like a bother. His eyes dropped back to the notebook between them. The faces across the page were starting to look really familiar. Then it dawned on him. “What the hell?” 

Her eyes didn’t shift, but her lips did, quirking up at a corner. “Look, if you sit here, you willingly agree to be my model.” 

_ What? _ Never in anyone’s lifetime should the term ‘model’ be used to describe Shane Patrick Holland. The thought was so absurd the only way his brain could comprehend it was to laugh, loud and awkward. And it only stopped when he brought his glass to his lips for a long drink. 

She snickered, “If it makes you that nervous, I’ll stop.” She shifted over to start on the right page. 

“Uh. Just a bit weird.” He took another sip of his beer so he didn’t have to explain. Why the fuck would anyone want to draw him, out of everything else more pleasing to look at in the world? The girl was still bizarre, and maybe she always will be. 

Another circle and the iconic line for the beginning for another portrait. She stopped after that, though, taking her own glass from its coster and taking a sip. The drawings didn’t start up again, Shane watched her pencil bounce against the paper. She hummed, “I thought you said you wouldn’t be here today.” 

Shane shrugged and left that as his answer. 

But, she still pressed like she always does. “Wasn’t it your cousin's birthday?” 

His brow furrowed at the word cousin. It took a while of thinking before the realization occurred to him. “She’s… Uh, my goddaughter,” he corrected. Of course she’d think that, he sure as hell didn’t act like a guardian of any sort. 

“Oh.” It was clear she was trying to hide the surprise on her face. A chuckle came before her next sentence, “That makes a lot more sense, actually.” 

Again, more confusion. “What?” 

It was her turn to shrug. “She just seems really attached to you, I guess.” 

_ What? What the hell does that even mean? _ He was the one that was barely around. He didn’t pay attention to her. He chose to be at the bar every night than taking care of her. He was so out of tune with her life that he couldn’t even get her a proper gift. He wasn’t even there for her, how the fuck could she be  _ attached  _ to him? 

“Hey?” A worried look was staring back at him through dorky glasses. “Everything alright?” The soft tone of her voice irritated his brain.

“Yeah.” He downed the rest of his drink and went off to get another. 


	17. Beached

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Don’t get hot pepper chutney like this in the big city.”  
> “What is a chutney, anyway?”  
> “Good?”  
> Oh, okay.

It might have been the hottest day of the year. Well, so far anyway, it was only the beginning of June. The sun was beating down hot and heavy, not a cloud in the sky to protect the Earth from its rays. The heat dried everything in its path to a near crisp. Anna had been watering her crops twice, something thrice a day to make sure they were properly hydrated.

A constant sheen of sweat covered her face. Even in a crop top and shorts, she still felt far too stuffy in her clothes. The exact reason she hated summer. Hopefully, the breeze off the ocean will help. She hasn’t been to the beach in ages. It might have even been the last time she attended the Luau her final year with Grandpa Whitt. Besides festivals, she didn’t spend much time down there. She and her friends weren’t really the type. 

So walking over the bridge to the Luau didn’t have that same nostalgia like most things did. But it did have the same twinge of anxiety now associated with interacting with so many people. She had an easier time shoving it away now. After two other festivals, though both not going nearly as well as she hoped, and being in the valley for well over four months now, the initial dread was dulled to something far more manageable.

The soft sand buried her sandals as she stepped off the path. Looking around, she guessed she was the last one to arrive. It was almost half past one and the festival was in full swing. People dancing on a shoddy looking dancefloor, others clumped together in small groups sharing the usual small-town gossip. 

Near one of the tables was Mayor Lewis talking to someone in an ostentatious purple suit with a top hat to match. That letter Lewis sent did say the governor was going to be here. She’s seen his face a few times before when he visited the Joja office. She always heard good things about the man, so she could only assume that was true.

Not that she really cared about the governor's appearance. The wide array of food spread across tables drew her hollow stomach like a moth to a flame. Gus’s standards were easy to pick out, all piled high and easy to access for everyone to enjoy. Another table held the townie’s contributions to the potluck, all significantly less appealing when compared to the top chef of Pelican Town. 

Overwhelming everything, however, was the strong smell of broth and vegetables coming from the festival’s main event: the stew. Marnie stood on a stool, hunched over a large pot over an open fire. Shoot, she should’ve brought something for it. Not that she was a big fan of the stuff, especial on a scorching summer’s afternoon. But she had skipped both breakfast and lunch to finish the chores at home before coming here. Oh well, there was always next year. 

Instead, she wandered over to the other table containing some of the desserts, way more her taste. Picking up some sort of cookie, she took a large bite. Not as good as she was hoping, pretty overcooked and dry, but she finished it anyway, then went hunting for a drink to wash it down. 

Shane was standing by the drinks, stuffing his face with cheese from one of those store-bought plates of meats, cheeses, and crackers.  _ Of all the food, he picks that. Come on. _ She gave him a greeting when she walked up, and he acknowledged it with a grunt and a nod of his head. 

He nodded to a bowl in front of himself. “Don’t get hot pepper chutney like this in the big city.” He popped the salami into his mouth.

Anna looked at the bright red sauce in the bowl. She took one of the crackers off the plate next to it and gave it a try. It was pretty good, not as spicy as she would have hoped but tasty nonetheless. Humming, she looked over the cracker in her fingers. “What is a chutney, anyway?” 

He looked down at the piece of salami between his finger the same way. Then he shrugged, “Good?” 

Anna couldn’t help the chuckle that came out. Not really the answer she wanted, but okay. Shoving the rest of the cracker into her mouth, she walked around Shane to the drinks cooler. Digging a bottle of water, she shook the condensation before taking a long drink. The refreshing chill was so very welcoming.

After a sigh, she turned to lean back on the table like Shane was. Looking out at the dancers; Emily, Robin and Demetrius, the kids. Then further beyond that to the waves lapping against the shoreline. She looked at Shane out of the corner of her eye, “So you’ve just been standing here to guarding the food, or…?” 

He returned her side glance with a glare. “I’m in charge of watch Jas. Make sure she doesn’t get hurt or anything.” Anna nodded, then saw him motion to the rest of the festival with a small wave of his hand. “Besides, what the hell else is there to do?” 

She smirked, tilting her head over to the blaring music, “Dance?”

He snorted and that turned into a low laugh, “No. Never.”

She clicked her tongue and rolled her eyes. Not like she would have been one to dance either, but imagining Shane doing so crafted a funny picture in her mind. Looking around a bit more, her eyes landed on a turned over log near the tree line. A place to get off her feet sounded like a good idea. Pushing off the table, she motioned for him to follow, “Come on.” 

It took him a second before he heeded her request, trudging along in the sand behind her. She sat on the log in the shade, stretching her legs out before her. So much better than standing out in the overwhelming heat. She kicked off her sandals and buried her toes in the cool sand. Shane stood awkwardly for a moment. “Why’d you bring me over here?” There was more annoyance in his voice than anything else.

She tapped the spot beside her with the end of her bottle. “Stop questioning and sit down.” 

Rubbing his thumb and forefinger in his eyes, he sighed. Then he sat down next to her with some reluctance. The treeline behind them provided a convenient backrest, each being able to lean on their own tree. The clean day provided a nice view, and the music wasn’t as loud now that they were sitting behind the speakers.

Just as Anna started to zone out, her phone buzzed loudly in her pocket. Pulling it out and looking over the name, she sighed loudly, “I’ll be right back.” She kicked up a bit of sand as she stood up barefoot. There was a good few feet of personal space before she tapped the answer button. 

Beeps and telephone rings sounded from the speaker. Not an uncommon occurrence considering Gran called from work most of the time. The muffled chatter added to the chaos. A stark contrast to the laughter and ambiance of the get-together around her. 

“Annabella? Oh good, you picked up.” The fatigue in her voice was obvious. She huffed out a tired breath, “Are you busy right now, dear?” 

_ Oh no. _ “Um, yeah kinda. Why?” Her eyes followed along the lines receding waves left in the sand.

There was the rapid clipping of a pen and the shuffle of papers. Anna could almost see the crease set into her grandmother’s forehead and the way she tried to rub it away with her hand. “It’s your father.” 

After the calls all week, she couldn’t even be surprised at this point. But she tried to fake it, pushing the concern into her voice,  “What happened?” 

“I tried to talk with him last night, but he just wouldn’t listen.” Another drawn out sigh. “Just more denying, and more yelling, and he just went out to drink,  _ again _ .” That was exactly what happened last time Gran tried to confront him about his drinking problem. Just denial and yelling. Only, Annabella was there at the time, for moral support, and most of the yelling fell back on her as a result. “I asked him to try and talk to you, as well. Did he?” 

Yup, when she was at the bar a third of the way into her own glass. The small similarly left a sharp, sickening feeling in her stomach. Anna shrugged her shoulders out of habit. “My phone must have been dead or something.” 

Gran clicked her tongue. “I wish you’d keep that thing charged, Annabella. Now that you’re so far away, I have no way to contact you otherwise.”

Oh, now she felt bad for lying. “Sorry, it hard since I’m not in the house most of the day.” And sometimes she just needed to be away from this family drama. 

“Right, right.” A silence was filled by the shuffling of more papers and more clicks. “Jon hasn’t come into work the last few days, either. Said he was in need of a well-deserved vacation after that big sale with the McFadden’s.” Definitely sounds like something her father would do. “Look Annabella, I really hate to ask this of you, but…” She let her sentence drop off there, but Anna could tell what she was getting at. 

_ Oh no. No, no, no. _ “I can’t just drop everything and take the next bus back to ZuZu City, Gran. I have a life here, you know?” 

“I know, Annabella. But I would appreciate it if you could take some time to come over here and help with some of the papers while your father is unable.” The pleading tone in her voice rattled Anna’s resolve.

She blew out her frustration, rubbing a hand over her face. Gran had her help with some of the workload while she still lived with her. She hated it. Just as she hated working her normal duties at Joja. And now she had responsibilities here; crops, animals, a whole farm she just couldn’t up and leave for a few days. 

But, she also knew how much stress her grandmother was under. How much stress she was always under when it came to her son. Anna could practically feel it coming through the phone. Just leaving her to deal with it all by herself was an option now, but that thought left a sour taste in her mouth. “I’ll try to be there, but I can’t promise anything, okay?”

There was a sigh of relief, “You’re truly an angel, Annabella. Be sure to call me if you can, I’ll send over someone to pick you up.” More papers and more ringing. “I need to get some more of these paper’s sorted.” 

“Alright, Don’t overwork yourself. Love you.” 

“I’ll try. I love you too, dear.” Click.

Anna tapped the phone against her forehead. Yoba, she hated this. She hated how stress Gran had to be over this. How she had to help clean up his mess after the fact. How he still couldn’t see the shit he was putting his family through, even though it had been years since her mother’s death. How he still throws blame to everyone but himself. 

She needed a drink. Luckily the cooler under the buffet table had some of Gus’s fancy beer in it. He had talked about bottling some for the Luau and he did not disappoint. Grabbing two out of the ice without a second thought, she welcomed the cool press of the bottles against her arm. She ran a hand over both to get rid of the excess condensation, then dragged that over the base of her neck as she walked. A pleasant chill ran up her spine. An oncoming headache was starting to make itself known, and this heat was not helping. She really needed a drink. 

Choosing to sit in the sand by Shane to rest on the back of the log, she dropped the extra beer into his lap. She saw the disgruntled look he gave as she leaned her head back. “What the hell?” 

There was a minute where she wrestled with the bottle-opener before a pop and hiss filled the silence. The cap fell into the sand beside her, half buried and forgotten. “I don’t wanna look like a loser drinking alone,” a poor but very true excuse. She didn’t explain herself further, just brought the beer to her lips and took a long drink.

Shane looked at the bottle in his hand before reaching for the opener himself. There was a flash of concern in his eyes, but it was quickly covered by his usual blank face. “Everything alright?” He still asked. 

She gave a small shrug of her shoulders, “Just family bullshit.” Same answer as last time. Another long drink from the bottle and it was already half empty. 

There was the click of a second lid opening, then a sharp hiss of fizz and Shane’s exclamation. Anna looked over to see foam poured out of the top of his bottle, spilling over his hand into the sand.  _ Oops _ . She hid her smile behind her hand. “Nice work,” she quipped. 

He shot her a glare. “It’s ‘cause you fuckin’ threw it at me.” He switched to hold the beer away from him with his other hand, shaking off the foamy one in the sand at his feet. 

She sighed, fake-annoyed and completely exaggerated. Shoving her bottle in the sand to keep it upright, she got to her feet. “I’ll get you a napkin. Since it’s so my fault.” The second glare he gave her was met with a playful smile. She turned away too fast to see the roll of his eyes. 

Sam was walking up to the tables at the same time as Anna. His usual smile widened, turning unapologetically goofy. “Hey Anna!” 

“Hey Sam,” she didn’t return his enthusiasm, mind too occupied by other things. The main one now was how different Sam had been treating her since they started talking again. She knew what was going on, and she wanted to let him down easy. A relationship, or even the thought of pursuing one, was nowhere in her plans right now. So much more important things to think about. She just hasn’t found the time to properly talk with him yet, or even the right words to discuss the matter. 

Sam's fingers drummed against the table between them. “I didn’t see you earlier. Thought you weren’t gonna show up.” He pointed a thumb over to the grand pot on a now dwindling fire. “You missed the stew.” 

“Oh, I had a lot of stuff to do on the farm.” She looked over the table a third time. Apparently, this town didn’t believe in napkins. Just to keep on the conversation, she added, “I was sitting over there with Shane.” 

He looked back over her shoulder, smile slightly dimming. “Yeah, you’ve been hangin’ out with him a lot lately, huh?” 

“Uh,” she looked back behind her. Shane was leaning back against a tree, eyes trained on the sky. “Yeah, why?” 

He shook his head quickly, “No reason. Just, uh. Just never seen him really talk to anyone.” Sam picked up one of the empty cups off the table and moved to get some punch from the bowl. “He’s kinda… rude.” 

_ Yeah, he didn’t want to say asshole. _

Abandoning her original task, Anna took one of the cups as well. She moved to fill it with some chips next to the numerous bowls of dip instead. Really just to buy her more time to think of a response. She still couldn’t come up with a good answer when she finished. All she could do was shrug her shoulders, “He’s nice to me.” 

Sam nodded and gave an awkward laugh. “I tried being nice, but uh… Maybe I just caught him on a bad day.” 

_ Just end this. _ “Yeah, maybe.”

“Yeah.” There was a very uncomfortable pause as Sam took a drink from his cup. He clearly had more to say. And he definitely did. “Hey, you two aren’t like a… a thing, right?” 

All thought process stopped and she just stared at him for a good minute. “Excuse me?” 

He was backtracking hard, shrugging his shoulders and face bright red. “I-I just. Sorry to assume, it’s just-” 

_ I’m just the only female in this whole town he interacts with that’s not his family, fair. _ She took a deep breath. “No. No, we’re not.” 

“Great!” The panic only reddened his face further. “I mean- uhhh.” He cleared his throat, trying to clear the air. It didn’t work, if anything it made it worse. 

Instead, he yanked another cup off the stack in front of him, nearly tipping it over. “I-I promised Abby I’d get her a drink.” To make his point, he poured some of the juice into the cup. A bit splashed out of the bowl when he dropped the ladle back in, staining the tablecloth. 

He gave another sheepish smile, then motioned to his friends with a turn of his head. “I-I gotta go. I’ll talk to you later, Anna!” 

Anna just nodded and waved. 

She just shook her head after he turned, not even wanting to comprehend what just happened. Yoba, she really needed to talk to Sam before this crush gets out of hand. Later. So much crowded her head right now, she could barely concentrate on one thing at a time. Picking the most basic one out of the bunch, she hunted for the napkins again. Not that it mattered now. 

Finally finding some napkins under a plate, she went back over to the trees. She threw the few she could find in Shane’s lap, him mumbling a thanks under his breath. Dropping down in the sand, she stared into the blue water looking back at her. Something dark and sharp pushed it way up from her subconscious. 

Shaking her head quickly, she spun around to face Shane. He gave her a weird look, then that weird look shifted to the cup of chips in her hand. “What loser just eats plain tortilla chips?” 

She took a chip from the cup. “This loser,” and took a bite to emphasize the statement. He shook his head, take a one for himself when she offered.

She laid back and propped her legs up on the log, not fully thinking about the sand steadily crawling its way into her entire being. The wispy clouds drifted overhead. The poppy beat of the music mixed with the chatter of the crowd behind her. Joy and laughter lingered in the air. A sigh passed her lips. 

_ The calm before the storm. _

The silence didn’t last long before the list of thing she needed to prep flashed bright red in her mind. “Hey, do you think you guys could watch Cat for a few days?” She tilted her head so she could see Shane’s face in the corner of her eye. 

His brow furrowed, “Goin’ somewhere?” 

She shifted her eyes back to the sky. “Yeah, I need to go into the city for a few days.” 

A second pass and he took another sip of his beer. “Do you have someone to look after your chickens?” 

That was also on her list. “If you could do that too, you’d be my favorite person,” there was a hopeful lilt in her voice.

He snorted, “You got some pretty low standards.” 

“I’m just easy to please.” She nudged him with her foot. “Could you though, I’d pay you?” 

He considered it for a moment. “Just the weekend?” She nodded, puffing out her lip and batting her lashes. He rolled his eyes to the sky and sighed. “You’re lucky I don’t have a life. Hope you don’t want me to water your crops too, might end up drowning those.” 

“No, it's supposed to rain. Hopefully, it does, the sun’s been pretty killer this week.”


	18. Abyss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He hated this.

It was unusually cold and rainy for the summer season in Stardew Valley. Usually, it was just a small sprinkle, but this downpour didn’t stop. It soaked everything and everyone in its path. A soft thunder rumbled far off in the distance. A reminder of a far-off memory Shane has tried time and time again to drown in a bottle. 

It was always the same. It was dark. It was stormy. He wasn’t even there when it happened, but the grim part of his mind was able to construct a play-by-play. The road, the rain. The crash, the fall. He was good at tuning it out, he had for the past few years, but when the weather was like this… 

Sleep was damn near impossible. The pattering against his window rattled his mind. Drifting out of consciousness resulted in another nightmare. Another dark road, the faint streetlights sparkling off the slick surface. Another  _ crash _ , the harsh screech of the spinning tires. Another rusty railing, the scrap of metal on metal. Another drop into the ocean dozens of feet below. 

It only stopped when he jolted awake, hard of breathing and mentally foggy. It took far too much time to regain his senses. The shadows in the low-light slowly manifested. Looking over at the glaring green numbers on the alarm clock, he found barely an hour had passed. Again. 

His head dropped back onto the pillow, now cold and damp with sweat. A quiet sigh passed his lips. He rubbed his hand hard into his face, tracking upward to grasp fistfuls of his hair. He could barely differ his touch from the numbness in his body. 

He couldn’t do this. 

He forced his body to sit up, throwing his legs over the edge of the bed. Every muscle ached as he went to stand. Shuffling over to the dresser, he pulled open the bottom drawer. He took extra care to be silent when he pulled out the emergency whiskey. The  _ phsst  _ of the top opening echoed in the still room. And he drank. And he drank. And he drank.

\---

Shane woke up on the floor, dizzy and nauseous. He had to swallow down the vomit to save the old rug beneath him. The vile taste invaded his mouth forcing a cough out of him. Squeezing his eye shut, he pressed his facing into the ground to repress the groan working its way up his throat. Yoba, everything hurt. He just wanted to go back to sleep. 

He hadn’t got that drunk since…

_ Right _ . When Marnie found him in a pile of his own drunken mess a few weeks back.  _ Great memory _ . 

Vibrations against the floor brought his head up. His phone lit up the underside of the nightstand with a notification. It must have fallen off the table last night. Already choosing to forget about it, it buzzed again. Groaning into his palm, Shane stretched the few inches to grab it. The empty whiskey bottle next to his fist made a  clatter as he shoved it hard enough to disappear under the bed. 

He brought the phone to his face, fumbling to click the button in his dizzy state. When he finally did, the dim light blinded his eyes. Blinking a few time, then a few more to really focus on the screen, he saw the messages that just came in. 

Both from Ann.  _ ‘Hey, just a reminder about feeding the chickens. Thanks again!’ _ with an ugly chicken emoji tacked on at the end. Then an apology,  _ ‘Sorry if I woke you up btw.’ _ He gave her his number in case anything happened with the chickens, but he was immediately regretting it. It was so damn early in the morning. 

11:32 to be exact. 

He didn’t answer back. Dropping the phone on the ground, he laid his face back down. He had to get up now. He promised her he’d help, and there was no one else that could do it. He couldn’t disappoint another person in his life. 

But did that really matter now? He let down everyone thus far, what’s another one to the ever-growing pile? 

He picked up his phone again. The messages were still opened when he turned on the screen. Focusing on the tiny keyboard was near impossible with the spinning. He had to read it over three times despite it being only five letters.  _ ‘Got it.’  _

_ ‘Thank you! You’re a lifesaver! :D’ _

He snorted at the message,  _ Bullshit _ . Stumbling to his feet, he grabbed the back of the old couch for support. The room spun like mad, and Shane had to swallow down more vomit. Pulling on a pair of shorts he found on the floor was a nightmare and a half. He didn’t even bother with a different, clean shirt, he just threw his beat-up hoodie over what he had on. 

Now fully dressed, he took a moment to steady himself on the couch. His face buried in his hands to block out the light and let his vision settle. Usually there were two ways to get rid of a hangover for Shane, some painkillers and water, then just tough it out. Or, near instant relief came with just a bit more booze. It didn’t take long to decide. 

He took the two steps back to his bed before dropping to his knees to reach under it. His fingers caught the rough material of the strap and he pulled it out. It was a shitty budget lunchbox he got to keep his beer from getting too warm in the summer heat. He pulled out a slightly below room-temperature can from the bunch, opened the top and down the whole thing quickly in one go. Taking a breath after, he stared at the now empty beer before crushing it in his fist. He stuffed it into the trash bag under there with the others. The rattle of metal on metal was louder in his mind than it should have been. 

The house was empty when he walked around doing his usual morning routine. Either they were both out, or Marnie was having Jas help her with the animals. Either way, it was a blessing to Shane because he didn’t want to talk to anyone right now. He just wanted to get this job done and then go right back to sleep.

The clashing of the rain against the roof was so much louder when he opened the door to leave. Sighing once, he rubbed his weary eyes from the bright outdoors. The clouds seemed to do nothing to block out the sun. He pulled his hoodie up around his head as he walked. It did nothing to block out the rain and he could feel the thin fabric already soaking through at the base of his neck. 

The path through Attins Farm was muddy and slippery. His old boots made a squishing sound with every step. Every sound was muffled by the raindrops dropping against his hood, like the creak of the gate opening and creak of it closing. Getting up to the chicken coop was a hassle with the tall grass being slick and his vision still fuzzy at best. When he finally made it up to the door, he was shielded from the downpour by the roof. He shoved off his hood, slicking his hair back as a result.

A note was tacked to the inside of the door, his name scrawled on the top in bright, loopy letters. It was simple instruction; where the feed was and how much to give, where the cleaning supplies were if need be. Also, a memo about Eggavier (the brown one) being a trickster and Meggan (the white one) being aloof as hell, so make sure they didn’t get into any trouble. They were two chickens locked in a giant box, what trouble could they get into? 

Just as he expected, when he stepped inside the two were still sleeping away in the corner. They didn’t even move when he stepping on a particular loud floorboard, or when he flipped on the lights. Or when he hefted up the bag of feed and poured some into the bowl. What was this bull about being troublemakers? 

He watched and waited for them to awake. It took a bit, but after the first ruffle of feathers they were up and running around in seconds. He decided to stay to make sure they ate, not that he had anything better to do on a weekend. When he took a seat against the far wall, leaning his head back to take a moment to breathe. There was something comforting about the scent of hay and feathers to him. Might have been from spending too much time with the hens at home on his days off. 

But now with nothing to focus on, his mind drifted. The patter of raindrops echoed on the walls, drawing his attention back every time he forgot. Another rumble of thunder in the distance sounded far too familiar. 

Fuck, he needed a drink. Checking the watch on his wrist, he knew it was nowhere near late enough for the saloon to open. And it wouldn’t be open for another few hours. Home was always an option, but then he ran the risk of talking. The last thing he wanted to do was fuck up his relationship with either Jas or Marnie. 

Sudden fatigue hit him like a truck. Sleep sounded like such a better plan than drinking. If he could get any. The rain was still falling with full force. But he was so tired at this point, maybe it might not matter. He just needed to get home first.  

He went to stand, every joint cracked as he moved. Meggan waddled over to his feet and he had to stoop back down to pet her. It was a bit of a mistake because Eggavier came over demanding the same thing. Oh well, he could spare five more minutes. 

\---

Walking through the front door of the ranch house felt like relief. He shrugged off his drenched hoodie immediately, wringing it out through the open door before he closed it. It was finally going to need a wash. He’d have to do laundry.  _ Great _ . 

Jas bounded up to him as he closed the door, Ann’s little gray cat in her arms. Yoba, he forgot they were watching that, too. She smiled at him, rubbing her cheek against the cat’s head. “Uncle Shane, I want a cat.” 

_ Of course you do _ . He let out a breath, “There’s a bunch of cat outside.” 

Her face dropped into a pout, just like he knew it would. “No. I want an indoor cat.” 

“You can’t have an indoor cat,” keeping his voice even was a challenge, but he did it. He usually added some sort of reason but he didn’t have the energy for this issue again. 

She whined, and at her high-pitched noise, the cat wriggled enough to fall from her grasp and skitter away. Lucky for Shane, Jas was way more interested in chasing it than continuing the conversation. 

The only other distraction was the grumbling of his stomach as he walked through the kitchen. The smell of food caught his senses and now he was fully aware he hasn’t eaten anything all day. Truthfully, he wasn’t sure he could stomach anything, still slightly nauseous from the extended hangover he gave himself. But he toughed it out and ate something anyway. 

The door to his bedroom was open, he didn’t even bother to question why. He chucked his hoodie back into the pile of clothes on the floor. That was a job for later, maybe tomorrow. Dropping into bed, the springs on the mattress creaked loudly. When he rolled over, he could already feel the weight of sleep taking over his body. The rain wasn’t a pressing issue this time, and he finally fell asleep.  

\---

He woke up a few hours later, his face buried in his pillow and something soft resting against his neck. Groaning, he pushed himself on an elbow and was met with a face full of fur. The new dip in the bed caused the cat to roll out of its position. It landed wide-eyed, curled up with its head against Shane’s arm. Shane was about to shoo it out when it jumped at the slightest movement and ran out on its own. 

Didn’t he close that door? He ran a hand through his hair and saw the white furs flitter in the air.  _ Yoba, how did anyone deal with this? _ He batted them away with his hand. His eyes glanced at the clock. Late enough for the bar to be open, or for it to be open by the time he got there. 

Rolling out of bed, he immediately went for his go-to hoodie. But now picking it up, he felt the damp fabric in his fingers. A sigh passed his lips. Shuffling over to his dresser, he dug through it to find a different one. A dark red one was the first to find, a bit too thick for the summer but it will do. He pulled it on, feeling slightly uncomfortable with the extra weight of it on his shoulders. 

Stepping out of the room, he was immediately hit with the smell of fresh bread. He could here Jas’s giggling and the sound of pots and pans. Rounding the corner, he saw his goddaughter sitting up at the counter. Water was soaked up past her elbow as she took a rag to the dirty dishes. Marnie was next to her inspecting and drying them to be put away. 

When Jas saw him standing there, she smiled like she always did. “Look, Uncle Shane! I’m helping!” She held up the dish in her hands for him to see before handing over to be dried. 

Shane couldn’t help the small smile as he nodded. “Yup, good job, kid.” 

She gave him a wide smile at his praise. “We made banana bread. And Aunt Marnie showed me how to make the dough. Did you know you need to use the old bananas for it, that makes it taste the best.-” 

He leaned against the counter as he listened to her list out the steps for making bread in that incredibly enthusiastic way kids do. Every now and then his eyes would glance up to Aunt Marnie, who expression he couldn’t quite place. 

“You gotta try some, Uncle Shane! It’s super good!” Jas’s hands swirled around the water for a moment before she fished out the plug. Her hands hung over the sink as it drained, droplets steadily falling. She looked around for a moment before Marnie placed a dry cloth in her hands. 

As Jas wrapped her hands in the towel, Marnie laughed, “Why don’t you go get cleaned up, sunshine?” She placed a hand on her back as she hopped off the chair. Jas ran past Shane quickly, trying to keep the water off the floor. 

Now alone with Marnie, Shane felt a pressure weigh down on his chest. His anxiety decided to manifest whenever the two were alone now. Not knowing when she was going to try and bring up his problems again ate away at him slowly. It was getting to the point where he tried to avoid being alone with her.  _ Yoba, this is awful. _

For something to do, he pulled Jas’s chair back up to the table. He stood there for a moment too long, planning to just walk out the door. But the clattering of the plates stopped, and when he looked up, Marnie was staring at him with worried eyes. 

She tapped her fingers against her crossed arm. “You planning on going to Stardrop again tonight?” 

The weight pulled down hard on his chest. He couldn’t even answer her, let alone look at her face. She knew the answer. He knew the answer. 

She let out a sigh at his silence. There was another moment before she asked, “Is everything alright, Shane? Yo-” The rest of her sentence was cut off by the sudden pounding in his skull. His chest hurt with even breath he took, the pressure growing by the second.

Fuck, he couldn’t do this. Not now. He sighed into his hand, “Now not really a good time.”

Another exhausted sigh, “When will it be a good time then, Shane?” Her words sounded sharp to Shane’s ears. He was pushing her to her limit, burdening her conscious because she felt the need to care for him just like she always did. 

“Just-” He didn’t know what to say. The real answer to the question was probably never. Shane didn’t want to open that Pandora’s box, let alone have someone else do it. “I gotta go,” And made a quick exit through the front door. 

He walked through the saloon doors just after the bar started for the night. It was quiet, as usual, this early in the evening. He walked up to his usual stool, and Gus brought him his usual beer. He drank it quickly and ordered another right after. 

An odd feeling hit him as he sat there, drinking alone. Loneliness wasn’t that common for Shane, coming to the bar to drink was because he wanted to be alone. But now, during most evenings Ann would walk through the doors to join him. He cast a glance over to the door and half expected her to walk in, even though he was fully aware she wasn’t even in town right now. 

Fuck, this is exactly why he didn’t want to drink with people. You would start expecting them, and with that came disappointment. Shane didn’t even have a right to that feeling. He’s let so many people down in his life, why should he expect anything from anyone. 

He ran a hand hard over his face, dropping that elbow on the counter to prop his head up. Halfway through his second beer, the bar was quiet. The other regulars haven't arrived and Shane didn’t know if they would. Storms keep most people inside. 

Shane could feel Gus’s eyes on him as he poured Pam another glass from the tap. He heard the clack of glass against the counter and the footsteps coming towards him. He didn’t acknowledge the older man in front of him as he cleaned one of the glasses. After a few minutes of that, he pulled the rag over the counter. 

“You alright there, Shane?” Gus asked casually as he wiped the spot next to him. 

A spike of anger surged through him. That was only the second time someone had asked that, but he was already done with it. Why did everyone have to worry about him? Couldn’t they just leave him be? Didn’t they see he wasn’t something to waste their energy on? 

Keeping the scowl off his face was impossible. Without replying, he stood up from the stool. Pulling his wallet out of his pocket, he chucked a few bills on the counter. Gus’s worried face still wouldn’t leave his sight. He shoved his hands in his pockets as he walked out. 

The rain was coming down heavy, soaking through his clothes and dampening his skin. Throwing his hood up was a lost cause, but he did it anyway. To keep the rain out of his eyes and to keep his face out of sight. Not that anyone was out right now. No normal person would be trudging out in the rain. 

The main house was dark when he walked through the door. He could see the lights under both the bedroom doors. They must have turned in for the night. The smart idea would be for him to do the same, but when had he ever been smart. The call of alcohol, of an escape, drove his plans forward. 

His rumpled sheets were occupied when he got to his room. That fucking cat. He didn’t even bother shooing it out, he just reached under the bed to grab his pack of beers. When he looked back up, it tired eyes stared back at him for a moment before dropping its head back down. A small spark of stupid shame zipped through him. From a cat no less. 

He shook the feeling out of his head, leaving behind the embarrassing anger that came with it. Pulling the bag-strap up over his shoulder, he took care to keep quiet as he made his way out of the house. He needed a drink. Now. 

His usual spot was occupied by puddles gathering in the dips in the wooden dock. Besides, if he wanted to sit outside he would need to stay out of the rain. He just wanted a place to be alone, really. Here wasn’t even a good option for that. Even with the rain, there’s still a chance someone might come by. 

He started off down the small trail through the forest. He just needed somewhere, anywhere, to be alone. The canopy of trees blocked most of the drizzle. The strap of that stupid bag got caught on everything possible. He had to tug every time, leaving a trail of torn up brush in his wake. 

The path eventually came out to the other side of the river. A rickety old shed stood out in the clearing. Moss grew over the walls, the old wood splintering underneath. The single window and door were closed up with rotting wood and rusty nails. Just touching it would make them fall, and if Shane really wanted a shelter from the downpour, he had one. 

He settled back again the wall. Pulling a drink out of the little cooler, he popped the tab and downed it fast, nearly finishing the can in one shot. A loud belch rattled the wall behind him. He finished the can, crushed it in his fist, and dropped it to his side. He grabbed another. Pop. Hiss. Drink. Repeat. 

He started out into the ocean. Dark clouds met the surface far in the distance. Raindrops jostled the dark water. Waves rushed in from the horizon-line and dipped out of sight when they go too close. 

After the third can, Shane staggered to his feet. Taking cautious steps, he made into the edge and sat. He wasn’t too far gone, fully aware no one in his state should be anywhere close to a ledge like this. But, he was fully willing to take that risk. 

Risks were an enigma to Shane. Why take risks to stray from the norm? Everything he tried just ended up fail anyway. What was really the point? Work, eat, drink, sleep. That was his life. That’s how it will always be. There’s no way to change that. 

The waves lapped against the shore far below. 

In, out. 

In, out. 

Beckoning him down the cliff’s edge, into the dark water below. It was tempting, far too tempting. It was risky, far too risky. 

But he belonged down there. 

The thought surged red-hot anger through him. FUCK, he can’t think like that. Not when he has a kid he swore to care for. Not when he had an aunt back home that mother-henned him more than he liked. Just that one slip-up caused a rift in the relationship he didn’t even know was there. And now that stupid farmer Ann waltzed into his life. No, she slammed herself through his mental boundary without giving him a chance to throw up his basic defenses. 

He didn’t want to make friends when he came here. All he wanted was a place Jas could grow up in and call home. To have someone actually be there for her when she needed it, and actually be able to take care of her like Shane knew he couldn’t. Someone who could truly be a parental figure for her. And Marnie was such a good role model Shane couldn’t even compete. 

He didn’t want friends. He didn’t even want acquaintances. He didn’t want any impression of him to stick with people at all. Having any memory of him at all was pointless, he was just as memorable as the trash buried in the sand below him. All he wanted was for no one to remember he even existed. That would make this so much easier. 

He chucked the crushed can down the cliff. It sailed, striking a good 10 feet below to roll the rest of the distance down into the wet sand. He stared at it. Then his stare transferred to the shallow waves.

In, out. 

In, out. 

He dropped back into the wet grass. The rain pattered down on his face, cooling his heated skin. He pressed his hands hard into his wet eyes, colors bursting behind his lids. 

He hated this. 


	19. Realization

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Did no one else really try after that? That’s…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's in the tags and if you're reading this, you know what's coming...  
> But I'll put another trigger warning just in case you completely ignored the tags or something.

Anna came to a very serious realization over the weekend. 

She hated being stuck inside. 

More specifically, she hated being stuck inside, hunched over paperwork for hours at a time. She couldn’t focus even if she wanted to. Her legs were restless under the desk as she reread old documents. She tapped her pen to an unknown beat while she reviewing new ones. Typing up information into the database, her eyes wandered away from the monitor to watch the raindrops glide down the windowpanes. 

She never realized how boring everything looked in the city. Gray streets surrounded by gray walls. The tinted windows showed a wide view of the gray sky. The crowds of people and umbrellas were the only small pop color to the otherwise monotone scene. Even with the years and years of experience living here, just those few months in Stardew Valley must have completely altered her perception of color. She never remembered city scenery being so… dull.

The pallet reflected her overall mood. A somber feeling that was so hard to place as she sat at in her grandmother’s office. Originally, she thought it was just her mind slipping back into that all too familiar blasé emptiness. But there was an undertone of worry that differed it from the norm. Was everything okay back at the farm? Were the crops getting enough water? Were they overwatered? It was raining so much, what if the creek flooded? Were the chickens being fed? (Not that she doubted Shane’s word, her anxieties just manifested as such.) 

It didn’t take her long to realize what it was, laying in her old bed staring up at her old ceiling. She was homesick. She was only away for two days, but apparently, that was far too long for her mind. She missed the valley. She missed her pets. She missed the bright open solitude she was just starting to get used to. 

She missed home.

It was such a relief to see that worn-down ‘Welcome to Stardew Valley’ sign as her bus neared its stop. When the bus jerk to a halt, she felt like she couldn’t get out fast enough. Her luggage was practically dragging across the dirt road she knew and loved as she ran up to the gates of her property. The gates swung open with a familiar creek. As she stepped through, she had to stop to take in the view.

Crops lined in nice rows of green, glittering from the sprinkle of rain. The creek ran steady, draining into the little pond in the far back. Across from that, the apple trees were a full vibrant green. Her dilapidated barn stuck out like a sore thumb against the picturesque scene. 

And next to that, the chicken coop sat a bright clean white against the rolling green. She half expected to see Shane walking out. Or maybe she just wanted to see him, to talk to someone as ‘Anna’ and not ‘Annabella’. 

Hefting her bag up the front steps, she sat down. With a deep breath, she felt her bodied relax for the first time in a while. She laid back on the porch, taking in the clean air. Wind rustled the trees. A train whistle sounded in the distance. The light rain tapped against the roof, that same rain that had been on and off all weekend.  It was nice while it lasted.

Of course, her peace couldn’t last very long. As her mind cleared, the to-do list started forming in her head. She needed to unpack her things. She needed to go pick up Cat. She needed to check up on her hens and do a once-over of the crops. She might need to go get some groceries, she usually did that over the weekend. 

Taking one last deep breath, she sat up.

\---

The rain was just wouldn’t stop. And as someone who really enjoyed dreary weather, it was getting too much for Anna. Her feet trudged through the muddy exit at the south end of her farm. She switched her umbrella over to her other hand for what felt like the hundredth time. Rounding the corner, she stared at the ground to watch for puddles and not ruin her boots more. 

“Miss Anna! You’re back!” A high-pitched little voice brought her eyes up. Jas was waving at her from the front door, her pink raincoat dotted with drops. Next to her was Penny, holding an umbrella over the two. When she met eyes with Anna, she gave a polite smile.

She didn’t even get a chance to return a greeting before Jas skipped up to her with a question. “Are you here to pick up Caterina?” 

“Yup, I hope you did a good job watching her.” She needed to go inside anyway, so keeping on course to the door, she shooed the girl along. 

Nodding in earnest, “I did! Aunt Marnie even let her stay in the house! She really likes Uncle Shane’s bed, so she was sleeping in there most of the time.” 

The laugh that came out of Anna’s mouth was completely accidental. So was the absolutely precious picture her mind conjured up of her little gray cat napping on Shane’s head. She just didn’t like to sleep anywhere else.

Her short thought was interrupted by Penny’s own soft chuckle, “Jas has been telling me all about it.” When they finally got back to the front door, she handed Jas the book she was holding. “Now, remember, you need to read chapter four for book talk on Friday.”

The little girl nodded again, pulling the book to her chest. “I will!” 

Penny smiled at her enthusiasm. “Good! Then, I’ll see you tomorrow, Jas. Have a good day, Anna.” She gave a little wave before retreating down the path back to town. 

“Yup, you too.” 

Jas was swinging open the door and shucking off her raincoat before Anna turned back around. “Aunt Marnie! Miss Anna’s here!” She yelled into the empty front room. 

Closing up her umbrella, Anna shook it off before propping it up near the door. Jas stepped out of her rainboots beside her, nudging them away and dropping her coat on the ground next to them. Her book bag was next. And instead of adding the book to the pile, she placed it up on the counter next to the cash register. “I’ll go find Caterina, she’s probably sleeping,” she said before disappearing around a corner. 

And as she did, Marnie came out of the kitchen with Cat at her heels. Unintentional ignoring the woman, Anna kneeled down to scoop up her cat. Nuzzling her face into her fur and making stupid kissy noises, “Hey there, fluffy girl.” 

Marnie smiled, leaning against the doorframe. “Looks like someone missed you.” 

A breath of a laugh accompanied her slightly awkward smile, “I hope she wasn’t too much trouble.” 

The older woman shook her head, “Oh, no. Of course not. Jas had a field day watching her, almost refused to go to class this morning over it.”

“That’s good. Well, not- You know what I mean,” another awkward smile as she shifted her weight. Cat nuzzled herself deeper into Anna’s arms, purring contently as she combed her fingers through her fur. The slight pause in the conversation had another question popped into her mind. “What time is Shane usually home? I kinda need to talk to him.”

Anna caught the slight drop in her expression, but it was gone before she could mention it. “He gets out around 5 o’clock, but he doesn’t get home ‘til pretty late most days.” Her worry was suddenly replaced with an oddly smug smile she couldn’t quite identify. “You and Shane have been talkin’ a lot recently.”  _ Oh no. _ But, she could identify  _ that tone _ .

She couldn’t even counter the point. Instead, she just shrugged and shifted the subject. “Well, I asked him to look after my hen while I was out of town, so…” 

“Oh, that’s what he’s been doin’ all weekend. He had me worried sick there for a while.” She let out a small laugh and that sad expression was back to stay. “Thought he was out somewhere just…” 

Anna’s brows pulled together and Marnie looked up to see the concerned look on her face. She shook her head, “He’s just been… I don’t think he’s been doin’ very well lately. I try to get him to talk to me, but he’s just not havin’ it.” 

Anna nodded, awkwardly but still understanding. “Sometimes people just… need time?”

Marnie let out another sad laugh as she nodded back. Huffing out her emotions, “Well, when you see him later, make sure he alright for me.”

“Of course.” For herself too. 

“Maybe he’ll talk to you. You’ve been so kind to him since you came to the valley, Anna, don’t think that goes unnoticed. I truly appreciate it,” there was a genuine tone to her voice as she said it. 

Anna’s face flushed at the odd statement and she readjusted the cat in her arms for something else to focus on. “Hah, I’m not doing anything special.” 

Marnie hummed. “You may see it that way, but I still appreciate you givin’ him a chance. Most people don’t.”

The comment stung in her chest. Sure, he was kind of rude when they first met, but it was really only that one time. Maybe Anna just missed the initial ‘fuck off’ phase on the road to Shane’s friendship, but she did hit that bump later. Did no one else really try after that? That’s… 

Anna nodded, more for herself, “I’ll… I’ll try to talk to him.” 

“Thank you, Anna.” 

\---

As soon she walked through the doors of the Stardrop Saloon, her eyes scanned for that faded JojaBlue™. It would have been incredibly easy to pick out against the dark woods if he was there. But his usual stool was empty, no drink near it to be seen. The whole bar was mostly empty, save for Gus, Emily, and the lone Pam sitting at the opposite end of the counter. 

Gus greeted her first with a wave of his hand and his usual wide smile. “Anna! Glad to see you’re back in town.” 

“Hey, Gus!” She walked up to lean against the bartop. “How’s business?” Some small talk couldn’t hurt while she waited. 

Before Gus could answer, Emily came out of the back with a few empty trays. “Anna! Looking for Shane?” She wore a smirk as she said it. 

Anna countered it with a very unamused look of her own. _ Not you too.  _ “Yeah, I need to pay him for looking after my animals while I was out.”

“Ah,” Gus nodded, pulling out a glass from what Anna could only assume was an infinite amount of dusty glassware under the counter. “Well, he hasn’t been around for the past few days.”

“No?” Okay, now she was worried. 

Gus shook his head. “Nope, last I saw him he wasn’t lookin’ so well. Stormed out after a couple drinks. Not that that’s unusual for his off days, but not comin’ back is a new one.” 

Emily chimed in after as she stored the trays away. “I saw him taking a walk through the woods yesterday while I was running something over to Leah’s. I tried to get him to stop and talk, but maybe he just didn’t hear me.” 

Maybe it was just Anna antipathy for the backwoods, but she couldn’t help the dread that surged through her veins. “Uh, was… Was he okay?” 

Emily turned to tidy up the barbacking. “Like I said, I didn’t really talk to him. He didn’t seem too out of the ordinary. Maybe he just needed some time alone? Change of scenery? Who knows?”

Her dread fizzled sharper.  _ But you just let him wander back into bumblefuck nowhere? ALONE? I mean, he’s an adult that can take care of himself, mostly. But STILL. _

Gus placed a glass of water in front of her after seeing the mental turmoil clear on her face. “You’re frettin’ over nothin’ Anna. He’ll probably walk through those doors any minute.” 

_ Any minute? If he was really gonna be here tonight, he would have been here when she walked in. _

Emily turned around to see her still anxious face and sighed, gaze dropping to adjust the strings of her apron. “I’ve known Shane for a while, and he hates when people worry over him. Just give him some space, he’ll be okay.” 

_ Fuck that. Worry’s my constant state of being, and Shane’s just gonna have to get used to it. _ A very disgruntled noise bubbled up from somewhere as her foot bounced against the creaky floor. Nails tapped against the glass in her hand.

_ Creek, tap, creek, tap, creek, tap- _

_ CLANG! _ Startling Anna out of her skin. 

An aggravated sigh came from the end of the bar. “If you’re gonna keep doin’ that, you might as well go searchin’ for him, kid.” Pam’s voice called over her glass. That might have been the first time she really heard her voice not sludged up by alcohol. “He obviously not here and your nerves are stuffin’ up the place.”

Another emotion rushed through her, this one more close to anger.  _ Why are you all so fuckin’ nonchalant about this? Did he really do this that often? What if he does something stupid? _

Gus chastised the woman, something about not needing to be so rude. But Anna was up and out the door fast. Her fingers tapped on the handle of her umbrella to the beat of her heart. 

She was probably overreacting. She was always overreacting, but in her mind, it was fully justified. Her brain filtered back to earlier that week at the bar, how dejected he looked after talking about Jas. Then even earlier, when she caught a sight of how serious his drinking problem really was. Then even earlier, way back at the old dock where he shared his woes to a near stranger that was there to listen. 

Her foot tapped restlessly in the dirt as she looked down the path. Going back there is the last thing she wanted to do. But something sharp pressed into that space beneath her lungs and her feet refused to move away. “Fuck,” she sighed as she rubbed a hand over her face. A gross chill ran up her spine as she stepped under the canopy, but she kept going for her own paranoia’s sake.  _ Please just be overreacting. _

The path was easy to follow, worn down by years of shoe treads. 

The trees overhead made the umbrella obsolete, it was too bulky for the narrow trail anyway. An old shack into view first. A shabby building with broken windows and splintered wood. An ominous wind blew through the trees. She felt like she was in a horror movie, and the crescendo was right around the corner.

And when she did round that corner, her stomach dropped to her feet. Cans littered the ground, grimy from the dirt and rain. Broken glass poked out of the mud like thorny weeds. In the middle of it all was Shane, face down in the mud and far too close to the cliff’s edge for Anna’s own sanity. 

FUCK, why didn’t she notice sooner? Maybe she did but just didn’t say anything. Just let him shove it under the rug and deal with it by himself like everyone else. She should have done something. She should have said something.

She couldn’t feel the rain beating down on her skin, though it was the sudden temperature drop that shook her body. It was impossible to breathe. Dizzy, far too dizzy as the pinpricks of a cold sweat numbed every limb. Her heart thumped loud against her temple, blocking out every coherent thought from her mind. 

_ Was this how her friends felt when they found her halfway down the cliff’s edge? How Grandpa Whitt felt when he had to help pull her up? How Gran felt getting that call from the hospital? How everyone felt knowing some poor girl nearly died that day?  _

_ Fuck, FOCUS DAMNIT. _

Her feet moved of her own accord, more sliding across the ground than actually walking. Mud cakes up her boots and onto her pants. Cans tumbled over as she tried to step around them. It was only a few steps, but it felt far too many. Dropping to her knees, the wet ground chilling through her jeans. Her hands fumbled for a moment.  _ Please be okay. Please be okay. _

Opening her umbrella and shoving it in the wet dirt, she tilted it to shield the rain off Shane’s face. His face was scuffed with mud and grass clung to his cheek. She brushed the wet hair out of his eyes, and at that simple touch, he let out a low groaned.

The breath she had been forced to hold rushed out at full force.  _ Oh, thank every deity in the sky. _ She wiped a thumb over some of the dirt on his face. “Ah- Sh-Shane?” her voice was barely noticeable under the downpour. 

He groaned again, his head moving into the crook of his arm as he left out a harsh cough. His voice was scratchy and raw, “Buh, Ann?” He didn’t move again after that, save for the rise and fall of his breaths.

The first thing she wanted to do was get him out of the rain. The best she could do now was readjust the umbrella to keep more of the rain off his already soaked head. The cost of that was she had no way to keep herself out of the downpour. Pulling up her hood wasn’t much help, it was already soaked through too. A sigh came out beside herself, along with her question, “What are you doing out here?” 

His body shook against the grass. Anna thought it was from the exposure until his hands curled up to clutch at his hair and his face pressed into his arms. His shoulders shook again as he hiccuped out another sob. Whimpers were muffled by his sleeves. Anna had to strain to hear them clearly, but when she did, the broken ‘I’m sorry’ had her heart twisting in her chest. 

She wasn’t even sure what to do. She wanted to say something to comfort him but her all the words possible vacated her brain. She wanted to reach out pull him into her arms, tell him everything was going to be okay, but her body froze. It took all her strength to push through the paralysis. Her hand hovered in the air before curling back in on itself as he spoke again. 

His words were stuttery as he took in shallow breaths of air. “M-My life… It’s a pathetic joke…” He coughed again, back hunching slightly as he pressed his face harder into his forearms. “Look at me… W-why do I even try?” 

She blinked back her own tears. “S-Shane, that’s not true.” She knew her words were pointless even before they left her mouth.

“No.” He suddenly sat up, way too quickly as he swayed. A hand came up to press into his eye, probably to try and dull the rush of dizziness. His breathing hitched again. “I’m too small and stupid t-to take control of my life.” His hand slid up his face, slicking back his hair with the dirt and rainwater. “I’m just a… just a p-piece of fuckin’ garbage flittering in the wind.” 

His gaze shifted from the dirt below him to the precipice of the cliff, down into the water meeting the bank below. The placid expression on his face shook Anna to the core. “I’ve been coming here often lately… just, looking down…” He swallowed hard, the hand propping him up curled into the grass. “Here’s a chance to finally take control of my life… These cliffs…”

She stared down too. A sick feeling bubbled in her stomach. The waves crashed against the sand as she heard her heartbeat rush through her head. Her body went numb as phantom pains of broken bones crawled under her skin. Her vision blurred. Her throat closed off her airway. She couldn’t breathe. 

Another harsh cough jumped her back to the present. Air rushed back into her lungs. She had to blink away the fog to see Shane still beside her, head in his hands as he shook it. “B-but I’m just too scared. Too fuckin’ anxious. Just like always.” There was a bitterness behind his words. 

Her heart hammered hard in her chest and her mind raced.  _ Fuck, there’s more important shit to worry about than your own problems _ . She had to get Shane away from here. Get him out of this rain. Get him home, to the clinic maybe. Just  _ away  _ from _ here. _

“Ann…” Her name brought everything to a stop. “All I do is work, sleep, and drink t-to dull this fucking self-hatred.” Another tear dropped into his palm and he let out a sad breath of a laugh. “Why should I even go on? Tell me…” His bloodshot eyes met hers for a moment before dropping back down. “T-tell me why I shouldn’t roll off this cliff right now?” 

She could barely whisper out, “I-it just doesn’t work that way.” 

_ You’ll just wake up in a hospital bed, battered and more broken than before. Questions and questions. More disappointment and questions as people try to dance around the real issues. Never coming out to say it, but you fully know what they are thinking as you forced to stay home on bed-rest. You can’t work, you can’t sleep. You’re more of a fucking burden on everyone you care about than before and here you are not being about to do anything about it- _

She shook the thought out before they got to her. A confused look was on Shane’s face, more from too much alcohol in his system than what she actually said. She shook her head again. “You have Jas and Marnie that care about you.” That same bitter look overtook his face and made her rethink her words. “A-and I care about you, too. It’s your decision to make, Shane. J-just know that you have people here for you.”

He looked over his hands in his lap for a long time. Then he nodded. “Thanks… I appreciate that… I really do.”

Another cough followed his words, this time with enough force to have his hunch over the ground in front of him. A panicked noise came out of Anna’s throat as she reached out to keep him from falling over. Shane had to swallow some air before speaking again. “Ann… I think you should take me to the hospital now.” 

“Right.” The initial panic was back tenfold. “Uh, h-here. Can you stand?” Helping someone up who was both taller and heavier than you was just as hard as it sounds. Somehow she managed, having her shoulder wedged under his arm and Shane having most of his weight on the tree next to them. 

_ This isn’t going to work. _ “U-uh, here, better idea.” She tugged his body closer by the arms she had, pulling him behind her to have both of his arms on her shoulders and his weight supported by her back. “Just try to stay awake, okay. I know I can’t carry your deadweight.” He made a noise that Anna discerned as an agreement. Adjusting her hands for a better grip on his arms, more for her sake than his, they started back down the trail. 

Sticks and heavy brush were a problem. Anna had to keep an eye on the ground to kick out anything Shane could trip over. The walk took far more time than she wanted, and the weather was only getting worse. It wasn’t until they were out from under the canopy that she realized she left her umbrella in the haste. _ Damn it. _

Shane stumbled, and Anna had to catch the nearest tree before they both fell to the ground. His arms tightened around her and he huffed another breath. “...s-sorry.” 

“We’re okay.” A barely-there laugh came out on her sigh. “But if you’re really sorry, don’t make me have to do this again.” She nuzzled her head against his gently and rubbed a thumb on the side of his wrist. “Okay?” 

He nodded against her shoulder.

Another soft sigh, “Good.” 


	20. Process

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ann had to drag his ass here? That just fuckin’ great.

As said before, waking up was never Shane favorite thing to do. And, believe it or not, doctor visits were also high up on that list. So waking up at the clinic reached a whole new level of uncomfortable he never wanted to know. A sharp pain surged through his whole body as he sat up, the stale taste of bile coated his mouth. The burning lights made his eyes sting, and the smell of rubbing alcohol was strong enough to make him gag all over again. 

And just to bump that uncomfortable level up a notch, he was absolutely disgusting. He ran a hand through his hair, or tried to. What must have been dried mud flaked off and dusted the sheet over his legs. Looking down, his shirt was covered in dirt and grass stain. His eyes caught a glance of his hoodie folded up on a chair next to him, the stains visible from where he sat.

A disgusted grunt came out of his throat as the door opened. “Oh good, you’re awake.” Dr. Harvey walked in with clipboard tucked under one arm. Now with someone else in the same room, Shane’s self-consciousness skyrocketed. He tried to run a hand through his hair again out of habit. It came back crusty.  

Harvey's shoes clacked against the tiled floor and echoed in the open room. “How are you feeling, Shane?” He asked as he dragged up a chair from the wall and took a seat. Shane answered the question with another disgusted grunt. “I’d imagine,” he said and scribbled some notes on the clipboard in his lap. “Do you remember what happened last night?” 

Shane ran his clean hand over his face, pressing into his eye with his palm to help the ache. “Guess I pass out,” his voice was hoarse and just that small phrase alone tore up his throat. 

A hum and more writing. “Not quite. You were drinking, your blood alcohol levels were boarding on a lethal dose, Shane. I had to pump your stomach last night. Luckily, Miss Attins brought you in before any serious damage was done.” 

_ Ann had to drag his ass here? That fuckin’ great. _

The clipboard clattered against the metal table Harvey pulled over, various medical equipment laid out on the surface. “Now that you’re awake, I’ll need to check a few things. If you could?” He motioned Shane to the edge of the bed, and reluctantly, he did so. 

After the poking and prodding, Dr. Harvey flipped through his papers, unclipping them and shuffling them before placing them on the table. Shane was in the process of counting out the floor tiles when the doctor suddenly cleared his throat, startling him. Either he didn’t notice or pretended not to. “You said you don’t remember anything that happened yesterday. Just to confirm, you still don’t have any recollection of what happened at all?” 

Shane shook his head, eyes moving back to map out a path in the tile grooves.

Harvey sighed. “From what Anna told me, it sounded like you were trying to take your own life, Shane.”

“What?” His head shot up too fast, making the room spin. He blinked it away quickly, something he was very used to doing. 

The doctor raised an eyebrow. “From that reaction, I assume this isn’t a normal thing?” 

_ A normal thing? _ Sure the idea crossed his mind more times than was mentally healthy, but he never thought his drunken self would even put them into action. Was he really sad and stupid enough to do something like that? 

Maybe he was. He had been dragging himself out into those woods to get away from people. But somewhere in those three days, as he drank more and more to blackout faster, his thought might have shifted without him even noticing. 

When Shane didn’t say anything, Harvey when on. “I would recommend you cut down on the drinking, but I understand it might not be that simple. Addiction is a very real problem many people get help for, along with depression and general anxieties. So, I’d like to suggest seeing a therapist.” 

_ Therapist? _ That left a bad taste in his mouth. And it must have shown on his face given the look the doctor gave.

“There is nothing wrong with getting a bit of help, Shane. A colleague of mine has an office over in ZuZu City.” He scribbled something down on his clipboard, “I suggest you give them a call soon.” Tearing off the paper promptly, he handed it over. 

The slip of paper crinkled in his hand, dirt still left on his fingers leaving a mark. Staring down at the red numbers, they didn’t really register. 

“Life can be painful sometimes, but there is always hope for a better future.” He was using that understanding doctor’s voice, and it sounded incredibly patronizing to Shane. “You’ve got to believe in that, Shane.”  

Usually optimistic quotes like that made his blood boil, but everything about the situation nullified his emotions. Hope for a better future sounded like an unrealistic expectation. But, he really couldn’t keep doing this. He couldn’t keep doing this to his Aunt who practically raised him when his mother couldn’t. He couldn’t do this to that poor little girl he promised to take care of after she had already lost so much in her life at such a young age. And that fucking farmgirl that’s put so much time and effort into keeping their friendship together and Shane couldn’t even begin to think of a reason why. 

After a while, he nodded. 

“Good.” Without another word, Harvey stood up and slide his chair back to the wall. “I’m sure you want to get home, your family must be worried.” 

Of course, they’re worried. That was his only role in the household, to be the one everyone has to worry about. 

When he went to stand, his whole body screamed at him but he did it anyways. The room tilted a bit, and it didn’t even phase him, the only thing slightly helpful that came with drinking so much. His throat was on fire when he when to speak again. Clearing it only made it worse. “Y-yeah. Um, thanks, doc.” 

Harvey nodded, “Just doing my job, Shane. Get home safe.” Then he took to rolling the table of medical equipment through the door on the other side of the room. 

After steadying himself for a moment, Shane got ready to leave. Picking up his hoodie from the chair, he expected it to be heavy with old rainwater and smell like a wet dog. But instead, it was surprisingly clean and soft to the touch. Someone must have washed it. Probably Harvey, otherwise it might have been stunk up the clinic. Weird.

Unfolding it, he saw a few new stains. Faint, but noticeable to someone so familiar with the faded blue fabric. A dark spot on the back. A few spots of green up the arms. A permanent reminder of how much he fucked up yesterday. Maybe this will finally make him consider getting a new hoodie. 

Looking over it one last time, an odd thing stuck out. The small stitches running across one of the sleeves, barely noticeable as they blended in with the blue of the fabric. Once he noticed one, he noticed another set near the shoulder. Then the neatly sewn patch of blue over a hole near the collar that had been there for so long Shane forgot it even existed. 

Honestly, he wasn’t sure what to think. His first thought was Aunt Marnie, who else would sit there and fix his ratty jacket. Then again, she had told him thousands of time if she ever got her hands on it, she’d throw the old thing right in the garbage. And Jas, he’s seen her try to fix some of her doll clothes. 

The only other person that gave a shit enough was probably Ann. And she could have easily snagged it to fix after she brought him in. If that was the case, shit, that stupid girl was going to kill him with kindness. 

Letting out a long sigh, he shrugged it over his tired shoulders. The sweet smell of flowers, mostly lilac, overrode the stench of dirt and sweat on his skin. Not enough to make him dizzy, thankfully, but just enough to keep the reminder of how disgusting he was right now at bay. He almost felt bad for putting it on in such a state. Zipping it up, he stuffed his hands in his pockets as he shuffled out the door. 

To his luck, no one was out on the sidewalks to see him wandering out of the clinic looking grubby as all hell. He pulled up his hood to keep more of the sunshine out of his weary eyes. Every step sent a small shock up his spine. Nothing different from the norm, but the implications this pain held made it hurt worse.  

It seemed far too bright compared to yesterday. The overflow of rain nurtured the greenery in the valley. The grass was a vibrant green, dotted with small weeds and flowers. Leaves on the bushes and trees had a faint gloss in the streaming sunshine. The rushing river gurgled and bubbled loudly as he walked next to it. So much color and energy, and Shane had to keep his head down to save his spent mind.  

The walk to the ranch took far longer than Shane remembered. The old wood steps creaked loudly as he walked up the porch. He patted the damp pockets of his pants to find that, yes, his keys were missing. Great. Trying the knob, the front door was unlocked and he swung it open to an empty room. The dimly lit house was a blessing as he shut the sunlight out with a clack. 

The noise alerted whoever was in the kitchen. His aunt, who came rushing out without hesitation. Her hair tied back and in her stained apron looking frazzled, as to be expected. Yoba, this was all his fault.

“Oh my Yoba, Shane!” Marnie was in front of him immediately, pulling him in for a hug, something she rarely did and his whole body tense up on contact. “Thank Heavens, you’re alright.” When she pulled away, her hands came up to hold his face as she looked him over. His eyes cast off to the side to avoid the scrutinizing and worried look. 

After a few more seconds, she let him go in favor of crossing her arms. “Anna told me what happened yesterday,” her voice was unnervingly monotone.  _ Fuck, how much exactly? _ Shane could practically feel the temperature change with the atmosphere. The worry on her face disappeared quickly, replaced with anger. “Don’t ever scare me like that again, you understand me?” 

It caught him off guard, though she had every right to be upset. All he could do was nod silently, still not looking at her face. Finding some words, he mumbled out a “Sorry.”

She let out a long sigh, filling the tense air. She waved a hand through the kitchen doorway, “Go get yourself cleaned up, and I’ll make you something to eat.” 

He wanted to say something about not being hungry, but the protest stuck to the end of his tongue. Fatigue struck him hard when he let out a sigh of his own. He needed a shower. He needed a nap. He needed to not look like an absolute mistake by the time Jas gets home. 

With that thought in mind, he shuffled his way through the kitchen. The rich smell of food made his stomach turn. He couldn’t tell if it was overwhelming hunger or true nausea. Either way, he didn’t think he was going to eat anything anytime soon. 

He pushed the door to his room open, the whine of the hinges louder in the quiet house. It was mostly the way he left it, save for the blanket folded neatly on the bed, a very stark contrast to the mess around it. Looking at it now, he remembered that stupid cat and its judgmental eyes. He’d be perfectly okay never seeing that thing again. 

Kicking away a pile of dirty clothes, he pulled open the dresser drawer and now looking through the half-empty drawer, he really needed to do some laundry. Settling on some shoddy sweatpants, moth-bitten and years old, and a tee-shirt, stain like most of his other clothes, he shoved the drawer closed and when to shower. 

After closing the bathroom door, he stopped in front of the mirror to assess the damage. Hair was plastered to his head, a few pieces hanging limply from when he touched it. Taking off his hoodie carefully to avoid getting any more grime on it, the shirt underneath was completely ruined. Better to just throw it out anyway. He looked like he crawled out of a mound of dirt. A grave, more like it, he felt like death. 

The shower was turned on and the steam slowly filled the bathroom as he stripped down. With a bit of difficulty, his clothes were left on the floor in a pile of dust and dead grass. The water burned as he stepped under it. He couldn’t pay much attention to it. After the sliding door was shut, he thumped his head against the tile wall and sat there as the water streamed down his back. 

Hot water soothed the aching muscle and the stream helped clear out the fogginess in his mind. A heavy sigh left him as Shane processed what the fuck he woke up to this morning. Just how the fuck he went from casually hating life to wanting to end it? Realistically, it was probably a combination of things. Nightmares. Lack of sleep. Too much to drink, way above his normal limit. The rain… Fuck, he hated the rain. 

After watching the muddy water swirl down the drain for another minute, he went to scrubbing the rest of the filth out of his hair. Taking extra time to make sure he was completely free of the dirt, he instantly felt ten times lighter. The mirror was fogged up to spare his eyes of his reflection as he dried off. Pulling on his clean clothes, the familiar weight of his hoodie settled back over his shoulders. He felt a bit better, like a heavy pressure had been lifted off his skin. 

His eyes caught the pile of clothes near the door. Gathering some resolve, he picked the jean up out of the pile and shook off some of the dirt chips before dropping them in the laundry basket. A strip of paper fluttered to the ground, red numbers jumping off the white page. Picking it up, running it through his thumb and forefinger to smooth it out, he folded it and tucked it into the pocket of this hoodie for later. 

After some bumbling around and waving off Marnie’s mother-henning, things were clean, the washer was started, and Shane wandered back into his bedroom completely exhausted. Closing the door this time, he almost felt the need to flip the lock. But that seemed a bit ridiculous so early in the day. As he walked the few steps to his bed, he nearly tripped on an old empty beer can.  _ The fucking irony. _ Giving it a hard kick, it clattered harshly against the far wall leaving a scratch in the paint. 

Huffing out a breath, he dropped down on his lumpy mattress. Finally being off his feet was a relief. He pushed his face further into his pillow and flipped up his hood to block out the sunlight. The strong smell of lilac covered the stank of sweat in his sheets. With another calming breath, he was out in seconds. 

\---

“Uncle Shane…” Something nudged his shoulder, getting a little noise from him.

“Uncle Shane?” With more force this time and was accompanied by a tug on his hood, pulling it off his head and letting the light hit his closed lids. Red blew out his vision as he groaned and rolled over on his back to rub his eyes. Sight still blurry, he scowled down at the culprit. His goddaughter, her brown eyes wide and her forehead creased with worry.

His mild angry was brief seeing her face. With a tired sigh that turned into a yawn, he rubbed the palm of his hand into his eye socket again. “Whatcha need, Jas?” voice groggy from sleep. 

She sat up a bit higher, elbows propped up on the mattress and head in her hands. “Aunt Marnie said you’re not feeling well.”  _ That’s a way to put it. _ “She told me to wake you up so you can eat. We made some soup,” Picking up the bowl she had next to her knees, the smell of broth and veggies immediately caught the attention of his empty stomach. 

Sitting up, his body protesting the movement, he went to wave her out of the way so he could stand. Instead of moving, Jas handed him the warm bowl of soup and pulled another one out of seemly nowhere. She climbed up on his bed to sit with him. He snorted as she settled herself up against the wall but followed suit. 

That sat in silence for a while, the clicking of spoons against plastic as they ate. After a few minutes, Jas shifted to face Shane, looking at him with a concerned eye. “Aunt Marnie said you spent the night at the clinic.” He could only nod to confirm. “Are you sick?” she asked next.

He stole another mouthful of soup to buy him some time to think. Jas was a smart kid, he reasoned. So outright lying to her seemed unfair. “Something like that,” he said after a few seconds. “I… Dr. Harvey wants me to talk to someone about it out in the city. So, I’ll have to set something up to talk to them.” 

Jas nodded, seeming completely okay with his lack of details. As they settled back into silence, Shane was so grateful she let the subject drop. If he had to explain himself, he wouldn’t even know where to begin.

Halfway through her food, Jas seemed to realize something as she hummed. “Miss Anna stopped by while you were sleeping,” she pointed a finger over to his nightstand, sat on top were his phone and wallet.  _ Oh, thank Yoba _ . “She dropped those off.” 

He nodded, finishing off his food. Damn, he really owned that girl. 

“You should call her,” she added when he reached over and grabbed the phone. “She looked really worried.” 

He really should, he couldn’t just ignore her like last time. No matter how much his brain panicked over the idea of seeing her again. That panic could be ignored for a few minutes during a phone call. Or maybe just a quick text. “Yeah, I’ll do that later,” he said, more to convince himself. 

After a few more seconds of silence, “Uncle Shane?” He looked up from his phone flicking on, he was met with bright, curious eyes. “Is Anna your girlfriend?” 

He just blinked at her, his brain trying to process the question. Or more  _ why  _ she asked the question. “No,” he answered plainly.

“Why not?” Definitely not the next question he thought she would ask. 

He could think of multiple reasons, most of which were all his own problems; a scruffy almost-30-year-old working a dead-end job with a drinking problem and going absolutely nowhere in life. In general, she was just too good for him. And, wow, that made him sadder than he thought it would.

Finally, he just shook his head, “We’re… We’re just friends, Jas.” 

Her head tilted from side to side as she through it over. “Yeah, but you hang out  _ a lot _ and-”

“You hang out with Vince a lot,” he countered, wishing she would drop the subject. 

“Yeah, but-” 

“What, I can’t have friends?” He tried for a joke. 

A frustrated pout crossed her face as he kept cutting her off. “Miss Emily is your friend, too,” she spoke a bit faster. 

Shane could only scoff at that. Yeah, but only by accident. His drunk self can’t keep his mouth shut sometimes, and after a year of that, it just kinda happened. 

“But, you don’t talk to her as much,” Jas continued. Shane couldn’t really follow her logic there. When he didn’t say anything, she added, “I think Miss Anna likes you,” she said it matter-of-factly with a smile.

Nope, now he’s done with this conversation. “Alright, come on.” He pulled himself off the bed and took her nearly empty bowl. “Can’t leave dirty dishes laying around.” 

She hopped off the mattress herself to follow him. “I can ask her for you,” she suggested in an all too pleasing tone.

“Don’t.” 

“But-”

“No.” 

“Uncle Shan-” 

“No.” 

The sound of running water filled the kitchen when they walked through the doorway. The dishes were stacked up on the counter and Shane added their’s to the pile. Marnie was standing at the sink watching it fill, and when she saw the two walk in a smile covered her slightly worried face. “Oh, good. I was wonderin’ if Jas actually woke you up or not.” 

The little girl puffed out her cheeks and crossed her arms, “What do you think I was doing?” 

They couldn’t help up chuckle at her annoyance. Placing a hand on her back, Shane pushed her a few steps forward while dragging over a chair, “How about you help with the dishes, kid?” 

She let out a long and exaggerated sigh before climbing up on the chair, “Fine.” Messing her hair up affectionately, Shane’s hand was swatted away with a disgruntled noise.  

Marnie chuckled at their antics. “Oh, Shane,” she said, catching his attention. “Anna stopped by, you should give her a call.” 

Being reminded again, he let out a sigh. Anxiety bubbled up in his chest, threatening to rid him of his dinner. “So I’ve been told,” he mumbled loud enough for his aunt to hear. 

“Soon,” she added, giving him a look. 

Rolling his eyes, he let out another sigh. “Yeah, I’m goin’,” he called as he turned back to his room. He took slower steps than normal to buy time. His hands found his pockets out of habit. As he curled them, the crinkle of paper caught his attention.  _ Right _ . Pulling out the slip of paper, he read over the phone number again.  _ Right _ .

Unfortunately, Ann had to wait. This is more important. Way more important, and he needed to do this before he convinced himself otherwise. 


	21. Shift

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anna didn’t hate a lot of things, but the color gray was steadily making its way up the list.

To say it was hard to sleep was an understatement. 

Trees outside creaked and wind shuffled the leaves. Crickets chirped loud outside the open window. An offbeat owl call echoed against the night. A howl of something from the forest grumbled around the room. The soft purr of Caterina against her head was tempered with everything outside, and she tried to use the noise to ground herself. 

Anna’s tired mind shifted in and out of focus as she laid in the rumpled sheets. Her body zinged with restless energy causing her legs to shift under her covers. Too hyper-aware of the lightweight and slight scratch of the fabric against her damp skin. The sounds from outside bouncing around the room and were far too loud in her ears. Every now and then, her bed companion would shift in her sleep, and seeing the slight movement out of the corner of her eye had her heart stuttering until her brain caught up with what it was.

After the fourth time, Anna took in another deep breath and tried to force herself to relax. Letting the air out slowly and her eyes fall shut, she counted.  _ 1… 2… 3… _ Fatigue started to weigh down her limbs and her breathing evened out.  _ 4… 5… 6… _ One by one, everything started to still until her body went completely lax against the mattress.  

Suddenly, she blinked again and she was staring out over a cliff. Vertigo flipped her stomach. A wide expanse of foamy water took over her vision. The mist on the ocean’s surface blended it into the horizon line forming a seamless bubble around the world. An all-encompassing bubble of dull blue went up and out for miles and was the only thing she could see.

Wind whipped her hair and the grass at her feet. It carried leaves and petals on its waves dragging them out and down while Anna’s eyes followed. 

Out, out, out. And down. 

Out, out, out. And down. 

Out, out, out. And down. 

The dirt underfoot shifted her with her on the edge. Crumbling, the rocks gave away under her feet. A heartbeat was deafening in her ears and her vision was swallowed by that very blue. The wind pushed her clothes tight against her body as it pulled her out. 

Out, out, out… 

And down…

… 

 

She jolted awake with panicked breathing. Her heartbeat still thumped in her head and a prick of sweat itched her skin. Muscles ached at the thought of what happened after, phantom pains shooting up her leg at the memory. A shudder ran through her body and she had to stand up to remind herself that was a long time ago, seven years now back at the turn of the season. 

Stumbling off the bed in the dark roused the cat sleeping on her head. She mewled and stretched. Anna gave her an apology pat as she settled back into the crease where two pillows met. Cat gave a finally soft meow before drifting back to sleep, leaving Anna alone and still very much awake.

Swiping her phone off the bedside table, she used it to light the floor under her. Taking cautious steps over a pile of clothes, she made her way out of the room and simply stood there for a moment, contemplating what to do. The sun hadn’t risen yet, so doing anything outside was out of the question. The thought of stepping out into the darkness now making her queasy. But so did the stillness that came from living in the middle of nowhere. 

She doubted she’ll ever get truly used to living alone. Relatively alone anyway, Caterina couldn’t really count as a person. Now that she settled fully into the idea of being indoors, she took to sleeping and eating the day away. And when Anna was home, most of the sleeping was done in her lap, but that still wasn’t enough to dispel the anxiety.  

Finding the remote among a pile of papers on the coffee table, she flipped on the television. The sudden flash of light in the dark was blinding, but quickly settled when the low ramblings of an old woman came through the speakers. She was decked out in a fancy dress, pearls and all, gesturing to an antique looking set of painted plates. The man on the other side of the table examining them with a pair of glasses, probably magnified to look at the details. 

The light of the television filtered through the living room and spilled into the open kitchen. An eerie yellow glow shrouded the furniture and the walls. Anna considered flipping on a light to minimize the shadows, but more light meant a less likely chance to get back to sleep. She knew there was no hope in that, she had years of experience with her insomnia and it won't leave until it’s served whatever purpose it had. 

Planting herself on the couch, she watched the antiquing show for a few minutes before losing interest. Her eyes stared unfocused at the screen and the voice meshed into a repetitive droning. Really, there were only so many times you can hear the phrase ‘priceless family heirloom’ before it stops mattering.

Through hearing the words over and over again got her thinking. Her eyes shifted over to the door next to the T.V. cabinet, a few boxes stacked in front of it she had been meaning to stow away. By now, they had been there for months and Cat had taken a liking to laying in them every now and again. It almost seemed rude to up and store them away now. 

Her eyes traced the doorframe, then the simple square detailing on the door. The droning of the television long forgotten as she thought back to when she moved in. The house was rough, sure, but that room seemed untouched for centuries. Dark and long forgotten after Anna wasn’t allowed to visit anymore. 

_ Grandpa is too irresponsible.  _

_ It is too dangerous.  _

_ You nearly died.  _

She rubbed the palms of her hands into her eyes to quiet the voices, enough that the pressure started to hurt and she had something new to focus on. Blinking the pain away, she got to her feet. The door was only a few steps away but it took longer than it should have to get there. Her fingernails tapped against the metal knob before she turned it and pulled it open. 

The loud squeak of the rusty hinges rang through the space. She expected darkness to greet her, but the moonlight pouring in through an uncovered window was enough to see. Her eyes scanned over the dull room. Graying cardboard boxes buried an old metal bed frame. More stacked up on the dust-covered floors, everything being framed by the chipping gray paint on the walls. All very monotone and hazy as the unsettled dust floated in the moonbeams. 

Anna didn’t hate a lot of things, but the color gray was steadily making its way up the list.

Looking down at her socked feet, there was a clear line where the passing of time had painted over the room. A clean barrier between the past and present. It seemed wrong to disturb it. Disgraceful to desecrate the memories where they were put to rest. 

She pushed a toe up against the barrier, the gray shifting to accommodate the intrusion. Pulling back, there was a clean dent in the line and a fluff of dust left on the tip of her sock. Doing it again, she pushed deeper into the room until her presence left a defined footstep revealing the old wood floor underneath. 

The collar of her shirt was pulled up to save her nose as she fully stepped over the threshold. The particles in the air swirled, accommodating her sudden entrance. A shiver ran up her body at the sudden change in the air. It was heavy and stale, weight down heavily with the accumulating dirt. Or maybe the memories that were soaked into the walls of the old bedroom.

She shook off the bittersweetness to keep her mind from running off. Taking a better look around, she went into cleaning mode. The first thing to do was clear out the air, and she went straight to the window. It was difficult, but it opened with a crack. The breeze rushed in and blew the dust around her forcing out a cough. 

With the chill of the outside wind, the air in the room lightened considerably. Just the simple change felt nice, it felt like she was doing something good, productive. Running a hand over the bed rail, her palm came back striped in gray. She wiped it off on her shorts and turned her attention to the boxes, her hands going for the closest one before she convinced herself otherwise.

The cardboard popped apart easily, and the content inside was immediately recognizable. A stack of old books weighted down a corner, worn and yellowed with age. The rest of the space was filled with various little trinkets Grandpa Whitt must have collected over the years. Riffling through the objects, Anna remembered some of them. A goofy looking statue of a chicken, little jars of crystals and shells, a geode and a bigger jar of what looked like some sort of purple metal. 

Metals and crystals and gems. Grandpa Whitt always talked about going down into the mines up in the mountains. He saved those trips for the winter season, when there were no crops to take care of and money was tight. Any of the nicer gems were given to the library and put on display, while any duplicates he’d keep for his own collection. There used to be a nice case they were all stored in, but that was long gone. 

It was such an eccentric array of items and Anna remembered they all had a place around the house. And that was definitely not in a dirty old box, locked in a dusty forgotten room. 

Hefting up the box, she looked around one more time. There were a few more, but maybe going through them one at a time would be a good idea. So it wouldn’t be so overwhelming. With a slight nod to herself, she shifted the box in her hand and took it out of the room. Kicking the door closed with her foot, the clack of the handle sounded through the empty house. 

Sunrise streamed in through the large front window, painting the room in a golden hue. How long was she in there, it couldn’t have been that long? Taking a glance at the clock, it was just past seven. It was only around four that her body finally caved and she tried to get some sleep, and most of the time was just turning and staring at the ceiling. That had worked out so well. 

Waddling over to drop the box on one of the chairs at the table, she wiped her hands off on her shorts before rubbing her tired eyes. Caffeine. Coffee, tea, anything really. Setting up the coffee maker almost took more mental energy than Anna had to spare. But when it finally started gurgling and the first few drips of liquid dropped into the pot, she fell back into the empty seat at the kitchen table. 

Resting her head down on the cold wood, she stared out the window watching the sparse clouds glow a brilliant orange and listen to the  _ drip, drip, drip _ . The smell of fresh coffee quickly filled the air and Anna took a calming breath to recollect her energy. Despite having rough nights, the mornings after were always therapeutic. The rising sun signaled the beginning of a new day, pushed the worries of the night into the past. The only thing left behind was a sluggishness that could be solved, momentarily, with chugging caffeine and getting out in the sunshine.

A sudden clatter in the other room broke her reprieve. The patter across the wood floors and the creak of the bedroom door being open turned her head to see Caterina sauntering out for her morning meal. She didn’t even give Anna time to stand before she leaped up on the table. Curious green eye stared down at her before she patted her cheek with a paw. 

“Alright, alright,” Anna huffed out, sitting up and stretching out her back. Her joints gave a satisfying crack, forcing out a rush of air from her lungs. The sudden movement had Cat off the table and meow loudly for some food. Shaking her head, she pushed away from the table and went to start the day. 

Despite no sleep, slipping into the normal routine was no problem. After a quick trip outside to let out the hens and water the crops, she took a quick shower and made some breakfast. Drinking down her second cup of coffee, she stared down the box across from her. 

As much as she wanted to dig up old memories in those wee hours of the morning, now in the broad daylight she was pretty indifferent about it. Old memories brought out the past, and though the better part of her past was spent on the farm, dwelling on it was never too good. It always seemed to lead back to negativity. 

But then again, she had looked through the box before. Nothing inside should surprise her in such a way. The old books could be interesting to go through. And the different nic-nacs she picked through would look nice cleaned up and displayed on the unoccupied shelves in the living room. Anything she didn’t want, she could see if the library wanted it and if not just sell it.

Taking her plate over to the sink, she swung open the doors under it to find some cleaner and pulled a rag from one of the drawers. Setting them on the table, she turned the occupied chair towards her. Flipping open the cardboard lid before wiping it off might have been a mistake. A harsh sneeze hit her expectedly as the dust puffed up into the air. Waving a hand through it to disperse the cloud, she took a few steps back to breathe.

As the puff faded into the sunlight, Anna stepped back up and dug her hands in. Thumbing through the first book, the pages were filled with some handwritten paragraphs. It was a bit hard to read, the pages yellowed with age and the ink fading or smeared, but from what she gathered it was stuff about caring for the crops and livestock. Just bits and pieces of stuff that would probably be helpful to read through. 

The other couple were books from the David Holland Collection. One was an older version of a basic ‘How to Care for Your Livestock” book Marnie offered to lend her way back in the spring. Another was a guide on caring for different crops, co-written by Whitt Attins. If Anna knew that it existed before, she would have bought one before coming out to the valley. 

Going through the box of things was gratifying. Time-consuming as well, but finally making a dent in the pile of boxes was a major accomplishment in Anna’s book. It was a start to something, and usually that was the hardest part. 

Despite being engrossed with her cleaning, a small part of her mind obsessed over her phone. She did ask Marnie to have Shane call her when he woke up, and that was yesterday. She was probably worrying too much. Of course she was worrying too much, that’s just what she does. But maybe she could just walk down there… to see if he was okay. That's not too much, right? 

In some split-second of foresight, her phone started to buzz against the table. Anna was definitely too eager to pick it up. She didn’t even look at the caller name before she clicked the answer button, “Hello?” 

“Annabella?” Gran’s calm voice came over the receiver, “Hello dear.” 

She would be lying to herself if she said she wasn’t disappointed. But she kept it out of her voice. “Hey Gran, how are you?” 

The pleasantries came and went quickly. Anna asked about how work was going now that her father was back from his impromptu vacation. Of course, it was about the same. Gran asked about how the farm was going with the heavy rains that had been happening. And everything was doing great. For the farm anyway.

As that conversation petered off, Gran easily shifted into a new one. “Oh, and how’s your friend doing? I know you were very worried the other day.” 

Yeah, she was. She was more worried about the lack of sick day she knew the Joja employees received and called her grandmother up to see if something could be done about it. Having Shane just go straight back to that blue hellhole after such a breakdown… If she could use her tie to Joja Corp to help someone she cared about, she damn well would. 

“He’s good. He went home yesterday, so.” Despite that need to do something, she still felt guilty for asking Gran to help on such a short notice. “Thanks for, uh-”

“Of course, Annabella,” She didn’t even let her finish. “It really wasn’t much trouble, just a few phone calls.”  

“Yeah.” Still, she really couldn’t thank her enough for bending the company rules on the fly like that. “Still, thank you,” she sighed out, feeling a bit of the pressure come off her chest. 

Her tone must have been troubling, because Gran asked, “Are you alright, Annabella?” 

_ Great, now you’re worrying her more. _ “Yeah, yeah. Just… stressed, I guess.” 

There was a hum, “Well, if you ever need someone to talk with, I’m always here for you.” 

She was, and Anna will always be grateful to have someone in her life so ready to help. But that dark part of her brain had an undying need to remind her what a nuisance she could be. And perhaps selfish on top of that, since she only seemed to call up her grandmother when  _ she  _ needed something. It was always Gran that called her first.

Swallowing the rising guilt down, she nodded to no one, “I know. I appreciate, really.” 

There was the muffled clink of glass and Gran let out another hum, seeming to find something to add. “Well, a relaxing bath has always helped me when I’m stressed. I’m not sure if that place has a proper bathtub but-” 

That got a laugh out of her. “Where do you think I live, Gran?” 

“Well, you have never invited me over, so I don’t know what that place looks like.” 

Another flash of cold realization pasted her mind. Anna hadn’t even thought about that in the six months she had been living out here. “Well, we’ve both been pretty busy. And… I don’t know, I just want the farm to look nice before you see it.” Definitely not a lie, but… 

“Well, your father and I would love to see it someday.” The mention of her father had her skin crawling. “Maybe we can plan something out for next year-” Her grandmother went on with her planning as Anna dwelling on the thought of her father coming to the farm. Just the first few seconds were awful, and she stamped out that idea quickly.

Why was she bringing up him in every conversation recently, anyway? She wasn’t trying to plan another family get together, was she? Yoba, not now. At least one of the pluses that came with living out of town was that Anna could easily lie about not being able to be there. Even if it would grate on her mind for weeks, it would be better than dealing with family problems she moved to get away from.

Not wanting to think about that now, she shook her head and pick the conversation back up at Gran say something about the summer season. “Yeah, some time in the summer would be good. Late summer, maybe?” By then, the farm would be all green with life and the weather would be just petering out to something enjoyable.

“Next year, late summer then. Hm- I’ll be sure to tell you the specific when everything is sorted.” There was a moment of silence before Gran hummed again, this time in realization. “I just remembered, did you enjoy that wine I sent you a while ago? You never gave me your opinion on it.” 

_ Oh, don’t remind me of that now. _ It was still sitting in the back of her cabinet behind the spare flour. “I, um, I haven’t got a chance to try it yet.” Coming up with an excuse on the fly, “Having had the right occasion.” 

“Oh! How about inviting that friend over for a glass of wine. Good health could be considered a good occasion.” 

Anna didn’t really tell any specifics about Shane situation. But just the idea of offering him alcohol in celebration of not poisoning himself made her want to vomit. “Uh-I-I doubt he wants to drink right after getting out of the clinic, Gran.” 

“Oh, well he has the whole week off. I’m sure he can find time for you.” 

Right, she got him the whole week off. “You know, just a few days would have been fine.” 

“Well, ‘a few days’ is a relative term, Annabella.” _ Yeah, I should have been specific. _ “You also said he had to stay the night in the hospital. Generally, you need proper time to recover if it's that serious.” 

_ Serious…  _ “Yeah, I guess so.”

It was serious. After dropping off Shane jacket, Dr. Harvey said he would talk to him about some possible counseling in ZuZu City. Maybe he told her to ease her worrying, but that only stopped it temporarily.

“You should think about it, Annabella. That boy seems really important to you. It wouldn’t hurt to talk over a nice dinner, you know.” Her tone,  _ ugh _ . 

Maybe in the future, the idea of shifting their relationship into something more romantic seemed nice. But now, while he was recovering it felt… wrong. He needed to focus on bettering himself, hopefully he would. And Anna didn’t want to add the pressure of a possible romance on top of that.

There was the familiar muffled chime of a clock through the phone receiver, and Gran sighed, “Well, I need to get back to work, dear. You know how it is.” 

“Uh-hu. Don’t overwork yourself, Gran.” Anna gave her usually reminder.

“You as well, Annabella. Call me if you need anything. I love you.” 

“Love you, too.”  _ Click _ . 

Just as the call ended, the screen flashed with a notification. A text, to be exact. It was just a simple ‘hey, thanks for the help’ text. Very basic and very Shane. But it was enough to put her mind at ease and a calming warmth in her chest. 


	22. Of Course

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I think you might have a calling as a chicken whisperer, there, Shane.”

What the hell was he supposed to do with a whole week? He still had four days left to do absolutely nothing with. Besides the appointment he had set up for tomorrow out in ZuZu City he was absolutely dreading. He’d been already overthinking it enough to the point he might have to cancel. He needed to keep it out of his mind.

Flipping through the book he had been reading, his eyes scanning over some of the random words on the page. He never really saw the appeal in farm life, nor ever thought he would be. But, after helping with the chickens and reading over his grandfather’s old books, it had his interest. Though, for how long, he wasn’t sure. His motivation and intrigue came and went like flashes of lightning.

Dropping the book on the floor, his head fell back on the pillow. Never in his life did he ever think he’d want to be working, but with nothing to do, stir-craziness crept its way into his body and wouldn’t leave. At least his retail job put some structure into his day-to-day life. Having so much free time was daunting.

Needing to do something with this restlessness, he wandered out of his bedroom for the second time that day. Not seeing anyone around the kitchen was a good sign. But walking through the front room to the door, Marnie was sitting at the counter with what looked like a crossword. She eyes glanced up when she heard the footsteps on the floorboards. After watching him for a moment, “Where ya off to?”

Hoping he was going to get out of the house without questioning was a pointless endeavor. He shrugged his shoulders. “Need to get outta the house,” a very honest answer.

She hummed, gaze dropping back to her puzzle. “You should go up and pay Anna a visit. I’m sure she wants to talk to you.”

He really should, as incredibly nerve-racking as that will be. That short text conversation didn’t seem to do his thank you justice. She deserved more than that, so much more than that. Despite his brain being against the idea, he can’t just try and ignore her this time around.

Pulling on his shoes, he nodded. “Yeah, I’ll do that.”

\---

The gate at the back end of the farm was loud enough Shane was so sure the whole town could hear it. As he walked up the dirt path, a bubble of dread was forming in his stomach. And fuck, the more he mulled over what to say only made it worse.

_‘Hey, thanks for dragging my sorry ass to the clinic.’_

_‘Hey, thanks for not letting me die out in the middle of the woods.’_

_‘Why do you still want me around, again?’_

He had a moment of reprieve as he crossed the creek and took a look around. Plants now blanketed the ground, everything bright and green. A couple of overachievers were budding crops, mostly the tomatoes and peppers standing out a vibrant red. Across the way, the two resident chickens were sleeping under the shade of a tall tree. Perhaps it looked like this back when he was taking care of her hens. That felt like such a long time ago.

As her home came into view, the dread was back. Each step making the need for a drink more and more apparent, just something to quench the nerves. He stared up at the house, then his eyes dropped down to watch his feet walk up the porch steps. Standing at the door, he tried to process how he was even going to do this. A deep breath almost calmed the growing pit in his stomach as he raised a hand to knock. _Yoba, what do I even say?_

Knuckles rapped against the pale green door. Immediately after, there was a loud clattering inside and a shriek. A split second of worry crossed Shane’s mind before he heard the approaching footsteps and the door swung open.

A pair of very confused brown eyes was the first thing he saw, and those quickly turned as a smile formed on her face. “Shane!” Ann’s voice was full of surprise. He saw that look in her eyes and braced himself as she leaned forward. But, she only teetered on her heels, pulling her arms behind her back.

Now with her stand in front of him, this was even more awkward than he imagined. “Uh, hey.”

She leaned against the doorframe in what looked like her pajamas. A sweater much too large for her over a pair of bright legging. Her sleeved were hiked up to show off a part of that faded tattoo swirling  up her forearm. “Nice to see you up and walking around.”

He shrugged his shoulders, rubbing the nape of his neck. “I mean, it’s been a few days.”

Eyes widened as the realization dawned on her face. “Few-? Wait, what day is it?” Pulling her phone from her pants, she looked over the screen. A range of emotions flashed before her smile covered them. “Whatever. So, what brings you here?”

Now put on the spot, he felt his anxiety really getting the better of him. He rubbed a hand over his face. “Shit, how do I say this?” mumbling into his palm. When he dropped his hand, his eyes cast up to the ceiling. “I-I’m real sorry about what happened at the cliffs. That was… really embarrassing.”

“Embarrassing?” She parroted, sounding more baffled. There was a slight shake of her head and a breath of a laugh. “Hah, I-I’m just glad I was there to help, you know. I, uh… I’m glad you’re okay, Shane.” The smile on her face dropped to something more soft and sincere.    

What was more concerning to him was how it made something stir in his chest. He swallowed. “Uh, was it that bad? I barely remember anything.”

“I mean, it wasn’t good.” Another laugh, sounding more relieved than anything else.

Fuck, he wanted to tell her to stop looking at him like that. Instead, he stuffed his hands in his pockets, eyes dropping to the floor to avoid her stare. “I… I wanted you to know that I’m gonna take things a little more seriously from now on.” His mind deliberate for a moment, “I’ve decided I want to see a therapist.”

“Really?” He watched her feet shift, maybe standing up straighter.

“Yeah, Harvey got me in touch with a colleague of his over in ZuZu City.” There was a slight shrug of his shoulders again. “I just… I don’t wanna be a burden on anyone anymore,” his voice was quiet as he tried to keep the emotion out of it.

“You don’t have to justify it, Shane.” Looking back up, the soft smile still there, and so was the fluttering. “It’s good you’re really trying to better yourself. That’s actually a really hard thing to do.”

He clicked his tongue, now annoyed with himself really. “Not when a doctor is tellin’ ya you need it.”

“Yes, even when someone’s telling you you need it.” She looked down herself, fingers worrying the hem of her sleeve. “Trust me, it’s hard to admit when you need help, let alone do something about it.”

Something about the way she said it set off a red flag in his head. Of course, this really isn’t the time or place to ask about it. He cleared his throat, “Anyway, I just wanted to thank you for takin’ care of me. I, uh… I really owe you one.”

Another little shake of her head, “You don’t own me anything.” A second passed, then she leaned back to cast her eyes around the corner. She seemed to consider something before speaking again. “Actually, if you really need to make it up to me, I kinda got back into baking this morning and went a little overboard.” With a questioning look in her eyes that Shane didn’t really understand.

He could understand one thing, though. It’s been a long time since he felt something like this, but the way his heart flipped in his chest whenever she made eye contact made it far too obvious. It also wasn’t helping that his brain finally processed how cute she looked in her oversized shirt and that dorky smile on her face.

_Fuck._

She took his silence as confusion, being completely correct in that assumption. Rolling her eyes, she sighed, “I’m asking if you wanna come inside, Shane. Really, I should have asked you before we started talking, but better late than never, right?”

Half of his brain told him to decline, the other told it to shut up. Suddenly tongue-tied, “Uh, y-you sure?”

His reluctance caught her off guard, “Wha- Don’t think too hard about it and come on.” She leaned forward to drag him in by the wrist. The heat of her hand shot up his arm. He felt it hit his face.

_Fuuuuuuck._

Her panicked noise pulled him out of his head. “Cat, No!” Dropping his wrist, she rushed over to the table. Shane saw her dumb cat jump and make a run for it across the room. Ann held a half-eaten muffin in one hand, running the other down her face. He heard her sighed into her palm before she chucked it into the trash. “Uh, i-ignore that one.”

Shane chuckled at the peeved looked that flash across her face. Not really sure what to do, he stuffed his hands in his pockets. She looked around, then back at the table, then around again. “Uh.” Picking up the box occupying the second chair, she waddled over to the couch to drop it. “Sorry about the mess. I don’t get many visitors out here.”

“Really?” He didn’t mean to question her, another thought victim to his running mouth. _Just, wasn’t she friends with everyone here?_

Shrugging her shoulders, she motioned him to follow. “I mean, I don’t blame them. It’s kinda a trek to get up here. You’re the closest neighbor I have and that’s like, what, a 20-minute walk?” She kicked out the now empty chair, “Here, sit.” Taking a few more steps, she pulled open one of the cupboards. “Coffee?”

He dropped down in the chair awkwardly, eyes roaming over the pile of pastries on the table. “Um, sure.” His fingers tapped against wood surface. It’s been awhile since he was a guest in someone’s home, and he was now vehemently aware of everything that could and probably will go wrong. He blew out his nerves as quietly as possible.

“Anything in it?” Reaching up on her toes to grab a mug, she looked back over her shoulder.

When he looked over, his eyes scanned her figure without his permission and he wanted to punch himself in the face. “Nope.”

She didn’t seem to notice. Instead, she hummed, “A fan of that pure coffee flavor, I see. Classy.” The rest of the coffee was poured into the mug, and Shane heard her swear under her breath. She must have spilled some.

Some of the tension in his body dropped as he snorted, “Yeah, I’m real fuckin’ classy.”

Turning with coffee in hand, she motioned to him with the other. “Well, that shitty hoodie you always wear is a very lovely shade of blue, my dear.” She joked, a slight lilt in her voice and the unoccupied hand waving around to add flare. “A very nice color on you, as well.”

_Was that a compliment?_ “Uh, thanks?” His hand went to wrap around the mug as soon as she set it down, then flinched away as soon as it came in contact with the burning surface.

She snickered under her breath as she took her own seat, “It’s hot.”

“I noticed,” Shooting her a very unamused look as he wiped the hand on his jeans.

That stupid smile was back, crinkling the corners of her eyes and showing off the top row of teeth. It had to be infectious. Shane rolled his eyes as his lips turned up at a corner. She leaned forward on the table bit, pointing to the muffins between them. “These are blueberry with some fancy glaze on top. And these are chocolate chip banana nut.”

Definitely banana nut. Taking one off the plate, he looked it over. “Why’dja make so many?”

She took a bite of her own blueberry one, then tilted her head at his question. A hand came up to cover her mouth as she talked, “I woke up pretty early and couldn’t get back to sleep. Figured I’d use that time for something productive.” A positive hum came after as she looked over the glaze on her muffin.

Taking a bite himself, he eyes widened. The chocolate was a little bit overkill, in his opinion, but everything else about it was delicious. “Woah.” Aunt Marnie had some competition.

“Good?” Her face lighting up as she asked.

The delighted look on her face set the butterflies off again. Nodding, he took another bite and tried to ignore it.

It was a pretty simple chat after that. It started with how well her farm was doing. Then how the chickens were doing. Ann told him to remind her to pay him for helping out, even though he insisted she didn’t have to. Soon, they were on the topic of this week’s activities and Shane remembered another thing to thank her for.

“Marnie told me you got me the whole week off.” His fingers tapped against his nearly empty glass out of habit. “So, thanks for that, too.”

“Mh-hm.” She nodded and took another drink of her coffee. “It took a bit of convincing to make sure it was paid, but-”

“What?” The cup slipped from his grasp in his shock, but he caught it before anything was noticed.

With a tilt of her head, confusion crossed her face. “You didn’t know that?” He just blinked wide eyes at her. She laughed at his expression, a smug smile appearing. “I had to pull a few strings, but it wasn’t too hard. Just promise to tell me if your manager gives you shit for it next week, okay?”

Well, he couldn’t really promise that, she’s already had to put up with enough of his garbage. No need to add his complaints about working with a literal troll. His disbelief came out in a laugh, “Hah, holy shit, I really do owe you.”

She made a show of rolling her eyes, “I already told you, no you don’t- AH!” The cup in her hands slipped out of her hands and dropped into her lap. Instinctively, she pulled the fabric away from her body as a large dark stain ran down the center. Just staring down at the mess, the sigh that came out of her throat was more of a grumble.

The thought of it might still be hot flew by his mind. But, after seeing she wasn’t in pain, he had to swallow down the laugh that bubbled up. “Uh, you okay?”

The tight-lipped frown on her face couldn’t match the extreme annoyance in her eyes. She sighed again and nodded. “Yup. Yeah.” She picked the cup up out of her lap placed it back on the table. Stiffly standing up, still holding out her shirt in a fist, she turned on her heels. “I’ll be right back,” she mumbled just loud enough for Shane to hear.

His eyes followed her as she walked through her living room and then through a door she closed with a little too much force.

Now alone in her house, he felt his awkwardness come back tenfold. Just for something to do, he took the empty mugs over to the sink. _What’s not a weird thing to do, right?_

After a minute of standing, his eyes wandered around the room. Clusters of little photos were hung up on the wall. Looking over them, most of them were artist pictures of different plants and some fancy scenery. More of the photos were in standing frames on the television cabinet, these ones older black and white family pictures. Scattered around the frames were weird little nic-nac. A glass jars of gems. A snow globe with a little well in the scenery. A weird doll made out of wood and green leaves. An ancient shell that looked like it might crumble if you blew on it.

To Shane, a lot of it just seemed like garbage. But who was he too judge.

_Fuck, how long does it take someone to change?_ He wandered over to look at some more of the pictures on the wall. One, in particular, caught his eye; a snowy landscape dotted with tall trees and in the middle was a girl with elf-ears and a fancy jacket. A fancy sword was in her hands and the symbol on it he recognized from his years of ignoring the world by gaming.

The door opened up behind him and Ann walked out in a clean outfit, a pair of shorts and a plaid shirt. She was shaking her hair out of her ponytail, and it _shouldn’t_ have been as suggestive as Shane’s brain made it out to be. Hands up behind her head pushed out her chest, the movement shrugged up her shirt just enough to reveal a strip of skin.

His eyes snapped back to the wall and he cleared his throat. “You play _Solorian Chronicles_?”

“Huh?” She ran a hand through her hair again as she walked over. “Oh yeah, used to be way into it a few years ago. A friend made that for my birthday, and now I finally have the wall space to hang it up.”

He nodded, eyes glancing over at her again. “You ever play the one for the Graystation?”

“The Elder Plains one?” She laughed and nodded, “Drowned a good year of my life into that game. I was more into the tabletop version, though.”

The snort came out before he could catch it. “Wow, didn’t take you for that much of a nerd.”

“Shut up.” The pout and embarrassed flush decorated her face. It stayed just long enough for Shane to save it to memory. She cleared her throat and completely changed the subject, catching him off guard. “So, you’re not doing anything else today, are you?”

Of course he wasn’t, but, “Uh, why?”

Her thumbs hooked into her pockets as she rocked on her heels. “If you wanna cash in those IOU’s you think you have, I could use some help organizing the barn. There’s a lot of junk in there.”

It didn’t take long for him to think about it. “Sure.”

“Cool!” With a tilt of her head, she turned and walked with him to the door. “I can give you an actual tour of the farm this time around, too. You haven’t been here since you helped bring the chickens over, right?”

Well, there was that time he had to help her home from the bar, but she probably didn’t want to remember that. He scratched the scruff on his chin. “I mean, I saw it all walkin’ up here.”

“Well, yeah.” She held the door for him and shut it after. “But me talking about it is different than just you looking at it.”

She bounded down the steps, and Shane followed with less energy. He listened to her talk up her crops and he couldn’t help the small smile that came with seeing her so elated. And from what he read in one of those farmbooks at the rance, he kind of understood what she was talking about.

“Man, I really need to get more animals, hu?” She laughed, opening the gate to the wide field for all of her two hens.

A wide expanse of grass dotted with little dandelions. A tall tree provided some shade and two round hens were nestled up near it’s heavy roots. Something caught his attention off in the distance as he closed the gate behind him. He raised an eyebrow at her, “What’s with the chairs?”

“I’ve been meaning to take those up to the house. I wanted to fix them up and stuff,” she said, completely distracted. Kneeling down, she waved a few fingers at Eggavier. Her eyes lit up as the hen stood, but that was quickly snuffed off when the hen waddle over to Shane’s feet instead. She narrowed her eyes at him with a pout, “Why do they like you better?”

He shrugged, bending down to pet Eggavier. His eyes caught Ann still looking pouty and a smirk crossed his face. “She been feedin’ you, right?” He whispered to the hen just loud enough for Ann to hear.

A theatrical gasp rang through the air as she pressed a hand to her chest, “How _dare_ you.” She shuffled the few inches between them on her knees, looking around his arm. Her hand came up to give the chicken some pets herself but was met with a quick peck. That caused a whine and she sat back to rub her fingers.

His snicker was impossible to keep quiet. He leaned down a bit, still talking to the chicken. “She’s just not givin’ you enough attention, is she?” As his giving an answer, Eggavier fluffed up her feathers and squawked.

He caught sight of another scowl from Ann, but it shifted to a mischievous grin. “I think you might have a calling as a chicken whisperer, there, Shane,” she leaned up to whisper at him.

It wasn’t the teasing that forced the rampant flush on his face, more so her soft voice in his ear. “Shut up,” he deadpanned, his turn to glare. As he stood up and dusted off his knees, Ann reached out to the unoccupied chicken. But, it took no interest and ran in the complete opposite direction. Leaving Ann alone and pouting.

She reminded him of someone as she sat there like that. When she didn’t make a move to stand, he offered her a hand. But instead of taking it, she raised her hands to the sky, eyes meeting his. “What words did my feathered child speak, o’ great one?” she quipped.

That glare came back, but the emotion behind it lacked any real annoyance. “She said fuck off,” he answered with another smirk, nudging her over as he continued to walk to the barn.

“Hey!” She toppled over ungracefully, landing on her side. Shane turned as she whined again. Instead of standing up, she rolled over on her back and waved her arms in the air. He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. Just to indulge her, he grabbed her hands and pulled her up.

He might have put too much force behind it because when she came up she fell into him. Stumbling forward, she had to brace herself against his chest. His  lurched in his chest. Heat rushed up his face at having her suddenly so close. His brain short-circuited for a second as his hands curled in the air around her middle.

She blinked and shook the sudden vertigo out of her head. And after finally realized where her hands where, she snatched them back quickly. Eyes wide as she took a step back to give him some space. “S-sorry.” The red in her cheeks took over her face and part of her neck, and that nervous laugh from her was something he hasn’t heard in a while.

Still entirely unsure what to do with his hands, he rubbed the back of his head. His eyes shifted away from her face for both of their sakes. “You okay?” he asked just to be sure.

“Yep, fine,” she voice was strained and awkward, along with the tight-lipped smile on her face. She motioned to the barn with a tilt of her head and walked quickly in that direction. “Come on.” He followed behind as she opened the doors. “S-so, um, the wood stuff kinda has a pile over there.” She waved off in an unknown direction. “Just leave the metal, you don’t have any gloves, and I don’t want you to cut yourself on it,” It was all spoken in one quick breath. Without looking at him, she wandered deeper into the barn.

He rubbed a hand over his own still very heated face, his heart still buzzing in his throat. Honestly, he should have seen this coming. She was the only woman he’s been friends with in forever. The only person he’s been friends with since Jason and Tessa. Of course, he’d start getting feelings for her. And of course, he couldn’t do anything about for fear of ruining the one friendship he had.

“Whatcha thinking so hard about?” Her voice started him out of his thoughts, completely void of the previous distress. She was leaning against a plank of wood, head tilted and a curious look in her eye.

He shook his head, picking up an empty box. “Nothin’”

 

 


	23. Obvious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh NO, that DID NOT help

“I'm not being the middleman in this,” Sebastian plainly stated and blew another puff of smoke into the air. Leaning back further against the tree, he flicked some ashes to the ground as Anna started talking again. 

“I’m not asking that, just… uh-” She tried to put on a tense smile as her word tumbled out quickly, “T-tell him I’m not interested.” She watched him roll his eyes, getting more flustered as she tried to come up with a poor excuse why she couldn’t talk to Sam herself. 

A good handful came to mind, many of them just different renditions of the serious anxiety that came with disappointing people. Others went over just how sorely awkward her brain imagined the experience would be. And to top off all of that was the fact this was Sam they were talking about. Someone who had been her best friend throughout her whole childhood. Someone she had grown up with and considered the older brother she never had for all those years. 

Stuttering a few syllables, she tried formed a real sentence, “I-It would be easier coming from you?” Her voice pitched up of its own accord, making her statement a question to spite her. 

Sebastian just shook his head. “No, it wouldn’t.” Snuffing his cigarette out on the bottom of his shoe, he pushed himself off the tree and walked around her to throw it in the trash can. “Look Anna, if you want to talk to him now, I can talk to him afterward to do damage control. That’s where I’m heading anyways.” 

Originally, that’s what she was doing. She was heading over to his house to talk. She even went through what she was going to say many times over to work up the courage. But with each step across the dirt path and through town that courage dimmed. And so did her steps, turning the walk into a long trudge through her own panic. 

They were standing in front of the house at the end of Willow Lane before Anna even realized she’d been walking. Sebastian crossed his arms and waited. His eyebrow tilted in question, and there was a trace of what might have been worry behind his eyes. It could have been because of her oddly fidgety nature, or her sudden scatterbrain, or maybe the darkening circles under her eyes plainly stamped the fact she hadn’t been getting much sleep right across her face. 

Before either could say anything about it, the door to the house was pulled open. A shock of blond hair poked out first, then Sam’s frame took up most of the doorway. “There you are, dude! What are you just standing out here for?” After a few steps outside, he saw Anna behind Sebastian. His blue eyes brightened with excitement and she flushed for an even opposite reason. “Anna! Didn’t expect you to be here, too. Came for a sneak peak of the new album, right?” 

Now see him, she couldn’t do this. The nervous laugh that came out was the last of her emotions she wanted to manifest. “I actually just saw Seb walking and stopped to talk.” Shoving everything down to her feet, she put on her fake smile for the lie. As she said it, she watched the disappointed glare fall over Seb’s face.     

Sam, on the other hand, was completely oblivious. “Oh. Well,” he drawled out the word as he put an arm around her shoulder. Her body tensed up on contact despite her commands. Sam didn’t seem to notice that either. “We’re always in need of an entourage, even for practice.” 

She had to turn her eyes away as the unease bubbled up again. “I-uh. I don’t wanna get in the way.” She wanted to leave. 

“You won’t be in the way,” Sam laughed, and the sound was far too loud in Anna’s head. 

A sharp sigh cut the air. “Come on, Sam. She's busy and doesn’t want to say anything,” Sebastian staring pointedly at her with the last statement. Her head turned completely to sever the gaze.  _ So much for not wanting to disappoint anyone. _

Sam eyed her for confirmation. Not wanting to say anything, she put her apology in her expression and subtly took a half step away. 

Giving a sigh of his own, this one more for show than annoyance, Sam dropped his arm from her shoulder. He stepped back giving her the personal space she so desperately needed. “Fine. But, hey!” He flashed Anna another smile, “After practice, we’re all heading over to the saloon for some food. If you wanna come…?” The hope in his voice hurt.

“S-sure.”  _ Of course, it’ll be a better idea to talk to him with a bit of alcohol in her system. Of course, it would. _ “Yeah, if I have time, I’ll meet you over there.” 

“Great!” Sam took a few steps backward to the door. “See you later then!” 

She nodded, eyeing Sebastian’s frown behind him. “Good luck.” 

“Yup!” Giving her a salute, he closed the door.  

A rush of air left her lungs. That taut rope was tying knots in her stomach. Running a hand over her face, she tried to ignore the part of her brain that screamed how incredibly ridiculous she was being. She stared meaninglessly at the dirt path as she walked out of town. Counting her steps and focusing her mind on the menial task. It had always been a good distraction from her runaway anxiety. 

A not so distance moo tore her from her thoughts. Her stare shot up and the cow’s head was startlingly close. After falling back a step, she narrowed her eyes at it. “What?” came out of her mouth with far more bitterness than needed. It was completely unfazed, slowly blinking its eyes at her and continued to stare. Whether it was Anna’s lack of sleep or her already unnerved state, the stare felt scrutinizing. She huffed out a breath. 

“You alright there, sunshine?” Marnie’s disembodied voice called out from the distance. Not a moment later, she sauntered out from behind a tree, rake in hand. The amused smile on her face still held some concern. 

_ Great, got caught talking to a cow. Good job. _ Anna cleared her throat and nodded, fighting to keep the burn off her face. “Yup, fine,” the words held more sarcasm than needed. 

The older woman hummed, coming up to pat the cow. “Sherry here is a great conversationalist.” As if to confirm that fact, she mooed again. Anna couldn’t help the glare that she flashed the animals direction.

It was easy to notice her off mood. “You sure you’re alright, Anna?” she asked again. 

The sigh sunk out despite herself, her brain trying and failing to come up with an excuse to end this conversation. “Yeah. I just have a lot on my plate at the moment.”

“Ah,” she nodded. “Well, just take things one at a time. I've always said it’s better to deal with things sooner so you don’t end up with so much worrin’.” Of course, she would be giving some very good advice now, when Anna’s mind wasn’t in the state to receive it.

_ I’m fully aware. _ Her lack of sleep and nervous putting her on edge. Not wanting to project her self-annoyance on the poor woman, she put on her fake smile again. “Yeah, I just need to think stuff over, you know.” 

Nodding again, an understanding smile took over her face, “Well, if you even need to talk, I’m always here.” 

Talking was the last thing she wanted to do, no matter how much of a good idea it might have been. She couldn’t worry someone else with her problems. She just tried to throw them off on a good friend not even two minutes ago, and now acknowledging that left a harsh feeling in the back of her throat. Still, Anna’s fake smile tilted into something more genuine at the woman’s kindness, “Thanks, Marnie.” 

“Of course, dear.” The finality in that statement was a welcomed relief. But to Anna’s chagrin, that was not the end of it. Marnie walked the few steps up to the fence, leaning the rake and herself against it. “So, Shane’s been tellin’ me you’re tryin’ to get your barn up and runnin’.”

Shifting on her feet, she suddenly felt like she’d been standing for far too long. She was definitely hitting her limit. “Yeah. He helped me clear out a lot of it when he came over the other day. I need to have Robin come over and fix up some of the woodwork and stuff.” 

“You have a plan drawn up for it yet?”

Did she need a plan? It was actually a pretty small space, but she couldn’t talk to Robin if she didn’t know where to start. And none of the original set up was left in the barn, most of it eaten away by mold and water damage. “Uh.”

Marnie chuckled, “‘Cause if you don’t, I’ll be happy to help you out.”

Anna’s head tilted as she thought it over. It would be a good way to take her mind off her impending embarrassment. “Like, right now?” She asked, giving a shy smile, not wanting to intrude. 

Marnie’s chuckle turned into a laugh. She pushed off the rail, motioning Anna around the fence. “Come inside and I’ll show you around the barn. It might give you an idea or two.”

After a walk through and tending to some of the animals, the two sat at the kitchen table over some lemonade. Marnie helped her plan out something far smaller and simpler for a barn her size. Something good enough to house about four animals and still have room for all of them to live comfortably.

Saying their goodbye, Anna went to walk out the front door. Before she opened it, she had bend over to fix the strap of her shoes for just one moment. And it was a very wrong moment, as the door in front of her swung open, knocking her in the forehead. The pain was sharp and instant and far worse than the small ache her nervous have been giving her all day. 

“What the-” There was some stumbling and something thudded against the wood floor. The door was pushed open the rest of the way, shining the sunlight directly through her fingers. “Oh shit! Shit, are you okay?” The usual bland rough voice now had a layer of panic. 

Anna righted herself, taking a moment to breathe to keep the steadily growing frustration down. “Yeah.” Looking past her hands, she saw Shane’s very worried face staring down at her. Seeing him so flustered had always been pretty amusing, but the smile it caused was quickly replaced by a whine. “Why do you open the door so fast?”

Completely thrown off by her question, that concern quickly shifted to bewilderment. “Why the hell are you just standin’ behind the door?”

She glared at him as he bent over to pick up a box. “I was admiring the woodgrain, Shane,” she answered dryly. “What do you think I’m doing?” 

He rolled his eyes, looking over the box he must have dropped. “Not opening the door, clearly,” he said with the same tone. 

Usually, his sass was kind of charming, but the lump forming on her head was not helping her mood. Her irritation bubbled up before she could seal it back down. “I didn’t have time to before someone decided to just charge through the damn door!” 

He started at her tone, his eyes went wide. But before he could say anything else, Marnie popped her head through the kitchen doorway. “What on Earth is goin’ on out here?” 

Shane shook himself out of his confusion before he answered. “I accidentally hit her with the door.”

Before she even asked, Anna waved a hand with a strained smile. “I’m fine.”

Marnie looked between the two. “Well, just be more careful. And close the door, Shane, you’re lettin’ in all the hot air.” A sigh came from her as she turned back into the kitchen. 

There was an uneasy moment of silence in the room after he closed the door. Anna leaned against the nearest wall, taking a second to breathe again. Walking around her, Shane slid the box on the counter before turning back. The concern more palpable in his expression as he looked over her face, a hand coming up to run through his hair. “Are you sure you’re okay? Fuck, I’m sorry, sounded like it hurt.”

She snorted. “Yup. Just gonna have a whole watermelon on my forehead, it’s fine.” It was meant to be a joke, but the tone was completely off. Her head dropped back down, and she placed her now very hot hand back on the bump. It didn’t help at all with the rapid ache forming. 

“Sorry,” he mumbled again, rubbing the back of his neck. “You want some ice or something?” 

It was really hard to stay mad when he was being so sweet. The genuine apology brought a warmth through her chest and a sheepish smile on her face. She looked up at him from behind her hand. “No, no. I’m really fine, Shane.” 

“You sure?” He didn’t seem fully convinced. 

Her hand dropped back to her side after she adjusted her hair to hide the obvious red mark. Pushing off the wall, she nodded, “Yes, I’m sure.” Wanting to get the topic off her, her eyes looked around him to the box he brought. “What’s that?” 

He followed her gaze. “Oh, um. Just something for Jas. Came into a bit of extra money, though I should use it for something good.” 

“Aw,” she said, not fast enough to catch the sound before it left her mouth. Slight embarrassment crept across her face. 

But that was nothing compared to the redden scowl Shane had. He mumbled something that sounded like an excuse, but it was too unintelligible for Anna to make out. His eyes shifted back over to her once, before looking behind her to the door. “Weren’t you leaving?” 

Disappointment was added to the bundle of emotions in her chest. “Oh, yeah.” Maybe she was just using him to ignore her problems at the moment, but she did want to stick around and talk to him more. “I-uh promised to meet up with some friends, so…”  _ Okay, you didn’t have to say that. Why did you say that? _

An odd expression crossed his features before he covered it with his usual blank face. He waved to the door, turning around and grabbing the box off the counter. “Don’t let me keep you, then.” He said as he disappeared through the other doorway. 

\---

Something akin to dread filled her lungs as she walked. Her fingers tapped against her legs when she hooked her thumbs into her pockets. That extra hour of sleep she got from her nap wasn’t doing anything for her. If anything, it only made her more tired and fidgety as a result. She kept her head down as she made her way to the Stardrop Saloon, eyes following a maze in the cobblestone under her feet.

Before she got to the door, some called out her name. When she didn’t hear it, they walk out in front of her. “Hey, Earth to Anna?” Sam's face came into view as he bent over to catch her eyes. 

A panicked noise came out of her mouth and she had to take a step back to keep from running into him. A hand came up to press against her rapid heart. “Sorry!” 

His laugh didn’t dissipate her weirdness like it should’ve. “You’re thinking about something pretty hard there.”

She smoothed back her hair for something else to do with her worrying hands. “Yeah.” When he didn’t move, she gestured to the door a few feet behind him. “You wanna go inside?”

He head tilted slightly with the arch of his brow. “Actually, Seb said you wanted to talk about something?”

She didn’t know whether to curse Sebastian or thank him. Her anxiousness fizzled high in her throat and she had to swallow it down. “Um. Y-yeah.”

His usual smile dropped into a tight-lipped frown. “Everything okay?” 

“Ye-uh. No.” She sighed out her nerves, but more just bubble back up in their place as word poured out of her mouth. “Look, Sam. I get you have a thing for me. but-” Saying that, the scarlet that came over his face made it too clear. She sighed again. “It’s just I’m not… interesting in that right now. I just moved back out here and everything. And, It’s not you, it just- Well, it kinda is. I mean, I’ve known you for a long time and you’re like family to me and-”

He held up his hands to halt her rambling. After clearing his throat, the redness didn’t fade. “I get it, Anna. I get it,” he laughed over his embarrassment. “Get it. Got it. Fully noted.” 

Sam cleared his throat again, the nervous laughter still coming in spurts. Anna had to press a hand to her own face as she watched someone shoot them a weird look as they walked into the bar. They stood there in silence like two awkward idiots for far too long. 

“Hey,” Sam was the first to speak. “You still wanna come in?” He thumbed back to the saloon behind him. “I got paid today, so pizza’s on me.” 

She made a disapproving noise as she rubbed her neck. 

Another snicker. “Alright, got it.” He took a few steps back, before turning. “I’ll, uh, see you… later then.” 

“Yeah,” she nodded, still not quite looking his direction. “Have a good night, Sam.” 

“Yup, you too.” Sam gave her one last wave before disappearing inside. She stared at the door a second longer before turning away. 

She took the long way home, or what was meant to be the long way. The route was maybe an extra five minutes, but adding how slow her steps were it might be ten. Her eyes focused on the ground in front of her feet. She kicked a few rocks that unluckily crossed her path, all of them careening into the river with a plop. 

Honestly, it could have gone worse. It always could go worse, as her brain reminded her time and time again. If anything, it seemed far too easy. Or maybe she just amped it up so much, and it seemed that way in comparison. Either way, she probably wasn’t talking to Sam again for a while, for her own sanity. 

As she passed by the ranch, her eyes drifted to the house. The lights beamed from inside, silhouetting the curtains swaying in the breeze of the open window. Her sight traced down the column of light in the front yard. It faded out a few feet away, blending back in with the darkness at her feet. 

She let out a breath as her head tilted up to get a reminder of how much longer she had to walk. A completely different light flickered in the distance. The soft in and out of a dim lantern cast a glow again the figure sitting out on the dock. Reclining back on his hands, his face was tilted up to the sky and completely oblivious to her stare. 

A smile tugged at a corner of her mouth as she kept walking forward. But after the first few steps, her assurance faltered. Her thumbs hooked into her pockets, suddenly feeling timid. He probably wanted to be alone, seeing that he was out here by himself. Alone. But, her feet continued their course despite her change in demeanor. 

The taller glass near the dock’s edge was louder, alerting him. His upper half turned towards her, and the fading sunlight made it hard to see his expression. A hand came out of her pocket to give a little wave. “Mind if I join you?” she asked just loud enough for him to hear. 

She saw the rise of shoulders in Shane’s outlined frame, and then the nod of his head as he turned back to the water. Her steps were light on the old wood beneath her. As much as the view of the forest, the pond, and the sky painted her in a perfect shade of calm, walking over open water still made her stomach roll. 

Anna settled herself at the edge of the dock, pulling off her sandals to dangle her feet over the water. Her legs couldn’t quite reach, but every now and then the wind would kick up a wave high enough to lap at her heels. 

She looked at Shane from the corner of her eye when he didn’t speak. There was no drink in his hand, nor anywhere on the dock like last time she sat here with him. A large part of her hoped he wasn’t drinking, not after what happened last week and him actually seeking professional help. Though the cynic in her mused he could have just drank before coming out here, less to carry that way. 

Shaking the negative thought out of her mind, she laid back on the dock. She let out a heavy sigh, exhaling the weight out of her lungs that had been there all day. Her eyes drifted close, mind tuning out to focus on the sounds of the forest; frogs, crickets, rustling leaves, an owl hooting in the distance. Her body fully relaxed against the damp wood with another deep breath. 

“Hope you’re not plannin’ on falling asleep there.” Shane’s wry tone pulled her out of the stillness. “I sure as shit can’t carrier you,” the self-deprecation sounded less like a joke and more like a sure fact.

A smirk came from out of her short chuckle. One eye cracked open to look at him and she was flustered all at once. The rapidly fading sunset outline his face, rim-lit from the beams highlighting curve of his jaw and and bridge of his nose. The tips of his mushed hair painted white by the sun. Everything seemed to reflect in the deep color of his eyes. Anna’s breath stuttered in her chest and she couldn’t look away. 

_ Wow, he’s attractive. _ It was an initial thought she had when she first saw him, sure, but now it was back tenfold. So many words rolled through her mind,  _ pretty  _ being the main one and she had to swallow her voice to stop herself from saying it out loud.  _ He had to have done something different. Shaved? A haircut? Just took a shower? Okay, that one was a bit much, but still. _

Her stare must have got to him. He turned fully around to glare at her. “What?” His agitation was clear in his voice and furrowed brow.

“Uh-” She blinked a few times to find some words. “Y-you got something in your hair,” she finally mumbled as a coverup. 

His furrowed brow deepened. He ran a hand through his hair, and when he came back with nothing, he did it again. The humidity of the summer night slicked his hair back and  _ Oh NO, that did NOT help. _

She trained her eyes back to the sky, watching the gold fade into the deep blue. Any weirdness was quickly carried away on the wind. The silence between them settled cleanly. That was something she really enjoyed about Shane’s company. There was no need for a conversation. The only real pressure to speak was the nagging questions that popped up through the silence in her mind. 

Though she didn’t want to ruin the mood, she had to know. “Hey Shane,” she nudged his leg to get his attention. “Can I ask you about something?”

His eyes cast back down at her. “You’re gonna do it anyway,” he grumbled.

Was she being too pushy again? She tapped her fingers against her stomach as she worried her lip. “Well, you don’t have to answer. Just… how did that therapist appointment go?”

His shoulders raised once, providing no further explanation. She couldn’t see his face from where she was, so she couldn’t get a read on any emotion. Thus, her question when unanswered. 

“Does that mean well, or?” Okay, now she  _ was  _ being pushy. She felt it, but she couldn’t stop herself. She just had to know how he was after… everything. 

A second of silence passed, then he sighed and laid back as well. Their arms brush together and Anna scooched over a bit to give him some personal space. He copied her position to get comfortable, an arm tucked under his head and the other settled on his stomach. “I guess,” he finally answered. “Kinda stupid I had to pay so much for someone to hand me some pills and tell me to stop drinking.” 

“Hm.” She watched his blank expression out of the corner of her eye. He was way too good at covering his emotions. “I mean, for me, it’s better to know that something’s physically wrong, than just not being able to handle normal life, you know.” 

One phrase from the sentence caught his attention. “For you?” His voice was quiet and his head turned to slightly to the side to get a better look at her. 

Green eyes studied her face, illuminated by the stars starting to light up the sky.  _ Christ _ , he felt far closer than he really was and it was hard to focus on the serious conversation they were having. Hopefully, rising moonlight wasn’t enough to show the redness creeping across her cheeks.

She nodded, her brain finally processing what she answered. Her eyes widened slightly as she waited for it. Usually admitting to something like this would bring on a throat closing panic she would need a few days to recover from. And with how much she stressed herself out, it should have hit her tenfold. But it didn’t.

Something came to take its place. A nervous buzzing filled her chest, far less impactful than the usual heart palpitation. Emotions bubbled up slowly, as she shifted her eyes to gauge his reaction. There was none, not that she could tell anyway. He still looked at her, just listening. They didn’t hold that soul-crushing worriment most people had, maybe it was hidden behind his searching gaze. Either way, it eased a heavy weight off her chest.

Something between a sigh and a hum came after, and she answered again, “Yeah.” 

 

 


	24. Unbelievable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Your friends didn’t drag you into anything?”

Adding antidepressants to Shane’s morning routine was easy, they simply took the place of his usual painkillers for his hangover. Except they didn’t help the steady headache he still woke up with every morning. Luckily, caffeine did. And Shane had never been more grateful that Marnie brewed a pot of coffee every morning.

Hunched over a plate of eggs, he started on his second mug of coffee. Across the table, Jas busied herself with her homework. She hummed some unknown tune and Shane zoned out as he mindlessly followed the pencil across the page.

“What’s this mean?” He started at her sudden voice. Looking up to meet wide brown eyes waiting for an answer, he shook the fog from his mind. Motioning for the paper with his hand, Jas pushed it across the table and scooted closer to him.

Helping his goddaughter had become a steady part of his morning. Unlike the sporadic times before, during his week-long vacation he made a conscious effort to be awake before she left for class. But now that he was back to work, Jas made sure to be up earlier to keep the morning routine.

A harsh buzzing from his pocket broke the explanation he was trying to give. Not that he was succeeding anyway, English had never been his strong suit. Clicking off the alarm, “I gotta get going, kid.” The chair gave a harsh scrape across the floor as he got to his feet. Taking his plate to the sink, he pushed hers back in front of her, “Make sure you finish eating.”

She made a sound between a whine and a sigh but took another bite of her food regardless. “I still don’t get it,” she mumbled through a mouth full.

Well, there wasn’t much else he could do. “Uh- I’m sure Miss Penny can help with it. Sorry.”

Nodding, she swallowed her food, “It’s okay.” She leaned over the back of the chair to give him a quick hug. “Have a good day, Uncle Shane!”

A pat on the head, “You too, kid.” Then he rushed to put his shoes on.

Something he became acutely aware of after quitting drinking cold turkey was how bright everything was. Or maybe it was the meds, he couldn’t tell. Either way, it was… not as annoying as it usually was.

It was still early in the morning, the air still held the coolness of the night. Summer was in full swing and the recent showers made everything in the valley green and lush. A light mist floated from the river and around his feet. Even though everything was nice now, in a few hours the humidity was going to be horrible.

The walk to work was completely uneventful, and despite giving Shane some passive aggressiveness earlier in the week, Morris didn’t give him as much shit as he usually did. He hasn’t been able to be on the floor enough to do nag his workers. Apparently, _someone_ called up the Joja executives and had _concerns_ about how the employees were being treated. Rereading paperwork and making calls had kept him in his office most of the week.

Mindlessly stacking the cans, Shane’s mind wandered off. His latest memory of Ann quickly caught its attention. Out on the dock, under the clear night sky, as he simply sat and enjoyed the stillness of the forest. Turning to see her standing at the end of the walk must have flipped a switch in his brain. The sunset igniting her already fiery hair, shrouding her in a halo of gold. Her dark eyes catching every light around her and reflecting it back in waves.

How the hell did he not realize how stunning she was for all those months? He had to be fucking blind. Maybe it was the booze and the depression.

Not that her looks are what brought this shortsighted crush on, however. It was just the general warmth that came from her. The genuine care she took in their friendship. Remaining a constant in his life despite how hectic things have been for him. It wasn’t something he was used to. Once people found all that baggage, they usually got outta there fast.

But she didn’t. It made him feel like someone actually wanted him around.

_Falling for the first person in years that gave him the time fo day? Yoba, he’s so fucked._ He was falling for her hard and fast, a rapid skydive he had no consent in partaking.

Running a hand down his face, he sighed into his palm. Under it, the slight heat from his cheeks was already too much for him. Blindly reaching into the box of another can, his hand hit the open air. He had to jerk his body back before he fell into it.

A growl came out under his breath. _Get a grip._ At least no one saw-

A short laugh broke through the droning music. His eyes jerked up and saw see his co-worker, Sam, with a hand over his mouth. The amusement was still clear on his face. “Be careful, dude,” he said and went back to sweeping.

It wasn’t anger that made him huff out his breath and stalk off to the back room. It was jealousy. Petty jealousy. Ann had talked his ear off the other week about how Sam’s birthday was coming up and she didn’t know what to get him. How they have been friends for years and how she was happy when she came back to the valley things just seemed to pick up right where they left off.

Then again, that was two weeks ago, and when he asked her about it last night she didn’t say much. She said they weren’t really talking at the moment, whatever that meant, so maybe Shane had nothing to worry about.

No. He shouldn’t be worrying about that shit in the first place. They were friends. Getting jealous because she has friends? That stupid. Being jealous at all is even more stupid. He’s just barely come to realize his feelings for her and he was already getting huffy about this. _Come on._

Dumping the empty box with the others, he pushed everything to the back of his mind and when back to work.

\---

The sun was still beating down hot and heavy by the time his shift ended. He usually welcomed the clean air, but the humidity left his clothes damp and sticking to his skin. Taking off his hat, he pushed his sweaty fringe out of his face and replaced it. Wiping his now slick hand on his pants didn’t help much.

The new path home provided the shade of the saloon. The tall brick building casting a long shadow that reached up and over the cliff edge. He slowed for a moment, taking his time in the darkness to try and cool off. Despite it being well into the afternoon, the quietness of the town square was a welcomed change.

“Shane!”

_So much for that._

Ann bounded up to him, red hair pulled back and bouncing behind her. A sheen of sweat covered her skin, making her glow. As opposed to Shane, who must have looked like he waddled out of a sauna. Her cheeks were flushed, probably an oncoming sunburn. “Hey,” she smiled up at him and then came the butterflies. “How was work?”

His hand searched for his pockets, feeling very self-conscious in the damp, pushed up sleeves of his Joja uniform. “Fine.”

She giggled, whether it was at his answer or just him in general, he couldn’t be sure. “Fine’s good.”

Nodding and not knowing what else to say, he took interest in the ground under their feet. His nerves came out through his nose. The conversation lulled, and the growing silence starting to get too much. His brain scrambled for words. _Fuck, he needed to get better at small talk._ “So… Where ya off you?” _Or just talking in general, really._

“I was gonna get some pizza.” She pointed to the building behind him with a wave of her fingers. “It’s been kinda a shit week for me,” she said with a shrug. “So I think I deserve some good food.”

It might have been a throwaway line, but it still shot a pang through his chest. “Oh, everything alright?”

“Yeah,” she assured him quickly. After a hum, a playful smirk covered her face. “That bruise your front door gave me is gone now, too. So that’s good.”

Oh, he remembered that fuck-up clear as day. Mentally cringing, he huffed out a breath. “How the fuck was I supposed to know you were behind there?” he grumbled.

“I’m just teasing.” Another giggle, and despite it definitely being at his expense, he couldn’t find himself caring so much. She pushed back her fringe to show him her completely unblemished forehead. Her finger came up to tap where the bruise should have been. “See, completely fine.”

“That’s good.” He simply scanned her face taking that playful glint in her eyes to memory.

Her eyes shifted off to the side under his stare. Hands hooking into her back pockets, the heel of her boot scuffed at the stone under it. “You wanna join me?” She asked shyly, motioning to the saloon with a tilt of her head.

_Yeah, really good idea for a recovering alcoholic to walk into a bar. Sounds like a shitty punchline._ He looked behind him to the brick building, scratching his permanent five o’clock shadow. Just the prospect of walking in there produced enough anxiety to vomit.

When he didn’t say anything, her soft voice caught his attention, “Hey.” The timid look on her face had that sincere smile that jumpstarted his heart. “Maybe… It’ll do some good?” Seeing the apprehension on his face made she drop her head. “Show you… you have more self-control than you think you do?” When he didn’t say anything, she added, “I’ll pay.”

She was unbelievably persistent. He snorted, “You’re serious?”

Her head lifted back up, and he could see her eyes dancing behind her lashes. “Well, who else am I gonna share a pizza with?”

He couldn’t help but roll his eyes at her coy tone. “Don’t you have more friends?” _Shit, that sounded bad._ He meant it as a joke, but his stupid nerves took control of his voice. He stuttered a few syllables, trying to come up with something. Shane was never good at social recovery.

Hurt flashed by but was quickly replaced it with a cheeky smile to match her voice. “ _More_ friends?” She said it with so much emphasis. “Does that mean _we’re_ friends, Shane?”

Sighing out his previous turmoil, he made a mental note to never make another joke, despite is next phase. “Well, I’ve put you through so much shit, I’d hope for that at least.”  

Apparently that one wasn’t good either, judging by the disapproval beneath her smile. But she left the comment at that. Instead, rocking on the balls of her feet, she tilted her head to either said as she asked, “So… Yes? No?”

Of course he wanted to spend time with her, why wouldn’t he? But, he wanted to head home first. He should, so he can clean up a bit and not look, and probably smell, like a sentient puddle of sweat. But when she batted her eyelashes with that pleading smile, he knew he was fucked.

Taking off his hat again to run a hand through his hair, he sighed. “Yeah, sure.” Replacing it, he motioned for her to get walking. “Can’t turn down free food,” he said, like that was the justification.

The happy noise that came from her was accompanied by a shimmy. He couldn’t stop the small smile that pulled at his mouth as he watched her skirt past him. _Unbelievable_. No one can honestly be that excited to spend time with him. That feeling couldn’t last long, however.

A sick sense of dread formed a pit in the bottom of his stomach as he walked through those door for the first time in almost two weeks. The air-conditioned room was a blessing, though. Shane physically shivered as sweat cooled from the air. Just past five on a Thursday, only Pam sat at the end of the counter. Gus stood behind it and looked up at the sound of the door, eyes lighting up when he saw who walked in. “Anna! Shane! Haven’t seen you two here in awhile.”

Ann shrugged nonchalantly as she walked up to the register. “Been kinda busy the past few weeks.”

_Busy, that’s a word for it._

“Ah, welp.” Gus nodded happily, already reaching under the bar to get some glasses. “Everyone needs a day off. What can I get you two?”

“Yeah,” pulling off her bag, she fumbled inside it for her wallet. “One of your pizzas, a cola, and… uh?” Ann’s eyes glanced over to Shane of an answer. Has he ever order anything other than booze here? “Cola?” Ann suggested, thankfully, and Shane nodded as he took his usual seat.

Gus’s eye shifted between the two of them, the smile on his face turning smug. Shane could see the implication in it. He shot him a glare, but Ann beat him to it as she dropped her money on the counter. Something sharp twisted deep in Shane’s chest and he had to shift his gaze elsewhere.

Gus was finished pouring the drinks by the time Ann was around the bartop and in her seat. He sat them down, and Shane took a long drink almost immediately. Such a creature of habit. The carbonation fizzled on his tongue, giving the calming effect alcohol unfortunately had over him. It was definitely a placebo effect, but the meaning alone still made him sick to his stomach.

Despite having a mouth full of soda, Gus still talked to him. “Haven’t seen you in a while, Shane!” His boisterous voice sent an all too familiar zing through his skull. “How’s life been treatin’ ya?”

Swallowing hard, he shrugged. “Fine,” he answered again. There was truth in that answer, he’s had worse weeks. Far worse weeks.

The bartender let out a hearty laugh, “Well, that’s good. You had us worried you’d never come back.”

Honestly, he wasn’t sure he would have if it weren’t for Ann dragging him back in here. “Yeah.” He averted his eyes, fingers tapping on the side of his glass. _Just try to be honest with people,_ a line his therapist shot out during their session the other week. It seemed pointless then, but… “I’ve, uh, been trying to cut back, so…”

Completely surprise took over Gus’s face as his bushy brows shot up. “Well, good for you, son.” A hand came up to pat him on the shoulder and Shane whole body tensed. Thankfully that didn’t last long. “I’ll be back with your pizza in a bit,” he said, gave the bartop a pat before turning to leave.

Rubbing his palm to his forehead, he shot a glance at Ann. Her body turned completely towards him, her head propped up by an arm on the counter. She still wore that smile. The tenderness in her eyes catching him completely off guard. If this keeps happening, she was gonna kill him by the end of the week.

Heat was already starting to rise to his face. “Stop that,” he snapped.

His words didn’t do much, if anything, it just amplified her expression. “What?” she whined. “Can’t I be happy for you?”

A grumble came out with his words, “No, it’s s- weird.” He actually caught himself before he said stupid. He was being stupid.

There was a slight shake of her head and a sigh. “I still mean it though,” she said quietly, for only Shane to hear. He caught the seriousness in her eyes and he had to look away. Back into his glass with another swallow of fizz. _This might have been a bad idea._

Seeing his unease, she changed the subject. “So, whatcha gonna do with all this free time now?”

_Free time?_ “I don’t know. Probably just look after Jas. Help her with class work and stuff.” He didn’t really have anything else to do. Maybe help Marnie with the animals if she needed it, but he’s already been doing that.

“Cute,” he heard her mumble into her glass for taking a sip.  

Ignoring it, he gave a shrug. “That’s probably it.”

Her cup clacked against the countertop as she sat it back down. “Really? No hobbies?” Her head tilted with her question.

He snorted. When was the last time he had a hobby? Probably back in his gridball days. Gaming could count as one if he was stretching, but there was only so many times you could replay the same three games over and over. “Don’t have any.”

“I mean it’s never too late to start something,” she said.

That kind of optimism wasn’t something Shane had. Not saying anything, he side-eyed her.

Nails clicked against her glass. “I mean, there has to be something. You went to college, right? You had to have done something there.”

He dismissed her comment quickly. “Yeah, for about three months.”

“Oh, well.” She still tried. “That’s still a while, almost a hundred days?”

Rolling his eyes, he took another drink of his soda. If he was being honest, he really wished it was alcohol right about now. Nothing good ever came from talking about the past.

But she still pushed, because of course she did. “Your friends didn’t drag you into anything?”

He swallowed hard. Yeah, they did. Jason dragged him into a different club every other day just to get him out of their apartment. The only one he really stuck with was a budget filmmaking club with no real sense of… anything. It was just a bunch of kids who had their heart set on Hollywood. Jason only stuck around after getting with the club’s leader. Shane was just along for the ride.  

A long moment of silence. And after too long, Ann’s whisper broke it, “Too far?” Her face dropped back down to stare into her glass, an apology could be seen in her eyes before she said anything. “Sorry. You don’t have to answer, if you don’t want to.”

Shaking his head, “It’s fine.”

The regret on her face still suggested otherwise. A half-hearted laugh followed. “I’ll get better at that, I promise.”

Emily, the savior from this dead air, came out of the swinging back room door. The smell of cheese and spice wafted through the air and Shane attention was instantly taken. Thus the conversation was willingly dropped.

\---

The sun was starting to set by the time the two stepped out onto the sidewalk. Things went pretty smooth after the awkwardness. Laughs and making stupid jokes. Most of the talk was about her farm, nothing else really interesting to talk about. And Shane was completely okay with just sitting there and watching her eyes light up as she chattered on.

After a few steps down the sidewalk, Ann slowed to a stop. “We should do this again,” she said as he turned to face him with a hopeful gleam in her eye.

He’ll probably never get used to her stare. His hands tucked into his pockets for something to do with them. “Yeah.”

“Yeah,” she nodded. She looked like she wanted to say something, but before she did, she took a step back. “I should probably get going.” Another step backward. “Get home before it gets too dark, okay?”

He almost asked to walk her home, but the suggestion got stuck in his throat. Instead, he just nodded, saying something more simple, “Yeah, you too.”

She gave a final wave before turning to leave. He watched her for what was probably too long. Continuing down the stone path, he felt… just pretty okay.

The house was quiet when he got home. As he kicked off his shoes, his eyes looked around the wall to the light streaming under Jas’s bedroom door. During the week off, he made it a habit to make sure to tuck her in so she was going to bed at a reasonable time.

Softly tapping on the door, he called out her name. There was no answer. When he opened it the first thing he saw was the clutter of toys scattered across the floor. The second thing he saw his goddaughter laying across her bed completely passed out. _Well, so much for that._

Picking up her blanket from off the ground, Jas’s stuffed rabbit fell out of the fabric. The same one Jason had bought for her right after she was born, edged now a bit frayed and little stitches across some of his limbs. Tucking it up next to her, her arms instinctively wrapped around it. He shook out the blanket out before draping it over her. She stirred a bit at the noise but didn’t wake. He brushed the hair out of her eyes affectionately, before flipping off the lights and closing the bedroom door.

Walking through the kitchen to get to his bedroom, Marnie stood over a cup of what was probably tea. Her eyes glanced over to Shane when he walked through the doorway. “Oh. You’re home late, Shane.”

Maybe she didn’t mean to sound disappointed, but she did, a lot. “I, uh-” _Was at the bar, nope that’s not good._ He fumbled for something and came up with a reasonably truthful answer. “A-Ann wanted some help with something.” _Help eating some food, sure, sure._

“Oh.” A smile replaced the look on her face. Then it shifted to something more sly as she raised an eyebrow. “You’ve been hangin’ out with that girl a lot, huh?”

_Oh, don’t do this to me._ “So?” he countered, sounding far more childish than he really wanted to. Shuffling over to the fridge, he pulled out a can of sparkling water.

Her shoulder shrugged, trying to hide her expression behind her mug. She hummed, “She’s awfully pretty, ain’t she?”

“Marnie,” he shot her a look before cracking open the can.

“Hey,” She shrugged her shoulders again, stirring the spoon in her cup. “All I’m saying is she’s taken a real likin’ to you, Shane. Anyone with eyes can see that.”

Really, he couldn’t even deny it, nor could her see the reason why. Bringing the can to his mouth to avoid any real talking, he grumbled some incoherent words about going to bed. Marnie could only laugh at his distress. _Great._

Closing the door, he went immediately for a game controller. Something to zone out his mind so he can get a decent sleep. The screen flashed, blinding him for a moment before the 8-bit start-up music hummed out to the speakers. It took a good few minutes before the menu loaded up on the screen, but by then Shane’s interest was already lost. The same sounds, the same visuals, after seeing them for so long he didn’t want to anymore.

Clicking off the television, then the console, he sat back against the old couch. Sleep would be a good thing to do right now, but his mind still buzzing with unknown energy. He mindlessly scanned the room for something to do.

There wasn’t much to his room really. A bed, a dresser, the couch, and the tv. A small desk sat in the corner without a chair, completely unused. His eyes cast down to the single box of belonging he brought here after moving. He knew what was in it, some stuff he thought he might want to keep around from his college days.

Now that he was actually reminded he even went to college, memories cropped up he wanted to reforget. The main one being how he lost his whole gridball scholarship because he didn’t even bother to show up to class most days, when he did he was hungover and too tired to function. Even back then, he couldn’t even bother with things.

In some pathetic self-pity, he dragged the box out from under the bed. It was a lot heavier than he remembered it. He stared at it for a long time, just gauging whether or not it would be a good idea to open.

To his dismay, without the pressure of the mattress on top of it, the cardboard popped open by itself, startling him enough to make him jump. Clothes puffed out of the top, definitely stuff that didn’t fit him anymore. Pulling a handful out of the box, he dropped it off to the side.

Under those was a stack of old textbooks, the reason why the box must have been so heavy. He fingered through the top one. The pages completely unmarked and in pristine condition. Honestly, it was a shame they were never being used. The thought of donating them to the library crossed his mind. Before work maybe, if it was open that early.

Next to those was a bunch of miscellaneous stuff Shane couldn’t remember why it was important to keep. Some old pens and scribbled on papers, envelopes that probably held some once important information and a few little patches from his varsity days.

Under all of that, however, was a camcorder Shane instantly recognized. Black against the dullness of the cardboard and dusty by the looks of it. His hands brushed some of it away before bringing it to his face. He turned it over in his hands, finding the flip-out screen with ease. He rubbed a thumb over the surface.

He really shouldn’t be looking at this, not when he was just starting to fix his shit. Not when he was trying to get sober and still craving a drink to get through the middle of the night.

But, whatever need that pushed him to drag out these memories was still present. His fingers held down the power button. The screen clicked on, bright blue and blinding. The first thing that popped up was a still of a basic wedding scene. Memories flooded back and Shane physically felt his heart cave in his chest.

It was a set for a fake wedding. Fake plants, fake wedding arch, fake walkway with fake petals thrown everywhere. And it was the fake bride and groom in the middle of the shot that dragged his ass back to campus to help because no one wanted to be behind the camera.  

Shane didn’t even have to play the video, he could remember it clear as day.

\---

_Jason Leite, dressed up in a classic black and white tux, nudged him with his free hand. “Don’t worry, I’ll find you a girl, too.”_

_Shane, still dressed in the jeans and hoodie he fell asleep in, was hunched over the tripod, trying to affix the camera to the broken base. Being hungover and groggy from just waking up and dragged out into the sunshine made the task nearly impossible and infuriating. It didn’t help much to have his best friend leaning on his shoulder like a goddamn armrest._

_He clicked his tongue, trying to keep in his annoyance by mumbling, “Yeah, right.” He wouldn’t want to marry the idiot that thought he was worth it anyway._

_“Ah!” A tawny arm was thrown around his shoulders, squeezing him a bit too hard and jostling the camera Shane was just starting to get somewhere with. Ignoring the growl from his counterpart, Jason gave a snarky laughed “You underestimate me, my dude.” He scanned the few people he could see, mostly the set designs busy setting up the final touches. His eyes topped on Tessa chatting with someone near the front of the walkway. He leaned in even closer as he pointed at the pretty blond a few feet away. “Hey, that’s actually Tessa’s cousin. She’s pretty-”_

_“No.” Shane didn’t even look up from fixing the camera mount._

_He dropped his arms with an overly dramatic huff, “Come on, man.” Ignoring him, Shane was more focused on rolling out his now cramped shoulders. Jason groaned again, “At this rate you’re just gonna end up living like a hermit atop your mountain of porn.”_

_The unamused look was the only conformation Jason got he was still listening._

_The reaction was still enough to spur him on. The cocky smile spreading wide across his face. “Like, I get it, porn is great and all, but-”_

_Finally getting the camera affixed to the stand, he ran a hand over his face. “Would you kindly shut the fuck up,” aggravation starting to take over his features._

_Jason’s hands shot up in defense. “Hey, you can’t talk to a man like that at his own wedding.”_

_“Then go talk to your wife about porn,” Shane grumbled, now needed to fiddle with the camera setting. “I’m fuckin’ busy.”_

\---

Of all the fucking memories he had of them. A water laugh echoed in the dark room. He pulled the collar of his shirt up over his face to wipe the tears from his eyes. A bittersweet feeling filled his chest as another tear splashed on his hand.

The sudden stream of the light from the door caused him to drop the camera into his lap. A small figure draped in patterned blanket teetered on the threshold. “Uncle Shane?” Jas’s tired voice called out to him.

“Sh-” He sniffled, wiping a hand across his now damp face. He cleared his throat, the noise harsh in the silent room. “What are you doing awake, Jas?” his voice coming out stuffy.

She took a few more steps into the room, tugging the blanket around her shoulders tighter. “Are you crying?” The worry clear in her question.

_Damn it, of all the time to walk in here._ Sighing, his hand rubbed hard over his eyes, sudden fatigue zapping his energy. “Go back to bed.”

Of course, he had no real authority over her. She padded out of the room, only to return a few seconds later with the tissue box from the kitchen in hand. She walked up to sit next to him and placed the box on his knee. After he took one, she held out the grey rabbit she cradled in her arms. “You wanna hold Joey?”

“No, I’m okay, kid.” Pulling out another tissue, he wiped the snot from his nose. His eyes dropped back down to the camera in his lap, the screen unfortunately zoomed in close to the main actors’ faces. Both smiling stupidly sweet at each other, an emotion that was very much not an act.

He cast a look at Jas, who was staring down the screen, too. Well, he can’t exactly just pretend it’s not there. Picking up the camera, he handed it to her. Tiny hands snuck out of the blanket to take it. She stared at the screen for a long time as Shane sat in nauseating apprehension, waiting for her to say something.

Her head dropped, taking part of the blanket to rub into her eye. “I miss Mom and Dad,” she hiccupped.

_Fuck, that was stupid. Stupid._ Taking the camera from her, he closed the screen and placed it in the pile of clothes. He pulled her into his lap, “Me too, kid. Me too.”

 

 


	25. Benefit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It made it harder for Anna to concentrate than she would of like to admit.

Originally, watering the crops was a relaxing activity to start her day with. Something mindless and simple to ease her mind in the sunshine. But the sun was getting hotter and hotter, making her hate being outdoors. And her insomnia was keeping her up later and later, finally letting go so she could drop in bed just an hour or two before sunrise and not wake up until well into late morning. At this rate, her crops wouldn’t be getting enough water to make it through the summer. 

Anna remembered Grandpa Whitt had some sort of sprinkler system hooked up. Whether it was still functional was up for questioning. While tilling the land earlier that year, she didn’t discover any piping or sprinklers of any kind. Maybe he had it taken out after he left? 

Either way, the heat was too much for both her and her plants. 

She wiped the bucket of sweat off the back of her neck with a clean hand. The other was covered in dirt and dust from shoving around countless unknown objects in the dusty shed near the back of the property. Digging through it, all she could find was a couple of okayish looking sprinklers. No hoses at all. Weren’t those, like, a basic farm requirement? Why didn’t she think about this earlier?

Huffing out an angry breath, she shut the rickety wood door with more force than necessary. The screws on the hinges shook and Anna froze in a split second worry that the door might fall off. Thankfully, it did not and she took another steadying breath. She couldn’t deal with that too. 

Standing under the shade of a tree, a godsent breeze passed through the leaves. She rolled up the bottom of her light green shirt to fully appreciate the air. Sweat cooled on her skin and she shuttered. Using the extra hair tie on her wrist, she secured the shirt around her middle.  _ Yoba, so much better. _

Her body went limp against the support of the tree. As her head tilted back, she studied the rays of light passing through the branches, eyes mindlessly following the particles in the air and listen to the bubbling of the stream a few feet away. Light shined off the apples among the green leaves, that yellow starting to fade into that brilliant red. They would be ready to pick in a few weeks.  _ Add that to the list. _

Standing there was a welcomed, but all too short, reprieve as her brain fretted about where in this small town she could get some proper equipment. Borrowing was always an option, Marnie would be all too happy to help her out. But that ran the risk of forgetting to return them, or damaging them, or losing them. _ Nope, too much worrying. _ And Pierre's didn’t sell any. She’s been through that place enough times to know that. 

_ Would I have to go to the JojaMart? Ugh _ . That’s definitely the last place she wants to go, let alone spend money in. 

But, looking around at her sad veggies, there was no other option. She could sacrifice ten minutes to walk in, get what she needs, and get out. Not stopping to talk to anyone to lessen the risk of shoving her sleep-deprived, cranky mood on some poor worker. 

Pulling out her phone, she checked the time, not-so-secretly hoping it was still early enough the place wouldn’t be open. But, that was a ridiculous thought in and of itself. She started the farm chores around noon, and it was well past that now with the sun was beating hot and heavy in the sky. 

Summoning some energy with another inhale, she pushed off the tree before she convinced herself walking across town was a bad idea. There was a quick stop inside to grab her bag and pet Caterina before starting down the dirt road. She tried to keep her steps at an even pace, but they always faltered as her mind conjured images of her past experiences in the Joja stores.

All of them were dingy, dim, and not the definition clean. Dull fluorescent bulbs bounced off the cracked and dirt-riddled floor tiles. The obnoxious blue wall borders were never fazed by the filth, always sticky out proudly in the dreary surrounding. It seemed fitting for a company like Joja Corp.  

People milled around the townsquare, drawing Anna’s distress to a much more manageable topic. She should have cleaned up before she ventured her way out here. Most of the dust had been wiped off, but as she walked she could feel the remaining grime settle on her skin. Keeping her head focused on her shoes as she continued, a small puff of dirt clouded off with her steps.  _ Great. _

The sign loomed high in the distance as she neared the river. Her eyes scanned the lanky shadow spreading out behind it, most of the land just sad, dry dirt. It might have been from the river bank, but something looked off about the ground around the building. Maybe it was just the detached aura the place gave off, like it was just dropped in the town one day and left to run.

When she finally crossed the bridge, she got a better look at the sign. The giant JojaCola™ advertisement with its stupid tagline ‘Fuel Your Life’ she could only sigh at. Though advertised as a soda, it was more of an energy drink, since it was barely under the FDA-approved caffeine limit. But it was hard to tell under all the metallic cola taste. 

People get easily addicted to it, too. There were a handful of studies done to try and throw something at Joja Corp. But a massive legal team was always calculated into the yearly budget. She told Gran time and time again to just scrap it altogether, but Anna had ran the numbers herself, it was still the best selling and most profitable out of the company’s products, despite all of that and the many lawsuits they got from simple food poisoning. 

She stared at the battered sign at the entrance. ‘Join us. Thrive.’ A flash image of the dark cubicles jump up from her subconscious, the motto in big letters across the front facing wall for all to see. She wanted to vomit.

Another deep breath and she stepped through the sliding doors. The blasting air conditioner should have been a welcoming experience, but the chemical smell of lemon cleaner robbed that feeling away. The harsh chill pushed deep into her skin and the smell into her sinuses. Disgust nearly marred her features before she shook it off. 

Just as she imagined, tiled floor and the ostentatious blue bright on the old walls. Although, it was much cleaner than the ones in the city. It definitely didn’t see as much traction here in a town of a couple dozen. 

The only person in the front of the store was a dead-eyed cashier, not sparing Anna a single glance as she came in. The front desk sat empty, a ‘closed’ sign hung in the front. Good, getting the classic Joja welcome spiel was at the very bottom of the list of things she wanted to do today, or ever again. After writing it herself and printing it out over thousands of document, she finally smoothed out the spot where it etched itself into her brain. 

Her eyes scanned the aisle as she walked through the store. Food, toiletries, miscellaneous stuff. A giant display of JojaCola™ front and center at the end of one of the aisles. She caught sight of a blue uniform topped with shaggy blond hair near the end of one of them, bobbing his head to some music as he swept the ground around him. 

Her feet picked up the pace before she could even register the ting of panic rushing through her veins.  _ Nope, not now. Not here. _ She’ll talk to Sam… eventually. When her anxiety didn’t flare up around him anymore. 

Near the back of the store was a short section of gardening stuff, probably only stocked for the warmer seasons. Surrounded by cheap-looking toolsets and some solar powered lanterns Anna almost consider buying were a couple of different type of hoses. Feeling them, they seemed pretty decent. Decent for Joja, at least. 

Searching through the small selection for the longest ones, to her dismay, they were hung far up the wall and probably well out of her reach. She stretched out on her tiptoes, bracing a hand on one of the shelves for more leverage. No luck, her fingers just brushed the bottom of the tube, leaving it swinging in mockery. “Fuck.” 

Looking around for someone, the aisle was empty. Taking a few more steps, she peered around the corner into a different one. An employee decked out in that certified blue was kneeling over a box stocking the shelves. She stared at them for a moment, trying to gauge just how much she would be bothering them if she called them away. 

Before she worked up the courage to walk over there, he took off his hat and ran a hand through his dark hair. Dark hair she recognized as the gross fluorescent lights glimmered across it.  _ Shane? Duh, he worked here. _ She completely forgot in her state of fatigue.

_ Oh, that makes this so much easier. _ Taking quiet steps towards him, she was up behind him without being noticed. After a moment of consideration, she put on a fake posh accent and cleared her throat a bit before speaking. “Excuse me, sir?”

Annoyance rolled off of him in waves as he muffled a sigh. He sat another box of pasta down on the shelf with a bit of force. Dusting off his knees as he went to stand, the fake customer service voice was in full swing. “Yes, how can I-” He visibly started when he turned around, blinking at her. Confusion clear on his face. “What the hell are you doing here?” 

Placing a hand on her chest, she let out a short breath in some sort of disgruntlement. “I don’t believe that’s how an employee should talk to their customers, sir.” 

There was a dramatic roll of his eyes, his head tilting back to the ceiling. After sighing, he stared back down at her. A wide, toothy smile split his face that looked so fake it boarderlined scary. Putting the most fabricated enthusiasm into his voice, “I apologize, miss. How maybe I help you today?” 

The rest of her breath sputtered out of her with a loud laugh. She had to slap a hand over her mouth to keep it from echoing in the quiet store. “Oh my Yoba, that is  _ terrifying _ ,” she spoke through her fingers.  

The laughter must have been contagious because he dropped the act quickly to chuckle. “Wow, thanks.” His sarcasm was accompanied by a lopsided grin.

Shaking her head, “Oh, don’t worry,” came out on the end of her giggles. “You look so much better when you actually smile.” The compliment came out so naturally, she didn’t time to question it. 

Shane did though, furrowing his brow. He didn’t turn his face fast enough for Anna to miss the pink tinge on his face. That expression alone might have made the trip out here worth it. “What didja want?” he muttered, fidgeting with the sleeve of his shirt.

Remembering why she way here in the first place, Anna lead him back over to hoses. Pointing up to it with an outstretched hand, she waved her fingers at it, “I’m too short.” Shane was about a head taller than her, but that wasn’t saying much considering she was only a little above five-foot. 

Waving her hand out of the way, he had to lean up on his toes, too. Bracing his hand on her shoulder, the warmth bled through the thin fabric of her shirt. She knew he was using her as an armrest to make fun of her height, but the heat kicked up her heartrate. “Alright,” she grumbled, feeling it inch across her face. When he dropped back down to his feet, she shoved his hand off of her in mock anger.

He snorted at her blushed face. Before handing over the hose, he looked over the numbers on the package. “Is this the right size?” A completely blank expression crossed her face as she blinked in confusion. His gaze dropped back down to the numbers. “Okay, probably should’ve checked that stuff before comin’ all the way out here.” 

Her eyes shifted off to the side. “Look, I don’t plan ahead very well.” 

“Yeah, I’ve noticed,” He said handing over hose anyway. 

Speaking of not planning very well, by the time she got home and set these up and got them working properly it would be well into the evening. But if she had someone to help… Looking back at him, she tilted her head with her question. “When do you get off work?” 

He checked his watch with a resentful look, “Two hours, forty-seven minutes.” 

The hint of disdain in his voice pulled a simper out of her. “Well, are you doing anything in two hours and forty-seven minutes?” 

More confusion. “Wh-” Before he could ask why his eyes narrowed in realization. “You want me to help you with that stuff, don’tcha?” 

“Please?” To be more convincing, she put a hopeful lilt in her voice with the pouty lip and puppy-dog eyes.

He sighed, eyes cast up to the ceiling again to keep from looking at her. When her stare didn’t let up, he dragged a hand down his face. “Alright,” he groaned, “Just stop with the face.”

A wide grin hit her as she danced on her feet. Definitely made walking in here worth it. “You’re the best.” 

_ Really though, that was surprisingly easy. _ She was ready to bribe him with more pizza and some of the hot peppers she had been growing. She’ll give them to him anyway, of course. Making him work free of charge wasn’t her style.

“Just,” he sighed again. “Let me go home to get changed first and- I don’t know, I’ll be there at 5:30 or something.” 

“Great!” The heavy hose was slung over one of her shoulders. Not wanting to keep him for too long, she waved a little goodbye and took a few steps backward. “Then, have fun stocking shelves. See you later.” 

“Yeah, okay,” the sarcasm behind thoughts words opposed the friendly nod and smirk he gave before he rounded the corner and was back to work. 

After a long debate with herself about giving Joja more money, she walked up to the register with two different hoses and a couple of the cute solar lanterns. The red-haired cashier didn’t even acknowledge her existence as she started to walk to her, opting to stare at the clock on the far wall instead.

Around one of the aisles came Sam with his headphone thumping a drumbeat around his neck. “Hey Red, you’re on break,” he called as he walked up. 

“Oh, thank Yoba,” her voice was just as dead as her eyes. Pulling a tote bag for somewhere behind the counter she made her way out the front door without sparing Anna a glance.  

Contradicting that, Sam made direct eye contact as he took his place behind the register. “Hey Anna, didn’t think you shopped here,” his voice was calm and casual as he pulled his phone from his pocket to switch off the music. 

“I don’t,” she answered maybe too honestly. “Uh, you can’t really get hoses at Pierre's,” a nervous laugh punctuated her statement and made it sound all the more weird. 

But, to spare her feeling, he laughed at her half-joke. “Yeah, it would be weird for a grocery store to sell hoses.” 

“Yeah,” she copied, unloading her things on the counter for him to scan.

It was far too awkward as the register beeped and beeped and beeped the more buttons Sam pushed on it. When he finally got to scanning her items, Anna’s fingers were already fidgeting against the lining of her pockets and a prickle of sweat itched her skin. Digging her wallet out of her bag was a short distraction. 

As Sam bagged the hoses, Anna was already flipping through her wallet for payment and trying to avoid eye contact without him noticing. “Hey,” his voice mercilessly dragged her attention back to him. He pointed to the bags with a finger. “You need any help setting that stuff up?”

The shake of her head probably looked as stiff as it felt. “Oh no, I already have… someone coming over to help me.” Not even halfway through that statement, she cursed herself for not cutting it off at the ‘no’. 

A nodded and more beeps as he rang up the lanterns. “Shane, right? Saw you talkin’ with him earlier.” 

Her stomach turned for some stupid reason. “Uh, yeah.”

He nodded again, “Cool, cool,” pressing more buttons on the register. “47.98 your total by the way.”

Her finger autonomously fished out a 50 as she tried to work out was ‘cool, cool’ meant in her head. She was definitely overthinking this, as she always does, but she couldn’t stop herself. Hefting up the bag, she didn’t process how heavy it was going to be as it tugged on her arm.  _ Christ _ . “I should probably get home before these take my arms off. Bye, Sam.” 

Handing over her change, his nod this time had a friendly smile. “Yup. Have an awesome day, alright?” 

“Yeah, you too.” 

\---

“What am I doin’ again?” Shane asked, looking over the old, and now clean, sprinkler in his hands.

The sun was slowly fading below the treeline, casting the farm in a warm gold as long shadows pushed their way across the fields. Not a single cloud in the sky to block the beautiful fade of blue to orange. The evening breeze was cooling, still humid from the surrounding waters. That and the pollen on the wind left the air thick and hazy. 

Dressed in some more casual summer clothes, Shane stood next to her as he watched. The sunlight danced in his hair and every now and then it would catch his eyes. Whenever she looked up, the glow framed his face, and honestly, it was making it harder for Anna to concentrate than she would of like to admit. 

Taking the sprinkler from his hands, “You’re gonna check for any leaks when I turn the faucet on.” The screw of the hose didn’t fit as snuggly in the connector as it should’ve, but with some tightening, it should work. 

Green eyes flicked gold as he studied what she was doing with a puzzled expression. “Why didn'tcha just get some in-ground ones?” 

“Because everything is already planted and growing, and I kinda need a better way to water all of this now.” There was a small snap as she twisted the connector again and the slight noise stuttered her movements.  _ Should be… fine? _ Just placing it all on the ground like nothing happened, she dusted off her knees as she stood up. “There. Sit here and just watch it for me, okay?” 

Taking her words literally, there was a plop as Shane dropped down in the dirt. She could feel his gaze on her as she took careful steps over her plants. The feeling alone nearly had her tripping despite her caution. If she was really going to feel this way, she was slightly regretting this innocent crush that just popped up before she even realized it. 

Giving the end nozzle an extra twist to make sure, she turned the handle on the faucet. Gurgling water bubbled down the tube, picking up speed as she hit the end of the turning. Following the line for any problems, of course, her eyes landed on a kink in the tubing not even a few feet from her. 

A short tug and it sprung free. The rest of the hose rapidly filled. There was a pop, then a shout. A short-lived fountain of water shooting from Shane was, or once was. Suddenly, his head snapped over the line of plants a few seconds later, wet hair now a new level of shiny.

She rushed to turn off the tap, the task was harder with her laughter nearly toppling her over. There was a squelch in the mud as he got to his feet and stalked over. “I’m sorry,” she wheezed loud enough to hear. The look on his face might have been intimidating at one point, but now he just looked like an angry wet puppy.   

He was wringing out the bottom of his shirt as he got up to her. “Great,” he grunted. It didn’t really work, when he smoothed out the front of his shirt it was still pretty damp. “Usually, you have to pay to be in a fuckin’ wet tee-shirt contest,” he grumbled out the joke under his breath.

Another bout of laughter. “Aw,” she clicked her tongue, “I should’ve told you to wear white then, huh?” 

The stunned look coupled with the embarrassed flush sent a rush of goofy confidence in her. It’s not always that she got to see that. “Don’t make it fuckin’ weird,” he huffed. After averting his eyes, a hand came up to wipe a stray line of water running down his neck.

“Wha-” More laughs, this time with more disbelief. “You made the joke!” 

The red glow on his face faded as he glowered at her through his fringe. He pushed his dripping hair out of his eyes, then flicked the excess water in her face. A startled noise came from her throat when the ice cold drops made contact, and she had to pull the collar of her shirt up to dry her face. Motioning him to follow her with a turn of her head, “Come on, I’ll get you a towel.”

A quick trip inside. Caterina made the process a bit more difficult, the jolt of the door had woken her up. She traipsed around her feet begging for some attention. Anna had to scoop her up and carry her on her way to the bathroom. However, when the door was open and the tub came into view she made a quick escape. After the incident with a bowl of flour and sugar, Cat was terrified of the thing. 

With towel in hand, she made sure Cat was out of the way as she closed the door. Shane was leaning against the rail still trying to wring out his shirt again. “Here.” She tossed the towel, making a perfect landing over his head. He yanked it off with a glare Anna could only chuckle at. 

The lanterns she left on the porch to charge took her attention. Or enough of it to keep her from walking down the steps. Her gaze kept drifting back to Shane. It followed a lingering drop of water rolling down his neck and into the back of his muddy shirt. Eyes continued over the outlines of his shoulders and arms. It took her a moment to realize her ogling wasn’t very subtle.  _ Stop that. _

She placed the light back on the bench, keeping more attention on it than needed. Speaking to reel her mind back in, “Alright, so that hose doesn’t fit the sprinkler.” 

“Clearly,” he muttered from under the towel.

Bouncing down the step beside him, “Or it could have been human error,” she suggested slyly. 

The towel dropped down around his shoulders as he dried the back of his neck. According to the annoyed look, he didn’t appreciate the joke as much as Anna did. But the unamused expression was unbelievably precious when coupled with his mushed hair. 

Turning on her heels to hide the goofy smile on her face, she made her way back to the tap. “Either way, we should probably switch them out.” Before she rounded the corner, a sharp snap against her calf caused her to stumble a bit. Looking behind her, Shane had the rag coiled up in his fist and a playful glint in his eye. 

Leaning a hand on the side of the house, she rubbed the sore spot on her leg. “Boy, you’re gonna get it.”

“Get what?” he challenged. That mischievousness spreading across his face. 

It had to be contagious because Anna felt the energy weave its way into her mind. She narrowed her eyes at him, before looking back around the corner to the house as an idea came quickly. Slinking back behind the wall, she hurried to switch the hoses. 

He was about to round the corner just as she switched on the tap. “HA!” She aimed the hose up at him, taking care to spray the water off to the side. He flinched back anyway, arms coming up to block his face. It was more to scare him, she didn’t want him more upset. 

His signature glare was back in full force. Doubled over with laughter, her empty hand clutched her stomach. Over her head, Shane mumbled something she couldn’t quite hear. A pair of green sneakers came into her view before a hand came up to take the hose from hers. It didn’t register what he was doing until the ice cold pricked her scalp. Her clothes did nothing, soaking through immediately as the water ran down her neck. 

“SHANE!” She yanked it out of his hands. The hose slipping and dropping into the mud at their feet, water lazily pooled around their shoes as it kept flowing. After the adrenaline calmed, she could hear Shane over her rushing nerves. His usual chuckle turned into a full-blown laughter. Was that the first time she’d ever seen him laugh so hard? Pure and full-bodied, and Anna swore she never heard anything more perfect. 

She didn’t have long to admire it before the slightest wind blew a chill. “Cold,” she whined, jumped up and down to feel her soaked socks squish against the bottom of her boots. The insides of which were going to take so long to dry. Her previous admiration couldn’t hide under the glare she tried to shoot him. “You’re such an ass.”

He pulled the towel off the porch railing, he must have hung it there before grabbing the hose. “You started it,” he said, still chuckling as he dropped it over her head. 

She couldn’t even be mad at him if she tried. _ You’re lucky you’re cute. _

“What?” 

_ Oh Yoba, she said that out loud?   _ “What?” she asked back like nothing happened. Dropping her head to scrub the towel through her hair, she could feel the blush creeping up her neck. 

“What’dja just say?” he asked again, and Anna watched his feet shift with his weight. 

The towel dropped down around her neck, she kept her eyes averted from his. “I… didn’t?” she gave him a weird look, then turned to hide the redness that engulfed her. The laugh that came out held more nerves than she wanted it to. “You’re going crazy, dude.”

Before he could question her any further, she walked around him to go to the busted sprinkler. She pointed to the hose before she was far enough away, “Bring that and come on, we need to fix this.” 

\---

As it turns out, nothing was wrong with the hose or the sprinkler, Anna just didn’t connect them properly. Not to her surprise, this was the exact reason she needed some help. She was bound to mess something up in the process.

It took a bit of convincing to get Shane to stay for dinner. But after finding a box of pepper poppers in the freezer, he conceded quickly. After twenty minutes of tv and cat petting, everything was thrown into a bowl for them to share. They sat on the porch steps with their food and some sodas. 

Now with the work all said and done, the sprinklers were pushing high arches of water across the fields of tomatoes and peppers. As the sun dipped far below the treeline, stars started to dot the sky. The cheap lanterns were put in the ground around the front porch, giving off a glow just bright enough to see. Anna wasn’t really sure when it got so late. Maybe she should have let Shane go home before the sunset, but she couldn’t let him leave without some sort of thanks. And some selfish part of her didn’t want him to go just yet.

Almost completely through the popper bowl, the silence was broken after Shane studied her out of the corner of his eye for a bit too long. He took another sip of his cola before saying, “Nice tattoo.” 

The comment caught her off guard, eyes going from him to her arm. The delicate blue and purple flowers snaking their way up her left arm in a pattern of zig-zags and lines. Pale vines underneath that still haven’t faded with aged like she was told they would. Though now, they complete the gorgeous artwork will they were placed there intentionally. “Thanks,” feeling heat in her cheeks.

Anna could see Shane’s eyes looking over them too, little pinpoints of light reflecting in the green. “They have some fancy meaning, or…?” 

“Uh…” Tracing a finger over the white lines to feel the ridges on her skin, she thought about it. “It was more of a stupid, spur-of-the-moment teenager thing.” That was more or less true. A spur-of-the-moment thing for sure, but more because she was simple tired of people pointing out the scars from her past and expecting an answer. 

That got a chuckle out of him. “Didn’t take you to be the rebel type.” 

“When I acted out, it was go big or go home, I guess,” she said with a shrug and a returning smirk.

The sudden fatigue hit her hard. Apparently, the nap she took before he got here only helped her get through the manual labor, and the caffeine from the drink wasn’t doing anything. The yawn that came after had her hunching over to cover her face. Her forehead hit his shoulder and she felt Shane tense up on contact. 

Either she could apologize and possibly make it weirder than it was. Or she could just fully commit to it. Choosing the latter, she pressed her forehead a bit more into his arm like she completely meant to do that. The heat of his skin could be felt easily through his thin sleeve. Maybe it was her lack of sleep but it was incredibly comforting. Just like everything else about Shane. A soft sigh came out through her nose and brushed across his skin.

She felt him shift awkwardly, but after a few more seconds he relaxed. “Tired?” he asked quietly. She made something that sounded like an affirmative hum, and that got another chuckle. After another few minutes, he spoke again, “I should probably leave anyway, it's getting pretty late.” 

The disappointed noise snuck up on her before she could snuff it out. She tried to cover it with a cough into the collar of her shirt, but it was a pathetic attempt. Embarrassment had her slinking back into her previous position. Her hand busied themselves with swirling the liquid in her can. Finishing it in one go, she used the distraction to not look at him.

It didn’t really help her that much. Shane scanned her face, the concerned look making her embarrassment worse. “Have you been doin’ alright?” 

_ Shit, now you're worrying him too. _ The nod she gave might have looked a bit off. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” She ran a hurried hand through her hair to try and look more put together. “Just haven’t been getting much sleep lately.” Definitely not a lie, but she still felt like it was.

He looked over her face again before he just nodded. “I should really get going, though. It’s late and almost Jas’s bedtime.” She watched him get to his feet. After getting to the bottom of the steps, he turned back to look at her. “Don’t…” he paused, considering his words. “Don’t stress yourself out too much, alright?”

She shoved off the genuine disappointment in her heart. Collecting the cans in the bowl, the steps under her groaned as she stood up. “Yeah, you too. See you… Sooner or later, I guess.”

He nodded again, “Yeah, bye,” tucking his hands in his pockets as he walked down the path. He looked over his shoulder one last time to give her a little wave. Which she gladly returned.

 

 


	26. Perception

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “If you just admit your a dirty cheater…”

Shane hated how his job became the new source of his everyday mood. If it was a shit day at work, and that was nine times out of ten now that Morris was back in action, it was a shit day in general. If no one came around to bug him during his shift and just let him stock the new shipment of Joja garbage in peace, it was a pretty okay day afterward. 

The only real good days he had were the weekends, where he had all the time in the world to just stay at home. Some days he’d just sit in the coop with the hens, giving Jas some pointers he’d been reading up on before falling asleep. Other times he would sit around and watch some old gridball games to get hyped about the new season starting in the fall. 

Though, sprinkled throughout the week were times Ann happened to pop up out of nowhere. Whether in a text about something funny or stupid, or to drag him some place to talk in person. By random chance, most Thursdays she persuaded him into the saloon to chat about the week over some food. After the second time, he bargained to actually split the pay so he didn’t feel like he was just using her for free food. 

Another exception to his weekend was, on the third Sunday of every month he’d need to take the bus up to ZuZu City for his monthly counseling session. Those weren’t bad, per se. Uncomfortable was a better word for it. Dr. Peirson said that was normal, and over time, that feeling would fade. If it didn’t, there was always the options of finding a new counselor. Sometimes people just don’t click. 

Fortunately for Shane, it was Friday. Not quite the weekend but close enough to tough out a day of Morris bullshit. And that bullshit seemed to be of some special caliber today because he had to be in a half hour early. He did cut it close, he still wanted to be home when Jas woke so he could get his morning hug. 

Standing next to him this early in the day was the half-time employee looking worse for wear, still a little bleary-eyed from sleep. Sam yawned for the third time that hour, this time trying to rub the tiredness from his eyes. “This sucks, man,” he mumbled under his breath so Morris wouldn’t hear.

Shane could only roll his eyes. “Tsk, tell me about it.” 

Coming back from his office, Morris held a hefty stack of papers. Just seeing it, Shane had to suppress a groan. Dropping the stack on the table near them, he pulled one off the top. The classic Joja logo was plaster bright and blue along the top. A few choice words were in bold letters; contest, ad, 10,000 dollars. That one was intriguing. Some poor model photoshopped blue and showing off the new JojaBluu™ took up most of the flyer. Fine print was squeezed in at the bottom, impossible to read even up close.

“Joja’s having an advertisement contest this month to get some more sales for the new soda.” Morris pointed to it with a fat finger, like they weren’t looking at it already. “There’s a hefty cash prize, too. The marketing department wanted a sure-fire way to get people’s interest.”   

Slapping the poster back on the stack, Morris took about a quarter of the stack off the top. “Shane.”  _ Great _ . Dropping it in his hands, Shane definitely underestimated the pile. The stack of paper felt heavier than it looked and he nearly dropped the whole thing. “Place a few of these at the registers and around the store.”

Gesturing to the significantly taller pile, Morris made no move to try and handle it. “Samson, I need you to place these up around town. You’ll be paid overtime for your work.” 

Sam nodded with a tight-lipped smile, “Got it.” 

“I’ll need all of these up before your shift starting in the afternoon,” their manager added afterward. 

Shane was so glad he didn’t have that job. Sam nodded again, that smile slipping a bit. “Sure thing, boss,” his usual chipper voice broke at the end. Shane almost felt bad for the guy. 

Morris definitely registered the chagrin but chose not to do anything about it. “Good. Now get to work.” He ushered them off with a wave of his hand as he walked back into his office. 

As soon as the door closed, Sam smashed his face into his palms and groaned. Shane swallowed down the snicker from the poor kid’s sake. Readjusting his papers, Shane was already making his way out the door. “Good luck with that,” he snarked before the door closed behind him. Something was mumbled his direction, but he couldn’t hear it over the click of the handle. 

Shoes squeaked on the polished ground as he walked through the deserted aisles. The whirl of the dusty AC and the slight buzz of the fluorescents droned in his ears. The stale air held a hint of chemical-lemon from the floor cleaner. Honestly, the store was kinda eerie when no one was around. 

Getting up to the front, he dropped the stack on the nearest register. With no worry of dropping it, he can get a good look at the words on the pages. 

Under the stupid logo were the shitty taglines for the company Shane had mindlessly read on nearly everything in the store was the important information. What this whole thing was about, to create a short ad to be featured on their website. It had to promote the new JojaBluu, obviously, and feature someone drinking the product. Someone needed to say the tagline ‘When will you turn bluu?’  _ Ugh, what a stupid line. _ No longer than a minute and be emailed to the address giving by the end of the month to be eligible to enter. 

That, honestly, didn’t seem too hard. He and Jason use to do stuff like that all the time. Were they good at it? That was questionable, but they won some money from two or three things in the past. And that was always an inviting change when living paycheck to paycheck. 

And if by some slim, stupid chance he won… 10,000 dollars. He didn’t even know what he would do if he suddenly had that. It was far too soon to even think about, but…

No, he knew where that would all go. Money doesn’t fix everything, but it could make up for drowning his money in booze when he should have been putting more into Jas’s college fund.

Taking the flyer off the top of the stack, he folded it up and shoved it into his pocket before anyone could see.

\---

It didn’t take much to convince Emily to help him with the advertisement. She was so excited that she was willing to help write up the script and everything. And with Emily’s help, Clint was already on board, so there were the two actors.

It wasn’t hard finding a place in Pelican Town to film, either. With the river and the Stardrop Saloon in the background, the camera angled just right to block out Pam’s trailer and trash-filled yard. Despite walking that shitty path for nearly two years, it looked almost nice backdropped with the lush trees and streaming sunshine. He was starting to remember why he didn’t hate Jason for dragging him out to help with this stuff. 

The real problem was finding a time where everyone wasn’t roaming around townsquare. There was a sweet spot just after noon that they had to film everything. But it was going by fast, as Clint kept messing up something and needed to reread the lines over and over again.

Checking over the setting one last time, Shane called out to his poor actors, “Okay, you guys remember your lines this time?”

Emily gave a thumbs up. “Yup!” She smoothed out her skirt a bit and stood up straighter to prep. 

Clint, on the other hand, looked like he was actively sweating. There was an unnatural amount of shine to his face, but it didn’t show up on camera, so not Shane’s problem. Despite his stress, the guy looked over his shoulder with a nervous nod. 

Shane was starting regret enlisting his help. But, he had to take what he could get around here. Using a hand to block the sun from the viewfinder, he trained his eyes on it. “Ready… Action!”

Emily took the stereotypical deep breath to compose herself. A disappointed look covered her face when she looked back up as she crossed her arms. “I thought we had something special… I guess I was wrong.”

Clint turned his face away, not what he was meant to do. “I… I-Uh.” He was still fidgety and stuttery and this was already taking much longer than necessary. 

“Cut!” An annoyed sigh passed his lips as he stopped the recording.

Clint pressed a hand to his forehead. “I’m sorry.” Behind his hand, his face was as red as the bricks beside him. “I-It’s just hard to remember my lines when… her face is right in front of me like that,” he mumbled the last part, but it was still coherent enough to understand. 

_ Yoba, you’ve gotta be kiddin’ me. _ Even if Emily was into him, Clint was a lost cause. 

A muffled chuckle next to him startled him out of his skin. Ann just seemed to apparate out of nowhere and was a bit too close for comfort. Close enough that he could feel her arm brush up against his, the contact leaving a tingle through his skin. Close enough to see the light touch of eyeliner making her round eyes bigger, and red lipstick decorated her mouth, drawing his eyes down. Orange hair neatly tied up and a few choice curls framing her face. She cleaned up really nice and now he was feeling like a lost cause. 

Swallowing down his nerves, “Hey!” 

“Hey,” she said back with a little wave of her fingers. “Nice camera.” The soft fabric of her skirt brush against his leg as she leaned in to get a better look at it. 

He couldn’t really move, not that he wanted to. “Thanks, it was a gift from… a while ago.” A quick change of subject, “Joja’s havin’ an ad competition…” He gestured to Emily, Clint, and the set up they had going on. “First prize in 10,000 dollars.” 

“Really?” She hummed. “Gran mentioned something about it last week, not about that prize, though. That’s pretty cool.” 

As he nodded, he was struck with an idea. “Hey, I want you to be in the shot… Is that okay?” He added, remembering to actually ask. 

A very doubtful look crossed her face. Her finger pulled on her dirt-stained tanktop, drawing his attention down to… the shirt. Definitely the shirt. “Like, now?” she didn’t sound to keen on the idea.

His head turned back to look at Emily and Clint just to put his focus somewhere else. They were discussing something over the script. Emily was making exaggerated movements and Clint was studying the papers in his hand. With a bit of extra time to put a few words together, “If you look too good, you’ll be a distraction,” he mumbled.

Ann snickered, brushing the wrinkles out of the front of her skirt. “Geez, what a backhanded compliment. Thank you, Shane.”

He rubbed a hand over his face to muffle the agitated groan. “Just walk by Clint and Em in the background while they’re talkin’.” He waved over to a spot beside the fence a bit out of frame. “It’ll give the scene a little more authenticity.”

Hesitating in a bit, she ran a hand through her hair to try and fix any of the flyaway curls. It didn’t really work as they simply settled back into their natural place. A sigh through her nose, then she conceded. Walking a few feet away, she turned back to face him as she leaned against the fence pole. “Here?” 

Checking that she was out of frame, then nodded, “Yeah that’s good.” Looking back over to Emily and Clint, “Alright, you two ready?” he called over. They nodded, get back into their places quickly. Checking the framework and the setting one last time, “Ready- Action!” 

Copying her posture from earlier to the tee, Emily started the scene again. “I thought we had something special… You said you wouldn’t leave me for anything. I guess that was a lie.” 

With a wave of his fingers, Ann started walking. Nonchalantly and acting completely disinterested in what was going on. Honestly, it looked a bit awkward. But it was already happening, and Shane did not want to start this again.

“No! It’s not like that…” _ Is he actually gonna do it? _ “This something I have to do. It’s very important to me.” Taking a dramatic pause, he dropped his head. After a moment, he suddenly turned to the camera and showed off the can of soda. “I’ve just gotta try the new JojaBluu Cola! It’s got three times the sorbitol for a thick, sweet blast. And it’s cheaper than water!” 

By the time he was finished monologuing, Ann had walked back up next to Shane and was watching from behind the camera. A weird look crossed her face at Clint’s lines.  _ Did it sound weird? _

Shane didn’t have much time to think about it before the scene kept rolling. “But… But isn’t soda unhealthy? You promised me…” Emily worried.

“Have no fear, my dear, the world-class science team at Joja Headquarters have determined that JojaBluu does not cause a significant erosion to the stomach lining.” A thumbs up. “So you can drink it whenever you like, as much as you like. 

“The real question is; When will YOU turn bluu?” Tipping his head back, he down the whole can in one go. A satisfying sigh and then he showed off the label again for the final shot. 

“Cut!” Shane called, clicking the button to stop recording and doing a quick check to make sure it was saved. With a nod, “That was perfect.” Looking at the viewfinder one final time, he clicked it closed. Turning to see Ann next to him, “Thanks for the help.”

“Of course,” she nodded with that heart-warming grin. 

“Clint…?” Emily’s wary voice caught their attention. She had her eyes trained on Clint, who wasn’t looking so good. He was swaying on his feet a bit, holding his stomach. Now, he was looking a sickly shade of green. Yikes. Placing a hand on his shoulder, Emily kept him steady on his feet as she turned him around. “Uh, come on. Let’s go see Dr. Harvey.” 

“Is he okay?” Ann asked, clearly worried for the guy.  

Shane waved off her concern, “Yeah, yeah. He just drank a lot of this.” Pulling two more colas out of the box he had bought and offered her one, he asked, “Here, you want one?” 

“Wha- No!” Wide-eyed and completely baffled he’d even offer her one. He didn’t see what the big deal was, Clint drank maybe three while recording. His body might not have been used to so much sugar. Anyone was bound to get sick after drinking so much.

With a shrug of his shoulders, he popped to top and raised an eyebrow at the clear astonished look on her face. He was about to bring it to his lip when she tugged it out of his hand. “Don’t drink that!” 

_ Did she really think something was wrong with it? _ “Why not?” It’s not like Joja Corp could get possibly toxic drinks on their shelves. They had to go through some sort of regulation checks or something, right? 

Her head snapped to the left, then back to Shane. With her empty hand, she waved off to Clint and Emily disappearing into the clinic. Okay, now he felt kind of bad for making the poor guy chug all of that. In hindsight, he could have just kept reusing the empty can. 

He was too busy to see Ann heft up the box of JojaBluu™ at his feet. The heavy clang of metal brought his attention back to her as she shoved the box in its entirety into a nearby trash can. He couldn’t help but laugh at how ridiculous she was being. “Hey! I paid for that.” 

She gave a dramatic roll of her eyes, head completely tilting to the sky. “I’ll give you the five dollars back.” The lid of the can clanged as she dropped it back in place. 

“It was six,” he said, meaning it to be a joke. Maybe it didn’t sound like, because Ann was already walking up to him, pulling her shiny wallet out of her skirt pocket and digging through it. “Stop that, I wasn’t serious.”

A sly grin pulled at her mouth and she gave a little shrug, “Fine.” Her wallet was stuffed back into her pocket. 

Since she was there, she helped pack his camera stuff back into the bag he brought. Well, could it be considered helping? She just stood there holding open the bag while he put the stuff away carefully. After everything was said and done, he had the bag secured on one shoulder and with a turn of his head, he motioned for her to follow him. 

Happy to oblige, Ann fell into step beside him. Thankfully they were able to finish the filming before it got dark, the high sun still casting shadows through the trees. A breeze rolled off the river to cool off the muggy summer air.

As they walked past the houses, the front door swung open fast. Out stomped Emily’s younger sister, heels clacking on the concert steps and overdressed for where she lived. In between fluffing up her hair and smoothing out her skirt, she looked up to see Shane near her doorstep. A disgust took over her made-up face, like seeing him was the worst possible thing for her day. 

It probably was. The thought made him want to crawl into a hole, the closest thing he could get to it was stuffing his hands into his pockets. He usually didn’t give a shit about that stuff, at least not as strongly as he was now. It was because he was sober, far too hyper aware of everything.

It took him another minute to realize that it wasn’t him he felt bad for, it was Ann. Being seen around town with  _ him _ ? The town’s depressed and angry alcoholic. He’d be pretty fucking humiliated by it. 

He stole a glance at Ann, maybe to see that he was right. That she was seeing everyone coming out and realizing who she was walking with. Instead, she was tucking some hair up into her hair tie. Eyes glancing up at his, she gave a little shy smile. 

He cleared his throat, the noise a bit too loud in his head. To start a conversation, “So, uh. What’s the occasion?” he joked. Apparently, she didn’t get it, judging by the questioning look. With a wave of his hand, he pulled her attention to her outfit. “Not really farmer get-up.”

“Oh,” Looking down at her clothes. She kicked up her leg a little to show off the pattern of her skirt, a collection of vines and flowers against a faded yellow. With a shrug, she laughed, “Laundry day.”

“Oh.” Welp, now he felt a bit stupid. Even more so when he felt a bit of heat come to his face.

Not that that had to last for long. They were at the ranch and to the front door not a few minutes after. After a few minutes of awkward shuffling on the doorstep, he rubbed the back of his neck. “You wanna come in?” he asked, kinda feeling a bit stupid for doing that, too. 

Her head tilted from side to side, considering it. “I mean, if you’re not busy.” 

“I’m never busy.” 

“Don’t you need to edit that stuff?” Despite her words, she was walking up the steps to follow him in.

He waved her inside, “I got time.” He just didn’t want to look through it right now. After listening to the words over and over again, he needed a break for Clint’s irritating voice.  

The house was empty when they walked in, to be expected. Marnie said she was going up to the carpenter’s place to discuss on updates on the barn before the cold weather came, and he had dropped Jas off at her friend’s house and wasn’t expecting her to come home until after supper.

Leading Ann through the house, he pushed the door open to his room. Shane expected her to just follow him in, but she stopped in the doorway, teetering on the threshold. Dropping his bag on his bed, he gave her a questioning look. “You just gonna stand there?” 

Casting her eyes to the side, a pink hue covered her cheeks. “I-uh-” She took a few tentative steps inside. “I didn’t want to… uh, intrude, I guess.” 

_ She can’t be serious? _ He snorted, shaking his head. “You’ve done that enough already, what’s the point?” 

A muddled noise came from her throat and she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. Then untucked it, fingers staying up to fiddle with the strand nervously. “I-I’m really sorry about that. I-” 

“Don’t be,” he cut her off. Brown eyes shot up to me his and whatever he had meant to say after that crumbled. He averted his gaze to collect the pieces. After a moment of trying, he settled for, “I needed it.” 

She nodded slowly, then the small smile came back to her face. “Still, dumping water on you was a bit extreme on my part,” she said with a bit of a laugh. 

Honestly, that moment is one of the last things he’d like to remember right now. He gave a quick shrug, “Could’ve been worse.” 

Sensing his discomfort, she dropped the conversation to look around at his room. Suddenly, he was very conscious of the fact he hasn’t cleaned up in months. Muddy shoe prints could be seen on the wood floor. A pile of dirty clothes was stacked next to the dresser. Empty cans were stacked near the couch, reaching knee hight. And the still air probably smelled like sweat and old beer.  _ Ugh _ .

Ann’s excited voice pulled him out of his shame. “You have a Mega Station? I haven’t seen one of these in ages.” Walking around the couch to get a better look. “And a Code Sultan XL? You can play it without these right?” She sassed. 

He narrowed his eyes at her as he walked up to the back of the couch. “You know what it’s call. Fuckin’ nerd.” 

She returned the look. “A fucking nerd that could kick your ass judging by all the dust on this.” Wiping a finger along the top of the cartridge, a thick layer of dust came off with it. Really, the dust was just there because he was lazy. But it was pretty cute seeing her so sure of herself. 

He walked around to drop down on the couch, finding the remote in the cushion. “You talk a big game, girl,” he challenged as he bent to pick up the controller. 

Grabbing one of her own, she hopped up onto the cushion directly beside him. “It’s not all talk, boy.” 

Shane let her pick out the game, one of the classic fighters that he and Jas had been playing on and off throughout the week. She put up a good fight, so good she won the first game and Shane insisted they play another one. Not to save his shallow pride, but to see that proud smirk on her face again.

However, one terrible flaw to the game, more specifically to the character she chose to play, was the incredibly unbalanced attacks. Halfway through the match, Shane fell back to his fail-safe, spamming the roundhouse kick so he could look away from the screen for a moment to watch her. After the third one, he saw her eyes narrow in frustration. Shane knew it was impossible for her to do anything about it, her character was too slow to get out of the path. 

She tried her hardest, though. But when Shane had her backed into a corner, it was all over. The screen flashed a ‘Player 1 Wins,’ in bright red letters with a shot of his character looking about as smug as Shane did right about now. 

The upset noise that came from her was undeniably adorable. And so was the glare she shot his way. “You’re such a cheater,” she huffed. 

It was so hard for Shane to hold down the laugh, “I like to call it strategy.” 

She puffed out her cheeks, her shoulders coming up as she crossed her arms. “It’s called button mashing. And it’s cheating!” 

“Tsk,” that cocky smile spreading wider. “No one likes a sore loser, Ann.”

He swore he saw her eye twitch as a small smile snuck through her frustration. “No one likes a  _ cheater, Shane _ !” Pulling on his shirt, shaking him. Not enough to hurt, but enough to have his rock back and forth on his seat. Between his laughs, he added a fake choking noise and grabbing his collar. 

Between their laughs, they didn’t hear the soft footsteps in the kitchen. “Uncle Shane?” a small voice called from his doorway. 

Both turned to Jas peering around the corner. Ann immediately pulled her hands away while Shane sat up a bit straighter to see over the back of the couch. Worry shot through him seeing the look on his goddaughter’s face. “Hey, kid. Thought you were hangin’ out with Vince today?” he asked. At least that’s where he dropped her off before going to film. 

Taking a few steps out from behind the corner, Jas had her hands behind her back and was staring down at her shoes looking very much caught. “Vincent and I were making houses out of popsicle sticks and... we spilled glue all over the carpet.”

Beside him, Ann stifled a laugh and he shot her a look. Waving Jas into the room with a few fingers, she took a few more steps into the room. “Was it an accident?” A nod. “Did you help clean it up?” 

Another nod as she tugged a the end of her shirt nervously. “But Mrs. Lambert was really upset, and I think Vincent’s grounded for the rest of the week.” 

Oh, he’s sure Marnie is going to hear an earful from Jodi the next time they see each other. And then he’s going to hear it. “Well, if it was an accident and you tried to fix it, you’re not in trouble.” That got her looking up at him. “But, you know you probably can’t go back over to Vincent’s for the rest of the week, alright?”  

She nodded again and was up behind the couch now, throwing herself over the back to hang off it. She looked between the two of them with a curious look. “What are you two doing?” 

“Playin’ some  _ Monster Bashers _ ,” holding up the controller to prove it. 

“And Uncle Shane is being a giant cheater,” Ann added after with a pouty look on her face. 

Jas gave her a very knowing look for an eight-year-old. “Is he just pressing the same button over and over?” 

She gave her the exact same look. “He did it to you too, huh?” 

“Yeah, and he told me not to because it’s more fun when you do the combos.” Her head snapped over to face Shane, staring pointedly. Then Ann’s did. He wasn’t sure what it was, but seeing the two interact did things to his heart.

Ignoring it, he shrugged his shoulders. “I didn’t say it was cheating, though.” 

Ann clicked her tongue, leaning back against the couch. “I don’t know Jas, it sounds like cheating to me.” 

“It’s cheating,” she agreed. 

“Didn’t expect to get ganged up on here.” 

“If you just admit your a  _ dirty cheater _ …” Ann leaned in a bit to add emphasis. 

He blew her accusation off with a wave of his hand. Not for himself, more to see that cute frustrated expression again. “I don’t know. Maybe you’re just bad at the game?” 

A little hand slapped him on the arm, “That’s not nice, Uncle Shane.” 

His plan worked perfectly. “And I definitely won the first game! Maybe you’re just bad at it,” Ann countered.

Another sly shrug. “Yeah, sure. Maybe I just let you win.” 

She made that upset noise again and he couldn’t keep from laughing at it this time. Her eyes looked over to Jas, then back to him. “You know what, how about we let Jas decide.” Ann scooted back a bit and patted the now empty space between them.

Jas’s face lit up, already running around the couch to take a seat. “Ooh! Yeah!”

Shane couldn’t say no even if he wanted too. Loading back up the game, same characters, same map, he actually tried this time. She gave him a run for his money. Every now and then Jas would nudge his arm to try and mess him up, and he couldn’t seem to care. After a few minutes for very intense battling, the screen flashed ‘Player 2 Wins’ and over the fanfare of the game, both Jas and Ann cheered.

It was too much for his heart to see the girls make the same elated expression. Shane laughed. “Why are you on her side?” he asked Jas, being completely ignored. 

Ann leaned back with her arms crossed and an all too giddy grin on her face. “So since I won, fair and square, we should get a prize. Right, Miss Judge.” 

“Right!” His goddaughter agreed with a nod, copying her to the tee. 

“Are you serious?” That look on her face said she was very serious. Completely betrayed. 

Leaning over to have her elbows on her knees, Ann rested her head on her hands to have her face level with Jas’s. “So, what are we thinking, girlie?” 

Rubbing her hand together, an impish smile spreading across her face. “He can be our slave of the rest of the day.” _ Oh no. _

Ann hummed, considering the idea. “I think I like the term ‘butler’ better.” 

Jas was way more on board with that. “Ooh! We can dress him up then!” 

“Absolutely not.” 

Jas pouted. “But Uncle Shane!” 

“That’s no fun,” Ann added in the same tone.

Finding some resolve to put his foot down, “No.”

“Can’t you just wear a fancier shirt?” His goddaughter tried to compromise. “I even know which one!” He grabbed her around the waist as she made a break for his dresser. The last thing he needed was for Jas to throw his whole wardrobe around the room again. “Hey!” She kicked her feet in his grasp. 

As Jas went limp in his arms, Ann chuckled at their antics. “As much as I wanna see Shane in a butler outfit.”  _ What? _ “How about we just let him wear whatever, okay?” she reasoned with her. 

Jas let out a long sigh, her head falling back against the cushion, defeated. “Fiiiiine.”

“Then,” Dark brown eyes met his and the mischievousness behind them worried him a bit. “How about we have Mr. Butler make us some food? I’m kinda hungry.”  _ Oh great. _

Jas seemed to consider it for a moment. “Aunt Marine doesn’t like Uncle Shane using the stove, though.” At Ann’s confused face, Jas had to elaborate, though Shane really wished she didn’t. “He almost burnt down the house once.” 

“Oh,” A hand came up over Ann’s mouth as she stifled another laugh at his expense.

Shooing Jas off his lap, he stood up to walk around the couch. “How about I just go get something from the salloon?” He can’t make anything for shit, anyway. 

Jas seemed to wrestle with the idea in her head. Ann nodded, though. “Pizza always good.” 

Being convinced by that, Jas nodded as well. “Just don’t get the spicy one this time. That one’s gross,” she added with a huff. 

Getting off the couch herself, Ann smoothed out her skirt, “I’d eat that one.” 

Making a mental note, he checked to make sure his wallet was on him. “You stayin’ here then?” Dumb thing to ask, in retrospect.

“Well, duh,” she chuckled. “How else am I gonna get my free food?” 

So very excited by that idea, Jas bounced on the balls of her feet. “I can show you my room, and all of my dolls, and my books. Oh! Can I paint your nails?” Jas was already dragging her around the corner before she got an answer. 

 

 


	27. Privacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wow, she was actually doing this, huh?

In classic child fashion, Anna was whisked away before having a chance to speak. 

Jas’s bedroom was just as she expected a little girl’s room would be like. The bright purple walls were a stark contrast to the rest of the house. Piles of different things were scattered over the floor; an array of stuffed animals near the bed, an open box of markers and a coloring book, some dolls and a box of tiny accessories sat next to a tall dollhouse in the back corner. It was organized chaos, really. 

Taking a seat in one of the plastic chairs around the tiny table against one of the walls, Anna watched as Jas crawled under the bed to fish out a wooden box of different nail polish bottles. “What color do you want?” She asked as she got to her feet, box in hand, and walking back over to take a seat across from her. The box dropped on the table with a clatter of glass, and some paranoid part of Anna’s mind thought the bottles might shatter. 

Cooling down her fleeting anxiety, Anna tapped a finger to her lip as she looked over the rainbow of colors. A lot of them were various pinks and purples, and a few more yellows than a little girl would normally have. Picking one of the lilac bottles out of the bunch, “How about this one?” 

“Oh, that one’s really pretty,” Jas nodded in approval and took the polish out of her fingers. She patted the table for a hand before she twisted open the lid. Anna followed her instructions, fanning out her fingers and keeping as still as possible as Jas got down to business. Meticulously painting each nail, making sure to not miss a single spot. She had a surprisingly steady hand for a child. 

Halfway through the first hand already, Anna was honestly a little jealous. “You doing a really good job, Jas. Have you done other people’s nails before?” 

Nodding, taking the time to dip the brush in more polish. “Aunt Marnie’s lets me paint her nail. And Miss Abby’s when she was over at Vincent’s house one time.” After ducking the brush, she raked off some of the excess polish on the lip of the bottle like a professional. “Uncle Shane lets me paint his nails, too. But he can’t wear nail polish to work, so he has me take it off.” Anna didn’t remember anything in the Joja dress code about that, but it was a pretty good lie to spare him the trouble. 

Looking over the different colors in the box, Anna could imagine Shane hunched over in the same tiny chair while his goddaughter painted his nails a rainbow of pink and purple. The picture alone brought a smile to her face. “What color does Uncle Shane usually go for?” 

“Um,” using her free hand to shuffle through the box, Jas pulled out a nice navy blue shade, maybe the darkest in her collection. “This one,” she said and placed it in Anna’s open palm for her to look at. “I think it’s his favorite color. He says he doesn’t have a favorite color, but he picks that one a lot, so I think it is.” 

She turned the bottle in her fingers, the polish thinned on the side of the glass and the light of the window caught the slight shimmer it had. “It’s very pretty.” 

Jas nodded again and took back the polish to place it down next to the opened lilac one. “We can use that one, too, then.” 

“Whatever you wanna do,” Anna said. “Just don’t put too much on, or else it won’t dry.” 

“I know,” sounding completely confident in herself and delved into her work. 

As Jas finished up the little dots on her thumbnail, she looked over her paint job before giving a final nod of satisfaction. Finally being able to move her hand, Anna cautiously stretched her stiff fingers. The lilac was a bit translucent in some places, but the blue dots drew the attention away from the imperfections. Some of them were a bit thick and it was inevitable they were going to smudge before they dried. There were a few spots were the purple got on her skin and Anna scratched it off before Jas got to painting her next set of nails. 

Reapplying some paint on her brush, Jas’s head tilted back and forth as she waited, debating on what she wanted to say. “Miss Anna?” 

“Mm-hm?” She answered automatically. Sure Jas was just gonna ask for her next hand, she placed it down on the table and took to blowing a bit of air on the other to speed up the drying.

A curious smile flashed across her face as she prepped the purple brush. “Do you like Uncle Shane?” 

The question caught her off guard, stilting her air and forcing a slight pink to rise to her cheeks. Despite knowing exactly what she meant, Anna gave her a different answer. “Well, of course. We’re pretty good friends.” 

The slight glower the little girl gave looked all too familiar and she huffed out a sigh. “I mean  _ like  _ like,” and Anna expected a sassy ‘obviously’ to come after it. 

Snorting at her tone before she could catch herself, Anna watched her drag the brush along her fingernail. It was honestly pretty obvious, why else would Jas be asking? But saying so out loud felt like committing to something she wasn’t sure about yet. She was sure about her feelings for Shane, yeah, but something about telling his goddaughter didn’t seem like a bright idea. An odd worry that she might start badgering him about it crossed her mind. 

Going back to blowing on the paint, she tried to piece an answer together. But when she didn’t speak, Jas added, “Because he definitely likes you.” Maybe she already was asking about it, then. 

“Did he say you could tell me that?” Anna asked, purely to turn the conversation around. When Jas averted her gaze, focusing very hard on her painting, she raised an eyebrow at her. “Because, what if he wanted to tell me that?” She doubted that, but it was a thought.

Jas sighed and rolled her eyes, “But Aunt Marnie said it was obvious.”  _ Really, welp. _ “And Uncle Shane’s too shy to say anything.” 

A chuckle came from Anna’s throat as Jas dropped the conversation and started to focus. Just to keep teasing, Anna pushed a bit more, “Still.” 

“Ugh,” with a very exaggerated sigh, she rolled her eyes again. “Does it matter?” 

Trying to reason with her, “I mean, if you liked someone, you wouldn’t want someone going around telling people, right?” 

She thought about it for a minute as she painted the last nail in lilac. As she capped the bottle, a pout formed on her face. “You didn’t answer  _ my  _ question.” 

Before Anna could say anything, the squeak of the front door opening had Jas up and out of her seat. Polish forgotten, Anna made sure they were all seal tight before following her lead. 

“Hi, Aunt Marnie,” Jas waved as she rounded the corner a few seconds before Anna did. 

“Hey, girls.” Marnie was leaning against the front door and kicking off her shoes. When she saw Anna, she smiled. “I ran into Shane comin’ home, he said something about you staying for supper, Anna?” 

Answering with a nod, she could say anything before Jas started to talk again. “Miss Anna won a game of Monster Bashers, so Uncle Shane has to be our butler.” 

That got a hearty laugh out of Marnie as she hung up her light jacket, “Does he now?” 

“Uh-hu,” With a nod, “It was Miss Anna idea.” 

This sweet little girl threw her so far under the bus the wheels didn’t even have time to run her over. Feeling very put on the spot, “I mean- Uhh-haha,” a nervous laugh came out instead of any words. 

Another hearty laugh, this one louder than the first and had Marnie pressing a hand to her chest. “So what have you girls been up to?” 

Jas’s face lit up at the question. “Miss Anna let me paint her nails,” she said, dragging Anna by the hand to show her beautiful work. 

“Wow, pretty,” Marnie nodded, and the praise had Jas beaming. “But, did you put up your nail polish after you were done, Jas?” She asked with a raised brow. After a moment, then a shake of her head, Jas rushed to do so before being told. 

Anna followed Marnie a few steps into the kitchen as she kept talking. “When I ran into Shane, he was headin’ up to get take-out from the saloon. I told him to get something other than pizza, I swear that’s all that boy ever eats. You don’t mind that, right Anna?” 

“It’s fine, I’m not picky.” 

“Can’t remember the last time we had a fourth person around the dinner table,” Looking at the table for a moment, the older woman placed a hand on her hip before taking a breath. “Do you mind setting the plates while I get another chair from the back room?” 

“Oh, of course not.”

She gestured up to the cabinet over the microwave, “The plates are just up there.” Anna watched her make her way to the backdoor to what she remembered to be the chicken coop. They must have had a storage room back there. “It’s usually just me and the kids,” Marnie laughed before leaving.

Anna could help but chuckle at the comment. The idea of pairing both Jas and Shane under the word kids equal parts amusing and endearing. Pulling open the cabinet door, nice floral patterned plates sat on the bottom shelf. She started to gather some up, the heavy ceramic weighing down her arms. 

As she had a couple in hand, the front door swung open again and the noise drew her attention. Shane walking in with a white styrofoam container in his hand. Finally meeting eyes, he gave her a questioning look. “Marnie asked me to set the table.”

Shane nodded, walking in and setting the food down as Anna placed the stack on the table. He popped open the box, the styrofoam squeaking against the tiled backsplash. The savory smell of tomatoes and garlic had Anna’s head spinning a bit. Now she was remembering what she was walking into town for earlier. Out of groceries at the house, and hasn’t eaten yet today. 

“Had to get some spaghetti. Got told off for eating too much pizza,” Shane said scratching the scruff on his cheek.  

His tone made her chuckle, “So I was told.”

Shane could only roll his eyes and busied himself with pulling out some silverware. As he dropped some forks onto the table, the back door swung open and banged against the fridge. Marnie came waddling through with a chair out in front of her. She had a bit of trouble getting it through the narrow doorway, and when Shane offered to help she waved him off. “I got it. I’ve been hauling Big Bertha around and she got a dozen pounds on this thing,” laughing to herself. 

“Cheese,” Shane answered Anna’s confused look.

“Excuse me?” 

“Marnie makes a giant cheese wheel for the fair every year,” Holding out his hands a good foot and half apart, he snorted at the baffled look taking over Anna’s confusion.

Marnie added, “Be sure to come by after the fair in the fall, I’ll save you a piece. I went a little adventurous on the spices this year, so she should turn out tasty.” 

Anna was positive she wasn’t going to remember that, but she nodded anyway, “Sure.”

With a bit of shifting, the chair was finally wedged through the doorframe. And when Marnie put it down, she shifted the others to give everyone more arm room. Turning to shuffle through one of the drawers, she was still talking about her cheese. Anna set out the plates. Shane put out the silverware. Walking around the small table, they nearly bumped into each other. The brief eye contact they shared got her a smile. A tiny grin that brightened his whole face. Now she was blushing. 

Jas rushed into the room, skidding to a stop between the two. “Uncle Shane! Did you see Anna’s nails?” Before he could say anything, she was pulling Anna’s hands up from the table to show him.

“Nice,” he nodded. “Did you forget to finish the other one?” He pointed out the lack of decoration on the other hand.

Anna scoffed, joking, “It’s a style choice, obviously.”

“Yeah, duh,” Jas added crossing her arms. 

Marnie waved them all to sit as she started to serve out the pasta. As Anna sat down, a wave of nervousness took hold of her mind. When was the last time she sat around a dinner table with other people? When was the last time she sat down to eat with people just to eat, and not coerce them into signing something? 

Old habits die hard. Her back forced itself straight, and she tucked her legs tight against her chair. She could feel her foot bouncing against her ankle despite trying to still it. Feeling horribly self-consciousness, she focused on spinning some pasta on her fork and not spill any sauce.

After a bite, Marnie’s eyes were on her. “No need to be so stiff, Anna.”

Being called out on it forced a blush. She took a breath and let her shoulders relax a bit. “Ah, sorry. My grandmother is a real stickler for manners and posture at the dinner table.” She chuckled, more to herself and at the memory of those god-awful etiquette lessons that was meant to teach little 9-year-old Annabella how to be a proper young lady. A solid waste of money.

Having a point to go off of, Marnie started up a conversation. “Did she live with you before you moved out here?” 

She chewed slowly for a moment to piece the right words together. “It was more of an ‘I lived with her’ situation.” 

“Oh, sorry for assuming.” 

“It’s fine. Wouldn’t be the first time.” Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Shane giving her a glance.

“What made you move out here, then?” Marnie kept up the talk between bites.

Thinking for a moment, “I needed a change, I guess.” That was the simplest way to put it, at least. “I used to work a desk job in this terrible office building. It was… incredibly draining.” 

Giving an understand hum, Marnie nodded. “I’d imagine. I used to be a receptionist for a hotel went I lived out in ZuZu City for a year. Not quite a desk job, but, boy, that was an awful time in my life.” 

Settling into the chit-chat, Anna’s body relaxed in her seat without her noticing. “I had work reception at Joja after the boss fired the front-desk girl. Ugh, that was awful.” The poor girl was only a few minutes late, and it was one of the only days Anna’s father decided to grace the office with his presence. Terminated immediately. 

Marnie raised a brow at her, “You worked for Joja?” 

“Yeah, mostly sales stuff. Making charts, running numbers, budgeting the quarterly expenses. Really exciting stuff,” she added with a roll of her eyes. 

“Sounds like it,” she chuckled. “Did you go to school for that?” 

“Nope. Have a master’s in English Literature, actually.” And has done literally nothing with it. 

“Well, how’d you end up there?” 

With a shrug of her shoulder, she tried to let the topic drop. “Family,” she left it at that. 

\---

“You’re welcome back anytime, sunshine,” Marnie called from the kitchen sink. Anna had offered to help clean up but was quickly shooed off since she was the guest. But feeling the need to do something, she held the doors open for Shane as he dragged the extra chair back from wherever Marnie got it from.   

Kneeling down to fix the straps of her shoes, she heard some whispering behind her. A glance was casted over her shoulder to see Jas telling something to Shane. Him knelt down to be face to face as she whispered something. Whatever it was, it got a nonplussed look from him as she nodded enthusiastically. 

She stood back up and smoothing out the wrinkles of her skirt for something to do with her hands. Shane did the same, shooting a quick glance at her. Shooing off Jas, he shook his head as she ran past them. Before she rounded the corner, she skidded to a stop and looked back at Anna. “Uncle Shane is gonna walk you home.”  

Hearing him sigh behind her, Anna laughed. “Oh, is he?” 

“Apparently,” he mumbled, walking up to her. “Go get ready for bed,” he shooed Jas off again. “You got class in the morning.” 

Anna heard Jas’s giggles and the harsh squeak of metal as she shut her bedroom door. Turning back to Shane, “You know you don’t have to. I’ll be fine.” 

He was already slipping on his shoes before she said anything. “You don’t know how stubborn Jas can be.” Pulling open the front door, he held it open as she walked out, and he followed behind right after.

Dusk painted the sky in a purple hue, puffy orange clouds moved slowly overhead. The nights were coming quicker with the turn of the season, and a breeze swirled the fabric of her skirt around her knees. A faint rustle of the gold-trimmed leaves accompanied the soft crunch of dirt beneath their feet. It was calm and quiet as her eyes caught the flicker of straggling fireflies in the grass. 

Side-eyeing Shane next to her, he had his hands in the pockets of his hoodie, staring slightly to the ground as they walked. It wasn’t awkward, per se, but something in his demeanor gave off a note of nervousness. 

To get his train of thought on a different track, she came up with something to talk about. “Are you going to the beach to see the jellyfish at the end of the week?” 

His gaze snapped over to meet her’s for a quick second before going back to the path. “Yeah,” he gave a nod. “Jas has been gettin’ pretty excited about it. People have been sayin’ it’s supposed to be better this time around. It wasn’t cold enough last year, or something, so it was pretty lackluster.” 

“That happened a lot when I used to visit as a kid.” Instead of the mass migration that happens when the fast approaching winter chills the ocean, the schools of jellies had ample time to make their way south for the winter. Only a handful would be lured to the docks by the candlelight during the festival, but you could go out every night during that week and be guaranteed to see at least one. “But, it’s supposed to get pretty chilly by the end of the week, so maybe we’ll get lucky.” 

Shane gave a slow nod. “Maybe.” 

As she opened the gate to her property, she almost told him he didn’t need to walk her up to the house. She had to make a quick check around the farm to make sure everything was in order before locking up for the night. Maybe it was a little selfish, but she wanted to make this walk a little longer. 

As they came up to the backend of her chicken pen, out of the corner of her eye, she saw Shane look over the open area. “You ever gonna get more chickens?” 

She nodded, slowing to a stop to lean on the fence and look out at the open grass herself. “I was thinking about getting more before the end of the summer, actually.” In reality, she wanted to get some animals in the barn, too. But despite having it all cleared out and ready to be worked on, she still hasn’t gone up the road to talk with Robin about it. 

Taking a spot next to her, he leaned his forearms against the railing. “Maybe you should wait a bit,” he suggested with a shrug.

“Why?” 

He shrugged again, eye avoiding hers as he looked out at the grass. A moment passed, then he said, “Isn’t the end of the season real busy for ya?” 

Right, she’s going to be so busy next week. Planning out the fields, spending a fortune on seeds, spending all week long planting those seeds. Not only all of that, but prime apple-picking season started not even a week ago and she wanted to get some bagged and sold before autumn really hit. She was not looking forward to that. Suppressing a sigh, “Yeah, but would a few more chickens be that much of a handful?” 

“They can get kinda cranky when it starts getting cold,” he said with a smirk, looking at her out of the corner of his eye. 

She chuckled, “I suppose I should listen to the expert, then.” Returning the laugh, there was a slight shake of his head but he didn’t add anything.

As the silence took over, Anna settled into her semi-comfy spot leaning on the fence. She propped her chin up on her crossed arms, looking over the slightly too long grass. It was still dotted with bigger rocks and a couple of tree trunks she might pay Robin to come remove when she helps with the barn. The wind kicked up the smell of earth and pollen and Anna breathed in the smell she’d become so use to over the months. 

_ Wow, she was actually doing this, huh? _ A dorky grin tugged at her mouth at that gratification.  

She caught a glimpse of Shane looking at her, his head propped up with a hand hiding his own smile. The timid chuckle couldn’t be helped when coupled with the pleasantly flustered feeling in her chest. 

“What?” His voice was quiet to not disturb the peace. 

Shaking her head, she looked up at the rapidly fading sunlight and sighed. When she straightened up, seeing her change in demeanor, Shane did the same. “So, I gotta check on some stuff before going in for the night. Thanks for walking me, um, most of the way home.” 

“Yeah, you’re welcome.” His hands instinctively curling into the front pocket of his jacket. Standing there for a moment too long, he took a step back. “See you later then,” he returned her little wave ‘goodbye’ before turning on his heels and heading back down the path.


	28. Eventually

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Even Shane could admit it was a breathtaking picture.

Shane wasn’t lying when he said some of the hens get cranky when the weather starts to chill.

Last night got a bit too cold for their liking, and Marnie was planning install the heaters in case it got any worse. But Shane, just getting home for work, saw her struggling with the heavy family toolbox and offered to help. And by help, he meant finish it up himself while Marnie took Jas down to the beach for her playdate. Jodi still hasn’t brought up the glue incident and he didn’t want to take any chances. 

Something tiny and sharp poked at his ankle for the third time in the past hour. The screwdriver into the hay as he rubbed the bridge of his nose. His eyes narrowed in on half a puff of blue feathers all huffy and nipping at the end of his sock, the old threads starting to fray from the abuse. The chick peeped and fluffed out the feathers it had left, losing another two or three in the process. 

Fucking Periwinkle. Out of all the chicks he got, that one was the most upset with their move. The other three melded with the flock without any problems, following the other youngins in and out of the coop. But there just had to be one angry one in the group. And Jas was just sure that she needed a bit more attention and decided Peri would be her chicken, taking full responsibility. Shane couldn’t have been more proud.

He picked up the chick carefully, keeping a firm grip as it struggled in his grasp. Getting to his feet, the tiny bird squawked at the sudden change of high and Shane had a heart-attack when the thing almost slipped out of his hand. Swallowing down a swear, he walked the few steps to the open coop door surrounded by a few of the older hens lingering inside. The sun was getting low in the sky, and they knew what that meant by now. 

Setting Peri down among the other, a few downy feathers came off in his palm. They floated to the ground with among the hay and dirt, and he was going to need to clean out the coop later by the looks of it.

Speaking of later, he needed to hurry up if he wanted to be down at the beach before sunset. Jas had asked him to get there a bit early so they could get a good spot to see the jellyfish, and he had to stand there and make sure no one takes it. Though he wasn’t too fond of the beach, he still needed to get out more anyway. 

Quickly cleaning up the tools, he was about 80% sure the heater would work. And if it didn’t, he'd sit his ass out here in the cold to fix it. Marnie shouldn’t have to deal with his fuck-ups. 

\---

People were already filling out the beach by the time Shane stepping over the bridge. His feet sank into the cool sand, and he could already feel it sneak into his worn-down sneakers. A sharp smell of salt filled the air, the usual humidity giving away to a cold late summer chill. The ocean reflected the golden-orange of the sunset, the incoming waves pushed and pulled the color to and from the shoreline. Even Shane could admit it was a breathtaking picture. 

“Do I have to wear it?” he could hear Jas whine from where she stood by the water. She was pouting up at Marnie, in her hands was the jacket she was forced to bring along for when it got too cold. And judging by the chill seeping through Shane’s hoodie, if it was this cold now, it was only going to get worse.

Marnie draped it over her shoulders anyway, fighting her reluctance as she pulled her arms through the sleeves. “It’s getting cold, sunshine. We don’t want you gettin’ sick.” Jas’s arms crossed over her chest to make the task of zipping it up more difficult. 

“It’s not cold, it’s still summertime,” she mumbled when the zip was finally done up and shoved up the sleeves up her arms. 

As Marnie saw Shane walking up to them, she stood and brushed the sand off her knees. “Oh, Shane! You made it. Did you get those old heaters workin’?”

He nodded, “Yeah, and I made sure everyone was put away for the night,” he added, knowing that was her next question. 

“Oh, good,” she breathed out a sigh of relief. “Remind me later to put in an order for some new ones. Those old things were causing trouble last winter, too. The animals deserve an upgrade.” 

Though he wished he could, Shane was fully aware he wasn’t going to remember.

There was a second, and she had another idea. “Oh, do you think Anna’s gonna need one for her hens?” She seemed to look at Shane for the answer, and he could only shrug. “Well. I’ll be sure to ask her when I see her.”

Finally coming to the fact she just had to wear a jacket, Jas dropped her pout and looked up at Shane, “Can Miss Anna sit with us while we watch the jellies?” 

Honestly, that didn’t sound like a bad idea. In theory. Rubbing the back of his neck, he gave another shrug. “I don’t know, you’ll have to ask her.” He scanned the people meandering about and didn’t see that telltale sight of fiery hair. 

“Or you could ask her,” she suggested, feigning innocence with a tilt of her head. 

He raised an eyebrow at the mischievous look in her eye. “You’re the one who brought it up.” 

“Yeah, but you want her to sit with us, too,” she countered.

“You sure about that?” 

“Oh, definitely,” with a very sure nod.

A snicker was cut short when Shane turned his head to the source. Marnie slapped a hand over her mouth, but her cheeks were still raised in amusement. Rubbing his hand over his face, he tried to hide the tinge in his cheeks. “You can go ask her, Jas.” 

Now she was shaking her head, “No, you have to do it.”

“Why do I have to do it?”  _ Yoba, he was sounding like a child now. Oh well. _

“Because!” She threw her hands in the air like it was obvious. And when Shane simply stared at her, waiting for an explanation she puffed out a frustrated breath. The pout was back for a whole nother reason this time. “How am I supposed to be your wingman if you don’t cooperate?” 

Marnie’s snickers turned into guffaws at the words. She pressed her face into her palms to try and quiet it as it shook her shoulders. 

A slightly stunned look crossed Shane’s face, “What now?” That’s a word he didn’t expect to come out of her mouth. 

“Your wingman!” She said with a nod and hands on her hips to as some sort of emphasis. “Vincent said they help people get a girlfriend. And you’re kinda bad at it, so I’m gonna help you.”

Her confidence was just too precious not to indulge in as Marnie moved one of her hands to speak. “How are you gonna do that, sweetheart?” 

“Well…” She had to think about it for a moment, but her eyes lit up when she had an idea. “Oh! In this show me and Aunt Marnie were watching, the guy gave the girl his jacket, and then she kissed him. Maybe you should do that.” 

Shane’s eyes slowly rolled over to glare at his aunt, her face bright red from her amusement. She simply gave a nonchalant shrug at the accusation behind his glare. Marnie’s letting Jas watch her soap operas, that explains a lot. “Don’t believe everything you see on T.V., kid.” 

Before she could retort, something behind him took all her attention. “Miss Anna!” Racing past him, she kicked up sand in her wake and Shane turning to see her running to the two people walking onto the beach. 

It was common practice by now to try and ignore the butterflies waking up when seeing her face. In a simple shirt and jeans, the dark blue scarf around her neck was a stark contrast to the pink on her shirt. She was definitely startled by the yelling, but Ann’s clear laughter rang through the air as Jas came barreling towards her. “Hey there, girlie.” 

That goth kid was standing next to her, Sebastian. His hands in his pockets and looking a bit frazzled at the sudden kid yelling in his general direction. He shifted on his feet then mumbled something, maybe a goodbye since Ann gave him a little wave as he walked off. As he passed by Shane, he gave an acknowledging nod and he didn’t know what to think of it.

Jas took Ann’s hands, swinging them back and forth and bouncing on her heels. “Do you wanna sit with us to watch the jellies? Please?” 

As Shane got up to meet them, Ann gave him a friendly smile and the sight alone made his heart skip. “Well, we’ll have to ask Uncle Shan-” 

“He said he wants you to sit with us.”

She lifted a brow and that smile turned into a smirk, “Did he?” He answered with a shrug that had her rolling her eyes. Bending down to be eye-level with the little girl, Ann pointed to the dock and Jas followed her finger. “How about you go make sure we have a good spot to sit then, okay?”

Nodding with a smile, Jas was all too eager to help her new cause. She raced away to get the perfect viewing spot to see as many bioluminescent jellies as possible. But before she got too far, she turned back to push Shane forward. His startled look had Ann laughing, and when he turned to chastise Jas, she was already running away. 

“You had to send Jas over here to ask?” she teased, bumping into him as she started walking. They followed Jas’s footprints, slower and side by side. 

The tone of her voice made him snort. Stuffing his hands in his pockets out of habit, “That was all her.”

Taking a step in front of him, she turned to pout. “Aw, so you don’t wanna sit with me?” 

He stared at the look on her face, trying to hide his smile behind a tight-lipped dirty look. It was working, until her pouting turned into that dorky grin he adored and batted her eyelashes. Rolling his eyes to look anywhere else, he bumped shoulders as he passed her. “Come on, before she comes back.” 

The air grew colder as the sun dipped below the horizon. And the darker it got, the more people started to show up to watch the moonlight jellyfish come to the surface for this annual event. People were claiming spots to stand, a few setting down blankets to sit on and others wandering back and forth as they waited for their usual groups to gather.

A breeze came off the ocean and Shane felt the chill through his patched jacket. It blew back Ann’s hair, and as she tucked a piece behind her ear, she pulled the sleeves of her shirt down her arms. She shuffled on her feet a bit and wrapped her arms around herself to hide her shivering.

He felt a little guilty as he stuffed his hands deeper into his pockets. “You cold?” 

Her arms squeezed around her a bit more pushing the scarf up to her nose and her shoulders came up in the form of a shrug. “A little,” it was muffled until she pulled the fabric back down. “I was cleaning out the coop and left my jacket out on the fence somewhere.” 

“Good job,” he snorted. And the comment got him a raspberry, a mist of spit landing on his hand that he made a face at it. When he tried to wipe it off on her sleeve, she turned her body to stop him. Just to bug her a bit, he wiped it on her back and chuckled at her agitation. 

Another breeze pushed over the dock, forcing a shudder through Ann’s body and making her bounce on her heels. He watched her from another second as she shimmered the scarf to cover the neckline of her shirt. Rolling his eyes, he sighed, “Here,” he was shrugging off his hoodie. 

“Wha-” she shook her head, shrinking into the fabric bunched around her neck. “No, I don’t want you to be cold,” the sincerity behind her voice almost made him reconsider.   

He rolled his eyes to keep from looking at her face. “I’ll be fine. My fat’ll keep me warm,” and he added a breath of a laugh to make it sound less sad. The skeptical look she gave was coupled with a once over that left him flustered. Offering her the hoodie again with a bit more force this time, “Just fuckin’ take it. It’s already off and I don’t wanna look like an asshole.” 

His outburst got an eyebrow raise, and he almost huffed out an apology, until her surprise turned into a cheeky smile as she finally took the jacket out of his outstretched hand. “Okay, okay. No need for the sass.” 

As he watched her slip it on, a mild panic shot through him.  When was the last time he washed that thing? When he did the laundry two or three days ago when he finally ran out of clean shirts, right. But he’s been wearing it day in and day out, ever since his best friend lent it to him because he couldn’t be bothered to wear a coat. And now this girl so precious to him was wearing his ratty hoodie covered in sweat and sand.

Her dark scarf puffed out of the front as she did up the zipper halfway, leaving the silver tab of the zip to dangling just under her chest. The fading sunlight bounced off the metal and Shane had to fight the urge to look at it. Her fingertips barely poked out of the sleeves, and she pushed them up her forearm so the fabric wouldn’t get in the way. Her smile turned shy when she looked back up at him, “Thanks.”    

A squeak of laughter caught their attention, heads snapping to see where it came from. Shane could only shake his head as Jas skittered away. She was already halfway down the walkway, and too far for him to tell her to slow down. 

Her excitement was contagious and had Ann laughing. “What’s she so excited about?” 

“Uh,” he shrugged, “Jellyfish?” 

“Anna!” She jumped at the sound of her name, but when she saw Lewis she gave him a friendly smile. He seemed to completely ignore Shane as he addressed her, “I haven't seen you in ages. Was starting to worry you got lost in the woods out there.”

She laughed just to indulge his joke. “Oh, well it’s the end of the season. A lot of stuff to get done before it starts to get cold.” 

“I’d imagine,” he said with a nod. Finally seeing Shane, then his eyes flicking back and forth between the two, “I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”

Ann shot him a questioning look, one with an apology tacked on the end. He almost said yes just to be an asshole, he hated the side-eye the old man gave him. But, swallowing down a sigh, it took true effort to keep the glare off his face. “I’m gonna get Jas,” he muttered before turned to walk back down the dock. 

His thumb hooked into the front pockets of his jeans. His self-conscious flared up something terrible without the familiar coverage of his hoodie. It was all in his head, he was sure, but Shane felt eyes on him as he walked away. No one can keep their nose out of other people’s business in this town, maybe that was it. Keeping his gaze to the ground as he walked, he wished he could sink into his shirt. 

He wasn’t even off the end of the dock before Jas was bouncing at his feet. “I told you!” She laughed, standing on her tiptoes in an attempt to be closer to his face.

Placing a hand on her head, he pressed down a bit until she dropped back on her heels. A few paces behind her, Marnie’s feet were still in the sand as she stopped where it met the wood. Noticing something missing from his usual ensemble, the smug look on her face made his frown deepen. “Aren’tcha gonna get cold?”  

“Shut up.” 

“Are you sure you don’t wanna come out on the dock, Aunt Marnie?” Jas asked one last time.

“I’m sure,” she answered, waving the two down the walkway. “You and Shane go and get a good spot. I can watch the jellies from back here.” 

As they walked back, Shane made sure to hold Jas’s hand to keep her from running. Instead, she made a game out of not stepping on the seam in the wooden slats. “I hope there’s a green one! They’re super rare. Do you think we’ll see one?” 

“I dunno, maybe.” 

His goddaughter made sure they had the best spot, sitting right up next to the candle Lewis was going to send out to attract the creatures to the surface. For optimal viewing, Jas sat on the corner leaning up against one of the poles coming out of the pier. Shane sat down next to her, and he had to scoot her away from the edge a bit for his own paranoia’s sake. 

As they finished up their conversation, Lewis said something to Ann about not being a stranger before he announced he was going to send out the candle boat. Ann settled into place next to Shane as Lewis prepared the boat behind them. Jas watching in rapt curiosity, and Lewis said something like she might be able to light it when she gets a bit older. Luckily his back was to Shane and he didn’t see the glare he got.

After a few clicks of the lighter, the wick took the flame. Carefully setting the tall candle in its holder, he made extra sure everything was securely in place. (According to Ann, the boat tipped over one year and people have been joking about it ever since.) With a nudge of his fingers, the small boat sailed through the open ocean, the flickering light moving steadily over the still water. 

A few minutes passed as the yellow aura drifted in the waves. Then, a pinprick of blue light moved under the water. Then two, then five, then ten, twenty, too many to count as they moved closer to the ocean’s surface. Growing and glowing until the waves glimmered an ethereal icy blue. Easily drowning out the dying light of the candle and illuminating the dock underneath them. 

The whole thing reminded him of those stupid scenes in Jas’s princess movies. When the main characters finally fall in love, or when they finally kiss, or when they just stare at each other in that sweet sense of fairytale longing that made Shane roll his eyes in boredom every time. Incredibly cheesy, piano music and glowing lights. His eyes flitted off to the side without his control, and he was starting to understand. 

The word  _ beautiful  _ didn’t cross Shane’s mind often. Maybe just once, during his best friend’s wedding where he hid behind his camera lens because he was definitely not crying.

Aqua light danced across Ann’s face and glittered in her dark eyes. The glow was ephemeral in the way it painted shapes across her person. Her face flared with fascination as her fingers curled around the board of the dock to keep her grounded. The whole scene was oddly surreal as his heart-rate kicked up.  

But here he was, staring at her like a weirdo in front of the whole fucking town. 

And before he had half the mind to turn back to the water, her eyes caught his. He must have looked pretty stupid just staring, mind mesmerized by the ghostly light waving within them. “What?” Her voice was soft and sweet and it was like a punch in the gut.

He fumbled with a word as he snapped back into the moment. Feeling the embarrassment pinken his cheeks, he scowled at his own ridiculousness. “You got somethin’ on your face,” he muttered, pointing to a spot on his cheek to make his lie more believable.

The comment got him an eyebrow raise, maybe that’s not what she expected. She lifted her fingers near the invisible dirt on her cheek but stopped just before making contact. Scooting a bit closer, a smirk crossed her face and she asked in that same sweet voice, “Get it for me?” 

_ Oh, that backfired. _ He blinked at her for a moment, trying to reconsider his options.  _ Fuck, stop making this awkward. This is your dumb fault. _ His hand came up and he hated the slight shake he felt in his fingertips. Gently brushing his thumb over her freckled cheek, a heated blush could be easily felt. Maybe it was a trick of his brain, but he swore she leaned into his hand.

The want to kiss her hit him hard in the chest. 

And he might have. If not for the whole town behind them. The sudden itch of being watched hit the back of his neck. It festered in the worst way possible and he had to turn away and rub the spot to make it stop. Taking a breath, he started saying something to change the mood. “Nature’s pretty amazing, huh? The jellies were here a year ago, and they’ll be back a year from now.” 

Something like a chuckle came from her. “Yeah,” she answered, turning back to the glowing waves.

Something pricked the back of his brain, the actual reason he came here. Checking Jas, she was leaning over the edge, arms wrapped around the pole at the end of the dock to lean on. He wanted to pull her back a bit, but the amazement on her face kept him from doing so. 

His vision drifted back over to Ann. The allure on her face dropped into something softer, more bittersweet. She seemed to be zoned out as she ran a few fingers along the edge of her scarf. Her eyes were glossy, and in the lowlight, the slightest hint of tears glittered blue. Concern got the better of Shane as he nudged her to get her attention back.

The movement made her tense a bit, and when she met his eyes, she shook her head at his worrying. “Ah, sorry. Just…” The laugh she gave to try and play it off was quiet and lacking, “Just thinking really hard about something.” The glossiness pooled in her waterline, and she pulled the fabric in her hand up to it to dry it. She took a deep breath to steady herself, and when her eyes caught Shane’s wary gaze she rambled off a quick “I’m fine.”  

Turning his head back to the water, eyes following the jellies as they lazily floated their way under the dock. Fingers fidgeted against his jeans, and he wasn’t sure if it was for her sake or his own. Comforting was not his strong suit. He could barely handle his own emotions, dealing with someone else’s was a whole nother ballgame. But sitting there doing absolutely nothing seemed like such a dick thing to do.

The hand closest to him was flat against the slats under them. Without giving himself time to overthink, he placed his hand over her’s. How fast she jerked her hand back startled him for a moment. Huffing out a breath, she shot him a confused look. His apology was right on the tip of his tongue. But it was shut down when she giggled and simply grabbed his hand and held it between her’s, fingers positively burning against his cold skin. And the soft smile on her face warmed her heart, “This okay?” 

“Um. Yeah, sure.” She settled in a bit closer, leaning up against him and Shane’s heart was buzzing in his throat. Both from having her so close, and that anxiety bouncing around his head he wished he could chuck into the glowing water underneath them.

Her thumb absentmindedly stroke over his hand, light enough to make it tickle. “The Moonlight Jellies were always Grandpa’s favorite,” she spoke quietly, words barely above the sound of the waves. “He said they were good luck, and I used to make wishes on them every year.” 

“Whatcha wish for?” the words came out before he could register them. His mind was still worrying over the warmth flowing up his arm and that itching on the back of his neck.

A hum filled in the silence as she tried to remember. “I think a lot of them were for pets. I couldn’t have one as a kid.” 

“Boring,” he added just to get a rise out of her. Just to keep up the conversation to have something else to focus on.

“Hey, don’t an a-ah rude,” she stuttered, catching herself of her language. “I was, like, seven and really wanted a hamster.” 

“A hamster?” 

“Yeah,” looking a bit embarrassed. “I knew I couldn’t get something big, so I thought compromising would work.” Her voice petered off at the end at how odd the idea sounded.

A huff of a laugh shook his shoulders, “You gonna get a giant rat cage in the future, then?”

“Maybe,” she seemed to think about it for a moment before shaking her head. “I’d be too worried about Caterina, though. She found a mouse somewhere and thought it would be a good idea to set it up on the counter the other day.” She shuddered at the memory. “Yoba, not the first thing you wanna see in the morning. Nearly passed out on the spot.” He laughed again and Ann elbowed him in the side, “Don’t laugh at me.” 

A soft noise came from the left and Shane turned to see Jas with her face in her hands. She tried to hide the yawn but wasn’t very good at it. Wrapping an arm around her, Jas seemed to disapprove judging by the noise she made. “You tired, kid?” 

“No,” she mumbled, trying to push his arm off. 

On the other side, a small light flashed on. Ann had out her phone and the light outlined the soft features of her face. “It’s almost midnight,” keeping her voice quiet.

_ When did it get that late? _ Honestly, he didn’t want to go, but… With a quiet sigh, he went to stand. “We should be gettin’ home then.” 

Hugging the pole she had been leaning on in some vain attempt to keep from standing, Jas shook her head again. “I don’t wanna.” And when he went to pull her to her feet, her grip gave away easily. 

Ann watched to two, keeping the light from her phone on to help them see. “I think I’m gonna stay here for a bit. Get home safe, okay?” She gave Shane a once over before realization dawned on her face. “Oh, here,” she said as she unzipped his jacket.  

Shaking his head, “Keep it.” If she was going to stay out here, she needed it more. “I’ll… I’ll come by and get it tomorrow.”

“Oh, thanks.” Zipping it back up, she pulled the sleeves down over her hands and dropping the phone in her lap. “You can come over anytime, I’ll probably be awake.” 

“Alright… see you tomorrow, then.” And smiled at the wave she always gave. Turning Jas to get her walking down the pier, “Come on, kid. Time for bed.”

“But, I didn’t see the green one,” she whined, leaning back against him to slow his walking. 

They were going nowhere fast with her fighting him every two steps. He scooped her up under his arm. That got her to whine more and wiggle in his grasp, but after a few she when limp her arms swinging down by his calves. “There’s always next year, kid,” he told her.

Maybe picking her up was a bad idea,  _ Yoba, when did she get this heavy? _ Marnie was at the end of the walkway, illuminated by a fire a couple of people was standing around. When she saw them, she could only shake her head. “Really, Shane?” 

At her scolding, Shane set Jas down on her feet, supporting her back when she slumped against him. Marnie sighed but was still smiling. “Here, I can take her,” she said as she scooped Jas up in her arms. _ That’s probably how he should have done it. _ “You go back and sit.” 

He was about to protest, but the look on her face said it would pointless. “Fine. Uh… Get home safe,” he settled to say instead.

“Tell Anna I said hello, and don’t stay out too late,” Marnie nodded, readjusting Jas in her arms. “Or do,” she changed her mind with a smug tone to her voice, “I’ll be sure to leave the door unlocked for you in the morning.” 

“Marnie.” His tone was meant to be a warning, but his rampant flush botched that up. 

Chuckling at his dismay, she made sure to keep her voice down for the sleeping child in her arms. “You kids have fun,” she said before she turned to walk down the beach. 

He watched them get a few more feet before he habitual tried to stuff his hands in his jacket pockets. They slid across the bottom of his shirt before he remembered where those pockets were. Blowing out his breath, he turned back to the ocean. His eyes zeroed in on Ann’s frame silhouetted by the dimming ocean, and his heart crawled back up to its new home in his throat. 

A few other people were still out on the dock. Most of them were out on the other walkway, but a couple was settled on a blanket in the middle. Shane could feel their eyes on him as he walked back to where he was sitting. 

The old, creaky planks startled Ann, even though he tried to be as quiet as possible. The lumination from the stray jellies was enough to see the puzzled expression cross her face. Ignoring it, he sat down with his shoes hanging over the water. “Marnie says hi,” was the first thing out of his mouth. “Uh, she took Jas home, so…” 

She leaned into him slightly with that dorky smile and a hopeful lilt to her voice, “You came back out here to sit with me?” 

He just had to look at her for a moment. Then he smirked, “I mean, I can leave.”

She wasn’t happy with that idea, a frown decorated her face. “Don’t,” she murmured, wrapping her arm around his like he was actually going somewhere. When he didn’t shake her off, she cuddled up to him more and resting her head on his shoulder. Despite his mild panicking, having that warmth so close reminded him of how cold it had gotten. Pushing his feeling down to his feet, he focused on it and savored it in the chilly early autumn night. 

The sound of the calm waves lulled the atmosphere, the rippling blue under the water drawing his vision. His breath slowly left his lungs, taking the anxiety with it. A serenity came over him that eased the pressure on his mind. Something he hasn’t felt in a while. Peace. 

Time seemed to snap back to the present when Ann wrapped something around his neck. Pulling it back a bit, the navy fabric was soft in his hand and the faint smell of what might have been berries wafted from it. “What are you doing?” The words came out on a simper. 

Nudging his hand away, “You’re cold, and I feel bad.” Tucking an end into the space between them, she shifted the scarf around to sit comfortably around both of them. She could have just given his hoodie back, but she looked pretty comfortable in it.

A few more blue lights faded out and the moon dropped more into view, making him aware of how late it had gotten. Stretching his arms a bit, he hid a yawn behind a heavy sigh. “So, how long were you plannin’ on stayin’ out here? ‘Cause I have work in the morning.”

Her shrug moved his own shoulders. “I dunno? Probably not long, I have work in the morning, too.”

Side-eyeing her, “Don’t you work every morning?” 

Side-eyeing him, “Don’t you work almost every morning?”

“Should probably get goin’ then,” he said, but resting back on his hands to get comfortable despite his words. 

She nodded, leaning into his side. “Probably.”

It took a few more minutes for them to finally stand. Shane was the first to do so, about ready to convince Ann it was time to leave. It wasn’t until he heard a choking sound that he remembered the scarf around his neck. “Shit, sorry,” and his panicking had her laughing.

Helping her to her feet, he expected her to let go of his hand right after. But, she didn’t and pulled him along as she walked up the dock. That dark part of his brain flared up his self-consciousness, but seeing no one around helped calm that. The fire on the beach had long since gone out and the only other person on the dock was far on the other side, the orange burn of a cigarette was bright against the now dark ocean. 

The sleeping town was an eerie calm, their steady footsteps and the rustling leaves filling the silence. A light buzz from the streetlights could be heard as they walked next to one. Every other step, they bumped shoulder from walking so close. Neither of them minded.

The forest was quiet as well. A more natural and steady stillness that was to be expected with the weather starting to change. A few crickets still chirped in the night, and every now and then an owl would make itself know. Some of the first falling leaves crunched under their feet as they walked past the ranch, the light all out inside. 

They rounded to corner to the entrance of her property. Coming up to the gate, he could see those light he helped her with a while back, little pinpoints in the distance. As she pushed open the gate, she stopped between the fence posts. “You don’t have to walk me home, you know,” she said. 

His other hand hooked into his front pocket as he stared down at the one holding her’s. “I don’t mind.” 

The red on her face could be seen in the moonlight. “That’s really sweet of you,” she said, but reluctantly dropped his hand. “But, still, I can’t ask you to do that. It’s really late and cold.” Before he had a chance to say something, she shut the gate between. Instead of walking away, she leaned up against it, she propped her head up with her hand, “You’ll just have to do it next time, okay?”

“Next time?” the question was out of his mouth as soon as it popped up. She gave a sly shrug, and he couldn’t help the smile that pulled at his lips. To keep his mind from running, he nodded down at his hoodie still on her person. “Are you just gonna keep that?” he reminded her.

“Oh, right!” Slipping off the jacket, she went to hand it to him over the locked gate. Before she let go, she seemed to hesitate for a minute. Raising an eyebrow at her, he was suddenly trudged forward and had to brace his hand on the gate to keep from falling. His heart was still sitting in his throat, and if it could go higher it would, as she came a bit closer, standing up on her toes to be eye-level. When she pressed a quick kiss on his cheek, he didn’t know whether to be relieved or disappointed. 

Dropping back to her feet, she took a few steps back. “Get home safe, okay?”

Ignoring the voice ringing clear in his head to pull her back, he just nodded. “Yeah, you too.” A giddy feeling rushed through his body, and his face was still burning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Schedule? Weekly? Que? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> I'm really sorry I can't seem to finish these chapters weekly anymore. Hopefully making them longer makes up for it. Or it might be the reason for it, who knows. This is the longest chapter to date, so.  
> And, you know, I'm not one to write a lot of fluffy stuff, but this chapter feels pretty good. (ﾟヮﾟ)  
> And thanks to all the kudos and the people still reading this. I would never feel the need to finish this if it weren't for you. I can't promise a chapter next week, but I'll see ya when I see ya, alright.  
> And if you're really reading this, I hope you have a good day.


	29. Stipulation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She wanted to. She really did, but...

As much as she wanted to kiss him right then and there, she would have hated it if her melancholy mood tainted that moment.

The glowing lights and the subtle smell of salt on the air. Memories came rushing back of all those summers on the farm. Every year her and Grandpa Whitt would end it with sitting out on the pier watching the glowing jellies until the last blue glimmer disappeared or the sunrays peered up and over the water’s edge. It had been so long, and she was so sure the ocean had never shined so bright.

She really wished he could have seen it.

There were rare moments when she truly missed him, and being in Stardew Valley made them far more often. Maybe she just never truly got closure. She didn’t even go to the funeral. Couldn’t, college entrance exams were the same day, just an hour apart, and with Pelican Town being so remote there just wasn’t enough time. Maybe she should’ve gone the day before or the day after. She just didn’t want to think about it back then.

Sudden buzzing ripped her out of contemplation as her phone vibrated against the coffee table. She counted the two seconds before the jazz ringtone started to cover it, and a sigh came out of its own accord. Whether she was being antisocial, or just bitter didn’t matter. She left it there to ring, distracting herself with getting the mail.

Checking the window to make sure whoever delivered the mail was gone, and even though she saw no one there, she cracked the door open just enough to check again. The porch was freezing against her bare feet, and the few stairs she had to walk down to reach the mailbox were veiled in a thin frost from the cold night before. It stung her heels and she cursed herself for not taking the extra two seconds to grab her slippers.

The beginning of the month was usually the time things started to flood into her usually desolate mailbox. As expected, a decent pile sat up near the front of the container. Grabbing the stack, she scurried inside to get the feeling back in her feet. Thumbing through them, one in particular stood out among the bland whites and beiges. One in that obnoxious blue that gave her a migraine every time she saw it.

With a grimace, she pulled it to the top. A blue label was stuck to the center, simple Times New Roman printed against that blue. The names ‘Miss Annabella Maston’ and Joja Corp. typed front and center just didn’t seem real after so many months. Just seeing those names on the same piece of paper made her want to chuck it in the fire immediately. But some morbid curiosity of what could be inside had her dropping it on the table while she looked through the others.   

A flyer for new seed from Pierre's, another flyer from the JojaMart she balled up and threw into the fireplace for tinder, bills, a letter from Robin about doing cheap house inspections before it gets too cold.

Separating out the important stuff, she stared at her old name in the middle of that skin-crawling blue. It had straight from the company, maybe straight from her grandmother herself, to be penning her down as ‘Maston’ instead of ‘Attins’. With a sigh, she ripped it open before she convinced herself otherwise.

    _‘Dear Valued Joja Representative,_

_We are pleased to announce that plans for our new ‘Joja Community Development Team’ have been fully sanctioned by Mr. Maston himself!_

_This pilot project was conceived as a way to provide important construction services to the beloved communities we hold so dear, all while generating substantial revenue!_

_Before this project can be a fully established branch of the Joja Family, contacts have set us up with some information on a small town just on the coast of the beautiful Gem Sea that is in desperate need of Joja’s help. Pelican Town, nestled in the heart of Stardew Valley, with its run-down structures, was a perfect testing grounds. From repairing old bridges to fixing buses we know we can help turn this city around._

_However, as much as we’d love to help this little community, we simply cannot manage this without you. We sent this letter to a few of our choice Joja Representatives who may be interested in investing in this small community and helping it flourish with the aid of our cooperation.-’_

Was this a massive ad to get fucking donations? From a massive mega-corporation that made more money than one can ever fathom. Sent to her, a ‘choice Joja Representative.’ That is not a list she wanted to be on, nor was it one she agreed to be one.

It had to be her grandmother. Back in ZuZu City, she cut ties to anyone at the company quickly. The only person who knew what happened and where she went, the only other person outside of Pelican Town that knew her address was her grandmother.

Anna didn't get angry often. Truthfully, she hated being angry, the irony in that. Hated the heat and tension that bubble under her skin and the hives that crept up her neck. The pressure that pressed in on her temples and gave her a migraine that lasted days on end. The stress and vexation mixed together, forming a vile concoction that frothed and bubbled until it inevitably boiled over.

And when irrational and irritated, the odds of hurting someone was exponentially higher. And that was terrifying.

Finally picking up the phone after ignoring it all day was already feeling like a bad decision. The light of the screen flicking on had her blinking a bit. Four calls from Gran in the past hour? Okay, now she was actually worried. Her foot bounced against the floor as she listened to the dial tone.

It didn’t take long for her grandmother to pick up. “Oh my Lord, Annabella, why do you never answer your phone?” That’s distressed tone in her voice was not normal.

It had her anxiety running rampant, anger completely forgotten. “S-Sorry, I was in the shower and-”

A sharp sigh cut off her lie, “It doesn’t matter. Your father’s been in surgery for the last two hours, and I’ve been trying to get a hold of you since this morning-”

She was more shocked than anything. “Wait, what?”

“He was out driving and the doctors said he was drinking, and I don’t know why he even thought that was a good idea. I don’t even know what he was even driving a car in the first place. That’s what he has a driver for, and a car-” As she spouted off words, Anna could feel her spiraling. Not being there to calm her down made it so much worse.

Finally taking a breath, there was a long pause in her words. Another breath. “Do you think you can come out here and help out with the company while your father is recovering?”

_Of all the times._ She really want to be there for her grandmother, but… “Um, I can’t.”

“What?” The disbelief in her voice shattered her.

She hated that she had to say no. But she knew that if she went out there, it would turn into a week long trip and a dead fall harvest. “I-I need to stay here to look after all the new crops I just planted, and-”

“Are you serious, Annabella? Your father is in the hospital.”

“I just can’t, Gran.”

“I can’t believe you would choose that place over your own family.”

That hurt and her previous anger bubble up in her throat. “What do you mean choose?” She felt her voice raising and sucking in a breath to control it. “I’m not choosing, Gran. If I leave now, all the money I just sunk into the new season will be a waste.”

“If it’s money you’re really worried about, we can just have the company reimburse you.” Then more quietly, painting on a layer of guilt to her sentence, “Your father’s health is in danger here.”

She wanted to care, she really did. But it was so hard to care about someone who barely contributed to her life, and when he did, it was only stress and bitterness. As much as she tried and tried, for her grandmother’s sake, she just couldn’t.

Before she could find any words, a muffled voice came over the receiver. Soon after, her grandmother came back, “Sorry, Annabella. I need to go, the nurse said your father is starting to wake up.” Some shuffling and creaking, and after a moment of heels clicking on linoleum, she had to ask, “Do you want to talk-”

“No.”

A heavy sigh, “Of course not. I’ll call you when things have settled down, dear.”

“Alright-” was all she got to say before the call ended.

How many times had this happened? She couldn’t remember really, but her father’s stupid decisions were starting to become a bi-monthly staple. She couldn’t even feel bad for him anymore. Did that make her a bad person? She felt worse for her grandmother, really. Just imagine the stress of trying so damn hard to care about someone who just couldn't see the damage they were doing to themselves and everyone around them.

Angry pounded red in the back on her head and tension pulled taught behind her eyes. Before she had the time to think about it, the phone was out of her hand and across the room. It hit the wall with a clack before dropping into a basket of dirty blankets she’d been meaning to wash all week.

_Good job, you broke it._ “Fuck,” she growled out, dropping back on the couch to try and rub the headache away.

_Why couldn’t you just suck it up and go help the one family member that still cares?_ Her mind raced with everything she could have said differently. If she could have just not called back at all. She rubbed a bit harder to get it to stop, but she couldn’t.

Productivity was a good way to take your mind off of things. Or so her old therapist us to say.

Sudden energy had her springing off the couch. The loud creak the floorboards made as her feet slammed down spooked poor sleeping Caterina. And before Anna had the mind to apologize, the cat was up and bolting through the open bedroom door. Add that to the list of things she felt shitty about. Pulling on her muddy boots and her backpack, she was out the door.

Her feet stopped at the top of the porch steps. A wide expanse of tilled up dirt stretched out before her, freshly watered just that morning. Behind that were the stalks of corn she had planted the second half of summer as an experiment, and they were still going strong. Across the path, Eggavier hopped around in the grass, while Meggan stayed just on the inside of the door where it was a bit warmer.

She scanned the land, looking for something to do. Farther beyond the coop, the old orchard was in prime apple season. She had been spending whatever time she had collecting some for herself, then the rest of that time for bagging them up and shipping them off to Pierre's. More were in the grove ready to be harvested, that was for such. But the leaves were on their way to turned that red-orange autumn was so known for, and that camouflage the apples too well for Anna’s current stress level.

The only real project she had left on the farm was the barn. Not much could be done with that until she talked to Robin, and she didn’t want to deal with people right now.

Flipping open her supply crate up on the porch, she looked over the contents. It wasn’t much, a few old tools her grandpa had left, some old gloves, a commercial box of seeds that was nearly empty. The only packages in there were for some assorted autumn flowers that Pierre gave her for free last time she bought in bulk.

She wanted a flowerbed in front of the house anyway. Not time like the present. Digging the few packets of mix flower seed out, she set off with a trowel in hand to dig up the empty space.

The weather report said it was going to rain today, but the sparse clouds in the sky said otherwise. Recent dry spells made the untouched soil rock solid. She had to drag the hose over to water it down and kicked at it until it gave way.

The muddy ground was cool on her legs. There were weeds aplenty up in the grass, making it impossible to just turn up the dirt and get started. As she raked through the dirt, she got snagged on some of the thicker roots. And tugging it up with reckless abandon was a stupid idea on her part.

A sharp sting shot through her hand, making her squeak as her trowel in the dirt. Instinctually grabbing her hand, the stinging ran up her arm, and the implications behind it made it hard to breathe. Before true panic set in, she took a reluctant peek, only to let out a shaky breath. The cut wasn’t deep by any means, but the blood pooling up to the surface was still enough to make her queasy.

Shrugging off the backpack and digging out the first-aid kit at the bottom was hard to do with one hand. The zipper got caught on the loose threads and she nearly broke the thing in her frustration. And nearly snapped the latch holding the first-aid kit closed.

Rubbing off the dirt with some water from her water-bottle and ripping out a disinfectant wipe, the sting of the alcohol made her eyes water. Wrapping down the bandage with a bit of medical tape to keep it from coming off when she closed her hand.

She had to test it, balling her hand into a fist hurt more than she thought it would. But it was manageable, it had to be, she had work to do.

\---

That couch isn’t as comfortable as she remembered it as she propped her feet up on the armrest.

Music droned from the television. A soft buzzing noise that melded with the pitter-patter of rain on the roof and crackles of the fire in kitchen hearth. Every few minutes, a roll of thunder rumble the house just loud enough to pull her back to the waking world. Old springs in the couch cushions creaked under her as she rolled on her side to get more comfortable.

Drifting in and out of sleep, limbs still felt heavy as her mind was forced into consciousness. Her brain registered the light of the television penetrated her eyelids and the sound of some old laugh track became clearer with each passing second. Another loud clap of thunder.

She reached blindly for her phone she usually left on the end-table. When she came up empty, with a huff, she forced herself to sit up on her elbows and search with her eyes. The usual spots were empty, then her memory came back to her and smacked her in the face. She looked over her shoulder to the basket sitting at up against the wall. A loud groan was snuffed out by the pillow under her.

After gathering the energy to stand, she swung her feet off the couch and patted over to dig her phone out of the dirty laundry. There was a small crack in the corner of the screen, _great_ , but it was fine otherwise. Bright numbers read 11:32 and a few notifications filled the screen. Weather calling for sunny skies the rest of the week. Calls from Gran, obviously. A lot of them.

Scrolling through, a different name jumped out for the long list. One with a stupid chicken emoji tacked on the end. Just seeing it there had her heart racing and it was so different from what she had been feeling all day it almost hurt.

It was just a simple text saying _‘Hey,’_ and he sent it hours ago. She went to reply to it, but her thumbs stuttered over the screen. It was so late into the night, and waking him up was the last thing she wanted to do after accidentally ghosting him all day. What if it made him upset? And then waking him up so far into the night on a weekday would just add a bit of unwanted fanfare to his already bad mood.

But playing devil’s advocate with her mind, she already opened the text. She was already staring at it and had half a thought written out with the other half in her mind. And she knew herself well enough now that if she just closed the text now and went off to sleep, she was never going to remember to write back.e

Before her anxieties got the better of her, _‘Hey, sorry I didn’t get back to you. Phone’s been dead most of the day.’_ Send.

… Does she use that excuse too much? It was such an easy go to, and no one really questioned it. Then again, maybe people just knew it was a bullshit lie and were too nice to say anything. That was definitely a trait of a small place like Pelican Town.

In her contemplation, she didn’t notice the text back until she forced herself to stop pacing and sat back down on the couch. Her phone vibrated in her hand again with a notification. _‘It’s fine.’_

She didn’t think he would text. Brows pulling in, she caught sight of her foot bouncing against the ground and put a conscious stop to it. _‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up.’_  

_‘You didn’t.’_ That dispelled a bit of her worrying. Shane wasn’t one to give into the small town niceness.

But now that she knew he was awake, she really wanted to keep talking. Her eyes looked over to see the rain patter against the pitch black window glass. Typing her next words slowly, she wasn’t even sure she was going to send it until she finished the question. _‘Whatcha doing up so late?’_

_‘Nothing?’_ After a few seconds of staring at the dots blinking on the screen, _‘You?’_

_‘Couldn’t sleep.’_ And after a few seconds, he replied with the same.

A strike of thunder rattled the windows, rushing wind pushed against the walls. For a short moment, the quick thought that the house might cave in seized her chest and lungs. Pulling her knees up to her chest, she listened to the wind whoosh around out the house, loud enough to drown out the infomercial jingle. A quick look around was a steady reminder of how quiet and lonely it was out in the middle of nowhere.

Staring down at the glowing phone, she typed her first thought that came to her. _‘Can I call you?’_ The question sounded so odd without a reason, _‘The phone light’s hurting my eyes, haha.’_ But her reasoning was so lame, she regretted hitting send immediately.

Another few seconds passed and each one marked with a spike of anxiety. Then, _‘I guess.’_

Before her mind got the better of her, she called him up and it connected on the second tone. She expected some sort of hello, but instead got the squeaking of mattress springs and a huff of breath into the receiver. She could practically feel it coming out of the phone and heating her face. Now she was imagining him in bed, and she was grateful no one could see her flush.

She shook her head and came up with a quick question to get her mind somewhere else. “So, what did you want earlier?”

The squeaking finally stopped as he got comfortable. “Nothing,” He grumbled. “Just, wanted to see if you were busy.”

Besides the summer harvest and getting all the new seeds in the ground, she didn’t see that as being busy. “I wasn’t. You know, you could have just walked up here. It’s, like, twenty minutes away.”

Another grumble, this one under his breath so Anna couldn’t make it out.  

Taking the moment of silence to get comfortable herself, she laid back down on the couch. Waiting for him to say something, her eyes traced the shadows across the ceiling. But when he didn’t, she had to come up with something. “So… How was your day?”

She could practically see him roll his eyes when he clicked his tongue, “Seriously?”

“I’m trying to make conversation here.”

He sighed, “So you wanna keep talkin’?”

He sounded tired, evident by the softness of his voice and the darkness that filtered through the windows. Maybe he did lie about her not waking him? “If that’s okay…”

Another sigh, “Uh. I don’t know. Have had worse days, I guess.”

“What happened?”

He seemed reluctant to talk, but with a bit of convincing, his mumbling turned into coherent sentences. “Morris was a complete tool. And Peri got out of the fence today.-” Once he got talking, he kept going without prompting.

Somewhere in him talking about coop repairs she started to zone out. Shane’s voice was soft and deep, lulling her into a state of calm even as the rain beat against the glass the wind rattled the shutters. It was almost soothing now, her body getting heavy her mind slowly stilled and focused more on the sound than what he was saying.

The yawn caught her by surprise. She tried to muffle it with her hand, but it was definitely too loud in her quiet living room. It cut his words off immediately, replacing them with a quiet laugh. “Damn, am I that boring?”

“No,” her voice was heavy. Rolling over, she tried to stretch the sleepiness out of her mind and will herself to sit up. Her body betrayed her as it settled back into the cushions. “Keep talking, I’m listening.”

“You should probably get some sleep, Ann.”

The breath that came out was more dejected then she thought it would be, “Trust me, I’ve tried.” And just to keep the mood from dropping, “You should probably get some sleep, Shane,” she tried to mock his tone, but it was quiet and sincere like she was thinking it.

A short hum came from the receiver and she just felt like she had to explain herself.

“I just…” she tried to shrug her shoulders out of habit. “I just have some trouble sleeping sometimes.” And when he didn’t say anything, she kept talking to fill the silence. “After living in the city for years, I just got so used to all the noise, and… It’s just so quiet it is out here.”

As if on cue, a soft rumble of thunder broke into her thoughts, “I guess the rain helps a bit, though.” And the comment gets a scoff from the other end of the line. “What, don’t like the rain?” The seconds of silence that followed her little sass plucked a worrying cord in her.

After a while, he mumbled, “It’s just fuckin’ annoying.”

“That’s fair. The thunder’s really loud outside.” To get his mind on something different, “You found your chicken, right?”

“Yeah, thank Yoba. Jas would have been devastated if we didn’t. She loves that little asshole.” She expected him to keep going, but he got really quiet before he asked, “Are… you busy tomorrow?”

She had to think about it for a minute. “No,” the answer came easier than she wanted to admit.

“Do you think you could stop by the ranch tomorrow? I-uh-”

“Sure,” she answered before he even had to explain. She was just glad to have something else to think about tomorrow. “Just text me when you get home. I have a shitty memory.”

He chuckled, sounding a bit relieved, “Alright.”

The conversation lulled. The fire snapped and crackled as it started to die out. The television played some soft music for whoever’s album they were trying to sell. His quiet breath paced out her own, slow and steady.

“Ann?”

“Hm?” She forced her eyes open, as if he could actually see her eyes drifting shut.  

“Thought you fell asleep on me.”

“Almost,” meaning for it to sound like a joke, but she didn’t have the energy. She stifled another yawn instead. “Can… you keep talking?”

“Uh,” Her request must have caught him off guard. “I… I’m not much of a conversationalist.”

She yanked the blanket for the back of the couch over her body, snuggling under it with the phone pressed between her and the pillow. “Don’t have any more chicken stories?”

He chuckled again, the quiet noise bringing a smile to her face. “Um. Harold got into some paint once.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey. Long time no see. Life's been kinda a bitch, but im gonna write this just to spite it. (°⌣°)  
> Durning the impromtu hiatus, I when through and revised some stuff and added some descriptions that i just didn't do. Namely, I wrote out what Anna's house and farm looked like (Ch.1, 3 if you wanna check those).  
> Next update, we get more chickens. ヽ(^◇^)/ I'll see you when I see you. Hopefully, it'll be soon. Take care of yourselves guys!


	30. Blue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I knew I liked you.”

Shane wasn’t much of a phonecall person, so when went she asked if he could just call him, he almost said no. But, he said yes and when the phone started to ring he panicked. In his panic, he dropped it and lost it in the sheets. Thankfully, the darkness around him allowed the dim light of the screen to easily be seen. And hopefully, the ruffle and shuffle of the bedding was enough to cover the sound of what an idiot he was.

Now, he wasn’t much of a talker in general, nor did he had many stories to share. Not many he wanted to relive, anyway. Not with the storm outside rumbling deep in his brain and making him wish that he could just drown his thoughts in something else. However, upon hearing her sleepy voice, his resolve crumbled completely.

It didn’t take long for Ann to fall asleep on him. He didn’t get more than two words in before her soft snores and murmurs cut through the pounding rain. He would never admit that he listened to it for longer than he should’ve. He felt more relaxed than he had all day, and even with the batting against his window and thunder rumbling the house, he fell asleep with the phone pressed between his head and the pillow.

\---

After work, he set up shop in the coop. Cleaning out the old hay for new. Scrubbing out the water bins and refilling the auto-feeders with fresh feed. He had sent Ann a text to come over, and now his mind was freaking him out. It's not like she hadn’t seen the inside of a coop before. Then Marnie had told her that Shane took on managing the coop for something to do in his free time, and now everywhere he looked something just seemed to be gross or wrong.

To keep his mind occupied, he thought he could sort out some of the stuff in the storage room. Make himself useful, for once.

Yoba, they had a lot of random shit back here. Wooden crates stacked against the far wall, either empty or full of egg cartons. Miscellaneous tools in metal buckets and up on the shelves. Some folding chairs were piled behind an actual chair from the kitchen table because it just took up too much room.

A fine layer of sawdust and dirt covered everything, making it a bit hard to breathe. A hazy film hung around the open bulb when he flipped the switch. Old footprints scuffed out paths on the floorboards. He took one look around and was already feeling exhausted.

Maybe he could just sweep the floor?

Pushing the broom through the old dust, it flew out the doorway in a puff, then backfired into the small storage room and up into his lungs. A cough nearly knocked him off his feet. He had to catch himself on a shelf, only to grasp a loose board and nearly slip on his face.

With a huff, he steadied himself and the shelf rocking on its legs. The board he had grabbed jostled the old tools on top of it and sent a few clattering to the ground. When he went to slide it back into place, it wouldn’t move. If anything, it slid out further as a screwdriver fell behind it with a thunk.

Picking up the stuff on the floor, he shoved the tools back on a random shelf. The board he yanked out of its place with the full intention of throwing it in the trash. A flash of red caught his eye. Turning it to get a better look, the words ‘Fresh Eggs’ was written in worn paint.

_Huh-_

After a quick wipe down and swiping a bit of paint from Jas, he nailed the little ‘Fresh Eggs’ sign to the wall and was fixing up some of the chipped lettering with a tiny paintbrush.

_That should do it…?_

The brush dropped down into the cup of paint with a clang and a splosh of red dripping over the side. With a little tug, the string held fast and he took a step back to look the new decoration over. It was… okay. Lopsided and the still-wet paint was starting to run down into the seams of the wood, but at least it was spelled right.

And, he made an effort. And that was more than he would have done a couple months ago.

At his feet, Charlie sat looking up at him. With a sigh, he brushed the hair out of his eyes. “Look, it’s not perfect but it’s as close as it’s gonna get, alright? We gotta keep you guys happy to have the best eggs in the whole valley!” Keeping that Cindersap Ranch legacy with fresh and healthy with rich golden yolks. Not like those Joja eggs that he was sure were a subtle shade of green when you held it up to the light. He made a joke about them being genetically modified, and the not-so-subtle laugh Ann gave had him almost afraid to touch them.

Sitting down to be off his feet, the chicken hopped up into his lap. Out of habit, he ran a hand over her feathers. “You know, Charlie, I was thinkin’.” At the sudden sound of his voice, her head jerk towards him. “Shocking, I know. A guy like me is always teetering on the edge of despair, ya know? But you and the other hens are gonna keep me upright from now on, I know it.”

The bird just started up at him. “What’s wrong, too much pressure?” he chuckled at how worried she looked, or maybe that was just Shane projecting.

A screech of metal on metal rattled the walls, startling Shane and the chickens. The door to the house swung open in its rusty hinges and Jas’s cheery voice echoed in the space, “You’re gonna like them a lot. They’re so pretty.” She rounded the corner with Ann in tow, leading her by the hand and waving enthusiastically with the other.

Charlie let out a begrudged squawk as Shane went to stand. Dusting off some of the dirt and hay from his jeans, he tried to look like he hadn’t been in the coop all day. Now, he was suddenly acutely aware of the fact he forgoed that morning shower reasoning he’d just need another one later.

Combing his finger through his hair, he flicked away the few pieces of hay that came out. “Hey, Ann.”

“Hey,” she said back with a light laugh as Jas dragged her over.

“Look, look!” Jas couldn’t keep her excitement down, practically tugging on Ann’s arm as she jumped in place, “Aren’t they pretty!” Dropping her hands, she ran to go get one to show off.

Ann’s gaze flickered behind him, seeing the blue hens behind him, and her eyes light up behind her glasses. It added to the list of things that made all this shit worth it. “My special blue hens, I’ve been raising them in secret for the last few months.” He answered her confused expression with a shrug, but he felt like he had to explain more.

“Well, I won’t be living here forever and I wanted something to pass on to Jas. I’ve been teaching her how to raise them.” Just to break eye contact, he looked over to his goddaughter chasing the hens around. “I wanna feel like I'm not just a leech on the world, you know. I just wanna contribute somehow,” a smile broke on his face when she finally caught one of the blue chickens, “Even in a small way like this.”

Jas waddled back over with a blue hen in her arms. “This one’s Periwinkle!” The bird had calmed down a bit more with more time to adjust to the coop, though it still looked a bit disgruntled being up off the ground. Following close behind them were a few others, probably to see what all the commotion was about, and as soon as she noticed her entourage, she sat the one hen down to point out the others. “And that one’s Sapphire. And that’s Indigo, and Sky, and Cornflower.” Most of the names for the recent hatchlings Shane hadn’t even heard yet.

Ann knelt down in the dirt to get a better look at the chick Jas cradled in her hands. As she did, the white hen at Shane’s feet pattered up to her. “What about that one?”

“That’s Charlie,” Jas told her, leaning in a bit to add, “She’s Uncle Shane’s favorite.”

As Shane sat down next to them, Charlie took her place in his lap. “Well, aren’t you special,” she hummed, petting the chicken head, the attention she graciously accepted.

As Jas turned to collect another bird to pamper, her head shot up to the coop door. Shane had to lean a bit to see Aunt Marnie coming up the path, arms full of paper bags. Before he could say something, she jumped to her feet, “I’ll be right back.” She darted out the open door, yelling at the poor woman about helping with the groceries.

He turned his attention back to Ann. Watching her pick up one of the chicks, holding it in her palms, running her thumbs over its downy feathers. It chirped up at her, bringing a wide smile to her face. Shane had the urge to pull out his phone to take a picture. To preserve this little moment in time.

A muscle in his jaw twitched. And with it came the realization of how much he was just staring and smiling. He probably looked like an idiot.

Blinking, he tried to recollect his thoughts. “She’s one of the first dozen hatched here.” And in a split second decision, his mouth kept talking. “You can have her if you want.”

Her eyes flashed over to his in surprise before giving a light shake of her head. “Oh, I can’t do that.”

“Think of it as a… an early birthday present?”

She arched a brow this time, “My birthday was back in January.”

“Early for next year then?” Because he might as well keep pushing until she gave a definite answer.

Humming, she seemed to think it over before saying, “I guess.” Her eyes went over the flock that gathered around them before looking back to the one in her hand. “I’m gonna actually buy a few more, though. I think mine are getting kinda lonely.”

Charlie fluffed her feathers, reminding him of her presence. He ran a hand over her back and scratched to calm her. “How many’s ‘a few’?”

She tilted her head back in forth in contemplation and ran her thumbs over the chick’s soft downy feathers. “Like two or three- Ah!” A squeak broke her sentence as the bird jumped from her palms. Seeming tired of being held and wanted a new spot to rest, it hopped up on her shoulder and into the fabric of her scarf. Ann froze, holding stock-still as the little chick settled in the bundle of hair and scarf at the crook of her neck. Ann whined to get Shane’s attention, though she definitely had all over it. “Help.”

Cute and ridiculous were two words that he would use to describe the scene. “Don’t blame her, your hair looks like a pretty good nest,” he laughed. He brushing back her hair, not thinking too much about soft the curls felt under his fingers. The tiny blue chick came into view, bundled up in a puff of red hair and navy fabric.

Ann huffed out an angry breath, the comment had a hint of pink coloring her face. “Hey, don’t be mean. I was sleeping before you texted me.”

He stole a quick glance at her face to see the bags under her eyes. Now that she brought up sleep, he wanted to ask her what the hell last night was all about. If she got any sleep at all? If that was just an every night thing for her?

He wanted to ask if everything was okay, but his voice got in his throat at the thought of prying too much.

Training his focus back on the chick, more specifically the hair tangled in its feet, he tried to be gentle. Maybe too gentle, because it squeaked and slipped from his grip, climbing more into the warm fabric. “Fuck,” he grumbled, trying to hide the curse under a huff.

Of course, she heard it. And it had her shoulders shaking in a quiet laugh. “This is ridiculous,” she mumbled.

“Yeah, a little bit.”

She pushed her glasses up to rest on her head. Tilting her neck a bit more to give him more room to work with. “Are you sure you’re actually helping or are you just having fun playing with my hair?” She had to ask in a cheeky voice.

The tips of his ears burned against the cold air rushing through the open door. His “Fuck off” got a laugh out of her, making his face burn brighter.

The baby chick finally stopped squirming and devolved into some angry peeping. The noise ruffled the adult chicken around them, all now starting to puff up and scratch at the dirt. Thankfully, the little one held still enough for him to unwind the hair around its feet. “There,” _finally_. As soon as he set the chick down, it ran as fast and as far as it could, a couple of the older ones following after it.

With a shake of his head, he looked back up to see Ann brushing her hair back into place. Watching the light pull out the golds and oranges in the strands, his eyes followed the trails up to her face. Face to face, she gave him a little smirk that had his stomach doing flips. “You’re cute when you’re all flustered,” she teased, reaching up a hand to poke at one of his red cheeks.

Batting it away with a scowl, he tried his best to look angry. “You need to get your eyes checked.”

“I just did a few months ago.” She took her glasses off her head to look through them. Instead of putting them on, she tapped the end of an earpiece against her chin and narrowed her eyes. With a hum, she leaned in a bit as she sat them back on her head. “But I’m actually nearsighted, so I can see things pretty fine up close.”

And, holy shit, when did she get that close? Their noses were mere inches apart, so close he could count the freckles over the bridge of her nose if his brain was working. He could feel her warm breath across his face and smell the faint trace of peppermint. Every nerve lit up and her shy giggle ran through his head as she stole a glance at his mouth.

All he could do was return the gesture, the heat in his face rushing down his neck and through his body. It pooled in his stomach, swirling with nervous energy because, _holy shit_ , this was actually happening and wasn’t some half-awaking dream. _Fuck_ , he should have shaved this morning. Or just cleaned up in general, switching out tee shirts didn’t cut it. He should have brushed after eating that leftover casserole for breakfast, or at least drank something to wash the taste out of his mouth.

Her thumb brushed over the top of his hand and his fingers anchored in the hay underneath them. He couldn’t break contact from her deep brown eyes, so close he could pick out speckles of copper in them. Their noses brushed against each other and eyelashes fluttered and-

A loud screech. A fluff of white feathers. Ann went tumbling back with a sound of surprise and Charlie jumped out of his lap. Fluffing up her feathers and stomping around to nip at Anna’s boots and calves. Worried zipped through his brain for a second as Ann just laid there. But it all rushed away when she covered her face laughing into her palms.

He shooed the bird away. Or tried to, he was met with a peck at his fingers as well. “Hey!”

Ann laughed a bit harder, finally pushing herself up to lean back on her hands. A wide grin pushed up her flushed cheeks, her eyes were glossy and bright. Hay and a couple of stray feathers had snuck their way into her wild hair.

Her genuine laughter was always contagious. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m good,” Still giggling and a bit breathless, she sat up completely and nodded. A hand ran through her hair, knocking out a couple white and blue feathers.

Charlie still nipped at her boots. Getting to his feet, Shane dusted off before picking up the angry bird. She begrudgingly let him, and a few squawks along the way as he walked the few feet to put her out with the other hens. “I’m real sorry about that. I’ve never seen her do that before.”

“It’s okay.” Ann stood up and started picking off the straw on her clothes. “She’s just a little sassy someone’s stepping in on her territory,” and as she said it, she wiggled her brows in the most cartoonish form of assumption.

_Her-?_ Okay, it’s been decided, he’s spending way too much time out in the coop.

With a shake of his head at how ridiculous her statement was, “Don’t say shit like that. Ever.” He helped pick a few of the missed feathers out of her hair. The hand dropped to her face, brushing a bit of dirt off her cheek with his thumb.

That sweet smile was back on her lips as she leaned into his touch. He mind was still racing, remembering the look on her face and how close she was. And now how easy it would be to pull her closer again.

Something moved out of the corner of his eye. Ann must have seen it, too, as her gaze shifting off to the side. Then immediately dropping with her head as she snickered.

Snuffing a sigh, he looked over to see what was so funny. Charlie was stomping around on one of the taller hay bales by the wall. Chest puffed out and feathers flaring, she looked like was about ready to jump at them. But before she could, Shane scooped her up under his arm. Putting the bird up in one of the nesting boxes, he hoped she’d calm down.

When he turned back around, something changed in Ann demeanor. She fidgeted with the hem of her sleeve. “I should… p-probably-” her voice stuttered a bit. Her eyes avoided his as she took a sudden interest in wiping a smudge of dirt off her sweater. “I should probably get home before someone starts an ambush,” she joked, adding an anxious chuckle.

_Did Charlie freaking out freak her out?_ “She’ll calm down in a bit.” _Or maybe it was him? Was he being too weird?_ “I mean if you need to…” _It was getting dark, was that it?_ “I can walk you home... If you want?” _Was that too forward?_

“Oh, you don’t have to,” She shook her head. “You’re sweet, but I’ll be fine.” Taking his hand, she motioned to the open door with a tilt of her head. “Walk me to the road though?”

The sun was starting to dip below the colorful treeline, drawing long shadows against the pasture. The bigger farm animals still roamed around, nibbling at the grass and laying out in the fading patches of sunlight. Most of the small ones were making their way back inside. Marnie’s new bunch of rabbits were hopping up and into their hutch. A mob of chickens huddled around the door they had to walk through. It was a bit of a nightmare as a few followed them up to the fence gate, and Shane had to stop and make sure none were sneaking out.

Freshly fallen leaves crunched under their feet as they walked and wind rustled through the trees. As the silence of the forest draped over them, Shane’s earlier concerns were back to poke and prod his conscious. His unoccupied fingers twitched against his leg as he thought it over. Just taking the dive, “So, um- About yesterday…”

Another nervous laugh as she combed a hand through her hair. “I’m really sorry about that. I just- I just had a really rough day yesterday.” Before he could ask, she showed off the row of rainbow bandages across her other hand. “Was a giant klutzy and kinda ruined the day for me.”

“Oh.” Shane didn’t want to assume she was lying. But he had seen a lot of liers in his life and Ann sure didn’t seem like a good one. Then again, she probably had good reason too. Maybe she just didn’t want to talk about it.

Maybe she just didn’t want to talk to _him_ about it.

As they reached the path, he expected her to drop his hand and wave him inside. Instead, she kept walking up and around the house and up to her gate. She seemed too preoccupied with her thoughts to notice. He followed along, swinging open the gate for her and closing it after.

Her eyes dropped back to the ground. “This week’s just been a lot, and… It’s just been a pain to deal with.” One shoulder when up in a shrug, “Life just has to suck sometimes, you know?”

He did. He did and he wished she didn’t. “Yeah.”  

Getting up to her front steps, he expected a quick goodbye and for her to escape into the house. But she turned to face him and didn’t drop his hand. She let out a sigh, “Ah, I feel like I’m just using you at this point.” Staring down at his hand to avoid his eyes, she brushed her thumbs over his palm. “I think I might have to go into the city tomorrow. Do you think you could check on the chickens for me? Make sure they're tucked away if I’m not back before dark?”

_As if she had to ask._ “Yeah, of course.”

It seemed like a weight lifted off her shoulders as she smiled up at him. So stupefied by the soft light dancing in her eyes, he didn’t register her moving closer until her arms were wrapped around his shoulders and her face was in the crook of his neck. “You’re the best,” she mumbled into him, breath heating his skin and forcing his body to tense on contact.

One hand came up to rest on the small of her back and he wished he wasn’t so fucking awkward. “Y-you could just say thank you, you know,” he said, trying for a joke. But, of course, his nerves ran off with it, chopping it up and making it sound bitter as it hung in the air.

She pulled away as soon as the words left him. “Ah-haha. Right, sorry,” her voice strained and face so red it was blending into her hair. He felt immediately cold when her hands dropped off his shoulders. And immediately awful when she took a step back, presumably to give him the space he didn’t really want.  

A rush of chilly autumn air blew through the space between them. Ann shivered, wrapping her arms around herself and toeing at the loose dirt in the path to avoid looking up. A hand came up to scratch at the back of his neck as he watched her fidget. Honestly, he messed this up enough, he should probably just go before he makes this any more awkward.

Before he had a chance to say anything, she was speaking again. “You know,” she drew out the words, fingers wrapping around a loose piece of hair before tucking it behind her ear. “If I do make it back before dark, maybe you could stay for dinner?” Her eyes flickered back up to his, bright and full of a question, “For helping out?”

“If you do make it back before dark, what would I be helping with exactly?” As an answer, she gave a shrug, the grin on her face growing. He couldn’t help but returning it. “Well, I guess I can’t turn down free food, can I?”

“I knew I liked you.”

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alt. title for this chapter: Cockblocked 
> 
> ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° )


	31. Foreign

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Literally anything else. Please.

Gray. Gray streets. Gray walls. Gray skies.

Walking the gray concrete path and through the gray-painted gate, she looked up at the semi-circle of carbon copy building. All high-class and modern with white concrete walls and fake brick accents. Tall frosted-glass windows were streaked and spotted with raindrops. Clean, pristine, and a stark contrast to the actual city beyond its gates.

She followed the path, two-down on the left like always. The first house was still being cycled around. A new family seemed to pop up and stay for only a season before moving out after their lease was up to find somewhere cheaper. The second was home to an older couple, a grandmother and grandfather that had children in their backyard every summer.

The third was similar to the others to an outsider. But Annabella could pick out all the intricacies that made it different. The rose bushes along the front fence were still greener and fuller from when she snuck some fertilizer in the soil. Small dents and dings in their decorative fencing from where she tripped over them coming home from school as a kid. Up the front walkway was a stain in the concert from where she tried to DIY stain an old chair she got from a yard sale.

Her eyes dropped to the unblemished sidewalk below. She could envision her old footprints leading straight up the short front step and to the front door. Her hand came up for the doorknob out of habit but stopped just short of touching the metal. Her image warped in the shiny surface, making her pause and stare. After a moment, she decided to reach up and pressing the doorbell instead.

The chimes echoed beyond the door. One beat, two beats. Then the clack of heels she was so familiar with. A figured came up from behind the frosted glass, a blue and orange mosaic blur.

Just walking through the gates of the cul-de-sac already had her brain muffled with anxiousness. But as the knob rattled, it felt like a rock dropping into her stomach. The door swung open. She kept a straight face, save for a forced smile.

“Annabella!” A real smile lit up her grandmother face as she swung the door fully open. “I didn’t know you were coming over.” It was clearly evident by her appearance. Decked out in a light navy dressing gown and her artificial ginger hair wrapped up in a top knot. It needed a touch up soon, the color fading back to her natural graying blonde. Under the bright light of the chandelier, little hints of white popped out against the muted orange.

“Hey,” she stuffed her hand in the pockets of her jacket, bracing herself for whatever scolding her grandmother was still holding after their last conversation.

But nothing came. Gran looked as happy as ever to see her. “Oh, you should have told me you were going to stop by. I would have made some lunch.” Waving her inside, she turned to walk deeper into the house.

Stepping over the threshold was like stepping into a flashback. As Anna shucked off her shoes and hung up her coat she felt that all too familiar blasé emptiness slipping into her chest. Slow and chilling, making the deep breath she took sting. Coughing it out, she did it again, just to fill the space back up with something.

“You haven’t had lunch yet, right dear?” Her grandmother’s silvery voice pulled her eyes up and back to the present. The present being Gran propped up against the wall to unstrap her heels.

“No.” Anna breathed out, trying to make her voice as unassuming as possible. “No, but you know I’m not picky, so you don’t have to stress over it.” A wash of cold crept up her back and onto her skin, making goosebump pop up along her arms. _Was the house always this cold? The AC must have kicked on or something._

When the heels hit the floor, she scooped them up without missing a beat. “Well, I have some leftover casserole from last night, if you don’t mind me heating that up.” Pulling open the door to the hallway closet, they were added to a line of neatly placed shoes.

Another wash of cold air blew down her back and she pulled her sweater tighter around her shoulders. “Yeah, that’s good.”

The shiny floorboards were silent under their feet. There were no creaks of the house settling nor the waterpipes buzzing in the walls. As she walked by the stairway, Anna looked up out of habit to see the skylight far above her, and above that gray clouds drifted overhead. It was either going to rain, or that was just the smog of the city. She could never tell.

“Luckily, you didn’t come earlier, Annabella.” Her eyes dropped back down to see her grandmother shuffling on a pair of slippers by the couch. “The cleaners were over this morning while I went into the office for a meeting.” She picked up a remote to flipping the television off, and then a second one to switch the fireplace on underneath it.

“What was the meeting for?”

“Do you remember that advertisement event I was telling you about way back in June?”

“Mmhm,” Anna nodded, following her through the kitchen doorway.

“Well, the marketing team finally got through all the entries.” Her hands dropped down on the counter, the sound echoing and startling. “They had over almost 10,000 entries, can you believe that? And they need someone to look over the final few before they put them on the website for voting. They wanted to narrow down the selection for people.”

10,000? One of those was Shane’s, and she wanted to ask if his was among the ones that were reviewed. But she decided against it, knowing her grandmother, it didn’t seem like a good idea. Just looking it up would be much easier.

As she took a seat on her usual side of the breakfast nook, she pulled her feet up off the floor like always. She watched Gran bustle around in the kitchen, pulling out dinnerware and dishing out some food to heat up in the toaster oven. The familiarity of it all felt a little better. Eased the pressure on her shoulders.

But, of course, that couldn’t last.

“So your father got released from the hospital yesterday,” her grandmother threw out casually as she ducked into one of the cupboards.

“That’s good.” No wonder she seemed so at ease. It was like whatever happened just two days ago didn’t. “Got over the whole surgery thing pretty fast.” Anna wasn’t bitter about that fact. Or at least that’s what she told herself.

From the cupboard, she pulled out a few glasses and a bottle. “Luckily it was nothing major. Just some stitches and a broken wrist.” Bringing them over to the table, Anna hid her grimace as she eyed up the wine. “He’ll be in a cast for a couple of weeks, though.”

“Hm,” Anna nodded, eyes tracing faded scars poking out of her sleeve. A dull pinkish-white line leading up to a smattering of blue and purple flowers standing out more against her now sun-stained skin. A couple weeks sounded so short to her. But, then again, a messed up wrist was simple compared to major bones fractures and months in plaster casts.

A ding from the oven called her back to the kitchen. In the short time she went to get the plates, Anna fought over the idea of whether she wanted to actually drink. It was just wine, sure, and probably something lite, but not drinking in months would have messed with her tolerance. And, she had to be honest with herself, she really wasn’t in the right headspace to be near alcohol.

Bitter, anxiety-riddled, and sleep deprived. It equaled a bad outcome no matter how you wrote it.

A ceramic plate clattered down in front of her, followed by a set of silverware wrapped in a napkin and she said a thank you. After setting down her own plate, Gran went for the bottle with a corkscrew. She picked it up in slightly withered hands, Anna’s eyes following the sloshing liquid in the bottle and down into one of the wine glasses.

_Just say something. You took some medication this morning and probably should have any? But then she would ask what that was about and the lie would spiral._

Her tongue felt stiff in her mouth. A lump in her throat blocking any words from forming. Her leg bounced against the floor, not making a sound on the neatly placed tiles.

She took the glass when it was offered and stared into it, watching her eyes in the ringlets of wine. Gran was describing the wine and how it tasted, but Anna had gotten so good at tuning it out over the years. Sitting in this very seat, mulling over bottles of a fine vintage and talking about the daily grind at the office.

Through the fuzz of her panic, she heard a “Go on, try it” and took a drink before she started to question her.

It coated her tongue in a syrupy film of fruit. Something sweet and sugary, maybe cherries? Strawberries? She might have been able to decipher it if it the swallow didn’t come with a wave of guilt.

It wasn’t even about supporting a good friend thought sobriety at this point. She felt like she had to. An unspoken rule she gave to herself because she knew addiction ran in her family, too.

Her father made the fact obvious. She didn’t know him before her mother’s death, but Grandpa Whitt said he was always worried about Jon. That his first instincts of people were always right, and when her mother brought him over for the first time, the first immersions weren’t the best either. But he made his daughter happy, so he prayed that he was wrong.

According to Gran, it might have started with his father. Rodrick Maston wasn’t the best person to begin with. And after some chronic illness put him in a wheelchair, it only declined from there. Depression and pain drove his dependency to whatever painkillers he had at the time, and eventually further over the edge just a few years before Annabella was born.

She'd never seen it in her grandmother, or maybe she was just good at hiding it under the guise of being a wine connoisseur. When Annabella brought it up one night, Gran had joked that maybe it was just the men in their lives that got strung along by addiction.

But, apparently, she couldn’t really believe that. After Anna’s accident had her hospitalized, she could hear her grandmother fretting to the doctor about the morphine they were pumping through her veins. Then after, when she was finally released, she kept her medication under metaphorical lock-and-key and stuck to a strict doctor recommended schedule.

That fear her grandmother placed into her brain at a young age drove her to wean off her antidepressants. Safely, mind you, with the guidance of her therapist. And when her doctor prescribed her something for her anxiety, she only kept a bottle in the medicine cabinet in case of extreme emergencies.

And now here she was. Drinking down a glass of wine to still her mind enough to just think properly. And when that one was finished, she helped herself to another.

 

She was right about one thing. After not drinking for a few months, her tolerance tanked. Or maybe the wine chosen for her was stronger than she first thought. Not that it mattered now, worries long forgotten in the strong wine spinning through her head and the heavy food settling a sleepy warmth through her.

She was well aware of how drinking loosened her grandmother’s tongue. Nitpicking work ethics of the employees, straight down to the way they typed up their documents. Criticizing client’s decisions and life choices. She just never expected to be at the end of it.

Wine flowed smoothly into the glass across the table having Anna’s rapt attention. When it stopped, a heavy sigh drew that attention up to her grandmother’s displeased expression. “I know, Annabella, I think you need to reevaluate this farming thing.” The words caught her so off guard her whole body jerked up, the sudden movement making the world tilt a bit. Her hands rubbed hard into her eyes to fix her vision. “It’s a dying industry. You aren’t even getting back the money you put into it.”

“Yes, I do,” her tone sounding like a defensive child.

Folding her arms on the table, she leaned in with soft eyes and a slight frown. The wine made the look more condescending than worried. “I understand you wanted a chance to be independent, but I worry, dear.” She reached across the table to take one of her hands in both of her’s. “Sometimes I wish you would just rely on us a little more, Annabella.”

“What?” Her eyes rolled before she could think about it, “I had to get out of the house sometime, Gran.” Pulling back her head, she gestured up to the sky like there was something there. “Fly the coop, so to speak,” she laughed, taking another drink.

Her joke only got a sigh and a shake of a head. “You know, ever since you had me call in for your friend, Shane was it?”

At the sound of his name, the glasses of wine churned in the pit of her stomach and the light buzz dropped into something sickening. The shift in her demeanor went completely unnoticed even as she pushed her glass away.

Gran studied the bottle between them, eyes scanning over the words. “I had no idea we had a store out in Pelican Town. I’ve been doing some check-up on the management there, and according to the numbers our distributors are demanding a small fortune since the place is so remote-”

“So shut it down.” Anna wanted to swallow her words as soon as they hit the air. If that happened people would be out of a job. Shane would be out of a job. And she heard him lament over and over again about money troubles; about helping out Marnie with the ranch and about Jas’s college fund, and now his new hens that he just needed a little more time and money for. And if that stupid JojaMart just up and disappeared like Anna so desperately wanted it to…

“Actually, the management informed me of this unused building near the establishment. Apparently, it hasn’t been used in years. It was some sort of community town-hall sort of thing.” _The rundown community center?_ She’s been meaning to ask Lewis about that now that she was more settled but time got away from her like it did about most things.

“Well, I have the development team do some research, as well, and they found many things that could be… improved around the place that would help the community. Apparently the bus stop is completely run down, and a river has a serious blockage in it, I didn’t read it all very thoroughly, you know how busy I’ve been. But our lovely innovators on the team proposed a ‘Joja Community Development Team.’”

Gray clouds outside the window shifted, allowing the bright orange of the sunset bounce through the window and reflect off the glass half empty wine glass in front of Anna. It flashed directly into her eyes, like whatever was up there wanted to throw down some petty karma. “Yeah, I got that letter,” she mumbled, trying to rub the stinging away.

Gran’s empty hand dropped down on the table, the sound far too loud for the small space they were in. “Oh good, they were meant to send one out to a few people in the community.” _A few people? Lewis was probably one, but who were others?_

The confusion on her face had to have been easy to read but went ignored. “It is just a pilot program at this point, but in order to get started, we would need a few more investments. We had someone talk with the mayor and purposed taking that rundown building off his hands. He hasn’t given an answer yet, however… if we get a serious investor who lives in the town-?” She let the comment hang in the air like a question.

Even though the fuzz in her brain, she could understand her implications. A suggestion that Anna could be that very person. Her confused expression stayed, pretending she didn’t read what was between the lines.

“Well,” Gran when on. Leaning back, her head turned out the window, the sunset casting a harsh orange light across her face. “We’ll be making that building a warehouse to drop the price of distribution. It would give the small town a few more jobs, that was an issue, as well.”

Sudden, her blue eyes lit up through the fog of alcohol. “Oh, I just had a wonderful idea. If this farm thing really means that much to you, Annabella, we could have your produce be part of the stock. Then you’ll be helping out Pelican Town and still be contributing to the family business.”

“No.” _Absolutely not._

Her rejection just seemed to go in one ear and out the other. “I know it’s quite a change, dear, but we can work out the minor details in the future-”

“No, there won’t be any minor details- There won’t be any at all. That is not happening.”

“Annabella, sweetheart, just listen to me on this. I know you’ve been very stressed as of late. And I was thinking if you just stayed a few days, we could talk-”

“I can’t, Gran. I’ve told you this, I have shit I have to do-”

“I really wish you didn’t talk like that, Annabella.” Her face scrunching up like just hearing her little girl say something so crude caused her physical pain.

Sucking in a breath, “I have things to do. Responsibility, plants to look after, animals to take care of-”

“I can have someone go over there to check on everything for you, sweetheart, don’t worry.”

“And if I had plans with people? Weren’t you the one so worried I wouldn’t make friends, Gran?” Was that an actual concern of hers, being away from the valley’s people? Being away from that saccharine disposition of the townies she was so sure she would get annoyed by. Not being stopped randomly on the sidewalk by friends, old and new, to talk and give a genuine concern about her day. Missing some goof and his ratty hoodie because he genuinely made her day every time she saw him.

Yes. Yes, it was.

“Is that what this is about?” She stared down at her folded hands, fingers toying with the band on her finger. “I have to be honest with you, dear, I got a little curious about your friend Shane.” She paused, letting the comment hang in the air to prick anxious nerves under her skin. After a moment, she sighed, “I don’t think he is a very good influence on you.”

_A good influence? What am I, 12?_  It sounded so ridiculous in her hazy mind that she laughed, “You’re kidding.”

“He’s- He’s not a very nice person, Annabella.”

The words came out on their own before she could stop them, “He’s a great person, actually.” _Amazing_ , another adjective her intoxicated mind provided. _Yeah, that sounds about right_. It brought a tiny smile to her face before she could catch it.

The astonished look it got her made her sink into her chair like that would hide a blush creep across her cheeks. “Oh, Annabella. Is it really that serious?” The astonishment wasn’t there for long, all to soon replaced with a frown. “Oh no, sweetheart. You don’t want to do that to yourself. Those kinds of people just aren’t good for you.”

_‘Those kinds of people,’ Yoba, just fucking say it._

Whether it was the wine in her stomach or the tension pulling taut in her shoulders, a heat in her body making her feel stuffy and constricted in her clothes. An itch crept across her skin making her rub a hand hard over her neck. “You know, your son’s a raging alcoholic, too.” The words were sharp and bitter. “If ‘those people’ aren't so good, why do you want me around him so much?”  

Blue eyes widened only for a split second before dropped nearly shut in a scowl. She sat up straighter, pulling her hands off the table and into her lap. “… because he’s your father,” her grandmother whispered. Hurt.

_You fucked up, get out._

“I’m leaving.” Pushing her way out of the seat, the floor under Anna’s feet shifted. With a shake of her head, she managed to stand straight and stalk over to the front door. Each step sloshing the wine in her stomach over and over until it seemed to solidify, forming a heavy pit in her stomach.

Gran was up right after her following close behind, “Annabella.” Ignoring her name, she slipped on her boots and fumbled with her jacket. “ _Annabella Marie!_ ” A wrinkled hand gripped her wrist to stop her. “I don’t understand why you seem to hate it here all of a sudden, but I’m just worried when you’re out there that you’ll-”

“I can’t just live here forever,” she said hotly. A distant memory flashed in her mind. A conversation months and months prior that forced that same phrase from her as she clutched onto that box so hard the cardboard was dented with fingerprints.  

Yanking her arm free, she tugged up the zip of her jacket. That pit at the base of her stomach frothing something vile and blending with the dread that made it hard to breathe. “W-worry about something else. Literally anything else. _Please_ ,” tumbled out of her mouth before slamming the door behind her.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know, I always get weirdly anxious when a chapter has so much dialogue in it. But the whole this is them sitting down for lunch and a conversation, so I don't know why I fret so much about it. ¯\\_(-.-)_/¯ 
> 
> But, GUYS. The next chapter is something precious. Well, most of it.  
> (=ﾟωﾟ)ﾉ I'll see you in the next one.


	32. Lull

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That's not...

General chaos was a must around the Holland household whenever the Stardew Valley Fair came around. Either from Marnie’s incessant overplanning or Jas’s excitement. It all blended into a grand amalgamation of energy that spanned the whole week prior. 

Spread across the kitchen table was a selection of the ranch’s best products. A basket stacked high with that morning’s collection of eggs. Some sticks of freshly made butter. Tiny rolls of cloth tied up with ribbons were stacked neatly in another two. And next to those were Marnie’s pride and joy; the cheese. 

Mozzarella, colby, swiss. All stacked in little circles on top of each other. At the bottom of them all was Big Bertha: a cheddar wheel specked with some spice combination that’s bigger than Shane’s head and weighed about as much as one of those bags of chicken feed. 

Speaking of Aunt Marnie, she was pacing around their small kitchen. Pen between her teeth, her face was in a pad of yellow paper with multiple lists in neat little squares. Every now and then, she would look over the spread on the table, correlate it with the list, and then strike out a few things on the paper. 

She only broke out of her trance when Shane finally moved from his spot against the fridge. Her eyes lit up with like she just realized he was there. “Shane, when you get home later, do you think you can help get Sherry and the gang ready for tomorrow? I’m checkin’ over everyone later, but havin’ a second set of eyes might be good.”

He stared into the dark coffee in his mug. Ann had sent him a text that morning about her chickens, not that he forgot. He planned to just go over after work, see if anything needed to be done. And if not, and she was home, there was the promise of dinner if the timing was right. 

“I’m gonna be a little late comin’ home tonight, but yeah I can do that,” he nodded, bringing the coffee to his lips again to avoid further details.

“Oh?” That got him a puzzled look. With good reason, Shane didn’t usually have plans. But seeing that he was avoiding her eyes, something put two and two together in her head. “ _ Oh _ ,” She cocked an eyebrow as her eyes glanced over the top of her wire glasses. “Have a date tonight?” 

An unfortunate time to chug the last from his mug, he nearly spit lukewarm coffee down the front of his Joja uniform. His face was on fire, and through his coughing and hacking he could hear Marnie laughing, “You don’t need to be so embarrassed, sunshine.” When she went to pat his back, he batted her hand away, getting another laugh. “I’m happy for you.” 

The red in his face was mostly embarrassment, but if someone asked it was from the coffee in his lungs. “It’s not.” Still trying to clear out his throat, he filled his mug with some water. Catching a look at the knowing smile still plastered on his aunt’s face, he mumbled “We’re not- It’s not a date,” into his cup before taking a drink. 

“ _ We? _ I didn’t say any names.”

Straight-faced, he downed the rest of his water and sat the mug in the sink. “I gotta go work.” And turned out the doorway without another word. 

\---

Work was just as relentless and monotonous as it was every day. Cutting open cardboard boxes, restocking sparse shelves, then dragging the empty box to the back room to be broken down. The most eventful part of his whole ten-hour shift was some middle-aged woman getting huffy about an expired coupon. 

By the time he walked out the grubby glass doors, the sun was just barely skirting the tops of the trees. Something he used to like about the fall season was how quickly night came around. It gave him a valid reason for going to sleep so early in the evening. But now, watching the sunlight scatter through the top golden leaves, he wished he had a few more hours of light left. 

He skipped his usual turn at the corner of the Saloon to walk straight and up the path to the farm. It was the same path he took when he went up to ZuZu City for his monthly appointment with Dr. Peirson. He had another next week. Dread wasn’t quite what he felt every time he went, but he always braced himself days in advance for how uncomfortable it’ll be. 

_ Later _ . Keeping his gaze to the ground, he watched his feet squish in the rain-moistened dirt.

When he got up to the farm gate, he saw it unlatched and open. 

_ Was she home? _ He could knock on the door to see. Now he wished he’d stopped by Marnie’s to change out of his work clothes. 

Before he over thought it, he made his way up to the house. His hands sought out the pockets of his pants. The old wooden stairs creaked under his boots. None of the lights were shining in the windows, but he could see her cat sleeping calmly on the windowsill. Blowing out a tense breath, he knocked on the door. 

Nothing. 

_ Maybe she wasn’t home and just left the gate unlocked by accident? _ He shot her a text to see. 

Waited. 

_ What if something happened to her? _ was his first paranoid reasoning when there was no answer back. 

_ Or, maybe she finally got tired of you?  _ One of those intrusive thoughts his therapist told him about. And this is probably one of those time he had to stop and actually think about the situation, because the world didn’t revolve around his pity party.

_ Maybe she just wasn’t near her phone right now? Or it was dead, she never remembered to charge it.  _ Yeah, a more logic answer. 

With that thought in mind, he stuffed his phone back into his pocket and made his way back down the steps. He was here for a reason, and he wasn’t about to let some poor hens suffer because of his paranoia.

Looking out at the coop, the door was open. A little brown puff was sitting in the doorway. As he walked into the fence and up to coop, the bird made a beeline for his feet to prance around him. Clucking and ruffling its wings like it was greeting an old friend. Shane scooped it up in one quick and practiced motion, and it settled contently in the crook of his arm as he scratched at her back feathers.

Peering through the coop door, no light was on inside. The other chicken was sleeping soundly in her nest. The only real problem was some of the hay was wet by the door from the on-and-off rain. He took care of that with a quick scraped of his boot. He topped off the water and the food. The hen in his arms was reluctant to leave them. After being sat be her sister, she still followed close at his heels. Even when he locked up the coop, the sneaky thing slipped out and he only noticed once he was close to the gate.

Finally getting things situated, he checked his phone again. Still nothing. 

_ Fucking needy, aren't you? It’s been, what, five minutes?  _

_ Or your just worried. _ She had been answering him almost immediately, lately. That had to be why he was so on edge. Anything out of the ordinary had a tendency to do that. 

Shaking his head, he stuffed it back in his pocket. She’d get back eventually. And he’d see her tomorrow at the festival. They could hang out a bit if he wasn’t too busy or too tired. 

_ If she even wanted to hang out with you.  _

_ Well, she hasn’t left you alone yet. _

_ Yet _ . 

If no one was here, no reason to creep around her property. He made his way to the back gate and it shoved open, then made sure to lock it behind him. As he rounded the ranch house corner, he saw Marnie out in the field ushering the cows inside. Before she could see him and call him over to help, he slipped through the front door. To get a bit of a breather before dealing with any of that. 

Checked his phone again. 

Still nothing. 

\---

Finally getting out of the barn, Shane inhaled the clean and crisp night air. 

He didn’t mind the barn, usually. The strong smell of hay and sawdust had a strange nostalgic factor to it after almost two years of being on the ranch. But still, working in there for a few hours to clean and prep the animals after being on his feet all day, it was making his head ache. 

Leaning on the fence, he let his head fall into his hands. Exhaustion crept its way into his body. A good type of exhaustion. One from a productive day, rather than sitting around until his legs turned to jelly or sleeping too much just to wake up achy and groggy. As much as he wanted to drag his ass to bed now, he still needed to do one last check over the chickens like he promised Marnie. 

He also promised to man the fair’s petting zoo tomorrow and make sure none of the city kids lose a finger. Yoba, he was already tired just thinking about it. 

_ Creek _ . A loud screech of metal on metal made him jump out of his skin. Then the clatter of something closing. Looking around, no one was walking through their gates. Now on edge, his hands tightened around the railing. Something came stomping out of the darkness a few feet in front of him. He squinted to make out the shape of a person. 

They didn’t seem to notice him, that let him relax a touch. He watched them quietly as they ambled over to the lake. They stopped at the edge, and some dark part of Shane’s brain thought they might jump in. But they didn’t. Instead, they took a seat on the grass at their feet. In their hand was a bottle of something and they tipped their head back as they took a drink. 

Well, if he wasn’t getting wasted by the lake, someone had to.

He hasn’t even thought about getting drunk lately. Well, getting drunk enough to forget where and who he was. Every now and then, usually in the dead of night when his mind raced to keep him awake, his tongue would swell for a drop of alcohol. Just enough to shut his brain up and let him get some needed shut-eye. But his week had been so packed with helping his aunt prep for the fair, he dropped into bed exhausted every night. 

Cloud parted slightly allowing the moonlight to stream over the field. Over the person sitting by the water, lighting up orange hair in an ethereal glow. She ran a hand through it, and Shane watched it fall down around her shoulders in a fiery halo. 

_ That’s not… _

Walked out and around the fence, he was still staring when she tipped her head back and took another drink. 

“Ann?” 

The redhead started at his voice. Dark eyes stared up at his, glowing white for a second before the sky closed back up. “H-hey!” her voice stuttered before she could catch it, then she tried to hide it under a cough. The poor attempt made him scoff, but he went to sit next to her anyway. When he settled onto the grass, she scooted closer, “Come here often?” 

His eyes were drawn to the bottle trapped between her palms. It was on the smaller side and unassuming with no label, the pale liquid was tinged green by the glass. Small drops ran down the side as it tipped back and forth. He swore he could smell it on the air.  

Suddenly, Ann felt way to close. “Not… lately,” he answered slowly. 

She hummed at his answer. A few seconds of suffocating silence passed as he waited for her to say something else. Instead, she sat there staring at the sky, nails clicking against the glass at a steady  _ tick, tick, tick _ . His fingertips started to tap against his leg in time. 

Swallowing against the tightness in his throat, “Whatcha doin’ out here?” 

Her shoulders came up in a shrug, “Just had to get out of the house. And my feet carried me here.” She stretched her legs out in front of her to let her booted feet hang over the water. 

Seeing him eye up the bottle, she let out a little laugh, “Oh, don’t worry, I didn’t drink this all tonight.”

“Right.” He wasn’t even thinking about that, but now he was. “So, wh-… Why?” 

“Why?” Dark eyes gave him an odd look. “Ahhh,” she drew out the word with a tilt of her head. Then her gaze dropped back down to study the bottle, tipping it back and forth watching the wine swish then run down the insides of the glass. “Life.” 

A sudden sense of deja vu washed over him. The cold water before him. Inky black sky reflecting on the lake’s surface. The splash and ripple of the tiny drops hitting the water turning the darkness at their feet. Wind rustled through the now-golden leaves. Somewhere far in the distance, he heard a train whistle. 

His mouth went dry. An icy feeling slipped up under his skin making his chest tighten. Cold, hollow, and overwhelming all at once. Maybe it was just seeing the bottle or seeing someone getting liquored up right in front of his face. One of the few people he cherished in his life, no less.

_ You’re overthinking this _ . _ Not everyone lacks self-control like you. _ A quick shake of his head brought him back in the moment. Sucking in a breath, “So, why are you actually drinkin’ out here all by yourself?” 

Her eyes darted over to his for a second, pinpoints of white flickering in and out with the shifting clouds. “Just- you know,” another shrugged. Words came out slow and stilted, “Moment of weaknes-” bringing the bottle to her lips to cut off her sentence.  

Disappointment and irritation flared up inside him. His lips pressed into a hard line, trying not to scowl at her. “Ann.” Copying her previous movements, she took another drink.  _ Was this how people felt trying to talk to him? _

“ _ Anna _ .” 

As soon as he said her name she froze. Her face turned to his, wide-eyed and confused. Blinked once, twice, before looking back that the wine in her hand. In one fluid motion, she leaned away from them to put the bottle as far as possible. She sat back up a little unsteadily and her head dropped to stare at her hands. “…sorry.” 

It was hard to be even a little upset when she made her voice so small and quiet. It was unfair, really.

With her hands now empty, her attention turned elsewhere. She fiddled with a lock of her hair. Her eyes flitted up to his, cheeks rosy from the alcohol in her veins. After a moment, she rested her head on his shoulder. “You’re really pretty, you know that?” 

Her comments like that always made him a bit uncomfortable, but in that nervous, flustery way that made his head spin. But now, with the scent of wine on her breath, it made him nauseous. “You’re really drunk,” he mumbled. 

His discomfort went completely unnoticed. Scooting herself closer until her side was pressed against him, she giggled. “Ooo~” Her legs fell across his, and her arms wedged themselves under his arms to wrap around him, and now she was practically in his lap. “But I think you’re pretty sober, too,” her soft voice muffled as she buried her face into the fabric of his hoodie.

The heat seeped through the layers to warm his body and paralyzed him all at once. It should have been nice, sharing body heat on a cool autumn night. But he was hyperaware of how inebriated she was, and somehow that made him feel guilty. Like he was taking advantage of her. 

A shudder ran through him. His own skin feeling too constricting around his body. Still unsure what to do with his hands, he just settled them around her middle just to keep her from falling backwards into the water. Sucking in a deep breath, he rolled his eyes to the sky. Trying to keep whatever he was feeling down. Luckily, that was one of the only things he was good at.

Then, he felt a drop on his forehead. Then another. Then another. The waves just at the bottom of his vision rippling with the raindrops. “God-fucking-dammit,” he muttered under his breath.

A noise came for the girl in his lap. Another noise, something like a cough, and her chest heaved against him. Then again with a bit of a hiccup.  _ Oh Yoba, do NOT _ .

Shane leaned back a bit and braced himself. “If you barf on me, I will throw you in the lake.” It was a joke, maybe, but his tone was sharper than he meant it to be. 

A whimper was muffled by his chest. Her whole body tensed, nails digging into the fabric of his sweatshirt with a white-knuckled grip. Arms squeezed him tighter, pushing some of the air from his lungs. 

_ You fucking idiot _ . Folding his arms around her back, he rubbed circles between her tense shoulders. “I was-I was just joking. Don’t worry.” 

That seemed to ease some of the tension in her body, but she still clung to him like a life raft. Short arms squeezing around tight, and Yoba, she was stronger than she looked. He kept up the circles between her shoulder blades, hoping that was actually comforting. 

“S-Shane?” Her voice was slurred and muffled. “H-how do you… How do you s-stay mad at someone?” 

His hand stopped. “What?” 

“I dunno, you seem really good at it.” He wasn’t sure how to feel about that. She shook her head, “I don’t… I dunno how to do that.” A sniffling broke her words and startled him a bit. _ Shit, is she crying? _ “I don’t like being mad. I say s-stupid shit when I’m mad.” 

He tried to think back to a time he had actually seen her angry and came up empty. “E-everyone says stupid shit, Ann. It just happens.” 

She shook her head again, face rubbing into his chest. “I just- I get mad, and I say stupid shit, and I don’t- I don’t know why she even puts me up to this shit anymore.  That place is so fucking shitty, and it’s a big family thing, but they all hate me. No one fuckin' listened to me even when I was working there.  I don't wanna be a part of any of it anymore. But-" her voice broke.  She finally took a stuttery breath. Then whispered, “I don’t know why she even bothers anymore.” 

_ Fucking comfort her, dumbass _ . But his brain couldn’t come up with anything at all. Just a thick lump forming in his throat to keep whatever words of comfort he should have said trapped inside. 

Ann sucked in a deep breath, choppy at first but cleared up quickly, and wiped her face down with her forearms. “You know, Shane. I get why you did this,” she said eerily steady. “I don’t… It’s supposed to keep your brain from thinking too hard, but I don’t know if it works for me.” As she paused, her eyes stared hard at the zipper pull on his jacket. “I think it makes it worse, but, I get it.” She hiccuped again and tried to play it off like a cough. “Thinking sucks.” 

A terrible wave of heartbreak and panic. It was all horribly uncanny. Drunk, rambling off insecurities in the sprinkling rain under the blank sky. She was so much better than him. So much more than living life out of a bottle. 

He wouldn’t let that happen as long as he could have a coherent thought. He owed her that much for helping him out of that miserable abyss life threw him in. It wasn’t her alone, but she shined a beacon through the dark and broke the dull monotony enough to search for a way out again. 

She virtually saved him live. Keeping her from fucking up her’s in the same way was the least he could do. 

“O-okay,” finding his voice, “I think it’s time to get you home.” It took a bit of maneuvering to get them both to their feet. More so on Ann’s end, she seemed really reluctant to stand. But, he pulled her to her feet and pushing she in front of him to guide her to the dirt road.

His eyes caught that bottle still there by their feet. Without much thought, his foot ‘accidentally’ slipped on the wet grass and over it went. Plopped into the lake with a heavy splash, the sound resonated in the still night air. The impact kicked up a bit of water, and the sudden movement of it all had Ann jerking back into Shane’s chest. “Shit, sorry,” he said and failed at making it sound true. 

He helped her stay balanced on her unsteady feet. “S’fine,” she mumbled. Not looking at him, she watched her foot grind into the damp dirt. A rivulet of rainwater trail down from her hairline and Shane watched it pool under her jaw. 

With a sigh, “Here.” His sudden voice brought her gaze back to his eyes, making his hands stutter a moment before he reached around her collar and pulled the hood of her jacket over her head. Her ginger hair was puffed out around her cheeks and she frowned at the change. 

It would be cute in any other situation. “Sorry, you’ll get sick otherwise.” 

She crossed her arms, sinking further into her sweater. “No I w-won’t,” her voice stuttered a bit as a cough broke her words. With the puffy cheeks and puffed out lip, she looked so much younger. It reminded him of his goddaughter, in a way, whenever she came down with the seasonal flu. 

Affection bubbled up in his chest and he sighed, “Sure you won’t.” Wiping the rainwater off the back of his neck, he pulled up his own hood. “Come on,” His arm wrapped around her shoulder, “Let’s get you home.” 

As he helped her home, another wash of deja vu took over him. Flashbacks of early spring helping her home from the bar filled his mind. A near stranger being pressured by a friend to do his civic duty. That seemed like a lifetime ago. 

Luckily, it didn’t seem to take as long this time. Getting up to the porch, he helped her up the few stairs. Rain lightly tapped on the overhang. Under cover, Shane pushed off his hood and ran a hand through his hair to unstick the strands. In the dim glow of the walkway lights, he could see Ann fumble her jacket pocket. Then pat down the pockets of her jeans. “Mmm.” 

He was about to ask if she locked the door when she picked up a little potted plant on the window ledge and grabbed the key under it. Watching her try to thread the key through the keyhole was agonizing. Before she could do it, the knob turned with a click and the door creaked open. 

He had to bite back his laugh when she groaned and shook her head. The key was put back under the plant. She wiped her feet on the doormat and pulled off her jacket like it was routine. 

He was about to say his goodbye when she grabbed the sleeve of his jacket. “Can you stay?” she asked in a quiet voice. And before he could give an answer, she pulled at it enough to tighten the fabric. “Just for a little?” 

Maybe he was a pushover, but when she looked at him from under her lashes with that stupid shy look… Rubbing a hand down his face, he snuffed out a groan behind his hand. “Alright,” he sighed, stepped over the threshold to closed the door. 

The smile on her face twisted something deep in his chest, making it a bit hard to breathe for a second. 

He busied himself with untying his shoes to keep from looking at her. Now that he was here, he felt like he had to do something. Fortunately and unfortunately, sobering up and dealing with the inevitable hangover was something he was an expert in. “Go sit down. I’ll get you some water,” he said as dropped his boots next to her’s.  

She did so without complaint. When she plopped herself down on the couch, her cat came out of hiding and hopped up behind her. It ignored Ann’s attempts to get its attention. Green eyes focused on Shane as he walked over to the kitchen, pulled open a cabinet, and got out a mug. With its piercing gaze on him, sweat prickled at the base of his neck. Like it was heavily judged for him for routing around in its owner’s cabinets. 

Then he felt very stupid for being so on edge because of a fucking cat.

As he watched it out of the corner of his eye, he could see Ann as well. He took a bit more time at the faucet to watch her fumble with a blanket from the back of the couch. It was hard not to laugh as it got caught around her head. And when she finally yanked it down around her shoulders, static frizzed up her already messy hair. 

She was pulling her legs up on the cushion when he walked back over with the water. Taking it in both hands, she pressed the cold ceramic against her rosy cheek. “Thank yoooou,” with a lopsided smile. 

_ Maybe she was cold? _ “You drink that while I start a fire, okay?”

Thankfully there were some old logs left in the hearth. A lighter sat on the counter next to it. And next to that was a box labeled ‘Fire’ filled with old mail, envelopes and folded papers. He tried not to read anything on them, but resting on top was a long and wordy looking document with that blue logo that was on all of his payroll checks. 

_ Don’t read her fucking mail, you creep, _ he told himself. But his eyes scanned over the top as he ripped it in half for kindling. ‘ _ Valued Joja Representative _ .’ Made sense. Her family ran the whole mega-corporation, and she worked for them before coming out here. It wasn’t something he thought about often. Connecting Ann to Joja left him with a weird feeling. The grimy company he worked for and hated for so many years didn’t fit this sweet person he’d grown so attached to. 

It took a bit to get the fire to catch. With a bit more paper and some shifting, the flames took to the logs, filling the room with an orange glow. He didn’t realize how cold he was until the heat hit his body. Nudging the gate closed with his foot, he took his time making sure it was fully shut to bask in the warmth. 

When he finally turned back to the couch, Ann had her face pressed into her forearm with the mug still clutched in her hands. Her shoulders slowly rising and falling in time with her light snores. Getting a bit closer, he could see a piece of orange hair floating in the water. 

Shaking his head, he tried to pull the cup from her hands. Once his fingers brushed her’s, her head jerked up. Wide and blurry eyed, the little section of her hair dripping water on her shirt sleeve. “Ugh,” she flinched back when a few drops whipped back onto her face. “Why am I wet?”

While she tried to wipe them with her sleeve, Shane plucked the cup out her other hand before she dumped it all over herself. He had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing. “You’ll live.” 

He went back to the sink to replace her water and brought it back over. When he pressed it back into her hand, she just frowned at it. “You need to drink something, or you’re really gonna hate yourself in the morning.” 

She gave him a skeptical look. Eyes flicked up from the cup to his face and back again. Sighing, he sat down on the couch to face her. One leg folded over the cushion, arms crossed, making it look like he wasn’t going anywhere until she drained the glass. 

At least that’s what he meant for it to look like, but the expression that flashed across her face said otherwise. Bloodshot eyes gazed at him from hooded lids, a wide and cheeky smile hidden behind the cat paws on her mug. Anchoring her feet into the cushions, she scooted herself closer. 

Following her owner’s lead, Caterina stretched herself across the top of the cushions. Little gray paws flexed and striped tail flicked back and forth a few times before settling into her new position. Shane reached out to scratch it behind the ears. 

Ann leaned her head against the cat, effectively drawing his attention back to her. He watched her take another drink of water as she just looked at him. Studying his face so intensely he had to look away. “Your eyes are pretty,” she mumbled after a while.

_ You say that shit a lot, but it’s pretty clear who’s the better-looking one here. _

Fighting the blush off his face, he shook his head. “You need some sleep.” A snap decision, but he took the mug from her hands. It was half empty, good enough. 

“Noooo,” she whined and tugged to blanket up over her head like that would hide her from his sight. 

But she only had him laughing, “Yes, come on.” He grabbed her hands without much forethought and pulled her to her feet. Ignoring her groaning the whole time, he had to keep her from dropping back on the couch. “It’s late. And I’m sure you’re gonna be busy tomorrow.” 

“I don’t  _ have  _ to be busy tomorrow,” she mumbled, dragging her feet as he pushed her to the door. 

Turning the knob, he pushed it open. “I don’t wanna be busy either, but that’s life.” 

It didn’t really dawn on him that he was walking into her bedroom until he saw the light stream into darkness. Ann disappeared from his hands, stumbling to the left. Then the room was filled with a soft yellow light. 

The light came from a lamp on one of the nightstands. Next to it, a double bed took a large portion of the room, headboard against the wall and tucked under a covered window. Cream colored pillows sat against it on top of red bedcovers lined in a decorative border. 

Ann fell back on to the bed and laid there for a moment. Then her face turned to him, “Are you leaving, now?” 

His hands found his pockets as he tried to sink into his hoodie and disappear. 

He dragged a hand down his face.  _ Fuck _ , he needed to work on having some sort of resolve. “I’ll stay until you fall asleep, okay?” Leaning back against the doorframe, he waved a hand at her, then felt ridiculous for doing so. “So just, lay down and go to sleep.” 

Tired eyes watched him for a moment, then another one of her dorky smiles spread across her face. “You just gonna stand over there like a weirdo?” 

He arched a brow. Looking around the room, he didn’t see a seat or anything. Unless she meant… 

She patted the mattress in front of her.

“Ann.” 

She sat up and did it again with more enthusiasm, tapping again her duvet like drums. Her puppy-dog eyes had him rolling his own. 

_ Who knew she would be such a needed drunk? _ Not that he minded, it made him feel useful for once. 

He pushed himself off the wall. Shooting her a questioning look before taking a seat, she waited expectantly. As soon as he hit the bedcovers, he felt horribly awkward and remembered he hadn’t showered since working with the barn animals earlier. 

Suddenly arms were wrapped around his waist and he was being pulled down. 

“Hey!” His yell was drowned out by laughter. He tried to sit up on instinct, but, wow, Ann was way stronger than she looked. Her legs wrapped around one of his, and with her arms tight around him holding him down, he was pinned to the bed.

He was glaring daggers at her, only holding back because she was drunk and vulnerable, and clearly she just needed someone to be here with her. “Ann,” he said with a huff, “Let me go.” 

She squeezed around his middle, shuffling herself higher so her head rested against his shoulder. “Nope.” Her laughs were practically in his ear now, her breath lighting up nerves down his neck and forcing a heatwave through his face. 

As he stared her down, the playful smile on her face faded to something more gentle. Something calmer that melted his tension and replaced it with warmth. A hand came up to touch his face. A light brush of her fingers pushing the hair from his forehead and down his cheekbone. Cool fingertips against his heated face tickling his skin and freezing him solid.

Shimmery dark eyes swirled with something sweet and pure. Something so calming he could get lost and never wanted to leave. It sunk deep into his mind, under his skin to settle into his veins and make a steady home in his heartbeat.

_ Fuck _ . It filled his chest so fast that if hurt. She looked completely content with him just laying in her bed like they did this every night. He wanted so badly to be true. 

He swallowed against his dry mouth and did the only thing his mind could think of. 

The hand that wrapped itself around her waist slid up to her shoulders and higher still. The curious look that crossed Ann’s face was quickly covered by Shane’s hand going over her eyes. 

A whine was breathed into his neck and she wiggled against him in protest. The hand cradling his face dropped back around his middle to fist the fabric of his hoodie. To pull herself even closer, she wrapped her legs around one of his. He bit his lip to keep in whatever swear was threatening to come out. 

Turning his head to the ceiling, his eyes squeezed shut. “Just go to sleep. Please.”

It took awhile for her to settle next to him. Her grip relaxed in his jacket. Her breath slowed as her body when lax against his side. He felt her eyelashes flutter against his fingers. He cracked an eye to look back down at Ann. Hand still over her eyes, lips slightly parted with a soft snore. 

His hand moved back to gently push the soft ginger hair off her forehead. Her body tensed at the movement, the hand resting on him curled back into the fabric. Brows furrowed and a sleepy noise came out of her. It hit a soft spot and pulled a smile to his lips. He waited for her to still again before slowly lifting his hand off her to let her hair fall back into place. 

_ You can’t stay here. In her fucking bed. Sure, she made it pretty clear she into you, for some bizarre reason, but when she sobers up she’s gonna freak. _

Pressing a kiss into her hair, he went to pull away from her. But as he tried to pull his arm out from under her, she rolled her body on top of his. “Fuck,” he hissed through her teeth.

A mumble came out of her lips, it was hard to make out slurred with sleep. Nuzzling into his neck, she mumbled it again. “ _ Don’t _ .” 

_ Shit _ . His head dropped back down on the pillow with a sigh and he settled his arms across her back. He breathed in the calm, sweet scent of peppermint and lilac. Her warmth and pressure making him sleepy. And the bed under him was so much better than the 40-year-old mattress at Marnie’s.

Before he closed his eyes, he reached over to click off the light.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another long af chapter. Hopeful that makes up for it being a while ヽ(‘ ∇‘ )ノ  
> See you soon!


	33. Oh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh shit, he really fucking serious.

Warm. 

Really warm. 

Way too warm.  _ Ugh. Did I leave the heat on or something? _

A simple shift of her leg and there was the gross scratch of yesterday’s jeans. Her shirt was sticking to her back in the most constricting way possible and every move pulled the fabric tighter around her neck. Changing must not have been on her mind when she dropped into bed last night?  _ Great. _

On top of that, everything hurt. Her body felt stiff from sleeping weird, her whole left side very much asleep. Vertigo had her head spinning and her stomach rolled. And the steady rise and fall was helping a bit. The heat, though a bit uncomfortable, was helping her sore muscles. Then, an unfamiliar snore rattled her brain.

Her eyes shot open. A wash of light had her vision swimming, dark spots dotting her sight. Heartbeat thumped hard in her head. She sucked in a shaky breath, trying to calm her stomach and dull the ache. A stab of pain through her neck and forced out a whimper.

She opened them again, slower this time. The first thing coming to her was her hand wrapped tightly in blue fabric. Soft and pilled from years of wear. Under her, the patter of a heartbeat. Pleasant glow from the sunshine over her and the persistent heat under her was making her sleepy.

Her lids were drifting shut and she forced them back open.  _ You need to wake up, get out of bed,  _ off  _ of  _ him _ , before he wakes up. _ Pushed herself up on her hands carefully to not disturb the person under her. 

Two thoughts. 

First:  _ Precious _ . Shane, with his hair mushed and lip slightly parted in a snore. An arm tucked behind his head, chest steadily rising and falling completely unaware of Caterina nuzzled up against him. The usual tension in his brow soft and at peace with sleep.

Second:  _ Shit. Shit, shit, shit _ . Shane was in her bed. She was hungover. Curled up with him, his arm still settled on her lower back. She drooled on him, for fuck sake! 

Panic kicked the churning in her gut to hyperdrive. And the only place it could go was up.

The bedsprings squawked against the sudden movement. She nearly tripped on the flat rug covering the floor. There was a yell and a yowl of her bed companions. Both went unheard as she slammed the bathroom door hard enough to rattle the hinges and dropped hard on the tile floor to expel last night’s mistakes over the toilet. 

Tears poured out, cool against red heated cheeks. Sobs of air tried to get through the clog in her throat. They only stuffed up the space and came out in a watery cough. She tried to breathe, but every intake of air came out stuttery and lacking the oxygen she needed. Each on stung her chest, harsh and icy. Gray fuzzing at the corners of her vision, pulling in with each swallow.

She wasn’t sure when the world stopped being a hazy blob of gray and when everything stopped spinning. Only that she was blinking, her eyes were stinging, and she was staring into the stupid green flowers of the bathmat she spent way too much on. She just thought it would match so well with the beige overtones in the bathroom.

Her back thumped against the tub, the cool ceramic seeping through her sweat-dampened shirt. Propping her elbows on her knees, she pressed the heels of her palms into her sockets.  _ Fuck, it was too early to be this stressed. _ And the pounding in her body wasn’t helping, starting from the base of her neck to work its way down and constrict her lungs. A groan came from the base of her throat as she pushed a little harder and bursts of color danced behind her lids. 

_ Knock, knock, _ the sudden noise had her heart hammering in her throat. 

“Ann?” Shane’s voice came through the door, lacing with concern. When she didn’t speak, he tried for a laugh, “Hey, I don’t blame you. If my ugly mug was the first thing I saw in the morning, I’d throw up, too.” 

Even through her dizzy head and tight chest, she found herself snorting into her palms.  _ This fucking guy _ . She thought he would have left by now. That made more sense to her than just waiting until she was done puking her guts out. 

Her head dropped back against the tub. Vision tracing out the lines in the ceiling tiles.  _ Well, you can’t just leave him out there waiting. _ She sucked in a breath, letting it out slowly.

Settling for a painkiller to try and combat the hangover. Though, it was hard to tell what was the hangover and what was the panic aftermath. She scrubbed her face until it was pink. Rinsed her mouth with mouthwash, focusing on the burn to keep her mind from running. Assessing herself in the mirror, she looked somewhat presentable. 

Something creaked outside the door. She had a white-knuckled grip on the sink. Waited. But the door didn’t open. Instead, she heard someone whispering. Scooting a bit closer, it was easy to make out a meow and then more whispers. “We’ll get you some food in a minute, okay?” 

_ Now Caterina is out there bothering him, might as well get it over with. _ She opened the door with a bit a shaky hand, cracked at first to look out. 

And he was right there leaning against the wall. Caterina was stretching up his leg high enough for him to scratch behind her ears. When the door opened, his head shot up, face still a little puffy from sleep. A little tuft of hair sticking straight up and out of place and still rebelling when he ran a hand through it. “Hey,” his tone soft, and if she wasn’t red in the face before, she sure was now. “Feelin’ better?” 

A little laugh slipped out, “Yeah. Uh, sorry-” Her gaze were avoiding his by scanning his face when it stopped on a spot. A scratch, more like it. Four little claw marks grazed across his cheek. They were small, but enough for the tiniest spot of red to pool out and on to his cheek. “Oh shit, did Cat do that?” 

“Huh?” He touched his face. And when he realized what she was talking about, he rolled his eyes, “It’s fine, Ann.” 

With something else to focus on, her brain locked in and strangled it. “Ah, I’m so sorry! She’s never scratched anyone before.” Grabbing his wrist, she tugged him into the bathroom.

“Ann.” She was too fast for him to protest her actions. He still tried, dragging his feet as she pulled him through the doorway. “It-” shaking his arm free, “It’s fine, seriously.” 

She ignored his objections in favor of searching for some of her extra first-aid supplies. “Look, at least let me wipe it with some disinfectant or something.” Pulling out a box of wipes, as she dropped it on the counter she saw Shane roll his eyes again. “Please? For my own sanity’s sake?” tacking on a pleading look. 

With a sigh, his arms crossed over his chest and leaned back against the counter. She felt his gaze on her as she flipped open the box. Even more so as she ripped open one of the packets and came a step closer.

“Turn your head a bit,” and he did. She had to stand up on her toes to be face level. “It’s gonna sting a bit.”

“Believe it or not, I’ve had a few cuts before.” There was a playful tone in his sarcasm, but his face twitched with every pass of the cloth. 

“Oh really? I thought you just such an angel.” Teasing, she grabbed his face to squish his cheeks. The startled look on his face widened her cheeky smile. The heat in his face sinking into her finger. Her mind flashed back to a few days ago. Warm breath fanning across her face. Her heart still fluttered just thinking about it.

It was a bit ridiculous, how nervous and awkward she got afterward. Worry still running from the day before, and something in her mind decided to connect the two. Was she just using him for a quick distraction? 

Was she doing that now? Just the idea made her skin crawl. 

Still, her eyes dropped to his mouth before she could think better of it.  _ Right after you throw up? Yeah, real sexy. _

He definitely noticed. His face flushed darker. “Would you knock it off,” Shane tried to sound annoyed, but it was near impossible with his face pressed in. Then laughing when he tried to shake his head free.

She made it her goal to make him laugh more often. He didn’t do it enough. “Hold on.” Hands slide down to grab his jaw and turn his face back. “I’m almost done.” Wiping down the scratches a bit more just to be sure, she turned him a bit to check. They weren’t too deep, but… “…maybe a bandaid.” 

“I don’t-” Shaking his head out of her grip again, and this time she let him go with a healthy amount of blush. “It’s fine.” 

“You sure? I have some really cute rainbow ones,” she teased. She dropped back on her heels and chucked the soiled wipes in the trash under the sink. 

He didn’t seem to take the bait. Just shook his head, face turning serious. The air in the small room growing tenser. Shane focused on straightening out his hoodie and not looking in her direction. Anna tried to close the box but it slipped from her hands and clunking on the counter. She felt her stomach crawling back up her throat. 

She heard him suck in some air. “Ann-” 

“Do you want some breakfast?” she said too quickly. “I think I owe you some breakfast s-since I… Ugh.” Not even getting his answer, she shoved open the door to the main room and went to the kitchen. 

Part of her expected him to follow her, but he didn’t. The door clacked closed behind her. She wasn’t sure if she was relieved or upset. 

No, definitely relieved. So he didn’t have to put up with her anxious mess. Dread still bubbling under her skin to leave her jittery and clammy, even though she tried to get a hold of herself. And her hungover mess, her headache still going strong. 

Caterina ambled up beside her, brushed up against her ankles with a meow. “Food, right.” Refilling the back of the automated food bowl with a few cups of food. Then doing the same with the water, dumping the old water to replace it with fresh. 

A sudden flush and running water for the bathroom put her back on high alert. Nail digging into the skin of her palms. The rumbling of the pipes in the walls set a rush of adrenaline through her. She took a slow breath to stop shaking.

_ Stop overthinking. Make some breakfast. Something simple. _ Eggs were simple, with some cheese and a bit of veggies, they would make the perfect omelet. 

She gave herself a nod. Digging through the fridge for some eggs, a block of cheese, some already diced veggies, she dumped everything up on the counter. Cracked the eggs in a bowl, she was starting to whisk them together when she heard a door open behind her. The floor creaked as he walked across the room.

She was opening the tupperware when Shane was finally up next to her. Leaning back against the counter, he watched her dump a bit of the contents into the eggs. “What’s that?”

She couldn’t bring herself to make eye contact. “Some peppers, onions, and stuff.” Snapping the lid on the bowl, she sat it back in the fridge. “I get kinda lazy some mornings, so cutting stuff up all at once is easier.” With a shrug, she kicked the closed with her foot. 

“Is all of that from the farm?” 

“Yeah. Most of the stuff in the fridge is.” Walking around him, she shuffled through the cabinet for a pan. The clatter of metal echoed. “Expect the milk and cheese and stuff. Obviously.” 

“So after the barn’s all fixed up, you’ll get to do that whole living off the land thing.” 

Hummed, considering it. “Actually, I don’t know about the whole barn thing anymore. Taking care of the bigger animals seems like… a lot.”  _ Intimidating is more like it _ . Animals like that needed daily attention, a set routine Anna had been trying and failing to get down every since she came to the valley. At least the chickens were easy; let them outside and get them food and water. Collect the eggs when she had energy left over from tending to the crops. 

“It's not that hard,” Shane said with a shrug. “You just make sure everything is clean. Make sure to let them outside when it's warm enough.”  

“Ah, I think I’ll just stick to the smaller stuff. Maybe rabbits or something?” Tear down the barn for a rabbit hutch? That was an idea. Make room for a bigger coop, too.

“Marnie just got some of those. She said they'd be ready to go in a few months.” 

“Great.” Still had time to think it through and talk herself out of it, perfect.   

The floorboards creaked under their shifting weight. Shane readjusted his weight, shuffling his socked feet and shoving his hands in his hoodie. Anna checked the eggs again, then fiddled with the stove knobs.  _ Fuck, why is this taking so long?  _

Then, Shane cleared his throat and Anna kept herself from flinching at the sudden noise. “Do you… need help with anything? I don’t wanna just stand here like a jackass.” 

_ Keep him busy to keep from talking _ . “Yeah, here,” She handed the block of cheese to him. “There should be a cheese grater in one of those drawers and a plate up in the cupboard.” He followed her pointed finger. “Just promise me you won’t slice your finger off.” 

“Got it.”

Silence settled over them. She tried to keep herself from fidgeting, but it wasn't really working. Her toes tapped against the floorboards. She rubbed the base of her neck to try and ease some of the tension there. Sweat pricked across her skin making her scratch at it. Fingers twitched against her arms. She was hyperaware of every movement next to her. 

Shane stopped. Tapped his fingers against the counter. One. Two. Three. “Ann, about last night-” 

_ Oh, no no no _ . Her voice was high when she opened her mouth, “Do you think-” 

“ _ Anna _ .” 

His tone made her flinch and sent a rush of memories from late night. Drinking, sad and alone. Until Shane found her and she came onto him like a drunk idiot. Because she was a drunk idiot. Realization dropped on her chest like a lead weight.  _ Disappointment. _

“I get if you don’t wanna talk about it. It’s just…” He ran a hand through his hair, frustration clear on his face. “It’s real shitty I get to shove all my bullshit on you, and you can’t do the same in return.” 

Her fingers picked at the rubber on the handle. “You didn’t shove it on me.” No, she willingly walked into it time and time again. Fate seemingly pulling them together at their worst moments like magnets. Misery did love company after all. 

“Then just talk. I-” He huffed out a sigh, rubbed a hand across his face. “I care about you and it fuckin’ sucks being left in the dark, you know?” 

He  _ cared  _ about her? In another mindset, she would be on cloud nine, but it felt like her body was made of lead. He couldn’t be serious. With everything going on in his life right now, recovery, Jas, working a shitty job that barely paid, dealing with her and her issues just seemed like too much. She couldn’t do that to him, make him worry about her like that.

A few of the usual generic answers popped into her mind. She put on an awkward smirk and looked up to say something. But stopped, face slowly falling slack. 

When their eyes connected, green ones remained unusually steady. A frown across his face, eyebrows knit tightly together. Flushed red and steadily getting darker and spreading. His jaw was clenched and shoulders were tense, tensing more when he crossed his arms. Expecting some sort of answer.

_ Oh shit, he really fucking serious. Look at that face, you can’t lie to that face. _

He rubbed a hand hard over his face, his stare finally turning to the ceiling. “That sounded really fuckin’ weird, but-” 

“No,” her voice came back out of nowhere, still a bit too high. “No, I just, uh-” Hand gripping tighter on the handle. “I don’t know where to…”  _ Where to start? Where to  _ stop _? _

“Whatever last night was about would be good?” It wasn’t accusatory, just a simple suggestion.

After leaving the neighborhood, the rain had cooled off the burn and a bit of the buzz. She considered going back inside, but walked around the block to work up the courage to do so. To talk. Maybe apologize. And not over alcohol because that had dragged everything south for everyone in her life. 

But by the time she got that courage, it was getting dark, and she was cold, and the wine buzz was still there. A current still heavy enough that getting a bit more to drink seemed like a decent idea to snuff out the last of the anxieties. 

It was also enough to keep her from going back. Instead, she just came home drunk and figured why not keep it going until she eventually fell asleep. She didn’t factor in possibly leaving the house. Or Shane finding her after the fact. 

Either way, just saying ‘Yeah, I got mad at my grandmother and decided to drink until I forgot about it’ was kinda pathetic. Very pathetic actually. 

_ Let’s… Start off with a proper reason. Something that made sense to be hurt over without lying _ .

“So,” she swallowed. “My father got himself sent to the ER the other day.” 

“Oh.” He seemed a bit startled by the answer. Turning back to the counter, he went back to the cheese. “Is he okay?” 

She turned back to the stove. “Yup, completely fine.” Something climbed up into her throat. Maybe anger, but she swallowed it down. “He just freaked out my grandmother a bit. So, I figured I would go over there to make sure she was okay and everything. Because it made sense to be a bit shaken up after that. But nope, she was perfectly fine because he wasn’t even in there for more than 24 hours.” Spatula scraping hard against the bottom of the pan. 

“Is… that a good thing?” The question slow and deliberate. 

She felt the strain in her voice, and she let out a huff of air as a laugh to try and combat it. “I’m not gonna wish someone stays in the hospital. I’m not that much of a terrible person.” 

“You’re not a terrible person,” he said. Green eyes studied her under a furrowed brow. She hated that look sometimes. It made her feel vulnerable. 

Another half-laugh to push the feeling away, “I know a few people who would disagree with you.” 

“Like?” 

Her hands paused. She didn’t expect that. But, she didn’t have a hard time thinking up a few, either. 

There were some from Joja Corp. A few people she’d been accidentally rude to or spilled things on because she was an anxious clutz. Some of the office workers disliked her because of her blood relation to the CEO, and the pay rates were getting lower. It was unfair to them, but talking about it do anything. And the guys down in the promotions office she was friends with, because she was oblivious and broke their hearts. 

Just thinking about it open the gates for more. Her old college friends she shared a dorm with, because she bailed out on the graduation trip to Cadberry Resort and ruined it for all the people she offered to pay for. She was so fucking terrified by the thought of being thrown in the pool she couldn’t leave her bed.

And her old girlfriend that helped her through the last months of her therapy, because when it came time to say ‘I love you’ she panicked and threw up all over her new, expensive heels Annabella got her for her birthday.

And her closest childhood friends that made her feel at home, because she couldn’t feel that through the haze of gray and never came back to Pelican Town. 

And her Grandpa, because he almost had to bury another family member. 

And her dad, because she looked too much like her mother.

And her grandmother, because she didn’t even bother to try and reconnect with him anymore. 

And herself, because she had a laundry list of people she fucked up her relationships with in one way or another. 

A moment passed and she shrugged, straight-faced stare focused on the slow rise of the egg cooking. “You know,” her voice was straight but quiet. “Old co-workers, friends, exs. The usual, I guess.” 

“Fuck those people,” Shane grumbled, punctuating his statement with the clatter of tossing the metal cheese grater in the sink. Then the running water as he focused on scrubbing it.

His brashness made her chuckle quietly to herself. She wished she could lock into just hating people back. That would make things so easy. 

“So…” Shane didn’t move his stare from the sink. “How did he end up in the ER?” 

She hoped that would have been the end of it. That seemed like a normal place to end the conversation for most. Once Anna got that tone in her voice, despondent and hollow, people stop for either her sake of theirs. But, of course, this was Shane she was talking to. And asked for it.

“Decided he wanted to go for a drive even though he doesn’t even need to. He has a fucking driver because he’s never sober enough to be behind the wheel.” She shook her head, “You’d think a grown ass man would learn the first time.” 

The faucet was flipped off. A second of quiet. “Has he always been like that?”  _ Like That _ . 

She shoved the spatula under and flipped the eggs. Still raw. She flipped it back over. “Yeah.” 

The growing silence felt overwhelming, so she kept talking.

“I don’t know,” she mumbled more to herself. “Gran’s been just pushing me to talk to him, like that’ll just magically make everything better, but…” She checked the eggs again, then dropped the spatula on the counter. The more she kept fussing with them, the longer they were gonna take. She ran the now free hand through her frizzy hair. “I don’t know. I fuck up most of the people in my life so it’ll probably just get worse.” 

No ‘probably’, it would. She wasn’t oblivious to the fact that her existence on the Earth was unwanted and all it did was take away the one person people actually gave a shit about.

Wow, she hadn’t thought something like that in a while. It made her eyes burn and a heat of humiliation boiling under her skin.  _ Don’t you fucking dare. No one wants to put up with more of your fucking crying. _

Shane clicked his tongue, “Hey, I fucked myself up so don’t go takin’ credit for that.” 

She tried for a laugh, only to get a dejected exhale, “Only a matter of time before I make it wor-se.” Her voice jerked, and she tried to hide it under a cough. It hurt, scratched up the back of her throat. The sting made her flinch. The flinch forced her eyes shut and the pool in her waterline overflowed down heated cheeks. She dropped her head, hair falling over her face.  _ Damnit _ . 

“Anna?” That was what everyone called her, it made no sense how much she liked when he said it like that, all quiet and sweet-tempered. “Hey,” he rested a hand on her arm and her skin jumped on contact.

She was about to brush it off when it slid down her arm, then he slipped it under to pull her against him. The impact and unexpectedness made her squeak. It didn’t keep him from wrapping arms around her waist. Nor did her taut muscles, a hand resting on her back drawing circles to ease the tension. 

“Take it from a grade A fuck-up, you're not makin’ my life worse,” warm words breezing over her scalp. “You’ve made it so much better, actually.” He rested his head against her’s. “You’re one of the reasons I’m still around, and… I don’t know how a terrible person could do that, Ann.”

That was supposed to be comforting to hear. The clear part of her mind knew that much, but her paranoia took it and twisted it.  _ What if she wasn’t there all those weeks ago? What if she didn’t get there in time? What if she couldn’t do anything? What if? What if? What if? _

It was enough to force out a few more tears. Just enough to slip under the restraints. She hid her face in his chest to silence a hiccup. His arms squeezed around her, taking a bit of breath. Replaced it with a closeness she hadn’t felt in a long time. Head swimming with warmth and the overwhelming smell of lilac laundry detergent because he had willing put up with her bullshit so much that he let her drag him into bed. 

After a while of standing in the near silence, just his racing heartbeat against her, she finally took a sure breath. “…sorry.” 

“It’s fine,” he whispered.

Another few seconds. “I’m ruining your shirt,” she muttered but didn’t plan on pulling away.

“I said it’s fine.” The circles stop, hand pressing against her back and smoothing out the wrinkles in her shirt. “It’ll just give me a reason to do all the laundry piling up.” 

A snort, watery and muffled in the now wet fabric. “You washed this one, right?” 

His chuckle was more felt than heard. “Nope.” 

A smile crept its way onto her face. “That’s kinda gross, Shane.”  

“I mean, it’s soaking wet now. Just gotta throw it in the dryer.” 

“Okay, that’s actually disgusting,” she had to pull back to say it to his face. She was probably disgusting too, and the realization made her too embarrassed to look up. 

A hand brushed through her hair, pushing back the bangs sticking to her forehead. Her head tilting back a bit to chase his touch. That got another quiet laugh. Eyes flashed open and heat flooded into her face. Tender eyes met her’s for a second, then he was leaning forward pressing a kiss into her forehead. 

_ You missed _ , she wanted to say. Going to say, as her fingers started to curl their way back around the fabric to yank him down to her level. But he took her wrist and held it just enough away that her fingers were only grasping air. His thumb running over the smooth skin there and sending tingles through her arm.

She was thinking about how she had a whole nother hand when he took half a step back. “Go wash your face.” 

Blinking, “What?” 

That sweet half-smile widened a touch. “You wanna go wash your face. You’re gettin’ snot everywhere.” 

Her eyesight zeroed in on the hand still trapped. A shininess not just from tears manifested in the light. Those eyes widen as she snatched her hand back to cover her face and made her way to the bathroom. 

After scrubbing her face pink, she took a few second to herself. Breathe. Relax. Shut her brain up for a minute because it was running so many circles she was starting to get exhausted, and she hadn’t even been up for an hour yet. It was gonna be a long day. 

Caffeine. Coffee. She needed some coffee. 

Stepping out of the bathroom, she made her way to the kitchen. Plates of eggs were set up on the table. Shane turned around, two mugs in his hands. He sat the purple one down next to one of the plates, then using the now empty hand to scratch at his unshaven cheek. “I made coffee, but I wasn’t sure what you put in it.”

A smile brightened her face. “That’s fine. I got it.” She picked up the cup and took it over to the counter to get some sugar. The spoon clacked against the sides a bit too slow as she mixed it in. Taking her time to calm the blush and dorky smile. 

When she turned back, Shane was still staring at her. Face still very much red, she shuffled her feet. “Thanks,” she said, and it was for more than just the coffee. 

All he did was nod but that was enough for her. Head dropping to the floor, “Should eat before it gets cold,” he said instead. He pulled out the chair next to him, more as an afterthought, then walked around to the other side to sit. And Anna followed suit.

They lulled into silence. The only sounds were the scrapping of silverware and the occasional clack of cat claws on the hardwood floor. Caterina was instant on being a part of breakfast, stretching her way over and hopping up on the empty seat.

After a few bites of food, Anna’s stomach protested something fierce. Still a bit queasy, she settled for just the coffee. She leaned back a bit, hands warmed by the ceramic, and watched the bright orange glow of the sun rise up over the trees. She felt a little bad for startling the house awake pretty early. But, still, dawn of a new day, what’s in the past is in the past.

Vision dropping back to the man in front of her, who was in a staring match with their other table guest. Caterina, head tilted and tail lazily flicking back and forth, had a paw up on the edge of the wood surface. She slid it a bit closer, enough that Shane could use his free hand to swipe it off the edge. Flicked her tail and tried again, getting the same result.

It was Anna’s fault really, she usually let Cat sit up on the table with her. It made eating at the table less lonely so early in the mornings.

Speaking of early. “Don’t you have work today?” 

Surprised by the question, or maybe just being caught playing with the cat, he sat up straighter. “Nope,” he shook his head, swallowing his food. “Had to take off to help Marnie set up the petting zoo.” 

“Petting zoo?” 

“For the fair?” He gave her a confused look. “The ranch runs it every year.” 

_ Fuck, the fair _ . The one Lewis sent her a letter about yesterday to remind her to get all her things in order for the grange display. And she told herself she could easily gather some things in the morning. Now, her head spun just thinking about it. “Yeah, that’s today alright.” 

She caught sight of the clock overhead. “Wait, shouldn’t you be helping Marnie, like, right now?” 

He just shrugged. The noise that came from him couldn’t quite be placed, maybe it was disapproval. He leaned forward in his chair and took another big bite to keep from talking.

She stirred her coffee, following the swirls in the liquid. “Shane, if you had to leave, you could’ve just said something.” 

“The thing isn’t even open ‘till noon, I still got some time.” 

She sat her mug on the table, coffee now forming a rock in her gut. Her fingers picked at a frayed string on her shirt, head down to focus on it. “Sorry for keeping you her-” 

He cut her off with a huff, “Stop saying sorry for shit. I said it’s fine, alright.” He took another mouthful of food and shook his head. It probably wasn’t his intention to sound upset. 

Still, she couldn’t stop the glare that came over her face. “I apologize for apologizing so much,” sarcasm thick in her tone. She didn’t mean to, it was more of a reflex. 

“Just,” he tapped his fork against the plate, finding some words. “Don’t feel like you have to all the time. I’m here because I wanna be here. You’re not keeping me here, or whatever.” 

All of this eye contact was making her heart do summersaults. “O-okay.” She felt herself sinking in her seat, then leaned forward to fix that. Her hands picked up her fork to poke at her food. “Still, you should finish eating and get home before Marnie come to hunt you down, if you’re supposed to be over there helping with fair prep and all. I don’t want you getting in trouble because of me.” 

He rolled his eyes and sighed, “She’s been mad over worse things. She’ll get over it.” 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back with another long chapter. I hope you guys don't mind me taking a bit longer to get these out, they just keep getting longer and longer and I don't know how to stop myself. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
> And comments, I wanna get back to replying to those. My anxiety has been acting something weird lately. And if I don't break through this wall it put up, I'm gonna just be more annoyed with myself. So I'm gonna reply to those bad boies whether I like it or not.  
> (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ So! See you soon! With Shane, being a bit annoyed and jealous in the next chapter. Fun times.


	34. Fair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I mean..."  
> “Come on. Someones gotta recognize all your hard work if you won’t.”

“You sure you don’t need anything else?” 

Ann was pushing him out the door, stepping out on the porch with him, as she pulled it closed behind her. “Shane, if you help anymore I’m gonna have to start paying you.” 

He didn’t even do much, just offered to help with the dishes. And when she shook her head and stuttered out a ‘ _ you don’t have to do that. I’ll get them done eventually, _ ’ he rolled his eyes for what felt like the hundredth time that morning and did them anyway. 

It didn’t take long to find out that Ann had a problem with letting people helping her, even with the smallest things. As she rinsed and dried, she rambled over and over that she was fine, ‘ _ perfectly capable of cleaning up after myself. You didn’t even use any of these! I’ll do the rest. _ ’ Then nudged him out of the way, letting him at least dry them as they piled up in the sink. Maybe it was a pride thing, or maybe she just thought she did deserve his help. Probably some mix of the two. 

But, if he had to pester her with the fact that he was there if she ever needed anything just to drill it into her head, he’ll do it. And the nervous flush that took over her features was a cute plus. 

“I’m serious,” he laughed, turning back around to face her before she pushed him straight down the stairs and down the road to Marnie’s. “If you need anything, I’m here. And, you know I’ll do anything for food.”  _ Not for food, but anything for her? Yeah, maybe. _

It got the blush he expected, along with a smirk that darkened her face. “ _ Anything? _ ” Voice silvery, as she looked up at him from under her lashes.

He liked her voice in general, but in that tone… Warmth skittering under his skin. He’d been choking all that shit down to not seem like a creep staying in her home. But, if that’s the game she wanted to play now, sober and fully coherent, okay.

He narrowed his gaze on her, ear turning bright red against his dark hair. Leaning down a bit to bring his face closer to her, her eyes widened a bit but didn’t move away. “Anything.” 

The smile on her face grew a touch as the flush spread across her face. Her hands caught the collar of his jacket. Fingers brushing lightly against the bare skin, sparks skittering across his neck. “Don’t write checks you can’t cash, Shane,” she whispered.

His hands settled themselves on her waist, fingertips pressing into her back. “I don’t,” his mouth spoke by itself, way too confident to be coming out of the mouth of Shane Patrick Holland. 

He watched her eyes widen, pupils consuming the speckles of copper. She raised a brow at him and he felt the fingers around his shirt tighten. But she didn’t move closer. Waited. 

_ So what now? You’re just gonna press her against the door and kiss her senseless? _ The idea shooting a million things through his mind, completely short-circuiting it. A hot flash rushing up his neck, “U-uhh.”

When was the last time he kissed someone? Definitely not when he was sober, and never someone he actually cared about. And what if she just didn’t want to kiss him, to take their relationship to that level? To count off the amount of ‘perfect times’ for just today he’d need more than one hand, so haven’t they? 

“U-uhh?” She mimicked his stutter, adding a cute lilt to her voice. Those warm eyes he had been staring at crinkled with a smile as they came closer. A hand braced herself on his shoulder as she stood up on her toes to be face to face. 

“So anything, huh?” She gave a little laugh, warm breath fanning over his mouth. His tongue came out to wet his lips. “I’ll keep that in mind.” the playful glint in her eyes shot a zing through him. A mix of arousal and relief, because at least she was feeling better.

Her nose rubbed against his before she slipped away from his personal space all too soon. “You should get going before Marnie comes to hunt you down.” The mention of his aunt was like a splash of icy water. A glare took over his face, and she laughed again.

Face bright with a smirk, Ann reached behind herself to grab the door handle. “See you at the fair,” she said a bit too fast before slipping open the door and inside.

He rubbing the bridge of his nose in frustration. Part of him wanted to knock his head against the wall, knock his running thoughts back in place. But Ann would definitely come rushing back out at the sound. And would definitely have a few words for him that wouldn’t be so pleasant.

Shane shook his head and made his way down the few stairs. Cobblestone crunched under his feet. Crisp morning air rushed around him, his jacket was pulled closer. To his left, crops were blooming and full of produce. Beets, eggplants, a wide selection of pumpkins. He should buy one for Jas to carve before Spirit’s Eve.

Over the stream, the orchard of apple trees was shifting to gold. He could see tiny dots of red among the green and gold. The other side of the path, tall stalks of corn were rustling in the breeze. 

As he walked by the rows and rows of planets, he realized how much work it must have been to get this place up and running. And Ann had done so much of it by herself. He couldn’t even imagine how much time and energy it must have taken to get it to look so good, and in such a short amount of time. That demanded some respect. He hoped she’d actually come to the fair and bring some choice crops to show off all her hard work.

In front of him, the property gate was squeaking on its hinges. They must have forgotten to close it last night. He made sure to shut it now, clacking the latch in place. His hands were stuff back into his hoodie pockets as he slowly made his way down the path, dragging his feet just a bit. 

He barely rounded the house corner before he was being yelled at, “There you are!”  _ Oh no. _ He hoped he had a little more time, but he should’ve guessed Marnie would be outside. His aunt stalked over from the open coop door to stand arms crossed at the pasture gate. “Where on Earth were you?”

His mouth opened to say something, but nothing came out. Just a puff of air and self-consciousness. He didn’t want to say where he was out loud, although it was pretty obvious. It was more for Ann’s sake, anyway. What happened last night wasn’t something others needed to know, especially his gossipy aunt.

Marnie exhaled, rubbing across her brow. “I’m glad you and Anna found each other, she’s a really sweet girl. But when you say you’re gonna be here to help, I need you to be here, Shane.” 

“It was important, alright,” his voice a bit too sharp from embarrassment. 

It got him the look, that wide-eyed, angry mother look that made him sink back a bit. He was about to apologize, when she sighed, “Alright. Just make sure to take your phone with you next time so I can get ahold of you.” He patted down the pockets of his pants, and sure enough, they were all empty. Seeing that, Marnie shook her head, “Well, Lewis was kind enough to look after the animals already in town.”

“Lewis?” A grimace came over his face.  

“Yes, Lewis,” she said, and there was no room for questions. “Now, if you could hurry up, we still have to move over some the chickens.” 

Trudging inside, he expected Jas to be bouncing around. But, then he remembered she was over at Vince’s until the fair starts. First, a quick stop into his room to grab a clean shirt. To his surprise, a small stack of laundry was sitting on the foot of his bed. He slipped out a black shirt from it, then shuffling around some of the stuff in his drawers to find something to wear over it. His hoodie definitely smelled like he slept on the barn floor, rather than pinned to a soft bed.

Settling for a green flannel, he changed and dropped the dirty stuff in the growing pile by his dresser. He went to the bathroom to freshen up with, what Jason had coined, a ‘Depression Shower.” Spraying greasy hair with some dry shampoo. Roll on some deodorant and spray some old cologne down the front of a, hopefully, clean shirt. Try to cover up the fact he didn’t have the energy or motivation to properly wash up. But, right now it was about time, and had been the last handful of times. 

By the time he got out to the coop, Marnie was snapping shut a chicken cage. Next to it was an already shut one, a little, distressed brown hen shuffling inside. Before he even shut the door, Marnie was giving him instructions. They had three more birds to take down to the fair, for  _ him  _ to take down to the fair. Lewis had helped roll down some of the seed in a wheelbarrow earlier, and Marnie already loaded up a wagon for her stall in the showcase.

Two crates of chickens in his hands, he started into town. Clucks coming from him with every step. As he got a few feet into town, he could see the fence set up for the petting zoo. Lewis was inside waving the few chickens away from his feet. He must have heard him coming up since he turned around. 

“Shane!” He called out and waved. “Glad of you decided to join us.” 

Part of him wanted to just ignore the old man, but fate said otherwise. Getting stopped by the gate, before he could put one of the cages down to open it, Lewis was jogging up, “Let me get that for ya.” 

Not wanting a conversation, he grunted some sort of thanks and walked right past him. Grass and leaves were crunching behind him, and, yup, he was being followed. All the way up to the end of the fence where Shane had to finally stop and let out the chickens before they got more cranky. 

Lewis leaned back against the wood poles and cleared his throat to speak, much to Shane’s dismay. “So, how’s Anna?” he asked smugly. 

His hands paused for a moment. Letting out a subtle sigh, “Fine,” he grumbled. Making sure not to be too rough with the cage as he opened it. The hen shot out immediately making a b-line for her sisters gathered around a mound of feed.  

“That’s good. I worry about her sometimes, you know? She used to be so lively as a little girl. Wish she would come out and be a part of the community once in a while.” 

Shane felt his jaw stiffen as he narrowed his eyes. He had said the same shit about him when he first moved into town, but after months of being ignored or snarked at, Lewis finally stopped trying to guilt him into it. If he was gonna start doing that shit to Ann…

But Lewis was looking up at the sky unaware of the glare he was getting. “You remember Whitt, I’m sure. He and your grandfather were pretty good friends.” 

He hardly remembered much before he moved out here. He was barely five years old when his mom moved them out of the valley permanently, and the few times he did come back to visit had been spontaneous, one-day trips that consisted of helping move heavy crates and wood to and from the house. All he really remembered of Whitt Attins was a really tall, bald guy who with a constant farmer’s tan and made the best pies for every festival. 

Lewis didn’t stop to wait for his answer. “Such a shame to see him go. Was such a strong pillar in this community,” his face sullen has a gave a slight shake of his head. “A real shame.” 

Clouds rolled over the sun, darkening the surrounding with the melancholy from the conversation. An awkwardness pushed down Shane’s shoulders to an almost painful level. “I’m gonna check the fences,” he mumbled before scooping up the cages and hurrying off. 

It was only an hour later when people started setting up stalls. A ring toss game booth manned by a high college kid. Another fishing game that consisted of a kiddy pool and magnetic fish. A guessing game with a wheel, and one of those stupid hammer stones Shane used to be good at. Pierre had set up a prize booth next to the clinic and was in the process of hanging up stupid little plushies that were gonna be way overpriced. 

By the time the sun was high in the sky, the fair was in full swing. It was loud and reminded him a bit of the bustling streets of ZuZu City, but not quite. The familiarity for being alone in a crowd wasn’t quite the same when a decent chunk of the crowd could put a name to your face.

The petting zoo was, unfortunately, a hotspot for parents. They were dropping their young kids off like it was a fucking daycare, and with their few minutes to themselves, they stood on the sidelines chatting to the other parents ignoring their children. While Shane was stressed out of his mind passing out little bags of seed for them to feed the hens and kept them from stepping on anything. 

Now that there were only one or two kids throwing treats at the bird, Shane could take a breather next to the fences housing the larger farm animals. With his little moment of reprieve, he looked over at the grange showcase. Marnie had set up most of the things in her stall, all neatly stacked and in decorative baskets. She stood next to it with Jas, who was on top of a box and giving everything an approving look. Next to them was an empty spot, he assumed for Ann, whenever she showed up. If she showed up.

Beside him, someone leaned against the fence. He figured it was one of the moms watching their kid or there to call the child away. Hopefully the snot-nosed one he’s told three times to get off the fence. She gave him a friendly smile and he returned half of one, trying not to look like he was mentally exhausted. 

Her smile brightened, showing off pearly white teeth. “Helen,” she introduced herself and held out her hand. He gave it a small shake, only because being rude would be bad for the Cindersap Ranch’s reputation. “My son Jeffrey just loves all your animals. He hasn’t wanted to leave since we got here.” 

She pointed to one of the boys Shane had been keeping an eye on. Snot-nose, presumably responding to his name, looked over to them. His hands were wrapped back around the fence pole. He ignored Shane’s glare and smiled at his mother, a gap tooth front and center and eyes squinting. The woman laughed, “He’s such a sweet boy.” 

Eyes narrowed at the boy until he took his hands off the fence. “Yeah.”

Out of the corner of his eyes, a flash of orange drew his attention and, sure enough, it was Ann. Following close behind by Sam, his dorky grin plastered across his face and a crate in his hands. They stopped at the empty stall and he held the box a bit lower so she could reach it. 

Despite being ignored, the woman next to him was still talking. “He’s just been a little ornery since his father left. I’m glad he’s found something he likes.”

He mumbled what might have been words hoping that his disinterest would be enough for her to leave him alone. Or at least the fact that he wasn’t even looking at her, too distracted by the two across the way just chatting back and forth. Sam must have said something because a tiny smile decorated Ann’s face and she was laughing.

Jealousy popped up and Shane crushed it before it spread.  _ The hell is wrong with you, let her have friends.  _

Most like, _ the hell is wrong with you, you two aren’t even together. _

The wood next to him creaked under the woman’s weight. “I want him to have a good role model, but it’s so hard to find a nice guy in the city.”

_ Why is she still here?  _ He dragged a hand across his forehead.  _ End it, Yoba please.  _

When he turned back to look, Ann was shaking her head and tugging the box out of his hands. She stored in under the stand, saying something in response that had the blond laughing in return. He asked something when she came back up, gestured behind him with a thumb. After looking around for a moment, she shrugged her shoulders and followed him behind the saloon. 

The woman sighed wistfully. “I imagine it must be like that in such a small town. I’m sure you understand.” 

_ What? _ Her intention blindsided him, and he blinked at her. “No.”

“O-oh,” her face went up in flames. “Well, I…” with a nod, she hurried over to her child at the other end of the fence. 

_ Thank fuck. _ Shane wanted nothing more than for a sinkhole to collapse under his feet. A headache started forming behind his eyes and he rubbed the bridge of his nose to try and lessen it, to no avail. 

Maybe getting back to work would distract himself from it. The first thing he saw was some kid was climbing up the fence to the goats. “Hey! Get off that!” 

\---

He only had two hours left of this shit. Then he had to help drag all the animals home. Hopefully the crowd of people would disperse a bit by then, so he could finish it all quickly and drop into bed.

He had taken a spot on a stool near the gate. Next to him was a sack of feed he was scooping into baggies to hand out to the kids walking in. Luckily the more rowdy youngins had gotten bored and dragged their parents away. Only a family of four was in the chicken pen and the few near the livestock were being watched. 

An ache had been forming at the base of his neck and no amount of rubbing was reducing it. If anything, it made it worse when coupled with the screaming around him. He rested his head back against the rail. Eyes closing for a minute to try and collect himself, try and relax against the roar of the fair around him. 

He swore he only closed his eyes for a minute, but it was definitely more time than that. A soft noise over him roused his mind awake. His eyes blinked open, expecting a flood of light to blow out his vision, but a face was shadowing his. Red curls backlit by the sunshine, how close she was locked him in place.

Staring down with a lopsided smile, “Hi,” Ann greeted him softly.  One of her fingers traced a line across his forehead, brushing back the hair that fell over his face. 

He fully meant to say something back, but under her gaze, he found himself tongue-tied. He must have looked pretty stupid as his mouth opened but no words came out, and she let out a giggle. It never failed to bring out a smile, even if it looked terribly awkward. His head still craned back and her hand in his hair. 

She held something up for him to see, “Gus is selling coffee. You look like you need it more than me.” 

Finally snapping out of it, he sat up. He fixed his hair with one hand as he reached out for the cup with his other. It paused, he raised a brow at her, “You sure?” 

“Mhmm,” she nodded, pressing the cup into his palm. Styrofoam warm in his hand, his face warm from her touch, and his chest warm from how grateful he was for her. In this moment, many in the past, and probably more in the future. He took a sip, a bit too hot, but his brain already welcomed the caffeine. 

Her eyes scanned over him so quickly he almost didn’t notice. “You look nice.” A hand tugged on the side of his collar to straighten it out. Cool fingers brushed lightly against his neck and he had to force himself not to shiver. “Green’s a good color on you.” 

“T-thanks,” He cleared his throat as his voice stuttered.  _ Say something back, you idiot. _ “You look nice, too.” Though dressed in just a simple long sleeve tucked in some high-waisted jean, something she wore all the time with the cooler weather, she wore it well. She wore most things well, actually. 

The comment made her smile, causing his heart flutter. It wasn’t her usual playful smile. Still sweet and genuine, but it lacked the energy behind it. “How ya feelin’?” he asked.

She tilted her head back and forth, maybe deciding what to say. Taking a long breath, her body seemed to deflate, the only thing holding her up was her forearms against the railing. “Tired.” 

Liquid swirled in the cup as he offered it to her. She gave him an odd look but took it, looked down the mouth of the lid. “S’fine, but it’s your’s.” 

“Yeah, but you can have the rest of it. I drank the rest of the coffee from this morning before coming out here, so,” she shrugged, pushed it back into his hand. “I probably shouldn’t drink anymore.” 

Remembering their sleeping arrangement, he frowned, “Sorry. I probably snore like a dumpster truck.” 

“N-no. Not from- No, you don’t,” cheeks turning red as she stumbled over her words. Her face disappeared into that blue scarf she always wore, muffling the rest of her words.

He tugged on the top of it with a finger. “What was that?” 

Brown eyes flashed over the top to look at him. Face still a little pink, a hand came up to pull the fabric down enough to talk. “More mentally tired. I think I hit my human-interaction quota for the whole month.” 

That surprised him a bit. Shane thought she was more of a people-person. Especially with how friendly and kind-natured she was. He’s seen how easily she was able to hold a conversation with nearly anybody. Then again, with everything going on this week, Shane would be at his limit too, ten times over. 

As she pushed herself back up on her elbows, she changed the subject, “But anyway, how’s the babysitting going?” Her gaze looked beyond him to the group of kids that were crowding around the animals.

Sucking in a breath, “No one’s lost a finger yet, so I’d say it’s going we-” In pure irony, a screech came from behind him followed by crying that made him cringe. 

A sympathetic look covered her face. “You want a bit of help?” she laughed. 

“I thought you were tired of being around people?” 

She shook her head, “Kids aren’t that bad.” Leaning in a bit, she dropped her voice, “It’s more of the parents that get on my nerves.” Then, grabbing hold of the fence, she hopped up and swung her legs over it. “But, you look like you need some help.” 

“Ann-” 

“Nope.” Her feet kicked up a tiny puff of dirt as she dropped down. “Already over here.” Taking the coffee out of his hand, she took a sip and looked at him expectantly over the lid. 

He was about to shoo her out of the gate when another cluster of children came running through. Two scream-laughing as they scurried up to the cows, and another one covered to the elbows in sticky sugar arguing with a tired looking father about why they had to be around the smelly animals in the first place. 

With a long sigh, he stood up and motioned for her to follow him. 

He gave her a simple set of instructions for the chicken and smaller animals, showing her where they kept the seed and the bags for the kids to feed them out of. He remembered what she said that morning, about not wanting barn animals, and though watching over the livestock was much easier, he let her take over the chicken pen.

It had only been a few minutes, but when he looked over to make sure everything was fine, she had most of the children gathered around her. Everyone forming a lopsided circle around a few of the chickens and one little pigeon that stood out in the flock. It took the opportunity to hop up on her leg. Instead of shooing it away, she fed it some seeds and let it hang out with the others.

She looked to be telling a story, hands moving in exaggerated movements. Most of the youngins were enthralled by it, save for the two with hens in their laps, their short attention span not registering beyond them.  

Something in his chest constricted, a feeling he got often. It seemed to be happiness, that pure rush he got whenever he was around her. But, the impact was hitting him harder and harder every day, he was worried one of these times he might just snap and crumble under the weight of it. The feeling mixed with the permanent dread that infected his core being despite the added chemical balance every morning. He wished it didn’t, but the parasite just latched on to and fed off of any form of positivity the world put out for him. 

He took a breath. Storing that mess back in a faraway place in his mind to deal with… eventually, and decided to just live in the moment now. The moment where Ann had turned and caught him staring and gave him a little grin with a wave of her fingers. 

He was smiling back, and another rushing impact forced a pleasant warmth through him. And then came the dread. A different, startling dread that came from the creak of someone’s body weight leaning on the fence next to him. 

Aunt Marnie, chuckling to herself, leaned with her crossed arms on the top rung of the fence. “Well, I was comin’ over to let you off the job. But…” 

He shook his head. “I don’t think she wants to be babysittin’ for the rest of the day.” Well, then again, she did willingly hop the fence into this place and corralled the kids around her, making his job so much easier. 

A hum and she tapped her fingers on the fence. A few seconds of children’s laughter and the merriment passed around them. “You know, she got second in the showcase.” The information got Shane’s attention. “You should go tell her, apparently she got a prize.”

“She’ll find out eventually,” he shrugged, hands looking for his hoodie pockets out of habit but settled for the front pockets of his jeans. Ann shot another look their way and Marnie took the opportunity to wave her over. 

“You kids should be out havin’ fun. I’ll take over for the rest of the day. Just make sure you’re around to help bring everyone home this time.” She tapped the top rung to give some finality and started for the entrance gate. 

Marnie was long gone by the time Ann got up to him. She looked around, “Wait, what did Marnie want?” 

“She wants to run the zoo for a while. Come on,” he motioned for her to follow him with a tilt of his head. “Apparently you got second place in the showcase thing.” 

Her steps hesitated for a moment. “Really?” but the question didn’t sound happy. When he looked back, a frown covering her face as she narrowed her eyes. 

“What?” 

The ground crunched under her shuffling feet. “I mean…” She paused, looking like she had something to say but settled for a “Hmm,” and a shake of her head. 

_ Did she think she didn’t deserve it? _ She said as much that morning. That she didn’t really think she should be participating at all if she didn’t put the time and effort into her display like the others. Shane told her otherwise as he pointed to all her hard work lined up in neat little rows outside her house, but she was still a bit iffy. 

“Come on. Someone’s gotta recognize all your hard work if you won’t.” He put an arm around her waist to get her moving again. “And Marnie said you got a prize, so hopefully it’s worth it.” He did it absentmindedly, only realizing how close they were as they bumped into each other with their steps. 

The closeness didn’t last long however, only until they were out of the fence. As he lead her through the gate, Marnie gave them a side-eye. Behind her, he could see two of the women from the town looking in their direction, then turned to whisper to each other. A hot flash shot up his neck. He pulled his arm away to stuff his hands deeper into his pockets. 

Ann grabbed one of his hands before it got that chance to tuck itself away. A big part of him wanted to pull away. He hated the self-consciousness itching under his skin. But her hand gripped his tight and nervous as they moved through the crowd. He shoved the feeling down to his feet and lead the way.

Her stall was a great display of the crops her hand for the fall.  Baskets of beets and corn. A large pumpkin was tucked up in the corner. Around them all was a sea of apples, red and yellow to compliment all the autumnal colors. A little red ribbon with a shiny ‘2nd place’ was tacked to the front of the stall. 

Ann tugged it off, looked at it for a second before stuffing it in her pocket. “Guess I gotta talk to Lewis. Be back in a minute,” she mumbled before making her way down the line of stalls.

Shane took some time to look over the other stalls, steering clear of the fishy end. Marnie’s looked great, everything nicely packages and decorated with little bows that Jas helped tie up. Pierre's looked like a store display. And according to Ann most of his crops weren’t in season, so she didn’t know how he grew them fresh for the fair. Shane looked over it, some of the apples specifically that looked suspiciously familiar. 

Before he could think about it more, the tiny patter of feet was running up behind him. And then yelling, “Uncle Shane!” Jas jumped up beside him. Tiny hands grabbed one of his and used him for support as she leaned back on her heels. “Are you done working now?” she asked, looking up at his face with a grin. 

He pulled back, pulling her on her feet. “Yup.” 

“So we can play some games now?” she asked, eyes hopeful. 

He looked back over to see Ann was done talking with Lewis and was walking back over. Jas pulled on his hands to get his attention back. Shane found himself nodding. “Sure, whatever you wanna do.”  _ Priorities.  _

Jas, seeing who was coming up behind them, hopped out from behind his legs but her hands were still gripping tight to his. “Congratulation on winning, Miss Anna!” 

Noticing Jas brought a bright smile to her face, “Thank you, Miss Jas.” The little girl giggled. Shane swore his heart melted a little. 

One of the hands let go of his, then zipped over to take Ann’s free one to shake it a bit. “We’re gonna go play some games.” She looked quickly up at Shane and he saw that glint in her eye. She tugged on Ann’s hand, “You should come with us.” 

“I don’t know. I’m really bad at all of them.” 

“Don’t worry! Uncle Shane is really good at them. He could teach you!” And she was pulling them to the nearest game stall before she answered.

Ann was laughing, gladly being tugged along beside them. “Oh. I didn’t know you were a secret carnival game champion.” 

Jas had dragged the three of them up to a ring tossing game. Shane gave a shrug as he was pulling out some of the extra tokens had bought for Jas earlier. “We all have our secrets.” 

\---

They were trying out the slingshot game. Jas was surprisingly good at it. The vendor had a crate for her to stand on to see over the counter, and once she had the hang of pulling back the string, she cracked target after target. 

Ann, on the other hand… She wasn’t lying when she said was garbage at these games. Another yellow ball thumped against the back wall, dropped to the floor, and bounced under a box. “Okay,” Anna pressed the slingshot on the counter, “I think I’m done.” 

“Here, it’s not hard.” Shane swiped the slingshot off the counter. Putting it back into her hand, he helped her line up another ball. “You just aim a bit higher, at the red line,” he pointed up to it.

She gave him a side-eye but pulled the string back. Eyes narrowing in consideration. Let it go, and the ball bounced off the back wall and onto the floor with the others. “Mmmm,” She passed the slingshot back to him, then mumbled something, “… can’t even- hmm.” 

“What?” 

She leaned back against him, something he wasn’t expecting and wrapped his free hand around her waist. “I can’t-” an angry huff blew up her bangs as she crossed her arms. “I can’t freakin’ see it. It’s too far away.” A pout crossing her face. “I couldn’t put my contact in this morning.” 

“Wha- Where are your glasses?” A bit of a dumb question, in retrospect, if she knew she would have been wearing them. She shrugged against him. His head dropped on her shoulder as he laughed, “So you’ve been just walkin’ around blind all day?” 

“I’m not completely blind. I just, can’t see far away.” 

“You’re unbelievable.” He nudged her aside, “No wonder you’re so bad.” 

“Trust me, my sight has nothing to do with how terrible I am at this.” 

Not even a half hour later, Jas was complaining about how tired her feet were. Shane was carrying her on his back when he walked up to the prize booth. “Alright, kid, what do you want?” He adjusted his grip as Jas shuffled higher on his back. A tiny hand pointed to one of the stuffed animals hanging in the back; a giant, pink rabbit dotted in little flowers. “The giant one?” 

“Yeah! I wanna use it for a pillow!” Her feet kicked him in her excitement. 

Pain sparked up his side. He sucked in a breath to keep from groaning. “Ok, time to get down.” 

“Aw!” she whined, but slide down and onto her feet. 

Up at the counter, Pierre was sorting out coins into piles. He looked at Shane from over his wire glasses. Slim fingers going back to recounted over the coins in front of him. 

“How much for the rabbit?” Digging into his pockets, Shane dumped his winning out on the counter. 

The older man gave one look at the tokens Shane dropped down. With a shake of his head, Pierre leaned back and crossed his arms. “Sorry, that one’s 1000 tokens.” 

“Seriously? That’s ridiculous.” 

Pierre barely gave a shrug while he wore the same smarmy look that Morris got when he coerced someone into a JojaMart membership. It must have been a store owner thing. The joy of scamming someone out of their money. 

“Hey,” A hand grabbed his shoulder, pulling him back a touch. Ann dropped some of her rolled tokens on the counter. “Here, that should be enough.” 

“Ann-” 

“I got way too many tokens from the showcase thing,” she cut him off with a wave of her hand. “Let me use them on something good.” 

He sighed, “Jas?” He motioned to Ann with a finger. 

“Thank you, Miss Anna!” the little girl squealed, tackling Ann in a hug. 

“Ah!” The two nearly fell over with the impact. Ann stumbled back a step and had the breath knocked out of her, but she caught her. The little girl’s feet dangling only a few inches off the ground as she kicked them. “You’re welcome, sweetheart,” she laughed, a bit breathless.

Pierre swiped all the tokens on the counter, and they clattered into a bin under the counter. He pulled down the bunny and handed it over, “Here you go, little lady.” 

Jas took it quickly, almost knocking herself over if Ann wasn’t behind her. Too excited to stand still, she hopped in place. “I wanna- Where’s Aunt Marnie?”

He veered her away from the line and out of people’s way. “She’s over with the animals, kid. We’ll go see her in a-”

“Aunt Marnie!” then she took off to find her.

“Jas!” She was already gone before he could catch her. His chest lurched as so many pairs of eyes staring right in his direction. A few just for a split second, but some he knew from around town gave him disapproving shakes of their heads. Anxiety struck him like lightning. 

The sudden hand on his shoulder made him jump. “She’s over by Marnie, she’s okay,” Ann said, and it helped. “If you wanna go with her-” she shrugged, looking over to the stalls still full of produce. “I gotta pack this stuff up, so…” 

He took a steadier breath. With a sure thing to do, he felt a bit calmer. “Yeah, I, um-” 

Her fingers brushed down his arm and gave his hand a squeeze. “I’ll see you.” 

He nodded, gave her a squeeze back before pulling his hand away a bit too quickly. “Yeah. See you,” he said before making his way through the crowd.

Jas’s voice carried over the laughing, “Uh-hu! Miss Anna and Uncle Shane got it for me!” She was up on a stool, thrusting her new toy up to Marnie’s face. 

Getting stopped by the fence, Shane leaned against it to be next to them. “Jas, you can’t run off like that,” he groaned. 

His tone dimmed her excitement. She dropped back on her heels, hugging the bunny close to her chest. “Sorry.” 

“Oh, she was just excited,” Marnie laughed. She looked at Shane, then looked back around him. “Where’s Anna?” 

“She’s packing up her stuff.”

“Well, if you’re over here, I was just about to close up shop. Help me crate up all the hens, will you?” 

\---

“You were home pretty late this morning.” He nearly cracked his head on the fridge hearing a sudden voice. His head turned to see Marnie, wrapped in her bathrobe, pulling a cup out of the cupboard. Then she took the cup to fill it at the sink.

Shaking his head, he stuck his can of sparkling water in his hoodie pocket. The box, now empty, was pulled out of the fridge and crushed it under his foot. “Not what you’re thinkin’,” he grumbled.

“Mhmm.” The microwaved clacked open. Then clacked shut after she popped the cup in and started it up. Soft whirring filled the room. “You ask her out yet?” Marnie asked nonchalantly as she leaned back on the counter. 

The broken box was picked up and shoved in the trash. “Nope,” popping the ‘p’ at the end.

She shook her head, “Haven’t even taken her out yet and you’re sleepin’ over,” her clicked her tongue, “I thought Gracey taught you better than that.” 

Maybe if he tried hard enough, he could cave in the floor under him. He cracked open the can, taking a long chug to feel the carbonation burn in his throat. Some small part of his brain wished it was something different.

With a soft chuckle, “I’m just makin’ fun of you, sunshine.” The microwave dinged, then popped open. As she pulled out a spoon from one of the drawers, she used it to point to a stack of letters on the table. “You got some mail this morning, by the way. S’on the table.” 

But the time he found his mail in the stack, Marnie had got a teabag and dunked it in her cup as she walked out. “Have a good night, Shane,” He heard call out as her bedroom door close behind her.

The letter was heavier in his hands that he thought it would be. With his full name printed across the middle, the envelope was the usual blue of his paychecks. But, rather then the return address being to the usual management, in the right corner was the address to the Joja Corp HQ out in ZuZu City. 

He flipped it over in his fingers, running his thumb under the glued flap to tear it open. It could be anything, really. Either something about his payroll, or a change in his already shitty health insurance. The glossy paper nicked his skin, “Shit.” 

He didn’t pull the whole page out at first, just enough to flip up and read the top paragraph. It was short. Barely three sentences, but the first one started with ‘Congratulations, Shane P. Holland!” 

Confusion made him pull out the rest of it. A few choice parts stood out when he scanned over the letter. Third place in Joja Corp’s Summer Commercial Contest. Prize provided in the envelope; a check and two tickets. Joja Corporation had full rights to the material. He was walking up to the trash as he did it but stopped when he found more stuff in the envelope. 

Tucked deep inside was a thinner paper. The same type as his paychecks but almost ten times more. He choked on his own tongue, nearly dropped the check in the trash can. Fingers tore the edge of the paper as his grip on it tightened. Digging out the rest of the things inside, he found two laminated, smooth tickets with the Tunnelers logo printed across the middle. 

He wasn’t sure if the skip in his heartbeat was excitement or grief. The last time he’d ever seen one of these tickets was years ago. Before he moved into the valley. Before Jas was even born. Jason had dragged his ass out of bed saying he was gonna pay forward Shane’s Winter Star and 25th birthday presents in one go with gridball playoff ticket he had been saving up for months. 

And with two tickets, what Marnie said poked his mind; “Hadn’t even taken her on a date yet.” The idea rooted itself in his mind, and with it something else. That the idea might be a straight shot to an awful time, a ruined possible relationship, and fucking up the one serious friendship he’s had in years. Just all in one go, gone. 

His bedroom door clicked softly behind him. He stuck the check in his wallet so he didn’t forget it next time he was in the city. The tickets were up on his dresser. He stared at it for longer than he meant to.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, this is what I get for not planning out a chapter. It took so long to write and it ended up being so freaking long.  
> Thankful, I got the next couple actually planned out. So, it shouldn't take a whole month to do next time.  
> As always, thanks for reading. All the kudos and comments give me life. ≧◡≦ Thank you!!


	35. Finally

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m always up for trying new things.”

Anna leaned back from her empty coffee cup and journal with a sigh. She pushed the book further from her vision, enough to shove it into a pile of requests she collected from the town people about her next harvest. The top one was from Gus; he needed a load of apples by next week to make a test batch of his annual cider. ‘Next week’ was in two days. She scrubbed her hands over her face, then stood up with a huff.

Restacking the papers, under them she found that red ribbon she definitely wasn’t trying to lose. It stood out harshly against wooden dining table. A frown dragged its way across her mouth. _She didn’t really earn this, did she? From just collecting random things around the farm?_ It almost felt like cheating to earn second place that easily.

Shane had laughed at her when she said this over the phone the other night. But when he realized she wasn’t joking, he backtracked.

_“Are you fuckin’ serious? Those crops didn’t just sprout outta the ground, Ann.”_

_“But they kinda did though.”_

_“You know what I mean.”_

Some part of her brain knew he was right. Given the state of the property before she came here, saying those crops up showed up out of nowhere was ridiculous. It took so many long hours slaving away back in the spring to get even half the field in clean enough shape to actually get seeds into the dirt. And only some of those first crops actually grew.

Now, looking out her kitchen window, a blanket of blooming autumn harvestables spread wide across the once overgrown earth. Beyond that was the little stream she spent a weekend cleaning out back in August, and the orchard she laid some mulch paths through so she wouldn’t get lost in the tall weeds. The exhaustion she felt previously was shrouded in a wave of pride. _Maybe a little recognition for all the work wasn’t so bad._

She picked up her little prize, feeling the silky ribbon between her fingertips. It was just some basic red fabric over cardboard. A number two was pressed into in the middle with silver paint. Not much more than one of those participation ribbons she would get in school.

Hooking a finger through the little silver string sewn into the top, she looped it over one of the magnets on her fridge. Stared at it for a moment. Then decided it was too front and center. It was moved over to the right side and out of the way.

\---

Sweat gathered at the base of her neck, soaking into the collar of her shirt. The canvas bag was getting heavy again and she shifted it to sit on a different part of her shoulder. Reaching up for a few more apples, she added them to the bundle before leaning over to rest her head on the top of the ladder.

Under her was a wagon carrying two milk crates mostly filled with shiny, red apples. She needed one or two more bags to pack them full. Gus said he needed quite a few pounds of them. When she had him fill out an invoice, she nearly fell over at the thought of how much work it was gonna be. She never realized how many apples were needed for one single gallon of apple cider. And he wanted enough to make four of them.

A groan crept out of her throat at the reminder. She was gonna need to find a better way to do this.

Taking a moment to rest, she sat up on one of the ladder steps and rested the bag in her lap. Despite her slight fear of heights, there was something amazing seeing her farm from so high up. With her new mindset, she could see and appreciate how lovely it looked. But she could also see all the things that still needed some work. Like that fucking barn she’d been staring at all summer long. Maybe she’ll head up to Robin’s today and get something sorted out.

But that would be later. Right now, she took a moment to breathe. Listen to the wind rushing through the trees. Birds chirped around her. The creak still had enough water to bubble and gurgle. She closed her eyes and leaned against the steps, just enjoying the stillness of the autumn morning.

Until that stillness was broken. The telltale squeak of the back gate opening and the crunch of stone under shoes came from down below. Her eyes flashed open and down on the path was Shane, staring at the ground as he walked with his hands in his pockets. She thought about calling down to him but decided against it. Meeting him down there made the most sense. First, she had to get down the ladder without dropping anything.

As she made her way down the ladder she was too focused on not dropping the apples in her shoulder bag. The ground looked close and she went to drop down, only to realize there still was one step. Her foot got caught the rung. Canvas bag slipping off her shoulder, apples tumbled to the dirt. She hit the ground hard, knocking the air out of her lungs.

“Holy shit, are you okay?” Shane called out, his footstep speeding closer.

Too humiliated to even make a noise if she had the breath to do so, she pressed her hands over her face like that would make her invisible. A shadow fell over her. Cracking her fingers, Shane’s green-eyed, panicked expression filled her vision. He knelt down, probably to see if she was okay, and she covered her eyes back up hoping that the redness would go away faster.

“Yeah. Fine,” she squeaked out, her voice still tight and making her cough. Her chest hurt when she sucked in another deep breath.

“Did you hit your head?” his question laced in worry. “Here, let me see.” Then hands were pulling on her wrist. Her muscles were tight, and when he pulled, instead of lifting her hands away, her whole upper body came with them.

She heard a snort as he helped her sit up, and she couldn’t help the grin that snuck its way across her mouth. But now upright, the back of her head thumped with her heartbeat. She could feel her vision swimming behind her lids. Her lungs took in another deep breath and it didn’t burn this time, so that was a good sign.

A hand brushed through her hair, sweeping out some of the grass and old leaves that got caught up in it. She liked it more than she wanted to admit. Her neck turning to jelly without her permission and her head following the drag of his fingers. He chuckled, “I’m gonna guess you’re okay?”

She cracked her fingers to look at him. “Pretend you never saw that,” she muttered.  

He was chuckling again, definitely at her expense and now the blush was back. To avoid his gaze, she surveyed the damage. Quite a few of the apple tumbled out of the bag on impact, some had rolled their way into the creek. Thank Yoba she didn’t land on any of them, that would have left a nasty bruise.

Shuffling over on her knees, she dragged the bag up to the cart and dumped the contents into one of the crates. Shane had came over to and started helping her pack the fallen apples into the other box.

“So, what brings you up here? Just couldn’t wait until I was done with work to see me?” She teased, trying to ease her own embarrassment.

The question got her another laugh. She never heard him so chuckly before, something good must have happened. He pointed at the brown paper bag a few inches away he must have brought with him, “Cheese. Marnie was pretty offended you left the fair before you could try some.”

“Ah, I completely forgot.” _What else is new?_ She moved around some of the fruits to make room for the other few left. “I had to leave kinda early. I’m not so good with crowds like that,” the admission turning her shy.

“I get it,” and the way he said it sounded true. Taking a quick glance up to his face, the nod and look in his eye only confirmed it. And the little smile he gave said that was completely okay.

To keep from staring too long, she went to go collect the bag of cheese. She heard Shane grunt as he stood up as well. Turning around, his arms were stretched over his head. Anna definitely wasn’t looking at the way his shirt rode up to show off a strip of pale skin and line of dark hair that disappeared behind the button of his jeans.

He let out a rush of air as his arms dropped, dragging her brain out of the gutter. “Hey, so,” he scratched at his cheek. “Remember that commercial thing from forever ago?”

Her eyebrows shot up. “Yeah! Did you win? Did you get anything?” Excitement bleeding into her voice as she planted herself in front of him.  

Her enthusiasm made him smirk. “Third place,” he said with shrug. He’s really cute when he’s all confident.

“That’s so freakin’ cool! I actually watched your’s.” And voted for his, but he didn’t need to know that part.  

His smirk dropped. “You did?” Confidence gone in an instant, replaced with a rapidly growing blush.  

“Yeah! The camera work was so well done, and the editing. That fancy vignette you put on it really made it.” Each compliment turning his face redder and redder.

He busied himself with straightening out his hoodie. “It wasn’t that good,” he mumbled.

She dropped the bag in one of the crates and grabbed his hands, getting his attention back. “Good enough to get third place outta 10,000 people. Give yourself some credit, Shane.”

A thought struck her. The realization of how weirdly similar this situation was to her with the fair display. Denying all the hard work despite being rewarded for it. Now on the other side of the argument, she could see how Shane thought it was a little ridiculous she didn’t want the recognition.

“So, whatdja win?” she asked. “You better have won something for third.”

“Yeah, I did,” he laughed at her intensity. “A couple of tickets to the Tunnelers playoffs.”

“Is that it?” _Wasn’t there supposed to be a cash prize?_

He blinked at her. “They’re front-row seats to one of the most important games of the season. Those are fuckin’ expensive.”

“Oh, really? I’m not a sports person,” she admitted, a little embarrassed. “But that’s so cool! Congrats, Shane!”

“Thanks.” He looked like he wanted to say more, but something stopped him. Rather than looking at her face, he was staring down at their interlocked fingers.

“So…” She swung their hands back and forth, thinking up some question to get him talking again. “When’s the game?”

“Today.”

“Oh. That’s really soon.”

“Yeah,” he let out a little laugh, it slowly coming to a standstill. His hands stilled hers, his shoulders hunching in a nervous way. “And… I have an extra ticket.”

“Yeah?”

He pulled one of his hands away to rub across the nape of his neck. “But if it’s not really your thing…” His cheeks were turning pink the autumn sunshine.

A goofy smile took over her face before she could catch it. “I’m always open for trying new things.”

His whole face seemed to brighten up at her words. “Then, uh-” A grin flashed over his face. “Meet me up at the bus stop around five?”

\---

Was this a date?

Shit, when was the last time she went out on a date?

She went on a few back in high school, even less in college. Too focused on work and school, or too anxious to meet new people. She was lucky to even get a girlfriend in those first few years of college.

Maybe she could count all the high-class parties Elisa made her go to. Dressed up in stuffy cocktail dresses and heavy make-up, baking under bright lights and too fancy chandeliers. While Elisa flitted from group to group talking perfect business, Anna either stood by the food or sat at their reserved table ‘appreciating’ the wine selection.

But like an actual date, she might have fun at? It’s been a while.

She shimmed on a different sweater, looked in the mirror for a second, shook her head, then tugged it back off. It was added to the pile at the foot of her bed. She tried another one, this one a blue zip-up that clashed too much with her jeans so it was added to the growing pile too.

Anna dropped back on the bed. The mattress dipped with her weight and agitated Caterina’s warm spot in the comforter. Ignoring the growl, Anna looked up at her, “I’m stressing over this too much, aren’t I?” Cat answered with an annoyed meow. “Yeah, yeah. I still got some time, though.” She craned her neck back more to get a look at the clock.

She was late. A whole five minutes late when the bus stop was literally right around the corner.

“Shit! Shit, shit, shit, shit!” Scooping up one of the sweaters from the floor, a mauve cotton with shoulder cutouts that Anna got her hand stuck thought in her haste. She took her non-existent time tying on her boots to save herself from possibly tripping over the laces later. Thank Yoba she had the idea to pack up a smaller purse beforehand and swung it over her shoulder.

Yanking open the door, wind whipped her already unruly hair around her head. Some got caught in her lip balm and when she spit it out she nearly drooled all over her shirt. As she rushed down the stairs, she pulled it all back in a bun to get what she could out of her face.

She rushed out of the gate, making sure the latch clacked shut. When it was secure, she stood there with her hands wrapped around the post. _Why are you freaking out so hard? It’s just Shane. Who you’ve been texting for months, and sometimes calling when the quiet house got too much to bear and just needed to hear someone’s voice. Who you’ve been hanging out with almost every weekend for months. And passed out drunk on top of him like a needy idiot just a last week. Then spilled all your insecurities to him and cried into his shirt._

Hands were pressed hard into her face, then dragged down. She took a deep breath and smoothed out the wrinkles in her sweater. Brushed her fringe back in place with her fingers. Wiped off the bit of lip balm that was smeared on her cheek. Checking over her reflection on her phone screen, she nodded. _Good. Cute._

Her thumb clicked the screen on out of habit and now she was eight minutes late. Her feet were moving before she even told them to.

Rounding the corner, she could see people were still boarding the bus. Her mind went straight to finding Shane, but he was easy to spot. Leaned up against the side, his foot tapped against the gravel as he looked down at his phone.

Even from far away, she could tell he cleaned up some. His hair was nicely brushed back. His shadow of a beard had been trimmed up a little. He was in that green plaid shirt he wore the other day that brought out the color of his eyes, and it looked even better all buttoned down with the sleeves rolled up. Button-ups were her fucking weakness on anyone.

Her boots crunched the grass as she walked, and Shane’s head jerked up at the noise. Seeing her, his face lit up and he pushed himself off the bus. He ran his fingers through his hair, the action roughing it up rather than fixing it. The messy look was more Shane anyway, and Anna decided she liked it better that way.

“Hey!” She smiled, a little out of breath. “Sorry I’m late, I got really caught up in some stuff.” _Like fumbling through her whole wardrobe._

He nodded, shuffled his feet. Hands still stuffed into his pants pockets. “Worried you weren’t gonna show,” he joked.

“I wouldn’t do that to you.” Grabbing his arm, she pulled him to the door as the last person in line stepped on. “Come on, let’s go.”

The bus had more passengers on it than Anna expected. Most were strangers, but a few familiar faces were in the mix. Gus was near the front and gave them a nod as they walked by. Alex sat near the back, giving a curious glance to the pair before going back to his phone.

Anna slipped into one of the middle seats a few empty chairs away from everyone. Shane sat down next to her, perched at the very edge of the cushion, foot bouncing against the metal floor. It was kinda cute, and seeing his nervous made her feel a bit less stupid for stressing out earlier.

She turned towards him, pulled one leg up on the seat. “You know if we make any sharp turns your ass is gonna end up on the floor, right?”

He narrowed his eyes at her, then grumbled something scooted half an inch closer. There was still so much space between them. Anna patted the cushion, “Oh come on, I don’t bite.” She watched his eyes roll, his chest rise and fall with a sigh, and he scooted closer. Close enough for their legs to bump against each other as the bus lurched into motion.

The bus rumbled down the road. Around them, people were chatting amongst themselves and soft classic rock buzzed on the radio. Her and Shane sat quietly, not that she minded. Enjoying silent company came with being friends with Shane.

But, it was going to be a long ride if they just sat in silence. And with how her brain wanted to run itself in circles already, talking might be a good thing right now. Sucking in a breath, she started, “So, you’ve probably been to a few games right?”

He shot a glance over to her for a split second before he nodded. “Yeah. Use to go at least once a season.” Relaxing back into the seat, he nodded. “Me and Jason made sure to save up every year for the best seats and everything.”

As he relaxed she was about to reach out and take his hand but paused in her curiosity. “Jason?”

His face dropped like he just realized what he said. “Y-yeah, uh,” he cleared his throat, eyebrows furrowing. “Good guy. Were friends for a long time.”

Hummed and nodded, she took his hand. She saw and felt him stiffen, but assumed it was just from wandering their relationship in uncharted territory. “Do you still talk to him?” It was an innocent question, one meant to ease some of his nerves.

Her question was left in the air. So long she was worried she finally overstepped some line. Her gaze dropped to their fingers to avoid any pressure. She was about to say he didn’t have to answer, but he did. “No. He’s… not around anymore.”

Her hands gave his a squeeze. “Oh. I’m sorry, Shane.”

A shoulder came up in a shrug. “S’fine. You didn’t know.”

The sunlight died out as the bus drove through a tunnel. Conversations quieted around them, the darkness bringing a blanket of silence. The radio crackled and faded out, leaving an eerie stillness drenched in melancholy. Even when the bus finally broke the other side and people restarted their talking, Anna kept quiet, not really sure what to say.

Comforting people was generally something she was good at. But when it came to death, she was at a loss. Despite losing someone important in her life, she repressed the sadness that came from it. It wasn’t healthy, she knew that, but at the time she didn’t have time to deal with it.

Anna kept her stare on their connected hands, her thumbs rubbing over rough palm in what she hoped was a reassuring way.  

After another moment, Shane chuckled softly. “He was always bitchin’ the whole way there and the whole way back.”

“Not a big sports guy?” Her voice came out softer, too.

“Nah. But it was payback for forcing me to go to all of his shows. He was a theater major,” he answered before she got the chance to ask, maybe seeing the question on her face. “Made me record all of them too, so he had a portfolio for when he made it big. Wanted to be on Broadway and shit.”

“Sounds like you were pretty close.” _Close enough to be the godparent of his kid?_ It sounded reasonable, but that was a bit shitty to assume.

“Yeah. He was a good guy.” With a nod and a long sigh, that marked the end of the conversation. Turning his body to face her, he propped his elbow on the back of the seat to rest his head in his hand. “You’ve never been to a live game, but you’ve seen a gridball game before, right?”

She shrugged, “Like, once or twice in school.”

“Is that it?” He clicked his tongue, “Highschool gridball’s a little different if I remember right.”

“Did you play in school?” When he nodded, one solid thought came into her mind. Her lip quirked up in a smirk. “Does Marnie have pictures?”

“Absolutely not,” he scoffed, but his face lit up red. As in, _she definitely does, but you are not seeing them._

She’ll have to ask Marnie some time.

\---

Anna had never been in a stadium before, nor had she really been in this part of the city before. The streets were a little too narrow, the sidewalks even more so as she and Shane walked up to the gated entrance of ZuZu Stadium. The waves of people rushing around them didn’t help her anxiousness.

Shane tried to help, making a joke that she could disappear easily in the throngs of people with how short she was. Her grip on his hand tightened. Seeing his joke backfired, he moved her to stand just in front of him as they waited in line. His presence behind her eased some of her tension, thought her fingers still had his in a firm grip.

After flashing their tickets at the entrance, Shane lead her up into the stadium with the crowd. Bumping shoulders with strangers, she was hyper-aware of everyone and everything around her. Trying not to step on people’s shoes as they followed. Sunlight blinded her as they got to the seating, then down the steps and past rows of chairs. People shuffled past them to fill them out. She was glad they weren’t somewhere on one of the rows. Shane had said they were front row tickets, so at least they weren’t going to be surrounded.

When they got to the end of the steps and away from the crowd, she felt like she was finally able to breathe. She felt a hand squeezed hers, and Shane gave her a little look. “You good?” he asked.

Realizing how tight her grip on his hand still was, she loosened it. “Yeah, sorry. A lot of people.” Her voice died out a touch as she realized how dumb that sounded. Of course there was a lot of people here. She knew there was gonna be a lot of people, but she wasn’t prepared for how out of place she felt.  

His hands slipped from hers, then wrapped around his waist. “Don’t worry. I gotcha.” He nodded to the railing, pushing her along. “Here, this view is great.”

It was kind of cool sight seeing most of the stadium from their view. The rings of seats were being filled with people. Screens of flashing advertisements, and a digital scoreboard glowing neon red zeros. The artificial green grass was painted in white lines and numbers. At both ends were goal post. And Shane was next to her giving information about everything.

As he explained the game to her, his free hand pointed out the different lines on the field with names and rules. To be honest, she still wasn’t getting it. Maybe she didn’t care enough to get it, but Shane definitely did. Seeing him so passionate about something made her so happy. Her lips pulled themselves into a goofy smile, her eyes falling back on him more than the actual field.

“That might have been the most long-winded explanation ever, but I think I got everything. That helped a bit, right? …Ann?”

“Yeah! Yeah, I got it.” She definitely did not get it, most of it anyway. But, they just had to get the ball from one side to the field to the other, how complex could it be?

People were settling in the seats behind them. “I’m gonna get something to drink before the game starts. You want anything?”

“Sure,” she nodded. “Anything’s good.” She was shuffling in her purse for her wallet, but when she found it and looked back up, Shane was halfway up the stairs.

A frown was forming as she watched his back disappear up and over the top of the stairs. He brought her out here, it only seemed right for her to pay for her own stuff a least. Sunlight glinted off the little glitter stars on her wallet and into her eyes. She shoved it back into her bag.

Her attention went back to the field. Elbows on the railing, with her limited gridball knowledge she tried to imagine Shane down there. Decked out in a jersey, probably a handful of years younger and sans the scruff, a different haircut maybe. She’ll have to make sure to get his permission before actually asking Marnie about those pictures, maybe with some puppy eyes and a ‘pretty please’.

"Still trying to wrap your head ‘round it?" Shane was chuckling as he came back down the stairs, drinks in hand. He offered her one of the sodas with a sly grin as he teased her, "It's a real complicated game, I know."

"It’s not that complicated," she rolled her eyes. Her vision drew down, seeing a can in his hand along with the other cola. One with the same color and decorations as that shitty Joja-brand beer she had caught him with a couple times before.

He noticed what she was looking at went immediately. His face paled a touch, "I, uh. I didn't- They were just giving them out. Bought too many or some shit," speaking too fast and stumbled over his words.

She raised a brow, tilted her head. "You know I trust you, right?" Her sincerely seemed to take the air out of his panic and his lungs. "But, if you start drinking like that again,” she added with a severity that came out on its own, “As your friend, I have every right to kick your ass."

He laughed, relieved, as he nodded. "I'll hold you to that." The can got one last look, then a grimace, before Shane tossed it into the trash can nearby. "It's shitty and warm anyway."

The action made her realize how proud she was of him. Setting his mind to getting better, and sticking with it full force, even when there were bumps in the road. She wanted to say something, but wrong place, wrong time. Eventually she would, when they were alone and his embarrassment wouldn’t be tenfold around so many strangers.

Condensation chilled her palms as she rolled the bottle between them. "You know, I could have paid for this,” she mumbled, dropping into one of the hard plastic seats.

Shane took a seat next to her and rolled his eyes. “I asked you out, I pay for it,” saying it like it was a fact.

His words made her heart skip a beat, the grin coming back to her face. “Asked me out, huh?” She teased, trying to make her words more playful than excited, “Like a date?”

He froze in his seat, bottle uncapped and halfway to his face. Eyes darted to look at her without turning his head. “Is this a date?” he asked slowly then took a sip.

Her elbows rested on the armrest between them, propping her head up in her hands. “I don’t know, is it? You asked me out.”

Under her stare, he shrank in his chair a little. Took another drink of his soda, then recapped the lid with more concentration than necessary. As he seemed to mull over words in his head, Ann felt a bit stupid when she realized she was holding her breath. The moment dragged on, but after a few more seconds, he huffed out a sigh and said, “Yes, like a fuckin’ date.”

Her hands did a decent job of hiding the wide grin that took over her face. Her heart fluttered faster, and by the end of this, she was sure it was going to hopped right out of her chest. “In that case, thank you for the soda.” Leaning over the armrest, she kissed his cheek. Or meant to. Her voice had him turning to face her, and her lips brushed over his.

It was just the lightest touch, not even enough to count as a kiss. As soon as she realized, he was gone. The little shocked noise he made was one of the cutest sounds she heard in awhile. His face jerking back as if hers was on fire. It sure felt like it was.

He blinked at her, wide-eyed and red face. Worry bubbled up from somewhere in her chest, but his crooked smile washed it away just quickly. “Uh,” he chuckled, a little breathless. “You’re welcome.”

\---

The lights, the yelling, the heavy smell of stale popcorn and beer, it was a bit overwhelming for her. Everything was making her head spin and her chest tight. She had mulled over bringing her emergency anxiety medication with her this morning, knowing all the noise that was gonna be going on, but decided against it. Even if she did have them, she’d have to go find the restroom to take them, and that sounded like more of a nightmare. She pressed a hand to her stomach to try and settle the adrenaline making it somersault.

A blaring horn sounded, making her jump in her seat, followed by someone calling half-time. Around them, people were standing up from their seats. A few just to stand and stretch. Some others were clambering up the stairs for either the restroom or the concession.

“Hey, uh,” Shane cleared his throat, the sound barely heard over the dying noise. “I’ve been meaning to say this.” He rubbed a hand behind his next, thinking over some words. “Thanks for stickin’ with me through all of… everything, you know… my anxiety, depression, all that shit…”

She used the opportunity to take his hand on the armrest, hiding the fact it was a coping mechanism with a kind smile. “I’m always here when you need anything, Shane,” and she meant it.

“Yeah. I’m here for you too,” he gave her hand a squeeze as he said it, setting off the little butterflies in her chest. “You’ve been a really great friend to me, you know that?”

Her mouth pulled into a little smile. “You’re a really good friend, too.” As soon as he heard her, he was shaking his head. “I mean it,” she insisted.

“Sure.” He still didn’t sound convincing, but he switched the subject before she could argue. “So. Your first live game,” His free hand waved to their surroundings. “What do ya think?”

“It’s… Loud? It’s a lot,” she admitted with a guilty smile. “Kinda makes me appreciate how peaceful it is back home.”

“Yeah? Makes sense.” He nodded, turning his attention back to the players starting to line up again. “You moved to the valley to escape the noise to the city, right?”

“Something like that.” _More like the noise of her family and the business, but close enough._

He nodded again, thumb drawing slow circles into her skin. “Honestly, I get bored with Pelican Town sometimes. But…” With a shrug, his thumb stilled for a moment as he looked at her. “It’s not so bad lately.”

His face was so sincere it was making her blush. Affection so strong it made her heart spin circles behind her ribs. That pure feeling spreading through her body and out her fingertips. She wanted to lean over and kiss him. A real kiss, with her hands cupping his cheeks and pulling him closer, to try and convey how much she truly cared about him.

Her fingers pressed into the armrest and she was drifting closer. Then, the crowd started back up around them, slamming her back into the moment. Shane’s full attention turned back to the field, and the mood was broken.

Anna stared hard at everything going on in front of her, watching the decked out athletes tackle each other to the ground. She wanted to care about the game going on for Shane’s sake, but her frazzled brain wouldn’t let her. The light buzz of anxiety from so much noise had her scatterbrained. She was casting glances over to Shane every few minutes. He was leaned forward in his chair, fully engrossed on the excitement in front of them. Anna was willing to suffer a bit to see that look again.

She never realized how long gridball games really were. As soon as that thought crossed her mind, it was overridden by the yelling of the crowd around her. People were starting to jump up out of their seats, and Shane was one of them. Shouting encouragement mixed with obscenities down at the players sprinting down the field.

She’d never seen him so excited about anything ever. Anna stood up herself just to not look like an idiot, but she couldn’t join in with the hype. Shane cupped his hands over his mouth to yell, “Hurry the fuck up,” and Anna couldn’t contain her giggles.

When he noticed her laughter, his cheers came to a standstill. His face still flushed from excitement, getting deeper with the weight of her stare as he rubbed the back of his neck. “What?”

_Don’t make him nervous, you idiot._ Ignoring the heaviness in her stomach, she joined in on the cheering. Just a ramble of words that mimicked those around her. She had to admit, the nonsensical yelling released some of the tension from her lungs.

Focus narrowing in on a green and blue jersey weaving through the mass. Dodging, running faster and faster and-

“GOAL!” The whole side of the stadium was in an uproar around them. Hooting and hollering, screams and shouts filled the air. Anna realized she was cheering with them. So was Shane, his arms thrown over his head as he joined the excitement.

And then she was being swept off her feet. He wrapped her up in a hug. Her stomach swooped from the sudden closeness, a laugh squeaking out of her throat. Shane was laughing with her, face pink and so very close. Closer, and closer still as his mouth pressed hard on hers. His kiss hot and insistent and _holy shit_.

The noise of the stadium faded around her. The only sounds come through were her own thumping heartbeat and the whimper that forced its way from her throat. Her mouth flooded with heat and a syrupy sweet tang of cola. Stubble scratching lightly against her skin in the best way possible. She wished her arms weren’t pinned to her sides so she could pull him closer. To slid her fingers through his hair to tug him back down when he pulled away all too soon.

Her eyes fluttered open, vision swimming in green so bright and lively. Her head was spinning and it was way too warm for the middle of fall. She giggled, not knowing what else to do. Then Shane’s brain caught up with the present.

His face burned crimson so fast she was worried for a split second that he might pass out. “Shit. Uh-” his usual flat voice was pitched high and cracked. He sat her back on her feet, arms still wrapped tightly around her waist. Good thing too, because her legs felt like they were made of jelly. “S-sorry,” he stuttered out, “I should’ve-”

Her arms slipped from his grasp, looped around his neck and pulled him back down. Wide eyes blinked at her, then narrowed in understanding. Fingers combed through the soft hair at the nape of his neck. Popped up on her toes, she leaned against him to press her mouth back on his.

The second kiss was just as good as the first. Better even, as his arms tightened around her. His chest fell with an audible sigh, warm breath fanned over her cheeks and set off fireworks inside her.

_Finally. Fucking finally,_ was all her brain could muster. Everything else was washed away in the pure rush of heat and happiness. She couldn’t contain it. A smile broke the kiss, so wide her cheeks hurt. And when he smiled back, her heart felt so light and free she thought it might fly away.

It almost did as her head caught up with the explosion of noise around them. A blaring horn rang through the stadium, overwhelming the screams of the crowd. Her arms hugged her tight into his chest before she realized what was happening.

Shane’s head dropped onto hers, his laugh blowing into her hair. “I think we won.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I did some thinking while editing up the last few chapters and come to some character realizations. Then some writing and chapter planning. And I got carried away and liked the outline I set out that I had to up the rating for some future chapters.  
> But not next chapter, or the next one because apparently, I love to drag shit out. So Soon™ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  
> As always, thanks for reading this. For all the hit and the kudos and comments. Holy shit, you guys are awesome and the reason I'm still writing this. ≧◡≦ You're the best.


	36. Test

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Had it ever been this good?

It hit Shane like a bat to the face. Ann was wrapped in his arms and his mouth was on hers, a wave realization came over him of just how important she was to him. And that might have been one of the scariest thoughts in his short time on this earth. If he fucked it all up by doing something she didn’t want, he didn’t know what to do.

Then she tugged him back down to kiss him back with just as much enthusiasm, if not more. His head spun like he downed a case of beer, but it was accompanied with a lightness booze hadn’t brought him in decades. He was floating, disappearing up into the overcast in a nearly overwhelming wave of happiness. A brand of happiness he never even considered having for himself. 

The sun dipped below the city skyline as the bus was pulling up to the stop. A few people had been seated on the bench, looking up from their phone when they heard the roll of the engine and the squeak of the breaks. He and Ann stood under the awning, hands linked together, and waited for everyone to board to avoid the crowd.

He let Ann lead them down the aisle and choose a seat closer to the back this time. Still away from the other passengers, something he was grateful for. A few more people rushed on the bus before the doors close. Shane saw Gus among them and subconsciously shrunk lower in his seat. Not enough for Ann to notice, but enough that the older man didn’t see and plopped down in a seat far ahead of them.

The door clamped shut, and the driver called that they had another stop to hit before driving back to Stardew Valley as the bus started forward. His body sunk back into the worn-in seats, head dropping back against the edge of the seat. A long ride home wasn’t something he wanted, but Ann’s presence next to him made it bearable. More than bearable, really. 

Fingers tightened around his, gaining his full attention, then his arm was being tugged up over her head to drape around her shoulders. Her brow tilting up with a question,  _ Is this okay? _ His answer was to pull her closer. She cuddled up to his side with a content sigh. 

The old bus was warm from running all night. As the evening drifted more into night, voices were nonexistent. The only noise was the city ambiance behind the windows. Streetlights whizzed by, flashing a yellowed glow through the cabin dark every few minutes. It was peaceful. A feeling Shane still wasn’t used to, despite quiet moments like this coming up more and more in his life. 

A part of his mind still buzzed the back of his head. Some part of him worried when they passed the city border that this would all disappear. Once they were back in Pelican Town, they would go back to just dancing around each other. He stole a look down at the woman tucked under his arm. Yellow light casting a harsh shadow over her closed eyes and fluttering lashes. A little snore blowing around a thread of hair. 

He let his head rest against hers. Taking in the warmth and smell of her hair for as long as the universe would let him. 

… 

… 

 

His head jerked back up at the lurch of a stop and the sigh of the brakes. Lights flicked on around him. Dark spots crowded his vision for a second. A few blinks later, he realized how empty the bus was around them. Looking out the window, he was greeted with the familiar sight of the valley.

Ann was still snoring against him, her legs now curled up in his lap and forehead pressed into his shoulder. As he sat up a bit, she murmured and nuzzled into his shirt. His heart melted a little. “Hey,” he shook her lightly, “Ann.” 

“Mmhmm,” she whined, her head shook against him. 

“Come on.” Shaking her again, she didn’t move. His next idea was to just push her legs back to the floor. It worked, the sudden movement startled her awake, eyes flashing open and jerking back enough she would have fallen over if his arm wasn’t wrapped around her. “Good morning,” he teased. 

“Sorry,” she yawned, pulling the collar of her sweater up to cover her face as she did. Rubbed an eye with it before letting it drop back around her neck and blinking a few more time. She seemed to come back to the present, eyes flashing wide with a flush. “S-sorry,” she said again, her voice higher.  

He shook his head, not being able to keep the smile off his face. “Don’t forget your bag,” he reminded her as he stood up to let her out of the seat.

He didn’t offer to walk her home, it was implied. She pulled his arm back over her shoulders and flashed him a coy smirk when he gave her a look. The walk was slow. He didn’t mind, enjoying the feeling of her under his arm. She bumped into him every other step, and she yawned again. 

He almost offered to carry her on his back, seeing how tired she was. But that might have been weird since her house was only a few minutes away. And he highly doubted that he was even strong enough to carry her. Jas was one thing, but a fully grown person? No, he’d probably just fall over on his face on the first step. 

As he over-thought it, Ann pushed open the front gate and they were staring at her house. They didn’t separate until the steps were in reach. Shane’s side going instantly cold as Ann hopped up on the first stair. When she turned back to face him, they would have been eye to eye if Ann wasn’t staring down at her fidgeting hands.

It was a few long seconds before she spoke. “Today was fun,” she said plainly.

“Yeah,” he nodded. Rubbed the back of his neck, not knowing what else to say. “That was a pretty good game.”

“Yeah,” she copied with a laugh and a nod. Another few moments of silence passed. Looked up at him like she wanted to say something. Or do something.

Waiting for him to do something? 

He opened his mouth to ask. But instead, “I’ll see you later, Ann.” 

“Wait.” As he turned to leave, she tried to grab his hand but got his hoodie instead. Pulling back on his sleeve a little, “No goodnight kiss?” she asked with a pout. 

His heart was pounding and their lips hadn’t even touched yet.  _ Why are you so fucking nervous? You kiss her earlier, dumbass. _ But this was of his own accord and not fueled by adrenaline. His palms were sweating inside his pockets, and he wiped them on the side of his jeans as he pulled them out. 

His hand was shaking, but he ignored it as he brushed a strand of soft hair behind her ear. That playful glint in her eyes dropped to something softer as she leaned into his touch. The other hand settled on her waist, he took a step closer. Her eyelashes fluttered and lips parting already. 

It made him pause, unbelieving how eager she was. Under his stare, a dark flush shadowing her cheeks as she gave a timid smile.  _ Too cute, _ he thought. A flash of confidence made his smirk. Brown eyes narrowed at him before he moved closer.

He meant to keep the kiss short and chaste. So they wouldn’t get caught up in that high and take things too far night one of this new track their relationship was on. But, her hand settled on his neck,  and she tilted to get more of his mouth against hers. The world tipped and faded and he was floating all over again.

_ Had it ever been this good? _ Never with anyone else, the stale tang of booze tainting the experience with everyone previous. The kiss earlier was great, but it was rushed and blanketed with the overwhelming presence of people around them. But here, locked off in their own little world, he could focus solely on the soften of her mouth and warmth of her waist under his palms. 

In the quiet night, she let out a soft moan against his lips and it sent his pulse racing. 

His hands dropped to her hips, giving a light squeeze before a hand spread across her back to pull her closer. She melted against him, warm fingers slid up his neck, behind his head, to tangle in his hair. Running his tongue along her bottom lip, she opened for him immediately, and deepening the kiss earned him another sweet sound of encouragement. 

Fingers skirting the edge of her shirt, slipping under just enough to feel warm skin. Another little noise came from the base of her throat, and her hand tightened in his hair. The other fisted his shirt to hold him close. His blood hummed in his veins. His mind raced with thoughts. They were alone at her house. How easy it would be to drop his hands a little lower and scoop her up by her thighs to carry her inside.

But it was over far too soon, lips separating with a wet smack and a puff of hot air. 

He let his forehead rested against hers as he remembered how to breathe. He was still floating. Light, carefree, and stupid enough that if he opened his eyes he might kiss her all over again. 

Her thumb caressed his cheekbone, and when he finally opened his eyes, she was smiling too. “I’ll see you, Shane,” she whispered. “Get home safe, okay?” 

He had to shove away the disappointment at her words. It was for the best, he knew that. “Yeah, you too,” he whispered back. “Uh, wait-” 

Her usual quiet giggle was loud in the still night. Hands ran down his arms, leaving goosebumps under his sleeves. “I’ll be extra careful going up the stairs, just for you,” she teased.

“You and I both know you’ve fallin’ over them enough times to warn ya.” 

Smoothing out his shirt, and combing his hair back into place. The soft touches made him more flustered than the making out did. “Guess I should be careful, I might end up fallin’ for you, too,” she said with a smile and a wink.

“That was awful,” he snorted, but his face was warm despite himself. 

“You’re still blushing, so I count that as a win.” Placed another quick kiss on the tip on his nose, she finally stepped up the steps leaving him cold on the bottom. “Goodnight, Shane.” 

\---

For the first time in his life, Shane woke up and didn’t want to fall right back to sleep. 

His room was lit up in a soft peachy glow. Eyes landed on the alarm clock showing off a few minutes before his alarm. He sighed, pressing his face into his pillow. Checking his phone out of habit, Ann’s name was in his notification. A picture of her chickens cuddled together in a nesting box, and  _ ‘Have a good day! :D’ _ He was smiling before he realized it. 

All showered and shaved in record time. Took his antidepressants with some juice instead of coffee, since the pot was empty. He even had time to make Jas some breakfast of salmonberry jam toast and too-sugary pre-packaged oatmeal. He felt a bit bad for Penny. She’ll have to deal with her all sugared up and the inevitable crash, but Jas was all too happy with it now. 

The morning was chilly, the sun just coming over the trees. Frost decorated the grass. Wind blew leaves around his feet. Nothing bothered him on his way to work, no people out in the square early in the morning. He missed the dip in the bridge he usually tripped on. 

Unfortunately, the JojaMart was still the same grody concrete box. The earth around it mostly dead grass and dust. Cliffs behind the building casting a dismal shadow over the premises. A puff of smoke came out of his sigh. Letting himself in through the back entrance, he found the staff room empty. Thank Yoba. 

A quick glance at the clock said he still had a few minutes before his shift. Taking a minute to sit, he tried to relax. Just enjoy the lightness in his body, but a steady pain started from behind his eyes and was moving out. 

His head fell back on the stone wall. Though he had a bit of extra energy that morning, his body begged for its caffeine. He didn’t need to look around for his options, he knew the closet-sized room like the back of his hand. So he had to set for drinking down one of the iced-coffees from the vending machine. It was way too sweet for his taste, so he was trying to drink it down fast to just get it over with.

The outside door slammed open with a wash of cool air making Shane jump. A bad time to drink, some of the sticky liquid slipping out of the bottle and down his face. He swallowed his swear as his blond co-worked rushed through the door.

“Hey man,” Sam greeted with a nod, red-faced from the cold and a little winded.  

Shane tried to wipe the drink of the side of his chin unnoticed. “Why are you here so early?” His memory might be shitty, but he definitely remembered having his morning shifts to himself for the rest of the month. 

“Took a few more hours this month,” he said, righting his shirt, “The band’s got its first gig and we need a bit of extra cash for all the equipment and rentals and stuff.” 

“Hmm.” Shane watched him rattled open one on the old locker and pull out a JojaMart button-up. He took a drink, brows furrowed. Keeping his own uniform here might not be a bad idea, the only reason he didn’t before was he wanted to get here at the last possible second before his shift. More time to sleep, less time this place. “Sounds like a lotta work,” he said aloud, more to himself but he let his co-worker think otherwise.

“Yeah,” he sighed as he smoothed back his gelled spikes and stretching on his JojaMart hat. “But, you gotta put in the money if you wanna make it to the top!” 

In their young years, Jason had tried to convince him to start a band, way back when everyone and their mother were starting one too. Pushed him to learn the bass and everything. Shane only ever got tuning the thing down, and a few cords that worked their way into muscle memory around the constant buzz. 

Shane couldn’t help but marvel at the young man’s dedication, internally of course. Taking another drink before deciding to say, “Congrats.” 

He got a surprised look, which was understandable. The word sounded weird coming out of his mouth. “Thanks man,” Sam grinned, sounding genuinely motivated. Snapping him a finger-gun, Shane had to pretend to blink to stop the eye roll. “If you wanna come to the show, it’s the week before Spirit’s Eve. We’ve got a flyer out on the bulletin board with the place and stuff.” 

He nodded just to show he was still listening. Music wasn’t really his thing and hadn’t been his thing for a long time. The last concert he and Jason went to ended in blacking out and waking up on some random benches in the warehouse. He doubted it would be that kind of concert, but it still sounded like a lot of unwanted human interaction.

Though, Ann might want to go. She was friends with the clique and might want to go support them. He could snap a picture of the flyer when he walked home later.

“Hey, uh-” Sam swallow, thinking over his words, and the room seemed to get stuffier with the passing milliseconds. “I overheard Mom and Mrs. Mullner talkin’ about you and Anna over coffee this morning.” He gave an awkward laugh, “You guys are gonna be the next big thing on the Stardew Gossip Wagon, so figured I’d warn ya.” 

Shane’s grip tightened around the bottle as he emptied it. It wasn’t as surprising as it should’ve been. It's not like he hadn’t noticed the stares and whispers, and how they seemed to escalate when they were in public together. Knowing his aunt, she probably gossiped to all her friends from her aerobics class. And maybe even Lewis when she got too tipsy.  _ Fuck _ , once Lewis knows something, might as well put it up a banner through town. 

He sighed, rubbed the bridge of his nose to ease the headache. Hopefully the caffeine will work through it fast, or he might have to take a chase with the sketchy looking caffeine shots up by the registers. 

“Soooo-” The locker clicked shut and he felt eyes still on him. “You and her are, like, actually a thing now, huh?” 

_ Were they? No. It was one date. And they kissed twice. Three times? Whatever, it wasn’t enough to go and slap labels on shit.  _

Turning the bottle cap on slowly, he tried to find the right words. Not answering would have been good, maybe a ‘fuck off, it’s none of your business.’ But he was Ann’s friend, and what a great way to mess things up by being an ass to her friends. 

“Kinda,” was the dumbest and only decent answer his brain supplied.

“Kinda?” Confusion clear in his tone.

He wasn’t gonna take being pressed about it, though. “It’s not any of your fuckin’ business,” Shane snapped. He took a short second to settle before just dropping his empty bottle into the recycling. The noise still sounding loud and irate. 

“Look man, I don’t mean to be nosy here. It’s just,” he sighed, rubbing a hand over his neck. “Anna’s one of my best friends, so I… wanna… make sure she’s not wastin’ her time?” The words coming out unsure.

“Are you fuckin’ serious?” his brain said, unbelieving this conversation was actually happening. _ She is. She’s definitely wasting her time on someone like him _ , it continued, but Shane kept his mouth in check this time. 

“No, that’s not what I meant.” Waving his hands, he took a few steps towards him. It couldn’t have been his intention judging by the look on his face, but Shane felt cornered among the walls and tables. Heart seizing behind his ribs and a sweat prickling his skin. His mind was acutely aware of how much taller the other man was, Shane barely coming to his shoulders.  

The blond didn’t even bother to make eye contact, starting off at the wall behind his head. “She’s important to me and this whole town, so if something happens to her and- People are gonna blame you. So, just please-”

_ Blame him? Of course, they were gonna blame him. The town drunk in a constant state of irritation, known to jump down someone’s throat the first chance something gets in the way. Who fuckin’ else would they blame?  _

“Dontcha think I already know that?” he snarled. Shoving his way past, he stuffed his shaky hands in his pockets and tried to forget about the nerves. “Hurry up. I don’t need Morris on my ass ‘cause you didn’t finish your fuckin’ job.” 

“Hey.” Jumping in front of him, Sam’s body blocked the door. His hand gripping hard on the handle like Shane would just shove his way right through him and the door. “I don’t mean to sound like a dick here. It’s just, Anna’s- She’s been through a lot, and I don’t want her to get hurt again,”  

_ Again.  _ The word bringing up flashbacks of how she cried into his shirt just last week, saying how miserable she makes everyone’s lives. At the time, he couldn’t understand. She’d been such a bright and positive influence on his, the idea of her making anyone’s life even the slightest bit worse seemed impossible. 

But, he was well aware of how negatively the human brain could sway one’s view of themself. He knew far too well and wished she didn’t, but there was wasn’t much he could do about it. All he could really do was be there when she needed it and remind her what an amazing influence she was on his life.

“And, if you actually give a shit about her like I think you do,  A strange tint of desperation yanked Shane out of his thoughts, eyes meeting for a moment in some kind of understanding. “You’ll get what I mean.”

Still, his hands were twitching in the tight pockets of his work jeans. “So you gotta lecture me about being an asshole to get your point across?” Breaking eye contact to stare at the seam of the door.

“Yeah,” a sheepish look crossed his face. “Look man. I’m sorry, but the whole time I’ve known you, you tend to give off a serious ‘fuck the world and everyone in it’ vibe,” his hands waving around Shane’s general vicinity as he said so. “I’m never one to go judgin’ people on base impressions, but you can’t blame me for being a teeny bit worried.” 

He found himself nodding and mumbling, “Fair. And… Yeah. I get whatcha mean about… ya know.” 

“Good,” sighing as he sagged against the door. “I serious, real shitty of me to judge you for back then though, so sorry. Lately, you seem pretty fuckin’ chipper for a human cactus, eh?” Sam laughed, blond brows dancing in assumption.

Veins rushed blood to Shane’s face for a whole different reason. A hand came up to rub his eyes and try to hide it. “Are we done here? ‘Cause I have an actual job I get paid to do.” 

“Yup! Done goin’ fully big brother mode on ya,” A hand clapped down on his shoulder and Shane had to resist the urge to shove it off. Tugging the door open, Sam made a grand ‘after you’ gesture that made him roll his eyes. “I gotta tag up all the sales and shit, then work the register. You know literally no one comes in on Monday’s, so if you need any help with restock, just ask.” 

\---

_ If something happens, people will blame you. _

The thought rolled around in his head whenever he was with her now. The side-eyes he got walking through the townsquare, or the snide comments whenever one of the townies wandering into his workplace didn’t help the fact. Despite all of that, Shane couldn’t bring himself to correct anyone when they just assumed they were a couple. Even Gus mentioned something about ‘Pelican Town’s new pair’ when they walked into the empty Stardrop Salloon that Friday. 

Apparently Ann could, chastising the man almost immediately. Some dark part of Shane’s mind was laughing and he shook it away. 

Thankfully, it was easy to push out all that shit from his mind and feed off the excited energy she brought to their usual weekend dinner. 

Were they dates now? They could probably consider them dates now. Shane wanted to, at least. He actually made a conscious effort to look nice. As nice as he could look as a scruffy, almost-30-year-old still carrying around twenty pounds of disappointment from years of drinking. There’s only so much brushing his hair and finding an unstained shirt could do. 

It never seemed to be enough to match her, though. The gap in attractiveness was expansive and glared bright red whenever Shane thought about it too hard. Especially so when she decided to step things up from her usually grass-stained jeans and worn-in tees for a semi-tight sweater and leggings that made her ass look great. Not that Shane was staring every time she walked up to the bar.

He’d rather look at her face anyway, all bright-eyed and giddy. The whole outing was under the guise of celebrating how well her first fall harvest went. She had decided to try something different this season, go directly to the families in town rather than through Pierre. Offering things a tad cheaper and delivered straight from the farm, it was an easy and beyond successful business practice. 

With all that extra pocket money, she splurged on Gus’s greasy, mouth-watering food. Ann had scarfed down half the pizza they split, most of the fries, and a slice of apple pie she ordered after. It was impressive how much food she could put down, but also made him a bit jealous. 

Her feet bounced under the booth and fingers tapped against her empty glass. “Hey, can we do something?” The question got her an eyebrow raise. “I need to get this energy outta me, or I’m never gonna get to sleep tonight.” 

As he stacked up the dishes and trash into an easy to manage pile, he gave her a quick look. “You got something in mind?” he asked, though the answer was written all over her face. 

As soon as his question finished, she was up and tugging him out of his seat, “Yeah, come on.” 

She dragged him around the corner to the gameroom. He’d been back there a few times. Used to drag a stool over from the bar and play the old arcade games over and over until he couldn’t see straight enough to hit the buttons. But once he got the high scores on both machines, the games got boring, repetitive, and downright irritating.

Luckily it was empty tonight. When he asked, Ann said the usual trio were too busy with their band practice, had to get everything prepped for their performance. Which, apparently, Sam had offered her free tickets to. 

Shane didn’t try to stifle his snort, “They actually got a paid venue?” 

“Nope,” Ann laughed, leaning against the pool table. “But, he gave me two drawn-up tickets anyway. Saying it would make a good date?” Her voice rose up in a question and let it hang in the air. 

His hands were stuffed in his pockets as he walked over to her. “Would it?” he asked, seeing the slight doubt on her face.

After a few seconds, she hummed. “Honestly… I don’t know. Sounds like a lot of  _ human interaction _ ,” and said it like it was the worst thing in the world. “But if you would wanna go…?”  

He just shook his head, then chuckled at her sigh of relief. 

“Then, I can think up some sort of excuse not to go,” she said with a shrug.

Ann wandered over to the far wall and grabbed two pool cues off the rake, one significantly shorter than the other, but he didn’t point it out. “You’ve played pool before, yeah?” 

He took one when she offered it. “Yeah. Used to score free drinks on game nights all the time.” 

“Oh, so you’re like, actually good at pool?” 

“I guess you’re not?” he teased, seeing the look on her face. 

She shrugged a shoulder, “Ehhh, depends on the day,” and walked around to remove the triangle from the already neatly arranged cue balls. 

“Today a good day or a shit one?”

“Don’t know. Guess we’ll have to find out.” 

It didn’t take long to find out. 

Shane let her brake, and after hitting the nine ball head on, none of her stripes made it in. On Shane’s turn after, the three and five lined up to make an easy two points right off the bat. And the turn after, Ann slipped up and knocked another solid color into a pocket, dutifully setting the score right then and there. 

Shane offered to restart, but that seemed to spur her on. “Come on, everyone loves an underdog story!” 

Rolling his eyes, he sought out a shot. Something a bit more risky to either impress her or rub in the fact she already lost. As he lining up to hit the cue ball across the table, something tapped against the back of his thigh. The sudden touch making him flinch and bop the cue ball only a few inches off to the left to brush up against the eight ball. His head jerked down to catch the backend on a pool stick scrapping on the wood floor. 

Ann clicked her tongue as she ambled up to the table. “Aw. Guess they can’t all be good shots,” her voice dripping with fake sympathy. 

He narrowed his eyes at her.  _ Oh, it’s one of those games. _

On a handful of rainy days, they traded their usual weekend outings for sitting in front of a game console. Either his old station for some classic fighters, or her newer one for the latest rendition of some popular party game. Anna’s competitiveness reared its head often. Whether pouty and frustrated at the current score, or smug and dancing in her seat when her player flashed on the winning screen. It was adorable all the same.

And when things went so far south there was no way she could come back from it, she’d make things difficult. Either dropping something and blocking the screen to pick it up, or an “Oops. My foot hit the power button.” He should’ve guessed that mentality would blend over to physical games. 

Though, the most physical things ever got was her shouting a jumpscare at him, which he had to draw the line there as he calmed his racing heart. Maybe it was taking that next step in their relationship that broke that barrier. 

A bit of retaliation couldn’t hurt. 

Resting his pool cue against the wall before walking up next to her. He leaned down, hovered just over her shoulder to examine her shot. Her body tensed, the line-up messing up enough for him to notice. “Any suggestions?” she asked, her voice low. 

“Hmm,” Seeing the dust of pink on her face grow a shade or two darker gave him enough courage to lean a bit closer. “That green one back there looks like an easy shot.” 

“You sure I can shoot that straight?” She cocked an eyebrow, sliding right up against him. “Might need a bit of help,” the suggestion clear in her tone.

His hand was already itching to rest on her lower back. But so was his brain as he looked over to the doorway, and the sudden thought of how questionable it looked practically leaning over her. He stood back up, stretching out his arms out on the end of the table. When she narrowed her eyes at him, he flashed her a sideway-grin. “Nah, I think you got it.” 

With a sigh, she gave a half-hearted attempt to hit the cue ball.  _ Clack, clack- Thunk! _ “Eee!” she shot up, “I got one!” 

His heart floated in his chest, and he had to crush down it back down. “See, told ya.” 

That score seemed to abate her stunts for a while. The game rolled along. As much as Ann was encouraged by making one ball in, it could only get a person so far. The table was still covered in stripes as the solids dropped in one by one. A few minutes later, one lone yellow was a few inches away from a center pocket and the only stripe left on the table. 

He looked over his last shot, already seeing how easy it would be. “So, do I get anything for winning?” The words sounding a little more suggestive than he meant them to. 

She clicked her tongue as she sassed, “Who says you’re gonna win?” With the end of her pool stick, she poked him in the stomach and he sucked in a breath as the nerves itched under his skin. 

He flinched and shoved it away out of reflex, staring at her with wide eyes, “Don’t fuckin’ do that.”

“Why?” An impish smile curled her pretty lips. “Ticklish?” 

He was, but he sure as shit wasn’t gonna tell her that. Not now, this her looking like that.

She moved to do it again, but he grabbed the end before it made contact. “ _ Anna- _ ” 

“Ooo, the full name,” she giggled, walking forward to get better leverage to pull it out for his grasp. But he held fast, even as she pulled a little harder. 

Just in the bottom of his vision, fingers were already brushing up against his shirt. With a glare, he snatched her wrist before it got any farther, pulling it up away from his middle.  _ Now what? _ He cocked an eyebrow.

She gave a half-hearted tug. Shane loosened his grip in case he was read things wrong. He guessed he did, her hand wiggling out of his hold. But it paused to grab his and tread their fingers together. A charming smile decorated her face, so sincere it was making him flustered. Then, she took a step back and yanked him with her.

The pool stick clattered to the ground. He had to drop everything and brace himself on the edge of the table as he tripped over his own feet. Hands planted themselves on either side of her and effectively crowded her against the table. His head jerked up to apologize, but his voice caught. 

Judging by the bright eyes and the way her bottom lip disappearing between her teeth, this is clearly what she plan all along. His eyes following the way her mouth pulled into a smirk. He swallowed. 

The only thing making him hesitate was the bustle of people out in the main room. His vision flickered over to the doorway. The only thing there was the roaring fireplace and light dancing on the hardwood floor. But beyond that was clinking glass and chatter and laughter of people and tinny music from the jukebox- 

A hand blocked his view, fingers brushing lightly along his jaw to turn his face back to her. Brown eyes lighting up copper under the dingy saloon lights. “It’s just us in here,” her voice barely above a whisper that melted the last of his apprehension. 

Warm palms cupped his cheeks and pull him down and in. The kiss soft and gentle enough to make him shiver. His mind going pleasantly blank as fingers brushed up his neck and into his hair, then scratching lightly against his scalp. Everything felt so warm and soft and just fucking  _ right  _ for a moment. 

Until it wasn’t. 

A door banged open in the front room, startling him enough to jerk his head back and flash a glare at the still empty doorway. Whoever it was yelled something about being Gus’s favorite customer that got a laugh. The tone and cadence way too familiar, but it couldn’t be placed in Shane’s frazzled brain.

The look of frustration on Ann’s face had his brain forming an apology almost instantly. But the frustration was paired with a growl against his lips, the sound more of a turn on than he thought it would be. The apology on the tip of his tongue died as red-painted his cheeks. She let out a breath, thumping her head into his chest, “Dammit, they’re supposed to be busy.” Sighing again, the warm breath seeping through his shirt and making muscles tense. 

And she definitely noticed and looked up, seeing him red in the face, she chuckled and shook her head. Hands came up to brush his hair back into place and smoothed out the front of his shirt. With a little nudge, she pushed him back enough to hop back to the floor. Scooping up her pool cue, then pretending to be looking over the game on the table, she stood next to him like nothing had happened, just in time for someone to appear in the doorframe.

Shane, on the other hand, was still flushed and ducked his head to concentrate on chalking the end of his stick. Curiosity couldn’t be helped. His gaze flickered up to see all too familiar blond spikes and blue jacket.  _ Goddammit _ .

He must have seen Shane first when he got to the door, Sam was so confused he paused in his tracks. But then his eyes landed on Ann, and that seemed to be enough reason to walk into the room. “Oh Yoba, who let you have a pool stick?” Fake dread in his question.

Ann rolled her eyes so hard her whole head turned to the ceiling. “The wall rack I got it from. Why, are you still banned from playing?”

“Banned?” The question popping into Shane’s mind and out his mouth.

“Oh?” Some realization coming over Ann’s face. “You never told anyone why you actually had to get that part-time job at JojaMart, Sam?” 

Sam waved a hand at her as he slotted some coins into the old soda machine. “I needed some extra pocket money.”

“Before or after you had to pay for all that liquor your nine ball destroyed?” 

“Hey, at least I didn’t break any toes!” Yanking the cola out, he used it to point at her. “I was in a brace for weeks because of you.” 

“Like you needed to walk anyway. You had that old moped Seb was always fixing for you.” 

“Ah, The Speed Racer,” his sentiment was punctuated with the crack and fizzle of the opening cola can. “We lost her out in the woods years ago, poor girl.” 

“Did you even try looking for it?” 

“You two better not be talking about that fucking bike,” their other friend, Sebastian, joined in on the conversation before even getting in the room. Shane should have known he’d be here too, the two were always together. As he walked in, he gave Shane the same confused reaction, but got over it quickly and gave him a nod. Setting down a tray of pizza, he grumbled, “I lost at least a decade of my life trying to find that rusty piece of shit.” 

“But she’s still out there, Seb.  _ All alone _ . Some mice’ve probably made a house outta her by now. Generations of ‘em just gunkin’ up the works.” 

“And you wanna go out there and just steal some poor mouses’ house.” Anna scoffed, “Awful.” 

“They stole it first!”

It was entertaining watching them volley banter back and forth in that way only reserved for siblings, or friends so close they might as well be siblings. It also sent a painful jab to some deep part of his chest, a mix of jealousy and melancholy that he’d rather not think about right now. 

He didn’t have time to think about it anyway. Sebastian came up to the table, resting his hands on the far end as he looked at the forgotten pool game. “Were you two playing this?”

“Yeah,” he answered a bit wary.

“Anna’s stripes?” The look crossing his face that said he already knew the answer. 

“Hey!” She yelled, already sounding offended, as she came up beside him. “I was just goin’ easy on him.” 

Shane couldn’t help the snort. “Tsk, yeah right.”

“Shane, come on! You couldn’t’ve lied to make me look cool?” The frown on her face making him laugh. 

“Are you guys still playing?” Seb asked, probably seeing how close to the end the game was. “‘Cause, we’ve never really had enough people to do a two-on-two match before.” 

“Oh, that’s an idea.” Turning to Shane, “Do you mind?” Ann asked with a tilt of her head. 

Of course, he fucking did. Having two guys just waltz in and crashing their date wasn’t something he was pleased about. Though, they didn’t specify it as a date, so maybe it wasn’t. He suppressed a sigh, wanting to decline, but her eyes were bright with an excitement he couldn’t say no to. “Sure, I’ll play.” 

She beamed, showing off her elation with her whole body and unable to stand still.  _ Cute _ . He still didn’t get how his presence brought her so much joy, but just knowing it did make dealing with people a little worth it.

“Guess Sam’s on my team.” Sebastian dropped down the triangle rack and was popping balls in it before he got an answer.  

“Hell yeah!” Sam guzzled down his cola and chucked the can in the trash. “I might actually win a game for once.” The blond pulled two more cues off the stand before coming over. “Though, I don’t know if I wanna play with little Miss Foot Cruncher over there,” pointing an accusatory finger.  

“Why? Worried I’m gonna kick your ass?” 

“If you could reach it.” 

“Hey!” 

Shane couldn’t stifle his laugh. Ann shot him a glare. “You go for the ankles first,” he snickered.

“Hey man, if your girlfriend takes out my legs,  _ you’re _ gonna be puttin’ up the whole Winterstar display by yourself!” 

_ Girlfriend _ . There it was again, and Shane stood there waiting for her to deny the word again.

“Already?” Ann’s voice pitched a bit higher than normal. “Spirit’s Eve hasn’t even happened yet,” she said, glazing right over the other words. 

“I know. They want us to put that stupid tree sooner and sooner every year,” he groaned, trying to help by pulling the cue balls out of the holes and rolling them across the table. More than one just plopped into a different pocket. “Speakin’ of Spirit’s Eve, Vince hasn’t shut up about jack-o-lanterns since Penny had him draw some up for class.” 

“Yeah, your mom already ordered a pumpkin for him to carve, but if you just wanna bring him by to pick one out himself, I wouldn’t mind.” 

“Goddamnit, why’d you have to say that. He’d go nuts for that.”

“So bring him over?” The suggestion got her a whine. “What, can’t walk a few blocks?” 

Whining again, Sam bent over to sprawl out on the now clean table. “But it’s so faaarrrrr-” 

“Abbs has been wanting to carve some pumpkins, too,” Sebastian added as he popped the last of the balls in the rack before giving it a quick jostle. He closed an eye to center it perfectly. “She’s been begging me to help her win the carving contest.” 

“Are we making this a whole thing?” Ann nudged Shane’s shoulder for his attention. “You wanna come and bring Jas? I’m sure she’d love it.” 

He sighed, suddenly realizing what Sam was complaining for. “Yeah, she would. Don’t tell her about it sooner though, or she might just wander over to your place herself.” 

“And she’ll end up draggin’ Vince over there with her. Mom’ll go crazy if that happens.” 

“Alright, we gotta do it soon then, probably this weekend.” She gave a nod, pulling out her phone, “I’ll text you guys a time.” 

They had to flip a coin to see which team went first. Ann called heads as it tumbled through the air. Sam caught it, laying it flat on the back of his hand and gave Ann the chance to change. She shook her head. Then he lifted his hand, and it was tails. Shane could feel she sulking before he even saw the scowl on his face. But Sam offered her a slice of pizza and that seemed to appease her a little. 

Sebastian took the first shot, breaking the triangle and knocking one of the solid balls in a pocket. As Ann nudged Shane up to take their team’s turn, Seb took a stab at starting a conversation. “You use to live out in ZuZu City, right?” 

Shane paused lining up his shot, gave him a weird look, then struck the cue ball.  _ Clack, cla-clack, clack _ , before the first striped one landed in the far corner pocket. “Yeah?” he answered, a little on guard.

He was tall enough that he could rest his hands on the pool stick to rest his chin on. And Shane, though a few years his senior, felt a little intimidated being looked down at. “What part did you live in? I’ve been thinking-”  _ Crack! _ “-of moving out there.” Halfway through his sentence, Sam took his turn, striking the ball a bit too hard and effectively shuffling every ball around the table without landing one in. 

Ann’s hands that had been wringing her pool stick stilled. “Really?” she asked, sounding casual as she stepped up to the table to take her turn. She popped the white ball forward, actually hitting the other ball she was after. Eyes watching it bounce around the table to only graze against a colored one. Shrugged, “I mean, you could’ve asked me,” her tone jokingly offended, but Shane could hear the slightest tint of hurt in her voice. 

Sebastian shook his head. “You lived up in the Hills. I need an unbiased opinion,” he said off-handily, not even bothering to look up as he examined the green velvet table like it held some sort of code.

“Thought only snobby rich people live up there?” Sam asked from over his bottle of what had to be Gus’s seasonal ale. 

Shane was a little jealous. Kinda because of the booze, giving the situation fate put him in, but mostly the taste. Roasted apples and cinnamon and clove and a pinch of something spicy that gave it a bite. It used to be one of the only things he looked forward too, as sad as that sounded. He could smell the cinnamon-spice from across the room. 

He took a long drink from his now flat cola, finishing the glass.

“Oh, they do. Why do you think I'm here?” Anna laughed. It was her conversational chuckle that sounded more nervous now that he’s heard it a thousand times. “Besides, I lived in the actual city, too. Out around the City Center, I think?” 

“Didn’t think people lived out there,” Shane’s mouth let the thought slip out. The City Center was a constant stream of hole-in-the-wall cafes and pop-up shops. He had seen it cycle through at least four whole changes, save for the bakery on the corner Shane had to stop by every time he went to the city. Nothing residential to be seen.

“One of my college friends runs a…  _ book  _ store out there,” she fumbled at the word ‘book’ like that wasn’t quite what the place was about. “Her apartment’s the second floor, and she let me room with her for a few weeks before I moved out here.” 

Finally deciding the best course of action, Sebastian dropped the chalk cube he’d been using and positioned his cue. “You still didn’t live in a normal, residential part of the city.” He threaded through the two and eight ball as he lined things up. He sighed, “Not a millionaire, or ever gonna run a store, so your input is still kind of pointless.” 

Out of the corner of his vision, Shane saw Ann’s shoulders deflate. Unexpected irritation bubbled up in his stomach and part of him wished he had more drink to keep his mouth shut. But the ice clattered in the empty glass in his hand. “You don’t gotta be a dick about it,” he snapped.

The word made him fumble, and whatever fancy trick he was going for was lost. Instead, the white ball thumped into their own red stripe and knocked it in. “Sorry,” he mumbled, and the apology sounded true. Until he shrugged, “I’m just telling the truth.” 

Shane was able to drop in the thirteen and fifteen on his turn, the failed shot had lined everything perfectly. A weirdness clouded over the room, and it was his fault. He felt obligated to try and clear it. “If you stay outta the Dales, you’ll be fine.” Occupying his hands and eyes with chalking the end of his stick, he shrugged a shoulder. “The apartments are cheap as dirt, but the whole block is a shit hole. A lotta drugs and sleazy bars and stuff.” 

He saw Sebastian raise an eyebrow and nod. “Noted.” 

_ CRACK!-  _

A colored ball zipping fast over felt and up the lip of the table. Some weird dormant reflexes seemed to kick in and Shane was able to catch it before it caused any damage. 

“Holy shit! Nice catch, dude!” 

His hand stung with the impact. Dropping the ball back on the table, he tried to shake it away. But Ann grabbed his hand, looking over it for damage. “Are you okay?” Her voice holding a tinge of panic that was adorable in this context.

“Yeah, I’m fine.” 

“Sam,” the name groaned with that aggravation saved just for family. “How many times do I have to tell you not to hit the fucking ball so hard?”  

“Calm down, Seb. I haven’t done that in months. My hand just slipped.” 

He rubbed a hand over his forehead. “And you sunk the eight ball.” 

“Welp, congratulation on losing your first game of pool in over a decade. How does it feel to be a failure?” Holding out the end of his stick like a microphone, the other shoved it away hard enough to knock it to the ground. Sam wasn’t too bothered, giving his own round of applause. “What a great answer, not salty at all.”

He tried to get Ann to play along, but she was too occupied with rubbing her thumbs over Shane’s palm. It helped immediately with the first few circles, but Shane let her continue, it seemed to ease her worrying. And it was just nice having her attention. 

Sudden buzzing in his back pocket made Shane jump. Every eye in the room falling on him and forming a knot in his stomach. Yanking his phone out, his aunt’s name lit up the screen. “I-I gonna-” he tried to stutter out something, but ultimately hurried out of the room. Around the corner for some privacy, he leaned up against the wall across the bathroom to answer. 

His aunt was talking before he could even ask why she called. “Sorry for interruptin’ your date, sunshine. But, do you think you can swing by the JojaMart and pick up some medicine before you come home? I think Jas finally caught that flu Vincent had the other day.” 

His head dropped back against the wall, “Shit.” 

“I’m sorry, Shane. I would run out myself, but I just don’t wanna leave her alone.” 

“No, don’t- It’s fine.” A hand dragged down his face. He felt horrible of the annoyance that fizzled up, but, fuck, what shitty timing. “I’ll be there in a bit.”

“Oh, thank you so much, hun.” Through the receiver, distance hacking made his heart seize. It was drowned out quickly by running water and clattering dishware. “Oh, I- I’ll see you soon,” her voice hurrying to end the call.

“Yup,” he managed to get out before the click of the call ending.  

Thumping the edge against his forehead. He wanted an out earlier, but, shit not like this. He’ll probably have to stay up with her until she passes out. His head hurt already thinking about it. Then guilt riddled his stomach at how tired he already was just thinking about it.

Walking back out to the room, Ann hurried up to him. A worried look still on her face. “Everything alright?” she asked quietly.

_ Just tell the truth, she’ll get it.  _ “Jas is sick.” 

“Oh, poor thing.” 

“Yeah,” He sighed, scrubbing a hand through his hair. “Sorry, I gotta- I gotta run out and get her some stuff. So…” 

“Don’t be sorry. She’s your goddaughter, you gotta take care of her.” She grabbed his hand and squeezed reassuringly. “You need any help?” 

Shaking his head almost instantly, “You don’t have to.”

“It’s fine. I don’t mind a late night shopping trip,” her tone was a bit jokey, but the sincerity in her eyes counteracted that. 

She was too good for him, honestly. 

His gaze flicked back to the gameroom, seeing the guys still bickering over the pool table. “You wanna-?” He thumbed over his shoulder at them. 

She gave them a look before just shaking her head, “I don’t think they’ll even notice I left.” Linking her fingers with his, she started out the door. “Now come on, we gotta get a poor girl some soup before that store closes.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of those long boys. And less than a month since the last chapter. A few days less than a month, but i'll count that as something.   
> ôヮô

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first time i've posted any writing online in like...years. So bare with me in how this thing updates. It will update tho.  
> ヽ(^o^*)/ Thank you for all the hits and comments and kudos!


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